pynk7hipz
Single and Pregnant
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Im a 23 year old single black female who is due in September with my first child. I am a christian but not living the life : (
Age: 24
Gender: F
Location: Unspecified
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personal life/ mental health: my ex
Posted 4/7/2008 12:37:29 PM
I miss my ex. He was so wonderful to me and i freaking blew it. Now i feel all alone in this. ITs no wonder he put up with me for so long. I just wish he would let me try and make it up to him. I dont think he wants anything to do with me. THis adds to my turmoil. I just feel like if i can make things right with him i can have a little peace with myself.
I love him so much. I wish we could be friends. I am so getting what i deserve. It sucks though because my son doesnt deserve any of this. i so need to start therapy ASAP.
Posted 4/7/2008 12:37:29 PM
I miss my ex. He was so wonderful to me and i freaking blew it. Now i feel all alone in this. ITs no wonder he put up with me for so long. I just wish he would let me try and make it up to him. I dont think he wants anything to do with me. THis adds to my turmoil. I just feel like if i can make things right with him i can have a little peace with myself.
I love him so much. I wish we could be friends. I am so getting what i deserve. It sucks though because my son doesnt deserve any of this. i so need to start therapy ASAP.
personal life/ mental health: a little bitter
Posted 4/7/2008 12:32:03 PM
a little bitter because i feel alone. this pregnancy wasnt planned and im a lil jealous of everyone who has a mate and better yet a husband. such a blessing when you do things the right way. mostly mad at myself for not being more responsible. i could have done my part and used a foam or insert but i had recently read something about yeast infection so i thought i would be okay with just a condom. condoms seem like a joke to me now. at least male condom.
And its so hard going to church and seeing my first ex and how happpy he is with his current serious girlfriend and how they are childless and possibly celibate. also seeing all the couples who are living right and are so happy. i get so bummed and its hard to enjoy the service and focus on God. That church and i are on a break.
oh well. gotta move forward and look on the bright side. ill just be so releived for my baby to be healthy and easy on the eyes.
Posted 4/7/2008 12:32:03 PM
a little bitter because i feel alone. this pregnancy wasnt planned and im a lil jealous of everyone who has a mate and better yet a husband. such a blessing when you do things the right way. mostly mad at myself for not being more responsible. i could have done my part and used a foam or insert but i had recently read something about yeast infection so i thought i would be okay with just a condom. condoms seem like a joke to me now. at least male condom.
And its so hard going to church and seeing my first ex and how happpy he is with his current serious girlfriend and how they are childless and possibly celibate. also seeing all the couples who are living right and are so happy. i get so bummed and its hard to enjoy the service and focus on God. That church and i are on a break.
oh well. gotta move forward and look on the bright side. ill just be so releived for my baby to be healthy and easy on the eyes.
personal life/ mental health: taming of the shrew
Posted 4/7/2008 12:30:39 PM
A thought just occured to me; i sort of wish there was a guy to tame me like in taming of the shrew. i feel like i have tried to modify my behavior and personality but to no avail. if i weren't so self centered and bitchy i would still have my ex boyfriend who was wonderful. instead im single and pregnant by someone i dont like at all who i never really had a true interest in. now we are stuck in one anothers lives. i am afraid that whenever i look at my son i will see the product of weed, a broken condom , and total disregard and irresponsibility instead of a gift from God. It hurts that im another negative statistic. It hurts that my son has to come into this type of situation. That he doesnt even have one upstanding parent. i dont know what to do. i started out in life in love with God and totally down for him and my life erroded into...this mess. now...God seems to be a three letter word as opposed to what he used to be to me.
Posted 4/7/2008 12:30:39 PM
A thought just occured to me; i sort of wish there was a guy to tame me like in taming of the shrew. i feel like i have tried to modify my behavior and personality but to no avail. if i weren't so self centered and bitchy i would still have my ex boyfriend who was wonderful. instead im single and pregnant by someone i dont like at all who i never really had a true interest in. now we are stuck in one anothers lives. i am afraid that whenever i look at my son i will see the product of weed, a broken condom , and total disregard and irresponsibility instead of a gift from God. It hurts that im another negative statistic. It hurts that my son has to come into this type of situation. That he doesnt even have one upstanding parent. i dont know what to do. i started out in life in love with God and totally down for him and my life erroded into...this mess. now...God seems to be a three letter word as opposed to what he used to be to me.
personal life/ mental health: my story
Posted 4/7/2008 12:24:16 PM
So i read the story of a single mom to be who titled hers," this is not supposed to be my life." if that were true her life wouldn't be this way but i know what she means. its nothing like what she planned or expected. this young woman put her story out there and shared her feelings. i want to do the same in hopes of catharsis and consulation. my story is somewhat short and sweet.
shy loner somewhat depressed church girl gets played by boy who has been around the block a few times. loses virginity and her mind but gets over it goes back to being close to god with a new determination to be celibate until marriage. manages to be productive. one day girl is invited to party likes it and starts drinking every weekend possible with her friends. meets hottie who is way out of her league and two or three years younger and starts smoking MJ and sleeping with him. stops smoking and drinking as much after hottie movies back home. doesnt too much care cuz wait she didnt quite stop smoking she just stopped partying and drinking and is still messing around with her friends. relationship ends with fourth partner. stops smoking and focuses on work for a while. meets incredible, hard working, out of this world, christian virgin. takes his viriginity not intentionally. off and on with him for a year. after much drama and abuse he ends it with girl. girl loses job she loves and she goes back to smoking. to get over guy she smokes and sleeps with two more partners and ends up getting pregnant by the sixth partner. a total of three relationships and seven partners along with MJ= bastard child. the father still wants to be with girl but girl is still in love with church boy but church boy doesnt want much to do with her. girl feels bad for sleeping with guy knowing he has feelings for her but all she wanted was a ****. MJ makes her super horney and hungry. she feels alone and has hard time falling in love with god again.
thats my story. being a church girl and striving to be righteous, i never imagined i would go down that road. but im here and i dont know how to turn back and go the other way. and now i am bringing a child into this world who deserves the best but is getting half a mother because the other half is lusting after the things of this world and is never complete without god. i dont understand why i couldnt have at least gotten pregant by the guy i love. that question adds to my misery. i just hate myself for bringing a child into this world whom i cant provide for. i am on government assistance which isn't fair because tax payers shouldn't have to take care of little irresponsible childish mistakes.
i need to move on and lose weight.
Posted 4/7/2008 12:24:16 PM
So i read the story of a single mom to be who titled hers," this is not supposed to be my life." if that were true her life wouldn't be this way but i know what she means. its nothing like what she planned or expected. this young woman put her story out there and shared her feelings. i want to do the same in hopes of catharsis and consulation. my story is somewhat short and sweet.
shy loner somewhat depressed church girl gets played by boy who has been around the block a few times. loses virginity and her mind but gets over it goes back to being close to god with a new determination to be celibate until marriage. manages to be productive. one day girl is invited to party likes it and starts drinking every weekend possible with her friends. meets hottie who is way out of her league and two or three years younger and starts smoking MJ and sleeping with him. stops smoking and drinking as much after hottie movies back home. doesnt too much care cuz wait she didnt quite stop smoking she just stopped partying and drinking and is still messing around with her friends. relationship ends with fourth partner. stops smoking and focuses on work for a while. meets incredible, hard working, out of this world, christian virgin. takes his viriginity not intentionally. off and on with him for a year. after much drama and abuse he ends it with girl. girl loses job she loves and she goes back to smoking. to get over guy she smokes and sleeps with two more partners and ends up getting pregnant by the sixth partner. a total of three relationships and seven partners along with MJ= bastard child. the father still wants to be with girl but girl is still in love with church boy but church boy doesnt want much to do with her. girl feels bad for sleeping with guy knowing he has feelings for her but all she wanted was a ****. MJ makes her super horney and hungry. she feels alone and has hard time falling in love with god again.
thats my story. being a church girl and striving to be righteous, i never imagined i would go down that road. but im here and i dont know how to turn back and go the other way. and now i am bringing a child into this world who deserves the best but is getting half a mother because the other half is lusting after the things of this world and is never complete without god. i dont understand why i couldnt have at least gotten pregant by the guy i love. that question adds to my misery. i just hate myself for bringing a child into this world whom i cant provide for. i am on government assistance which isn't fair because tax payers shouldn't have to take care of little irresponsible childish mistakes.
i need to move on and lose weight.
personal life/ mental health: The Reason
Posted 4/7/2008 12:41:04 AM
Reason i blog is to experience some sort of catharsis. I could keep a journal to myself but i feel like im letting go more so when i put it out there in web space. its like going to a counseling session instead of keeping it bottled up inside. i assume no one in my life will read and find out. i figure it doesnt matter if random people know personal things about me because it will never get back around to me. so...no harm... i hope. i dont do it for attention or because i just like putting myself on blast...i just dont know what to do in between therapy sessions. i start therapy back again hopefully this thursday.
Posted 4/7/2008 12:41:04 AM
Reason i blog is to experience some sort of catharsis. I could keep a journal to myself but i feel like im letting go more so when i put it out there in web space. its like going to a counseling session instead of keeping it bottled up inside. i assume no one in my life will read and find out. i figure it doesnt matter if random people know personal things about me because it will never get back around to me. so...no harm... i hope. i dont do it for attention or because i just like putting myself on blast...i just dont know what to do in between therapy sessions. i start therapy back again hopefully this thursday.
FeedBack
bpasdaddy2
4/8/2008 1:14:51 PM
hey - welcome from me as well. hope you enjoy your stay here.
4/8/2008 1:14:51 PM
hey - welcome from me as well. hope you enjoy your stay here.
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