No time for the in-out, love. Just came to read the meter. Posted 12/22/2008 5:50:40 AM So...toujourspret=whiny, passive-agressive bitch. At least, sometimes I am, and those of you who know me IRL likely already knew that.Also, I=the ENTIRETY of the Smiths' song "Bigmouth Strikes Again." Like really. I can very much see myself one day stumbling into a situation where I'm all like, "Oh, I really didn't mean that I wanted to hit you until you stopped talking. I meant that you were stupid and ought to be put down. Wait...that's not right! I meant...Hey, why are you being so awful to me? I didn't do anything wrong! I am NOT pretending to be a martyr! Look, I'm really sorry. I was out of line. Besides, you misunderstood me. You never pay attention to what I'm saying! Man. Everyone hates me, and I swear I've never done anything to them!"In other news, have any of you ever done that lock-your-knees-and-faint thing? I've never fainted for any reason, but one of our cast did it recently (on accident, of course), and it made me curious as to what it feels like to faint. I don't even know what it feels like to go to sleep because I never remember. It's just big black spots of time. Perhaps I'm secretly Donnie Darko? That would be funny!Also, edited to add: I smell really yummy. I'm wearing Red Lantern by the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab and it smells like caramel, sandlewood, something really warm and dusty, and a gorgeous light musk. Yay, pretty perfumes!Also added: deirbhle! I still owe you a Christmas gift! I need to make sure I remember to bring it if we come up next weekend. Yes. There are lots of pretties in there for you, and I need to give them to you lest I succumb to the temptation to use them myself. Which would be bad. I'd mail it if I weren't sure it'd get broken by the USPS. (0) Comments

Hrm. Posted 12/17/2008 9:07:30 PM I want to write something and post it to my fic journal, but I don't know what. Anyone have any ideas? Favorite words? Prompts? I feel like writing, but my imagination is off among the linden trees. uhm yes. . Yes, just like the Numa Numa song.. (0) Comments

Journey into thw land of TMI Posted 12/15/2008 5:25:30 PM Actually, before you run screaming at the concept of TMI from me, I'll warn that the TMI-ish bits are cut, so read above the cuts to your hearts' content. Yes, hearts', since there are more than one of you reading. Like maybe three.This entry will be made up of snippets from entries that I have never posted (and never will! BWAHAHA!):OMG, why don't you guys read the effing rehearsal reports? I blow my time listening to you stumble through lines--the least you could do is take five minutes to skim the rehearsal report! Then you don't have to be surprised when I hunt you down at dinner and ask why you forgot to bring the severed head, or why you skipped your costume fittings. In the same boat, if something is included in the rehearsal report for A MONTH, it's because I don't know that it's been solved. Trying to embarass me by saying that you've known for a week does not, in fact, embarass me as much as it makes you look like an obstinate ass for not telling me the answer to a question I've been asking you for a month.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(that's the torn edge of a piece of paper, for a visual)So, either my boobs are getting bigger or I'm losing weight, either of which is good. Yes. Let's hope that the trend--whichever it may be--continues. You may now return to your regularly scheduled randomness.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The wind coming off of the Browning Bowl could knock over a smaller girl. It's like...a windy pack of horses stampeding up the hill. Why, oh why did they put the sidewalk to the dormitories right next to a hill that acts as either a mudslide, a snow slue, or a windtunnel depending on the season? Here at Jewell, we have four seasons: Rain, Ice, Wind, and Tornado. We get Too Damn Hot off for holidays.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today's heat made me simultaneously glad I've quit Faire and sad. Sad because I've had some lovely days at Faire with weather like today's (last spring comes to mind), but glad because I woke myself up and realized that it's freaking MARCH and there are still two more months to go. At this rate, May will feel like an Indian Summer, and the heat will last forever.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please ignore me when I've had little sleep and invoke the holy name of the Drama Llama. I have a tendency to get upset more easily if I've had no sleep, and as you all know I'd been having a hard time with a friend of mine, so when I go all spastic and weepy on random days and my posts read that it's three in the morning, feel free to ignore it. Pats on the back are nice--I do appreciate them!--but rest assured that I'll be over it in a day or so. Feel free to chime in with a "Cheer up, emo kid." I will laugh through my emo sleep-deprived tears and know you read the random crap I write here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I may be going to St. Louis next weekend. Anyone want to stop be my house and pick me up? We can hang out or whatnot. If not, I'll still be able to hang out with Sarah and Jessica and the others.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What is up with all the transfers/withdrawls in the middle of the year? This week alone we've had two that I know of--one of which was the lighting manager in our company, and she didn't give back her script, so we had to replace her AND hunt down another copy. Then I found out that a friend had failed ost of his classes last semester and withdrew halfway through so his Financial Aid wouldn't bite his ass. Can't they just keep going? I'm sure I've failed the equivalent of a semester's worth of classes (can't abide homework, you see), but you don't see me withdrawing. Maybe that's because I'm stupid enough to keep paying? Ah, well. I'll have my degree in a year and I can hang my WJC Theatre diploma next to my fry pit at McDonald's.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Anyone know of a theater in the STL metro area looking for interns? I'm looking for an internship to do over the summer so I can get all the closer to graduation. If you know of one, please let me know!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And, er, that's it. I'm off to write up another rehearsal report to be ignored.ETA: Also! These are kind of neat: (0) Comments

Journey into thw land of TMI Posted 12/15/2008 5:25:06 PM Actually, before you run screaming at the concept of TMI from me, I'll warn that the TMI-ish bits are cut, so read above the cuts to your hearts' content. Yes, hearts', since there are more than one of you reading. Like maybe three.This entry will be made up of snippets from entries that I have never posted (and never will! BWAHAHA!):OMG, why don't you guys read the effing rehearsal reports? I blow my time listening to you stumble through lines--the least you could do is take five minutes to skim the rehearsal report! Then you don't have to be surprised when I hunt you down at dinner and ask why you forgot to bring the severed head, or why you skipped your costume fittings. In the same boat, if something is included in the rehearsal report for A MONTH, it's because I don't know that it's been solved. Trying to embarass me by saying that you've known for a week does not, in fact, embarass me as much as it makes you look like an obstinate ass for not telling me the answer to a question I've been asking you for a month.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(that's the torn edge of a piece of paper, for a visual)So, either my boobs are getting bigger or I'm losing weight, either of which is good. Yes. Let's hope that the trend--whichever it may be--continues. You may now return to your regularly scheduled randomness.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The wind coming off of the Browning Bowl could knock over a smaller girl. It's like...a windy pack of horses stampeding up the hill. Why, oh why did they put the sidewalk to the dormitories right next to a hill that acts as either a mudslide, a snow slue, or a windtunnel depending on the season? Here at Jewell, we have four seasons: Rain, Ice, Wind, and Tornado. We get Too Damn Hot off for holidays.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today's heat made me simultaneously glad I've quit Faire and sad. Sad because I've had some lovely days at Faire with weather like today's (last spring comes to mind), but glad because I woke myself up and realized that it's freaking MARCH and there are still two more months to go. At this rate, May will feel like an Indian Summer, and the heat will last forever.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please ignore me when I've had little sleep and invoke the holy name of the Drama Llama. I have a tendency to get upset more easily if I've had no sleep, and as you all know I'd been having a hard time with a friend of mine, so when I go all spastic and weepy on random days and my posts read that it's three in the morning, feel free to ignore it. Pats on the back are nice--I do appreciate them!--but rest assured that I'll be over it in a day or so. Feel free to chime in with a "Cheer up, emo kid." I will laugh through my emo sleep-deprived tears and know you read the random crap I write here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I may be going to St. Louis next weekend. Anyone want to stop be my house and pick me up? We can hang out or whatnot. If not, I'll still be able to hang out with Sarah and Jessica and the others.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What is up with all the transfers/withdrawls in the middle of the year? This week alone we've had two that I know of--one of which was the lighting manager in our company, and she didn't give back her script, so we had to replace her AND hunt down another copy. Then I found out that a friend had failed ost of his classes last semester and withdrew halfway through so his Financial Aid wouldn't bite his ass. Can't they just keep going? I'm sure I've failed the equivalent of a semester's worth of classes (can't abide homework, you see), but you don't see me withdrawing. Maybe that's because I'm stupid enough to keep paying? Ah, well. I'll have my degree in a year and I can hang my WJC Theatre diploma next to my fry pit at McDonald's.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Anyone know of a theater in the STL metro area looking for interns? I'm looking for an internship to do over the summer so I can get all the closer to graduation. If you know of one, please let me know!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And, er, that's it. I'm off to write up another rehearsal report to be ignored.ETA: Also! These are kind of neat: (0) Comments

Journey into thw land of TMI Posted 12/15/2008 5:24:37 PM Actually, before you run screaming at the concept of TMI from me, I'll warn that the TMI-ish bits are cut, so read above the cuts to your hearts' content. Yes, hearts', since there are more than one of you reading. Like maybe three.This entry will be made up of snippets from entries that I have never posted (and never will! BWAHAHA!):OMG, why don't you guys read the effing rehearsal reports? I blow my time listening to you stumble through lines--the least you could do is take five minutes to skim the rehearsal report! Then you don't have to be surprised when I hunt you down at dinner and ask why you forgot to bring the severed head, or why you skipped your costume fittings. In the same boat, if something is included in the rehearsal report for A MONTH, it's because I don't know that it's been solved. Trying to embarass me by saying that you've known for a week does not, in fact, embarass me as much as it makes you look like an obstinate ass for not telling me the answer to a question I've been asking you for a month.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(that's the torn edge of a piece of paper, for a visual)So, either my boobs are getting bigger or I'm losing weight, either of which is good. Yes. Let's hope that the trend--whichever it may be--continues. You may now return to your regularly scheduled randomness.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The wind coming off of the Browning Bowl could knock over a smaller girl. It's like...a windy pack of horses stampeding up the hill. Why, oh why did they put the sidewalk to the dormitories right next to a hill that acts as either a mudslide, a snow slue, or a windtunnel depending on the season? Here at Jewell, we have four seasons: Rain, Ice, Wind, and Tornado. We get Too Damn Hot off for holidays.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today's heat made me simultaneously glad I've quit Faire and sad. Sad because I've had some lovely days at Faire with weather like today's (last spring comes to mind), but glad because I woke myself up and realized that it's freaking MARCH and there are still two more months to go. At this rate, May will feel like an Indian Summer, and the heat will last forever.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please ignore me when I've had little sleep and invoke the holy name of the Drama Llama. I have a tendency to get upset more easily if I've had no sleep, and as you all know I'd been having a hard time with a friend of mine, so when I go all spastic and weepy on random days and my posts read that it's three in the morning, feel free to ignore it. Pats on the back are nice--I do appreciate them!--but rest assured that I'll be over it in a day or so. Feel free to chime in with a "Cheer up, emo kid." I will laugh through my emo sleep-deprived tears and know you read the random crap I write here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I may be going to St. Louis next weekend. Anyone want to stop be my house and pick me up? We can hang out or whatnot. If not, I'll still be able to hang out with Sarah and Jessica and the others.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What is up with all the transfers/withdrawls in the middle of the year? This week alone we've had two that I know of--one of which was the lighting manager in our company, and she didn't give back her script, so we had to replace her AND hunt down another copy. Then I found out that a friend had failed ost of his classes last semester and withdrew halfway through so his Financial Aid wouldn't bite his ass. Can't they just keep going? I'm sure I've failed the equivalent of a semester's worth of classes (can't abide homework, you see), but you don't see me withdrawing. Maybe that's because I'm stupid enough to keep paying? Ah, well. I'll have my degree in a year and I can hang my WJC Theatre diploma next to my fry pit at McDonald's.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Anyone know of a theater in the STL metro area looking for interns? I'm looking for an internship to do over the summer so I can get all the closer to graduation. If you know of one, please let me know!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And, er, that's it. I'm off to write up another rehearsal report to be ignored.ETA: Also! These are kind of neat: (0) Comments

Wondering... Posted 12/10/2008 12:42:13 PM Is it asking too much to want people to tell me when I do a good job? It feels like no one does that anymore, like I'm expected to do a good job and there'll be no mention of it when I wear myself down trying to be everything to everyone because that's what I'm supposed to be doing.I made a post to LJ-Secret about this and had someone call me a troll. When I told them that I wasn't trolling, they told me to go die. I don't base my emotions on what condescending twats like her think, but it made me wonder if maybe we're all supposed to just suck it up and do whatever's expected of us with no acknowledgement. I'm not comfortable with that idea.I retracted my application to study overseas next year. I don't think my grades are good enough, and I felt that it was a waste of time to keep throwing my time and money into a lost cause. I've still got theatre, and I think it's time I focused on that. When I called and told my mom what I'd done, all she said was, "Why'd you do that? Did you not turn it in on time?" She didn't even mention how only months before she'd told me she was actively praying to her God that I wouldn't get accepted. I figured there was no point in pointing out her hypocracies.The friend I mentioned earlier was kicked out of school. When she got out of the hospital, Res life told her to pack up so they could move into a single room, but since she got back late in the day, they told her they'd move her the next day. That night we all went out to Steak and Shake for a welcome back party, and the next day while we were in class they told her that her parents were coming up that afternoon to take her back to St. Louis. She hadn't even told her parents what had happened because they're a huge part of the problem, but Res life was all too happy to call and tell them that their daughter was being removed from school because Jewell doesn't want a lawsuit if she attempts suicide again. Well, now I suppose she won't do it on Jewell's campus, but being back home she's got a larger chance of trying again because we're not there to help. We understand, not her parents, but they've taken her car keys and locked her in the house. Then a bitch from her sorority decided the news was too juicy and with my friend sent home, she's begun telling everyone about her poor, poor sorority sister who was a cutter and depressed, who tried to kill herself and was taken home by her family. I want to kill her slowly, with toothpicks, every time I remember being in that hospital room while my friend reminded us, "Now, y'all don't go and tell anybody, okay?"We went ice skating at Crown Center on Tuesday. It was lots of fun, even if I'm crap at it, and even if my feet started hurting. We hung out as a group--or, rather, what's left of the group since Adam's got a new job, Kati and Ben drifted off into the depths of anime-land, and Sarah left. We skated and fell down (not me, I hugged the rails and then put on my shoes because I'm a coward), laughed a lot and took pictures, goofed off and nicked a whole bunch of food and hot cocoa mix and apple cider packets from the Union Activities table. I want to go back to Cy Rudnik's this weekend, but have no car. I have to go swatching soon, and Walmart has no selection. I need to get patterns and fabric so I can start my I.S. Costumes stuff.I'm looking forward to Spring Break in London. Actually, I'm contemplating overseas study for a semester in England, just for the hell of it. I do love England, and I'd love to live there some day. It might be nice to go, though, even if only for a bit.That's pretty much everything going on right now. I'm not f-locking this page because by now everyone who needed to be kept in the dark about the situation should know, and if they didn't, you're all sworn to secrecy. Not, ofcourse, that I can see the situation getting any worse for her. (0) Comments

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