I miss being around here

Its been awhile since the last time i post here theres always a virus everytime i try to sign in it is always block.. well thank God its pretty doing well now... its good to be back again after a long time of being so quiet... I miss Mariel the person i never ask but still God gave to me and let me meet her in this life... we havent talk for awhile and im wondering i hope everything is fine.. i was chatting with her friend before but then they are all busy with the clinical stuff... so i just leave Mariel a msg telling i miss her so much and then i got no reply... anyway its ok.. im immune about it as long as i know she's doing well and having a great time well i feel ok.. i have no choice but to be ok... its hard to accept that your being ignored by the person you love well in my case its ok she doesnt know i love her that im in love with her through all this time... i just wanted to keep it that way i dont want to break the little closeness and the little communication we have... i choose to love her in this way and im not asking for something in return... if she could only knew how much i tried to forget about her... haiiii i dont know... well i did try and i did my best to forget about her specially this summer and its her birthday april 2 i coudnt sleep everyday just thinking about her.. i put my attention on some other stuff and still shes on my mind well i guess your tattoed on my mind... i hope your doing great mariel and someday youll know how much i appreciate you and how much i love you and how much i miss your company (0) Comments

Posted: 6/17/2009 1:45:13 AM

she's not a mean person

Again its been a long since the last time i post a something special here... i got some anonymous letter its the 2nd time around and i have difficulty signning in it always say theres an error, my avast anti virus detect a virus so i have to let a day or even a week pass by to be able to sign in again.. Thank God newblog is functioning very well... Any way heres what happen to me the pass few weeks... mariel and i hardly have time to chat, she's busy for the pass few weeks because of training at philippine heart center hospital... Last week we have chat she share something to me that she's teaching at the hospital. They are having a seminar in different field, they are teaching registered nurse and doctors. One of her co doctor said that one of their nursing studnet said that mariel is "mapanlait" or a mean person. and it really hurt me alot because she's not a mean person as far as i know she never insulted anyone... she's curious who's that person is... well im curious too and im intrigue how does this person say that mariel is a mean person.. It really affected me alot... while chatting, i was typing a message for her in my notepad kinda long one, but suddenly she just said she have to go because the office that she's using is going be close.. And then she just sign out, i dont even say my goodbyes or my take care or something, all i know is im happy we have chat and knowing what she feels that time... im not asking something in return i just want her to be happy eventhough it is not with me... (1) Comments

Posted: 3/4/2009 11:00:08 AM

So HaPpY....

Yesterday (january 31 2009)me and mariel have chat.... im so so happy again, its saturday in the evening, she's with her your sister at a computer shop waiting for her bestfriend to come out from work... we chat i said how are you and she say she's just fine... i ask her whats her plan on her birthday she said she dont want to celebrate it that she'' grow older, i said its ok your young at heart and me i cant wait to be in 30's she said that im excited.. honestly that time i want to tell her "i want to be in my 30's because of you or even 40's will be better,so i will be able to be with you, take care of you, knows all your worries, laugh with you cry with you,do anything under the sun, we can go out together, take a walk on a beach bearfoot and smile under the sunset... that's a few things i wanted to do..." then i said to her i make a blog for you.. (she has no idea that this is the blog im telling) then she ask where? on a blogsite i said.. but i didnt tell her this site... she ask me to send her the website of the blog, i said im sorry i coudnt... as we go on chatting i ask her what is greatest fear in life she said death or dying... she ask why i said nothing i just forgot to ask before, then i ask again, achievements in life? she answered "currently achieving one. but before the heart center thing, becoming the chief resident of the department of internal medicine." i just said wow with the icon... then a few minutes she said she have to go and she hopes to chat with me again... in that 30 minutes of exchanging message she made my day so happy... (1) Comments

Posted: 2/1/2009 11:49:17 AM

Life ain't always beautiful..

find and share recovery images at anonymousspace.com (0) Comments

Posted: 1/16/2009 1:36:54 AM

Being silent

My being silent for a long doesnt mean i forget you"mariel" and new blog its just that my site got a virus a worm virus i dont know how does it happen... and thank God today i was able to post an article.. i miss posting here.. i thought i wont be ever gonna post anything here... hai... another days has pass by its 2009 me and mariel havent seen for around 1 year... i miss you so badly.. if you could only knew how much i want you to stay beside me... sometimes i want to be a part of your world even just for one day or one hour... or just be a silent part of you were you cant see me.. im missing you and its killing me, i need to read books for the pass few days to forget you, but wat happen is everytime i read a medical books i always thought of you, i think about you most of the time.. i swear really try my very best to stop it, but my brain keep thinking of you.. you have no idea how hard it is to forget someone whose not meant for you... find and share recovery images at anonymousspace.com (1) Comments

Posted: 1/7/2009 12:52:52 PM

happy new year to me

You'r in a duty right now, i know that, your very best friend told me..:) any way im glad atlist i know your safe your in the hospital... i have not much to say just want to greet you happy new year... i just wish someday i can be with you during holiday season.. still thankful you drop me a message eventhough your in a duty and super mega busy.. happy new year again sylvie g your greeting tonight is a gift to me (1) Comments

Posted: 12/31/2008 9:31:04 AM

Mariel's rule of four

…This is Your Rule of Four ...Now you know what's this for...Thanks for answering... RULE OF FOUR…… 4 MOVIES I WATCHED OVER AND OVER: action: matrix series. equilibrium. die hard series. comedy: when harry met sally, 50 first dates, wedding singer, you've got mail, yours mine ours cartoons: monsters inc. finding nemo. mulan. hercules drama: walk in the clouds, first wives club lahat yata ng genre gusto ko maliban lang sa horror. 4 SHOWS I WATCH: lately news na lang. pero kung may time at kung maabutan ko 1.csi 2.criminal minds 3.grey's anatomy 4.chuck wala ako type sa mga telenovela ngayon. 4 FAVORITE FOODS TO EAT: 1.pizza 2.sashimi 3.calamares 4.dobong pusit -dairy queen ice cream -soft vanilla 4 PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE: 1.boston 2.paris 3.baguio 4.pero the place i would most rather be is in bed sleeping. 4 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD THIS YEAR: 1. good health 2. more work in my training 3. good fortune 4. d ko na masyado kc isip future. sa katoxikan ko sa heart center i try to live it one day at a time (0) Comments

Posted: 12/30/2008 7:30:28 AM

all about food (by mariel)

last dec.27,2008 me and mariel have chat (mariel is the one whose very special to me, the person i love and will always love she doesnt know i love her were both in the same gender... any way this is mariel's some choice of food) ALL ABOUT FOOD…...remember? haha.. this what she said when i ask her this question "napaka intellectual naman ng tanong mo (your question is very intellectual)" 1. Chicken sa Mcdo, Jollibee or KFC? kfc pero hot and crispy nila 2. Pepsi, coke or rootbeer? pepsi max. puede rin coke zero. 3. Greenwich, Pizza hut or Yellow Cab? .hmm. none of the above.sbarro or domino's 4. Adobo, sinigang, or kare – kare? .sinigang 5. beef, pork, or chicken? .chicken 6. Starbucks, Coffee bean and tea leaf or Gloria Jean’s? Starbucks 7. Cornflakes, Honey Stars or Milo cereals? corn flakes 8. Goldilocks or Red Ribbon? red ribbon 9. Tokyo Tokyo , Teriyaki Boy or Rai Rai Ken? Tokyo tokyo 10. Take out or Dine in? it depends. siempre kung nagmamadali take out. pero kung may time to spare dine in. (0) Comments

Posted: 12/30/2008 1:59:11 AM

Thinking of You

Finally i received a message from mariel... saying "ayos naman. merry christmas to you and your family." for me its fine, its ok as long as a recieved a message from her eventhough its just hi or hello or thanks whatever it is im happy.In a simple way she still remember me. I just cant wait to go back to school again so i will be able to send her a cake again.. I miss her so much if i can be online for the whole day so that me and mariel can chat via YM well i would, but i cant be online on the computer for the whole day.Ofcourse i have to rest and some of the medicine i take make me sleep... hai.... Anyway im still happy behind the darkest hour of my life.. To mariel i love you and i will always love you. I dont know how far my Love for you can go ill just be a silent part of you and ill just continue loving you from afar take care of yourself, i really miss you so much... i want to hug you tight and tell you how much you mean to me, my world smile more simply because your in it... you make my life worth living.. you know what this is the place where i put my thoughts for you.... i love you find and share recovery images at anonymousspace.com (0) Comments

Posted: 12/22/2008 4:36:20 AM

it doesnt matter

nothing new.. i just miss mariel.. we havent chat for about a month.. christmass is getting closer and closer and havent hear anything, but i feel happy eventhough i dont see you physically, honestly everyday i stare at your picture when im alone i talk to you secretly..hehe.. kinda stupid right but i did that when i dont have enough time to compost a message and post here in new blog .. i wanted to know if your ok and how are you doing or how is your day, i just wish that one day we could talk, i mean sharing some stories.. ill just stare at you, look straight into your eyes and just simply say im glad im here with you... anyway i forgot to tell im always happy whenever you say that my art work is beautiful it really means alot to me coming from you... i just want to tell you im so happy im still inlove with you and nothing change eventhough you dont know how much i love you its ok it doesnt matter, what matter is i know that your a person who has a good heart and thats all that matters (0) Comments

Posted: 12/13/2008 11:13:25 AM

iM bAcK on new blog and im Happy

its been along time im back to blogger mode:) i know its been two weeks and a half i undergo in a chemotheraphy i wasnt feel well that time... but now im happy, im inlove (you know who you are, yes im inlove and i believe in fighting for it i will still hold on.. my heart has a mind of its own right or wrong its going to do only what it feel is true...My heart knows what i'm needing, my heart knows what i'm feeling, my heart knows what i'm missing...It wouldn't matter now, I love you anyhow. I'll continue loving you) im thankful, im ok, im glad that im back here again... feel even better today... everyone is still here:) i miss you so much guys.. i think i missed alot of post here so i just do my best to visit the previous post:) really feel so good to be back (1) Comments

Posted: 11/26/2008 12:40:15 PM

i WiLL miSS NEW BLOG

This is the place were i can be myself freely, a place where i can share my thoughts my ideas and everything.. a place which people are ordinary but extraordidary when you knew them... all of us here are writter and also a reader, each and every one of you is unique really beyond compare Honestly tonight im not feeling well... im sick i have a fever again... i didnt attend the tuesday healing mass... its just that i feel so tired again this pass few days, i have a hard time waking up each morning and getting out of bed. I always wake up at 8am and i need to drink my meds then i take my breakfast go out for a walk and take a bath then i take rest and take my lunch.After lunch im not alowed to sleep need to digest all those food first... after that i sleep for only one and half hour i need to have my everyday meds which is injected via intramascullar... im weak whenever i take that meds.. so around 4 in the afternoon thats the time i can talk to my old and new friends around 6:30pm need to take my meds again and eat my dinner.. After dinner just take a rest surf the net if my mom is not yet at home but if she's at home probably im in bed... thats my routine whenever im home... This friday ill take my chemo again.. so ill mis this blog again... i wont be around.. as soon as i get better ill be here again.. i know it will take a weeks, there is so much pain i cant help it sometimes i just cry well most of the time i just cry... mariel the doctor which chocolate mouse is her favorite cake i miss you so much, sometimes i just want to hug you tight bec. i know eventhough there are lots of people surrounds me and shower me there love and kindness still theres an emptiness in me and you know what only mariel can fill that emptiness... this early morning we have chat she's using her mobile and im using my pc. im so happy she's online we exhange message, she's on the intensive care unit and alittle bit of toxic because of her patient.. i know i disturb her its just because i miss her so much.. if she could only knew how much im wanting to chat with her, to know how is she? if she's ok or something? is she enjoying her day at the hospital? that's a few question just want to know about her... i dont know why i still like her despite of ignoring me and not appreciating the simple things... well perhaps she's just busy and stress brought by the busy day.. "to mariel i just want you to know that on nov 11 2008 thats the day we met but in year 2005 so its been 3 years and im happy we have chat tonight i mean this early morning eventhough its just a short time its ok im thankfull because God is so great HE gave me chance to have or met someone like you" take care every one:) (1) Comments

Posted: 11/5/2008 11:42:25 AM

Feelings are never permanent

Feelings are never permanent maybe today You love that person maybe tomorrow its hate.. You can never know how much a person means to You unless that person is gone. remember "The end justifies the means " (0) Comments

Posted: 11/2/2008 8:23:58 AM

Greatest measure of Love

There are times when no matter how much we show our love and give so much of ourselves to someone, we still cannot find enough reason why he or she doesn’t seem to care about us. When we start assessing the value of someone, quantifying and qualifying the kind of person he or she is, we begin to lose grasp of the real essence of love. Real Love doesn’t look at reasons to love. When we truly love a person, we just love that person regardless of what he or she can or cannot give us back. When we start to have reasons for loving then we’re bound to fall out of love when we lose these reasons. It has been said that the greatest measure of love is its ability to continue loving even when we cannot find a reason to love anymore. That is the real essence of love. When we can think of one reason not to love a person, then we can’t be capable of truly loving because love doesn’t keep a scale of what it can gain from a relationship. Real love is unselfish.... (0) Comments

Posted: 10/30/2008 3:27:53 AM

Truth about Love

The truth of the matter is that all love is painful. But not always. It requires a lot, but it gives back whatever you put in. Perhaps not in the same currency, but at least the same value. I'm just now finding my way back to a place where I can extend my love without fear, and it's scary. I'm not just talking about romantic love, I am talking about any kind of relationship that requires any amount of intimacy. I don't have a roadmap to guide me on my particular journey. I just have to make it up as I go along, and be honest…I'm not perfect, but I'm trying not just trying but doing my best I'm putting myself forward. “No one stays in love by chance, it is by work and no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.” (1) Comments

Posted: 10/26/2008 12:27:08 PM

when were incomplete

"When we're incomplete. we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on...until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter." --Tom Robbins.... (0) Comments

Posted: 10/24/2008 6:33:27 AM

i love you enough

Hearts are easily torn but can also be sown together by someone who cares. Though the scars won’t fade, the stitches will always be there to remind you that someone loves you enough to keep you whole again (0) Comments

Posted: 10/24/2008 6:24:00 AM

im back, im sad and im lonely

its been a long time since the last time i posted an article here.. hai... lots of things happen... i feel so lonely and sad... me and my cruch have chat yes finally after 5 or 6 months of being in silence... she ask me how is my chemoteraphy then i started to tell alot of things about my chemo and how do i feel this pass few days.. and she just said "ang dami mo naman sinabi tinatanong ko lang kamusta na yung chemo mo"(you said lots of things im only asking how is your chemo) and it break my heart, yes it really break my heart.... so i just replied her back "oh im sorry your not interested in the topic"... and we chat but im always the one asking,... why am i asking? bec. i love her.. im inlove with her, i care for her and i adore her so much.. and she didnt knows it... Im sensitive that time perhaps because im sick i cant help it but cry while chatting with her and ofcourse she has no idea that im crying already that time just because of that message... but nothing change.. i dont know why do i love her despite of ignoring me and not giving me an importance or appreciating things ive done for her still i love her and do care for her... behind that i still manage to smile because behind her busy day she spare some time to be online and exchange message with me... And thank you to newblog.com for giving an opportunity to share my thoughts, my idea and everything.. For giving a free space here... i give you my outmost thanks (0) Comments

Posted: 10/24/2008 6:19:52 AM

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO LIKE SOMEONE YOU DOESN'T LIKE?

Yes why Is it so hard for you to like someone who like you but you doesnt like? thats my number question.. i mean there are those who are dying for a piece of bread but many more are dying for a piece of Love.. Because the greatest disease in this world isn't medical. It's being unwanted, unloved & uncared for. We can cure physical diseases but the only cure for despair is Love so share it everyday... (1) Comments

Posted: 10/3/2008 1:03:31 PM

it would be worth it

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.' (0) Comments

Posted: 10/3/2008 12:46:51 PM

Im just busy

Yes that what she said to me " I'm just busy this pass few days" hai... what else can i say but to say take care, have a nice day and i miss you... well I'm still thankful she gave me an explanation... I my chocolate mouse a message via YM but didn't get a reply then after a few days i send her again a new one and i got a reply saying that she's busy that she send me a reply already but sadly I wasn't able to received... feel sad about it but its ok atlist she remember me and i know she's safe and doing great and that all that matters.. i just wish that one day she'll miss me the way I'm missing her every single day of my life.. we haven't seen for about 6 months because I'm sick i have this aplastic anemia all the components of my blood in in a low rate as in very low... i have this chemotherapy for almost four and a half month its been so hard for me to undergo this theraphy... And know i decided to stop it because i cant take it anymore theres is too much pain... but its ok because when i stop this theraphy everything went well i mean feel ok.. good for me... (0) Comments

Posted: 10/1/2008 11:10:33 PM

LoViNg SoMe0nE fRoM aFaR

here i am again in my little world.. telling my feelings.. hai... so let me name her chocolate mouse because that's her favorite cake.. :) she's actually a doctor, she's my former mentor and i love her.. yeah thats right its been two years now. nov.2005 the first time i met her and nov2008 is coming so its going to be 3 years and still i havent told her anything about my feelings... its hard perhaps because im only a student and she's a professional.. i know the right time will come and i have no idea when is that time... sometimes i want to tell her but i cant. i want to maintain what we have right now.. Im so happy everytime i saw her, my world smile more simply because she's in it. eventhough she wont see me as long as i can see her even from afar im happy already.. everytime we were chatting via yahoo messenger a smile always lift up on my face. all i know is im happy everytime she's there.. since april 2008 until this wednesday i havent sent her a message yes even hi or hello.. Eventhough last month she drop a message on my yahoo messenger saying hi and how are you.. if you could only knew how happy i am when i read that message... and this thursday i break the silence.. yes i coudnt help it i send her a message saying hello i miss you so much that its like a thousand year that we havent seen each other.. and until now i havent received any responce from her.. im sure she's busy being with the new hospital taking her subspecialty... some people may judge me and ask why her of all the people in the world?.. honestly i really dont know.. i know its wrong to fall inlove with the same sex i already think about it thousand's of time.. i hope this feeling just be wash away, i already try to push my self away from her, i even try to commit a relationship with a guy, i did my best but it didnt work. i keep on telling myself that its wrong, i always try to communicate with her in a formal way, there are lots of words i want to say to her but i cant, i respect her so much lots of people respect her i dont want to loose her just like that. i have no idea what will happen if i tell her about my feeling so i decided to keep it again for a while... ill just love her from a far perhaps thats the safetess thing to do... I know she's with a friend but i dont know if they are in a relationship i always got jealous about her friend but what can i do her friend is also my former mentor and they both know me.. And now im thinking after studying i want to take up medicine course not just for her but also for my own growth... hai chocolate mouse i hope you reply my message i realy miss you so much.. (0) Comments

Posted: 9/26/2008 11:42:09 AM

Which Story is Yours....

Love is not always like a fairytale… There are people who gave so much love to those who don’t love them back.. There are some who feel so loved and find out in the end that they were fooled. There are some who’s into mutual love but can’t call their partner as their own because someone already holds the title. There are some who gave so much love but the other won’t believe because they always consider your past. There are some who receive so much love but can’t seem to move on from previous relationship. Or others just want to play the game and choose their playmate..Now which story is yours? (0) Comments

Posted: 9/22/2008 4:36:38 PM

a good start first day as a blogger...

Welcome to my little corner of the world …I have a lot of things to say…everything that’s on my mind, without hesitation and without worrying whoever will be reading this…Hopefully, I can write as often as I want…about me, about you, about us, what I feel, what I think, what I want, what I need and just about everything…So here goes a new blog stop by often and let’s get acquainted…This is my story or perhaps our story... (1) Comments

Posted: 9/22/2008 2:14:08 PM

To LoVe YOU iN siLeNce

I chose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. because in silence no one owns you, but me.... (1) Comments

Posted: 9/22/2008 1:50:27 PM

First time i ever saw your face

Nov 11 2005 the first I saw you.. your face your eyes I know there something in you that I coudnt explain… week pass by we meet again our second meeting didn’t went well your alittle angry with me I know its my fault so the other week I decided to bring you a mango cake.. im glad you accepted it.. if you could only knew how happy I am that time… the third time I saw you it is December…secret..haha.. its prelim week im glad you’re the proctor, Im nervous that time.. I have anxieties I coudnt explain what am I feeling that time… well that’s the last time I saw you in the year 2005. January I got sick I got this high fever first thing come to my mind is to go to your clinic.. and your there.. thank God your there… honestly im always thankful everytime I see you even from a far as long as I can see you.. my day is complete… (0) Comments

Posted: 9/22/2008 1:26:21 PM

This is ME

I’m capable of taking care of myself, but it is nice to have a love that checks in. I’ve learned that some people cannot be your friends. I always remember birthdays I like drinking starbucks... vanilla frappucino I’m fiercely loyal to my loved ones I speak with honesty I appreciate simple things in life I love being with my friends I think about you all the time… I enjoy life’s simple pleasures I am happy…because I chose to be happy I love adobo, kare-kare and sinigang I like eating chips I can eat alone I still look ok…I think I need more sleep…but can’t sleep I do cry…but at the end of the day, the smile is still mine…. (1) Comments

Posted: 9/22/2008 1:16:29 PM