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xlLone69Wolflx
Member Since: 4/1/2008 2:44:07 PMLast Seen: 8/11/2008 12:46:29 AM
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Posted 5/8/2008 8:10:29 PM
So lately, I've had a lot of time to think. I've had detention just about every day this week after school. But the supreme question that I've had to ask myself is, does love really exist? It seems to me that whenever I like a guy he doesn't like me back. Mostly because they're either straight or in the closet. And if they like me they're always ugly. The boy doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous but it's important to like the outside and inside equally.But nothing seems to be working with me right now. I thought that maybe yesterday I might have found someone, but he's basically disappeared. I don't really know anything about him, all I know is I see him a lot in the halls. And he sees me. Yesterday after school it was just me and him walking in opposite directions and he turned around to check me out and I turned around to check him out. I wish I could see him again, maybe in the same type of environment so I could say something to him without feeling like a complete idiot. I know that I'm young and most guys don't come out until later in life. But still, there should be something going on with me. Not just sexually, because that's not the problem. I want someone to like me for me and I want them to think about me, not what we do together. Why is everything always about sex with guys. Whatever, I guess my point is that whenever I think I'm falling in love, it never really works out.
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Posted 4/6/2008 11:45:35 PM
First of all, there was a winter guard competition. We got first place! Hell yeah. Then we went to this Italian restaurant. They have horrible pizza, but their everything else is AMAZING. Then we went to this store, and we ran into like everyone. So we saw one of our friends and of course he was smoking, *asthma attack* but I love him anyway. The my father picked us up. Oh yeah, on Friday I had my second driving lesson, and then I drove my car around my neighborhood illegally. Shhhhh. Okay.Then today I just went over my friends house, and we played with her cat. It was really fun. And my mom got Popsicles, and I had like four since I got home three hours ago. Good thing I don't have to diet. Oh my goodness, I have like an almost six pack. It's crazy! I'm so excited about it. But anyways, we have to go back to Saturday. So we had a competition as I said before. Well, the practice was four hours long before we left, and it went ok. The last run through was really good, and I felt really good about it. So then we got to the place. The gym was ok, but while we were stretching, I pulled a muscle in my leg. And we do a couple of jazz splits, and it was killing me, and our instructor had us do like 15 because she was saying we had to go down slower so, I was really almost dead. Then we went to compete, and I was feeling really good about it, and at the end of the sabre feature, I dropped. I dropped the double parallel. I was crushed, but my friend dropped her solo 5, which made me feel a little less bad for myself. This was a pretty good weekend, but tomorrow it's back to school for me. Not looking forward to history, at all. I think that's it, time to sleep. TTFN.
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Posted 4/2/2008 4:58:51 PM
Ugh, life is pretty boring right now. Nothing changes for me from day to day. But I'm not doing anything to change it. My grades are crap. I'm failing two classes, history and english. I have four A's, choir, band, latin, and geometry. A B in gym, my teacher's psychotic. And a C, or a D, in physics. That's really bad. Two F's.I care, obviously I care, but because I don't make changes everyone thinks I'm content with failing. I'm not. Failure is...failure. I try to do better, but I can't, I try to sit down and finish all my homework, but I always get distracted or annoyed or frustrated and give up. I'm sick of it. I think it's time for me to make that change. But first I have to talk about today. I got out of school today, SWEET, because of a band performance at another school, so that was awesome. The downside is that on Monday I was sick, so I missed all those classes and have TWO days of work to make up. ARGH, and it was my birthday too, but I was like, sick, and it sucked. I had my first driving lesson yesterday, I almost drove off the road, and I almost drove someone else off the road, but it was rocky and there were potholes, it was not good. And there weren't lanes, it was just a road. But yeah, and the girl that drove me home was cute I guess. She might have thought I liked her, because I didn't exactly shout out that I was gay from the rooftops. But even better, today at the other school, in the auditorium, there was a kid there that was kinda cute. His nose was a little big, and he didn't have a great ass or anything, and also his friends were kind of ugly. But still, that's just me being picky, which I can't afford to be. But I didn't make a move because 1st of all, I don't know he's gay. 2nd he's from my rival school, and that wouldn't work. 3rd, he lives like an hour away, and I don't have a car, or a license, or someone who would give me a ride. I think I'm becoming a bit of a whore too. Don't ever let someone use you, even if you're really using them. I am SICK of it, but I don't have a boyfriend, and if I did, I know I would never let myself loose that easily. But it's really hard not having an emotional connection, so I feel like I need a physical connection. But I'm in a good mood, I feel like changing all the negative stuff about myself. That's all I have to say for now. I have to go. Peace.
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