shortshit86
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.There is nothing that could be said here to explain to you who i am...that is just something that you must figure out on your own. I however..allow very few people the chance. Even fewer people lately. It's for the better.....the end.
Age: 22
Gender: F
Location: Lexington
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has it really been that long??? [PICTURES INCLUDED!!]
Posted 4/9/2007 11:58:06 PM
So i just realized that i haven't written anything here in quite sometime.
Theres so much to talk about...but i'm not sure i'm motivated enought to go into too much detail.
Josh and I spent our first valentine's day together. But for the life of me...i can't remember what i bought him...I've gotten his birthday gifts, christmas gifts, and valentines day gifts all confused. However, i do remember what he got me!!!
I had been saving money for this little guitar. $150 . But some things came up...and i had to drain my savings account...much to my dissapointment. I had settled on the fact that i wasn't going to have the guitar for a while.
I was under the impression that my josh-o bought me a johnny cash case knife that i saw and fell in love with. But i get to his parents house with him...and theres this gigantic box in their living room...and he points at it and says to open it.
He cuts open the box for me...and i pull out the plastic wrap covering what was inside. I caught a glimpse of the top of the box inside the giant box. It said "Daisy Rock" ... and immediately started crying. He got that daisy rock wildwood acoustic guitar i wanted (in bleach blonde no less) I think i proceeded to suffocate him with hugs and kisses.
We've been spending lots of time together, and he finally said those 3 words that are so hard to say. It took 10 months. I'm not complaining trust me. I could've waited even longer. Its very much worth the wait. (of course..being the emotional girl that i am...i cried then too. a little secret...he cried as well. shh!! he'd beat me if he knew i told!)
My stepdad is home on leave from Iraq. He leaves back out in a couple days. I hate it...and i dont even like talking about it. His due date home for good is sometime in october now...but...we expect them to be extended even longer. (it was august to begin with)
I'm just happy he's safe...and his unit hasn't suffered any losses. They've had plenty of really close calls...but they're all still safe.
Josh is on the lookout of a new job...and a new house. If he gets the job he just put in for...then a new house is first on his list...and he wants me to come live with him. We'll have been together a year in june...so i dont think its too early. I don't intend to try and marry anybody without first living with them anyway. I need to know i can tolerate that person.
I dont think josh and i will have too many problems. We are pretty open and honest with each other. Of course i'm not naive enought to think that we'll never bug each other.
So how are things with everyone else?
Ps. I want to mention a man who passed away. Kirk..of Split Lip Rayfield. R.I.P
I didn't know him...but that band..is awesome..and kirk lost his battle with cancer...but he played shows right up til the end. a true insperation.
oh!! pictures
Posted 4/9/2007 11:58:06 PM
So i just realized that i haven't written anything here in quite sometime.
Theres so much to talk about...but i'm not sure i'm motivated enought to go into too much detail.
Josh and I spent our first valentine's day together. But for the life of me...i can't remember what i bought him...I've gotten his birthday gifts, christmas gifts, and valentines day gifts all confused. However, i do remember what he got me!!!
I had been saving money for this little guitar. $150 . But some things came up...and i had to drain my savings account...much to my dissapointment. I had settled on the fact that i wasn't going to have the guitar for a while.
I was under the impression that my josh-o bought me a johnny cash case knife that i saw and fell in love with. But i get to his parents house with him...and theres this gigantic box in their living room...and he points at it and says to open it.
He cuts open the box for me...and i pull out the plastic wrap covering what was inside. I caught a glimpse of the top of the box inside the giant box. It said "Daisy Rock" ... and immediately started crying. He got that daisy rock wildwood acoustic guitar i wanted (in bleach blonde no less) I think i proceeded to suffocate him with hugs and kisses.
We've been spending lots of time together, and he finally said those 3 words that are so hard to say. It took 10 months. I'm not complaining trust me. I could've waited even longer. Its very much worth the wait. (of course..being the emotional girl that i am...i cried then too. a little secret...he cried as well. shh!! he'd beat me if he knew i told!)
My stepdad is home on leave from Iraq. He leaves back out in a couple days. I hate it...and i dont even like talking about it. His due date home for good is sometime in october now...but...we expect them to be extended even longer. (it was august to begin with)
I'm just happy he's safe...and his unit hasn't suffered any losses. They've had plenty of really close calls...but they're all still safe.
Josh is on the lookout of a new job...and a new house. If he gets the job he just put in for...then a new house is first on his list...and he wants me to come live with him. We'll have been together a year in june...so i dont think its too early. I don't intend to try and marry anybody without first living with them anyway. I need to know i can tolerate that person.
I dont think josh and i will have too many problems. We are pretty open and honest with each other. Of course i'm not naive enought to think that we'll never bug each other.
So how are things with everyone else?
Ps. I want to mention a man who passed away. Kirk..of Split Lip Rayfield. R.I.P
I didn't know him...but that band..is awesome..and kirk lost his battle with cancer...but he played shows right up til the end. a true insperation.
oh!! pictures
sleep....
Posted 2/9/2007 1:31:17 AM
ugh...
the new job starts tomorrow...
and i'm awake at 2:30 am.
I'm not nervous...so i dont know why i can't sleep.
Posted 2/9/2007 1:31:17 AM
ugh...
the new job starts tomorrow...
and i'm awake at 2:30 am.
I'm not nervous...so i dont know why i can't sleep.
Help Me?
Posted 1/29/2007 3:23:55 AM
So valentine's day is fast approaching...
and im completely stumped on what to buy my boyfriend.
Any suggestions?
if it helps...we've only been together for 8 months...but i'd like it to be an awesome gift...
i thought maybe some suggestions could point me in the right direction...or spark that special idea in my head!
Posted 1/29/2007 3:23:55 AM
So valentine's day is fast approaching...
and im completely stumped on what to buy my boyfriend.
Any suggestions?
if it helps...we've only been together for 8 months...but i'd like it to be an awesome gift...
i thought maybe some suggestions could point me in the right direction...or spark that special idea in my head!
ch-ch-ch-changes... well.. no ... not actually.
Posted 1/20/2007 2:58:49 PM
eep! its been a while since i've posted here.
nothing has changed really. driving too far for too little money...
still datin' a rockin' dude...
My stepdad is still in Iraq...due home in august.
In 7 months i'll be 21...(a little less than 7 actually) I am not a drinker...so thats not why i'm excited....
I'm excited about it because I am ready to go to the Dame and watch some awesome bands play. Like...Reverend Horton Heat...that would be oh so wonderful!
Posted 1/20/2007 2:58:49 PM
eep! its been a while since i've posted here.
nothing has changed really. driving too far for too little money...
still datin' a rockin' dude...
My stepdad is still in Iraq...due home in august.
In 7 months i'll be 21...(a little less than 7 actually) I am not a drinker...so thats not why i'm excited....
I'm excited about it because I am ready to go to the Dame and watch some awesome bands play. Like...Reverend Horton Heat...that would be oh so wonderful!
hope 2007 is treating you well
Posted 1/9/2007 8:09:00 PM
hope everyone's new years has been awesome so far.
mine has.
many many important opportunities are presenting themseleves...and boy do i plan to act on them!
Posted 1/9/2007 8:09:00 PM
hope everyone's new years has been awesome so far.
mine has.
many many important opportunities are presenting themseleves...and boy do i plan to act on them!
i made myself a zombie. hmmm...
Posted 12/30/2006 3:32:20 AM
hahah was bored...so i turned myself into a zombie... fun
Posted 12/30/2006 3:32:20 AM
hahah was bored...so i turned myself into a zombie... fun
the best christmas gift ever
Posted 12/25/2006 12:02:21 AM
so i visited my nanny (my grandma) today and she gave me one of the best gifts i have ever gotten in my entire life.
For the first three years of my life my mom and i lived with my mawmaw (my great grandma) and i was VERY close to her.
She passed away when i was 3. I still miss her so much. I have also found a recent interest in different kinds of necklaces.
Well, my nan came into the kitchen with this necklace and i was immediately in love with it. and she said to me. "Ashley, this was your maw maw's, she got before you were born, and i was waiting til one of you got old enough to take care of it to give it to you. So take good care of it...but i think it will look nice on you."
I cried. like a little baby. Just completely lost it...she couldn't have given me anything better.
I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.
Posted 12/25/2006 12:02:21 AM
so i visited my nanny (my grandma) today and she gave me one of the best gifts i have ever gotten in my entire life.
For the first three years of my life my mom and i lived with my mawmaw (my great grandma) and i was VERY close to her.
She passed away when i was 3. I still miss her so much. I have also found a recent interest in different kinds of necklaces.
Well, my nan came into the kitchen with this necklace and i was immediately in love with it. and she said to me. "Ashley, this was your maw maw's, she got before you were born, and i was waiting til one of you got old enough to take care of it to give it to you. So take good care of it...but i think it will look nice on you."
I cried. like a little baby. Just completely lost it...she couldn't have given me anything better.
I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.
merrry christmas!
Posted 12/24/2006 2:43:47 AM
merry christmas and happy holidays newblog! ;) Hope it is wonderful for each and every one of you.
Posted 12/24/2006 2:43:47 AM
merry christmas and happy holidays newblog! ;) Hope it is wonderful for each and every one of you.
where are you christmas? give it back!
Posted 12/22/2006 4:37:59 AM
where has christmas gone?
i think the grinch really did steal it.
Nobody is feeling the christmas spirit...
especially not me...and i am usually the biggest fan of christmas EVER...
give me back my christmas spirit mr. grinch.
Posted 12/22/2006 4:37:59 AM
where has christmas gone?
i think the grinch really did steal it.
Nobody is feeling the christmas spirit...
especially not me...and i am usually the biggest fan of christmas EVER...
give me back my christmas spirit mr. grinch.
childish? maybe....
Posted 12/21/2006 1:39:36 AM
so josh changed his status on myspace to "in a relationship", and i'm excited. Yes i know how childish this sounds but honestly...i take this as him acknowledging that we are together and letting others know that we are...
He's pretty much told me how agains the "boyfriend girlfriend" label he is and kept his status as single for...well 7 months now. So first he tells me that he's happy with me...(which it is just not in him to say such things as he's still pretty messed up over a past relationship) and now he's changed his status. This makes me happy. Not that i wasn't happy before. He's an awesome guy...and treats me VERY well...I think i'll keep him.
Oh, and just so you know...working in retail has killed my usually wonderful christmas spirit. I hated even putting up my tree...and it stil remains empty underneath...bah humbug! really though...i am usually they one running around screaming merry christmas...err...happy holidays just to be pc tonight, to everyone! and its nust not in me this year... i dont want to watch all of my normal christmas movies that i've watched every year since i was two...i dont even have the heart to really think of awesome gifts to get people...my christmas this year will consist of me curling up in my big comfy chair with a blankie and a good book and some cookies and milk...no family get-togethers for the ashley.
Posted 12/21/2006 1:39:36 AM
so josh changed his status on myspace to "in a relationship", and i'm excited. Yes i know how childish this sounds but honestly...i take this as him acknowledging that we are together and letting others know that we are...
He's pretty much told me how agains the "boyfriend girlfriend" label he is and kept his status as single for...well 7 months now. So first he tells me that he's happy with me...(which it is just not in him to say such things as he's still pretty messed up over a past relationship) and now he's changed his status. This makes me happy. Not that i wasn't happy before. He's an awesome guy...and treats me VERY well...I think i'll keep him.
Oh, and just so you know...working in retail has killed my usually wonderful christmas spirit. I hated even putting up my tree...and it stil remains empty underneath...bah humbug! really though...i am usually they one running around screaming merry christmas...err...happy holidays just to be pc tonight, to everyone! and its nust not in me this year... i dont want to watch all of my normal christmas movies that i've watched every year since i was two...i dont even have the heart to really think of awesome gifts to get people...my christmas this year will consist of me curling up in my big comfy chair with a blankie and a good book and some cookies and milk...no family get-togethers for the ashley.
MY POOR CAR!
Posted 12/17/2006 8:57:02 PM
ps...
Somebody hit me on my way to work yesterday and drove off. I wasn't hurt and my car could've been hurt much worse than it was...so im thankful for that...
the whole incident though was just strange...
i was on my way to work in lexington...and iwas in the left lane. ..and i came up on two cars stopped with their hazard lights on. So i stop and put on my turn signal to go around them...and wait til its clear for me to go. i geti n the right lane and start driving....and dude in the left lane that was stopped takes off real fast and hits the side of my car and starts pushing my car out of the way...once he gets by me...he gets into the turning lane and drives off super fast. I tried to get his liscense plate number...but failed. :( No report was filed...because i didn't have a good enough description of the vehicle really..and no number to go on. *sigh*
Posted 12/17/2006 8:57:02 PM
ps...
Somebody hit me on my way to work yesterday and drove off. I wasn't hurt and my car could've been hurt much worse than it was...so im thankful for that...
the whole incident though was just strange...
i was on my way to work in lexington...and iwas in the left lane. ..and i came up on two cars stopped with their hazard lights on. So i stop and put on my turn signal to go around them...and wait til its clear for me to go. i geti n the right lane and start driving....and dude in the left lane that was stopped takes off real fast and hits the side of my car and starts pushing my car out of the way...once he gets by me...he gets into the turning lane and drives off super fast. I tried to get his liscense plate number...but failed. :( No report was filed...because i didn't have a good enough description of the vehicle really..and no number to go on. *sigh*
...not sure how its gonna work....
Posted 12/17/2006 8:49:08 PM
So the boyfriend and i talked about him buying a house in the very near future. This is a great thing for him...and i'm happy for him.
It has been said that i wou'd stay lots with him once he gets his house. Tonight he said something that got me to thinking alot about myself.
"You know...i may want the house to myself sometimes. So understand that okay?" he said. I nodded in agreement. And i do understand...its perfectly logical. Its not like we're a married couple...and i seriously don't think we will ever be... (due to both our views on marriage...i think i've discussed that in a previous post...i do not remember.)
What i started thinking about though is how am i gonna act when he actually does stop and say, "hey..uh...can i be alone tonight...or the next couple days"? At the moment i can say that i'd be fine with it...and completely understanding. But in reality i am sure i'll let my feminine insecurites stand out...and im sure i'll feel hurt and rejected, even though i shouldn't. I will start to suspect he's having somebody else over. I know me. ..and as much as i tell myself i'll be fine with it...i know that i won't. I will probably cry, though not in front of him. I refuse to let a guy think he has hurt me...a pride thing i guess.
Well now that i'm thoroughly irritated at myself and my illogical insecurities...i'm going to go finish off the ice cream cake the boyfriend bought today. yay!
Posted 12/17/2006 8:49:08 PM
So the boyfriend and i talked about him buying a house in the very near future. This is a great thing for him...and i'm happy for him.
It has been said that i wou'd stay lots with him once he gets his house. Tonight he said something that got me to thinking alot about myself.
"You know...i may want the house to myself sometimes. So understand that okay?" he said. I nodded in agreement. And i do understand...its perfectly logical. Its not like we're a married couple...and i seriously don't think we will ever be... (due to both our views on marriage...i think i've discussed that in a previous post...i do not remember.)
What i started thinking about though is how am i gonna act when he actually does stop and say, "hey..uh...can i be alone tonight...or the next couple days"? At the moment i can say that i'd be fine with it...and completely understanding. But in reality i am sure i'll let my feminine insecurites stand out...and im sure i'll feel hurt and rejected, even though i shouldn't. I will start to suspect he's having somebody else over. I know me. ..and as much as i tell myself i'll be fine with it...i know that i won't. I will probably cry, though not in front of him. I refuse to let a guy think he has hurt me...a pride thing i guess.
Well now that i'm thoroughly irritated at myself and my illogical insecurities...i'm going to go finish off the ice cream cake the boyfriend bought today. yay!
...yeah...sometimes i hate her.
Posted 12/14/2006 4:19:25 AM
you know...i love my mother more than anything...but sometimes she infuriates. So much so that sometimes i have to get in my car and drive away to keep from screaming at her...or worse...punching her in her face.
I told her what my younger brother wanted for christmas...she figured it'd cost $150 and wall for getting it for him.
But...it is actually $199. well i offered to pay the extra money if she'd get ti for him. but now she's having a cow...and talkin shitty about my brother.
"he's jsut like his goddamn daddy. he won't take care of shit. i already got him that new phone. he'll be fine thats all he's getting."
of course all of this coming from a woman who probably has 80 years of mold growing in her room because she won't bring the dirty dishes back to the kitchen. Also the phone she referred to was free. She's not paying the bill...his dad is. Well now i feel guilty because she bought me a $150 camera...and my brother gets a FREE phone...or really one his daddy is paying for.
And i really had my heart set on my brother getting this thing he wanted...but theres no way i can afford it myself.
Also...mom got pissed because i took MY digital camera with me...tonight.
"i wanted to take pictures of the boys tonight" (the boys being her stepkids she gets every other week.)
I would have left it for her...but nothing was said to me...i can't read her fuckin insane-o mind.
You know...i just hope that i remain as much like my dad as i am now...because i think i'll have to shoot myself if i ever start to act like her. She seriously makes me want to just walk away from her and never speak to her again. Harsh i know...but theres just too much that she's done and said over my 20 years.....
Posted 12/14/2006 4:19:25 AM
you know...i love my mother more than anything...but sometimes she infuriates. So much so that sometimes i have to get in my car and drive away to keep from screaming at her...or worse...punching her in her face.
I told her what my younger brother wanted for christmas...she figured it'd cost $150 and wall for getting it for him.
But...it is actually $199. well i offered to pay the extra money if she'd get ti for him. but now she's having a cow...and talkin shitty about my brother.
"he's jsut like his goddamn daddy. he won't take care of shit. i already got him that new phone. he'll be fine thats all he's getting."
of course all of this coming from a woman who probably has 80 years of mold growing in her room because she won't bring the dirty dishes back to the kitchen. Also the phone she referred to was free. She's not paying the bill...his dad is. Well now i feel guilty because she bought me a $150 camera...and my brother gets a FREE phone...or really one his daddy is paying for.
And i really had my heart set on my brother getting this thing he wanted...but theres no way i can afford it myself.
Also...mom got pissed because i took MY digital camera with me...tonight.
"i wanted to take pictures of the boys tonight" (the boys being her stepkids she gets every other week.)
I would have left it for her...but nothing was said to me...i can't read her fuckin insane-o mind.
You know...i just hope that i remain as much like my dad as i am now...because i think i'll have to shoot myself if i ever start to act like her. She seriously makes me want to just walk away from her and never speak to her again. Harsh i know...but theres just too much that she's done and said over my 20 years.....
...stupidity.....
Posted 12/11/2006 11:32:27 PM
I hate when i have to sit and watch somebody make an obvious mistake. They always seem oblivious to the inevitable failure that they are about to experience.
For instance...a friend is getting married. No big deal right? He's 19. Still not really a big deal (i however would choose to be married at 19....)His fiance lives in another country. He is leaving next week to be with her, and to be married next week. HOw many times have they met before? Once. One night, and they're going to get married. Neither of them have jobs...and they plan to live with her parents. I'm sorry...but in my opinion you shouldn't be marriend until you can stand on your own two feet.
Posted 12/11/2006 11:32:27 PM
I hate when i have to sit and watch somebody make an obvious mistake. They always seem oblivious to the inevitable failure that they are about to experience.
For instance...a friend is getting married. No big deal right? He's 19. Still not really a big deal (i however would choose to be married at 19....)His fiance lives in another country. He is leaving next week to be with her, and to be married next week. HOw many times have they met before? Once. One night, and they're going to get married. Neither of them have jobs...and they plan to live with her parents. I'm sorry...but in my opinion you shouldn't be marriend until you can stand on your own two feet.
happy
Posted 12/11/2006 7:22:04 PM
The boy told me he was happy with me yesterday. Considering his reluctance to say such things to ANYBODY...this is a very big deal to me, and eases my worries about other things, because i am very happy with him as well.
He treats me with respect...and show he cares in the little important ways. He's a great guy. And soon...he will hear whether or not he'll get his probation and parole job. I hope so...because then a new house is in order.
Posted 12/11/2006 7:22:04 PM
The boy told me he was happy with me yesterday. Considering his reluctance to say such things to ANYBODY...this is a very big deal to me, and eases my worries about other things, because i am very happy with him as well.
He treats me with respect...and show he cares in the little important ways. He's a great guy. And soon...he will hear whether or not he'll get his probation and parole job. I hope so...because then a new house is in order.
wanna know me?
Posted 12/11/2006 4:20:38 PM
So you want to know about me? I am a complicated person, and my telling you about myself would never even come close to making you understand me. But on the surface, I am shy, loving, caring, stubborn, moody, and forgetful. I lose things. I am clumsy, and seem to burn myself everytime I attempt to cook. I make a kickass banana pudding. I want to be a kindergarten teacher and my dream car is a 69’ StingRay. I want a puppy…a basset hound please.
My feelings tend to be easily hurt, and it causes strain on many of my friendships. I take things people say to me to heart, and also worry too much about what others think. I am a doormat for others. It is difficult for me to stand up to others. I have been getting better about that lately, and refuse to be walked on so much…but there are still those that I just don’t have the courage to stand up to.
I’ve had many friends, and lost many more. I don’t regret having any of them as friends, because knowing them has shaped me into what I am today. As shy and weak as I am…I am getting stronger, and braver. I am proud of that.
I have pride and respect for myself, and when I have nothing else, that will always be there. For the things I’ve been through, and for where I come from, I think I’ve done quite well for myself. I’m not done yet. I vow to be more successful than anybody ever though possible for me. Wait and see…
I love calla lilies, vanilla milk shakes with nectar, johnny carino's, puppies, kittens, and fish. I love skittles, and starburst. I love reading and writing. I love Johnny Cash. Oh, did i mention my favorite flowers are Calla Lilies?
Posted 12/11/2006 4:20:38 PM
So you want to know about me? I am a complicated person, and my telling you about myself would never even come close to making you understand me. But on the surface, I am shy, loving, caring, stubborn, moody, and forgetful. I lose things. I am clumsy, and seem to burn myself everytime I attempt to cook. I make a kickass banana pudding. I want to be a kindergarten teacher and my dream car is a 69’ StingRay. I want a puppy…a basset hound please.
My feelings tend to be easily hurt, and it causes strain on many of my friendships. I take things people say to me to heart, and also worry too much about what others think. I am a doormat for others. It is difficult for me to stand up to others. I have been getting better about that lately, and refuse to be walked on so much…but there are still those that I just don’t have the courage to stand up to.
I’ve had many friends, and lost many more. I don’t regret having any of them as friends, because knowing them has shaped me into what I am today. As shy and weak as I am…I am getting stronger, and braver. I am proud of that.
I have pride and respect for myself, and when I have nothing else, that will always be there. For the things I’ve been through, and for where I come from, I think I’ve done quite well for myself. I’m not done yet. I vow to be more successful than anybody ever though possible for me. Wait and see…
I love calla lilies, vanilla milk shakes with nectar, johnny carino's, puppies, kittens, and fish. I love skittles, and starburst. I love reading and writing. I love Johnny Cash. Oh, did i mention my favorite flowers are Calla Lilies?
they're expecting! Im gonna spoil it!
Posted 11/20/2006 1:31:33 AM
So, my mom just recently remarried again. (for the 4th time.) And i gained 4 more brothers.
One of which is serving in the US Marine Corps, and I just recieved news the other day that he and his new wife are expecting!!! How amazing. Not only to i gain some brothers...but now i'll have my very first niece or nephew!!
Posted 11/20/2006 1:31:33 AM
So, my mom just recently remarried again. (for the 4th time.) And i gained 4 more brothers.
One of which is serving in the US Marine Corps, and I just recieved news the other day that he and his new wife are expecting!!! How amazing. Not only to i gain some brothers...but now i'll have my very first niece or nephew!!
i need advice...i'm being a green eyed girl.
Posted 11/19/2006 5:02:37 PM
What do you do when you're feeling a tad insecure, a little threatened? When you feel you entire body being overwhelmed by jealousy, and when the only thing you want to do is hurt that other person in anyway possible?
What do you do when you know that your jealousy is sure to bring about the end of something that is so good in you life? How do you make it go away, that sick empty feeling deep inside your gut that makes you want to cry? How do you tell yourself that you shouldn't be so insecure, that you are really a cool person, and that she's just his friend? How do you tell yourself that she lives 12 hours away, its not like they're gonna hook up, and leave you crying in the cold? They wouldn't do that right? I can trust him...
He says he hates cheaters...but if given the opportunity would he? She's beautiful, i'm not. She's cultured, i'm not. She's just right down his alley...i thought i was...but now i'm not so sure.
I sound like a pathetic teenage school girl...but i really don't want this to end...its been so long since anyone has cared about me...has been good to me, and has made me laugh..i dont' want him to leave...
but the harder i try to hang on...i fear its the farther i'm pushing him away, how can i stop this vicious cycle thats tearing me apart!?
Posted 11/19/2006 5:02:37 PM
What do you do when you're feeling a tad insecure, a little threatened? When you feel you entire body being overwhelmed by jealousy, and when the only thing you want to do is hurt that other person in anyway possible?
What do you do when you know that your jealousy is sure to bring about the end of something that is so good in you life? How do you make it go away, that sick empty feeling deep inside your gut that makes you want to cry? How do you tell yourself that you shouldn't be so insecure, that you are really a cool person, and that she's just his friend? How do you tell yourself that she lives 12 hours away, its not like they're gonna hook up, and leave you crying in the cold? They wouldn't do that right? I can trust him...
He says he hates cheaters...but if given the opportunity would he? She's beautiful, i'm not. She's cultured, i'm not. She's just right down his alley...i thought i was...but now i'm not so sure.
I sound like a pathetic teenage school girl...but i really don't want this to end...its been so long since anyone has cared about me...has been good to me, and has made me laugh..i dont' want him to leave...
but the harder i try to hang on...i fear its the farther i'm pushing him away, how can i stop this vicious cycle thats tearing me apart!?
....6-2....
Posted 11/19/2006 1:08:52 AM
The 6pm to 2am shift sucks my non-existant penis. Yes. Thats right. It does. *sigh* It also means that i dont get to see my boy as often as i'd like to. This makes Ashley a very sad person.
I just hope it doesn't make things turn cold quick...in the relationship department i mean. :(
Posted 11/19/2006 1:08:52 AM
The 6pm to 2am shift sucks my non-existant penis. Yes. Thats right. It does. *sigh* It also means that i dont get to see my boy as often as i'd like to. This makes Ashley a very sad person.
I just hope it doesn't make things turn cold quick...in the relationship department i mean. :(
Random Ramblings...
Posted 11/10/2006 3:26:04 AM
Slowly, but surely i begin to lose all faith in humanity. Every day i see things that disgust me...and i can't help but to thing that mankind is headed for ruin.
With this loss of faith, also comes the fading away of dreams. Since i was a little girl, i dreamed of being married and being a mother. But i can't believe in marriage anymore. Being married means nothing to me...it is a religious cermony, and serves only legal purposes. I don't thing there is anything left to it...not what i want it to be. I want a husband that is loving, faithful, and loyal...but i dont think that there is such a thing. I think that maybe i am just outgrowing my youthful naive dreams. My current boyfriend is faithful, and loyal...but he shares my disbelief in marriage.
I want to work with children...babies mostly, but i dont know what to do. I thought i would be a kindergarten teacher, but that has proven to not work for me... (actually til i come up with $4000, college doesn't work for me right now) I feel like my life is losing direction...and losing meaning.
I am 20 years old (and i know i have a lot to learn...no need to remind me lol and i have a lot of life left to live..hopefully.)...and still living with my mother. That is NOT where i thought i would be by this time. My plans, and hopes, and dreams weren't like this at all.
I dreamed of being a writer...but have given up writing and haven't written anything in a very long time (as you can probably tell from my posts...i just ramble and ramble with no real direction)
Today i was told that i had an elitist attitude...that i felt i was better than everyone. But that is NOT true. I have always prided myself in being a loving, caring person.
However i do find myself refusing to converse, or associate with people who i feel are the boils on the butt crack of society.
Like a man who messages me... "NICE TUNG RING BABY GURRL, YOU LYKE MIN? LIKE TALL MEN LYKE ME??" i cannot talk to somebody who can't spell, and has terrible grammar (of course my grammar isn't anything to be proud of)...it makes me feel as thought my IQ is lowering.
I suppose that maybe that does make me an elitest...and i'm sorry, but i dont want to lower my standards to make people thing im a good person.
Okay, i don't think i even got my initial point across (actually i dont even remember what my point was now...) but I need to be cleaning my room, and preparing the house for my visitor tomorrow. (yay the boy is coming over...and i kinda maybe miss him a bit) So since its already almost 4:30....I'll catch you cool cats later....
oh, and im sorry if i make anybody feel like im an elitist asshole...i dont' try to...i promise..i try to love everyone.
Posted 11/10/2006 3:26:04 AM
Slowly, but surely i begin to lose all faith in humanity. Every day i see things that disgust me...and i can't help but to thing that mankind is headed for ruin.
With this loss of faith, also comes the fading away of dreams. Since i was a little girl, i dreamed of being married and being a mother. But i can't believe in marriage anymore. Being married means nothing to me...it is a religious cermony, and serves only legal purposes. I don't thing there is anything left to it...not what i want it to be. I want a husband that is loving, faithful, and loyal...but i dont think that there is such a thing. I think that maybe i am just outgrowing my youthful naive dreams. My current boyfriend is faithful, and loyal...but he shares my disbelief in marriage.
I want to work with children...babies mostly, but i dont know what to do. I thought i would be a kindergarten teacher, but that has proven to not work for me... (actually til i come up with $4000, college doesn't work for me right now) I feel like my life is losing direction...and losing meaning.
I am 20 years old (and i know i have a lot to learn...no need to remind me lol and i have a lot of life left to live..hopefully.)...and still living with my mother. That is NOT where i thought i would be by this time. My plans, and hopes, and dreams weren't like this at all.
I dreamed of being a writer...but have given up writing and haven't written anything in a very long time (as you can probably tell from my posts...i just ramble and ramble with no real direction)
Today i was told that i had an elitist attitude...that i felt i was better than everyone. But that is NOT true. I have always prided myself in being a loving, caring person.
However i do find myself refusing to converse, or associate with people who i feel are the boils on the butt crack of society.
Like a man who messages me... "NICE TUNG RING BABY GURRL, YOU LYKE MIN? LIKE TALL MEN LYKE ME??" i cannot talk to somebody who can't spell, and has terrible grammar (of course my grammar isn't anything to be proud of)...it makes me feel as thought my IQ is lowering.
I suppose that maybe that does make me an elitest...and i'm sorry, but i dont want to lower my standards to make people thing im a good person.
Okay, i don't think i even got my initial point across (actually i dont even remember what my point was now...) but I need to be cleaning my room, and preparing the house for my visitor tomorrow. (yay the boy is coming over...and i kinda maybe miss him a bit) So since its already almost 4:30....I'll catch you cool cats later....
oh, and im sorry if i make anybody feel like im an elitist asshole...i dont' try to...i promise..i try to love everyone.
...the destruction of a druggy....
Posted 11/8/2006 3:08:41 AM
I've never quite had sympathy for a drug addict, and i really don't believe that i ever will.
Drug addicts tear through the lives of their friends and family leaving behind them broken trust and shattered hearts. The steal whatever they can get their hands on to get their next fix...
The thing that kills me about it... is that it can hit closer to home than you ever want it to. Theres nothing you can do to stop it, nothing you can do to help them, til they themselves see that they are destroying themselves.
Til then...they go on their binges...leaving their families at home wondering when the phone call is going to come telling them that their loved one has been found on the street dead.
I think i've lost all trust and respect....
Posted 11/8/2006 3:08:41 AM
I've never quite had sympathy for a drug addict, and i really don't believe that i ever will.
Drug addicts tear through the lives of their friends and family leaving behind them broken trust and shattered hearts. The steal whatever they can get their hands on to get their next fix...
The thing that kills me about it... is that it can hit closer to home than you ever want it to. Theres nothing you can do to stop it, nothing you can do to help them, til they themselves see that they are destroying themselves.
Til then...they go on their binges...leaving their families at home wondering when the phone call is going to come telling them that their loved one has been found on the street dead.
I think i've lost all trust and respect....
nothing
Posted 11/7/2006 2:14:42 AM
so come to find...theres really nothing to be afraid of.
I'm a little more confident about certain things in my life right at the moment...
will it last?
only time will tell!
love and all that jazz!
Posted 11/7/2006 2:14:42 AM
so come to find...theres really nothing to be afraid of.
I'm a little more confident about certain things in my life right at the moment...
will it last?
only time will tell!
love and all that jazz!
i say this jokingly...but really...im serious.
Posted 11/6/2006 1:50:13 AM
I'm scared.
of what? everything. Seriously. But one of the things im scared of the most...i can't mention, it hurts to think about, and i hate it. There are questions i want to ask, questions that i need answerd to make me feel calm and okay with myself. These answers would either destroy me for 5 seconds, or would make me not afraid anymore.
There are things i want to say...but i can't..i fear what would happen if i said these things...
oh well.
I'm going to bed now.
ps.
I hate the color green.
Posted 11/6/2006 1:50:13 AM
I'm scared.
of what? everything. Seriously. But one of the things im scared of the most...i can't mention, it hurts to think about, and i hate it. There are questions i want to ask, questions that i need answerd to make me feel calm and okay with myself. These answers would either destroy me for 5 seconds, or would make me not afraid anymore.
There are things i want to say...but i can't..i fear what would happen if i said these things...
oh well.
I'm going to bed now.
ps.
I hate the color green.
no...i'm sorry...it's not because of you.
Posted 11/2/2006 9:45:53 PM
So, i think i've written about this before...but for some reason i started thinking about it just now. (one of the reasons i have such a hard tim falling asleep is because i can't stop think about things after i lay down) Anyway, for some reason, everyone around me seems to want to take credit for the person that i am today.
People, say things to my mom like..."you're very lucky. Ashley's a good kid, and such a sweetheart." and mom says something to the effect of "Well, she knows she'll get that mouth smacked if she's anything but." Her and nan both do that...they try to play it off like im a good person out of fear of them, but you know what? I'm not scared of them. Nothing i do is out of fear of them. I don't bitch at my mom, or get shitty with my nan, simply out of respect. I dont' think its the right thing to do.
Occasionally mom and i have our arguements...and i get pretty hateful with her...but i apologize after, because i feel bad. Not because i'm scared of her. Nan will say "She's been with me since she was little." and mom will say "i had her all the time, cuz her dad was a lowlife." It irritates the fuck out of me that they think that they are the sole reason i turned out the way i have. Sure, they've had an impact...but not the way they think...its mostly like "well, im not doing this, because i dont' want to be like the rest of my family." its definately not because they've instilled any morals in me.
I am the way i am, because i know where i want to end up, and i know what it takes to get there.
Another thing that irritates me about my family...is how they constantly put down my dad. I'm sorry...but they have nothing to do with my dad. He shouldn't be a concern of theirs. My dad and i are close, and our relationship was a rocky one to begin with as most you know, but i've let things go. Mom on the other hand can't seem to stop wanting to try and out do him in anything. I mentioned this to dad not long ago, and he said he just didn't care..and that she shouldn't either, that he didn't understand why she was so concerned with something that was pretty much over with as soon as it began.
Mom, and nan, have something critical to say of EVERYONE...
alot of times at nan's, i get the whole..."you'd be okay if you lost that GUT of yours ashley." or "goddamn, dont' you think you need to lose some weight" or "your ass is as big ass the side of a house." Its never anything like "oh well that outfit looks good" of course not...what good would a compliment do? Let's all just trash somebody's self esteem.
Fuck! I'm pissin myself off....You know what...i dont even care...I just dont like for them to take all the credit of me being a pretty decent human being because my values sures as FUCK aren't they same as theirs...........nan included...and i choose not to talk about why my values and morals are different than hers.
Well, i should totally be in the bed..seeing as i got an eye doct-o appointment tomorrow....yay for glasses yeah?
*note* a comment from my friend on LJ (and actually the dude i'm seeing.)
lol...eye doct-o...
Yeah man. You are a good person. I always thought and still think its kind of crazy how something so level headed, intelligent and nice could come from such dysfunction and ugliness. None should take credit for yourself but you.
Posted 11/2/2006 9:45:53 PM
So, i think i've written about this before...but for some reason i started thinking about it just now. (one of the reasons i have such a hard tim falling asleep is because i can't stop think about things after i lay down) Anyway, for some reason, everyone around me seems to want to take credit for the person that i am today.
People, say things to my mom like..."you're very lucky. Ashley's a good kid, and such a sweetheart." and mom says something to the effect of "Well, she knows she'll get that mouth smacked if she's anything but." Her and nan both do that...they try to play it off like im a good person out of fear of them, but you know what? I'm not scared of them. Nothing i do is out of fear of them. I don't bitch at my mom, or get shitty with my nan, simply out of respect. I dont' think its the right thing to do.
Occasionally mom and i have our arguements...and i get pretty hateful with her...but i apologize after, because i feel bad. Not because i'm scared of her. Nan will say "She's been with me since she was little." and mom will say "i had her all the time, cuz her dad was a lowlife." It irritates the fuck out of me that they think that they are the sole reason i turned out the way i have. Sure, they've had an impact...but not the way they think...its mostly like "well, im not doing this, because i dont' want to be like the rest of my family." its definately not because they've instilled any morals in me.
I am the way i am, because i know where i want to end up, and i know what it takes to get there.
Another thing that irritates me about my family...is how they constantly put down my dad. I'm sorry...but they have nothing to do with my dad. He shouldn't be a concern of theirs. My dad and i are close, and our relationship was a rocky one to begin with as most you know, but i've let things go. Mom on the other hand can't seem to stop wanting to try and out do him in anything. I mentioned this to dad not long ago, and he said he just didn't care..and that she shouldn't either, that he didn't understand why she was so concerned with something that was pretty much over with as soon as it began.
Mom, and nan, have something critical to say of EVERYONE...
alot of times at nan's, i get the whole..."you'd be okay if you lost that GUT of yours ashley." or "goddamn, dont' you think you need to lose some weight" or "your ass is as big ass the side of a house." Its never anything like "oh well that outfit looks good" of course not...what good would a compliment do? Let's all just trash somebody's self esteem.
Fuck! I'm pissin myself off....You know what...i dont even care...I just dont like for them to take all the credit of me being a pretty decent human being because my values sures as FUCK aren't they same as theirs...........nan included...and i choose not to talk about why my values and morals are different than hers.
Well, i should totally be in the bed..seeing as i got an eye doct-o appointment tomorrow....yay for glasses yeah?
*note* a comment from my friend on LJ (and actually the dude i'm seeing.)
lol...eye doct-o...
Yeah man. You are a good person. I always thought and still think its kind of crazy how something so level headed, intelligent and nice could come from such dysfunction and ugliness. None should take credit for yourself but you.
FeedBack
ILUV_JEN
12/18/2006 1:03:49 AM
hi iluv_jen is her inviye you 2be my friends!! seeyahh......
mark_montes
12/3/2006 12:36:39 AM
elow cute girl..
shortshit86
12/1/2006 3:08:49 AM
yes. but i am going to bed.
mark_montes
12/1/2006 3:07:41 AM
wow.....
u have YM?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:52:36 AM
plss delete my messages to u?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:43:26 AM
im mark...
u what ur name?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:43:17 AM
im mark...
u what ur name?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:37:22 AM
same 2 u........
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:36:04 AM
hi how are u?
JOSHER_14
11/20/2006 5:39:17 AM
can you please help me bout how 2 make my blog beautiful?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/19/2006 7:23:54 PM
hi ashley.how r u doing?
chattdude43
11/6/2006 8:15:31 AM
Good morning lovely
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 10:31:08 AM
Hi Ashley....!!
how r u ?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:22:29 AM
But u know wat, he was a gr8 planner.Some how i see him as my idol
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:07:41 AM
don u think that hitler has overjustified himself in mein kemf.?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:05:50 AM
that's a lil different from mine..though.
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:02:58 AM
well! wat kinda reading?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:01:20 AM
that is wat we all do..
Similar case here.
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 4:56:04 AM
Hi Ashley.
You never told me what u do?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 4:48:39 AM
welcome to newblock...miss....
what ever ur name is..
12/18/2006 1:03:49 AM
hi iluv_jen is her inviye you 2be my friends!! seeyahh......
mark_montes
12/3/2006 12:36:39 AM
elow cute girl..
shortshit86
12/1/2006 3:08:49 AM
yes. but i am going to bed.
mark_montes
12/1/2006 3:07:41 AM
wow.....
u have YM?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:52:36 AM
plss delete my messages to u?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:43:26 AM
im mark...
u what ur name?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:43:17 AM
im mark...
u what ur name?
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:37:22 AM
same 2 u........
mark_montes
12/1/2006 2:36:04 AM
hi how are u?
JOSHER_14
11/20/2006 5:39:17 AM
can you please help me bout how 2 make my blog beautiful?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/19/2006 7:23:54 PM
hi ashley.how r u doing?
chattdude43
11/6/2006 8:15:31 AM
Good morning lovely
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 10:31:08 AM
Hi Ashley....!!
how r u ?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:22:29 AM
But u know wat, he was a gr8 planner.Some how i see him as my idol
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:07:41 AM
don u think that hitler has overjustified himself in mein kemf.?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:05:50 AM
that's a lil different from mine..though.
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:02:58 AM
well! wat kinda reading?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 5:01:20 AM
that is wat we all do..
Similar case here.
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 4:56:04 AM
Hi Ashley.
You never told me what u do?
TRUE_HUMAN
11/3/2006 4:48:39 AM
welcome to newblock...miss....
what ever ur name is..
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