nickelpickel
Religion is not merely the opium of the masses, it's the cyanide
Profile
Poly, bi, mom, nice rack, odd duck
I don't watch TV other than Heroes, The Riches, and Lost.
I listen to Punk, Metal, Blues, Classical, 80's whatever
I am a font of useless trivia...try me
everything else in in the blogs
Age: 25
Gender: F
Location: sog, florida
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25 thoughts to get your through the day
Posted 1/22/2008 10:42:20 AM
1 - Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2 - You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3 - There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4 - Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5 - Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6 - Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
7 - The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8 - The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9 - Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10 - Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
11 - Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12 - Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13 - Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14 - I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15 - Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16 - All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17 - If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18 - One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19 - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20 - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21 - The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22 - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23 - This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
24 - Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
25 - The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.
Posted 1/22/2008 10:42:20 AM
1 - Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2 - You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3 - There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4 - Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5 - Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6 - Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
7 - The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8 - The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9 - Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10 - Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
11 - Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12 - Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13 - Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14 - I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15 - Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16 - All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17 - If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18 - One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19 - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20 - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21 - The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22 - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23 - This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
24 - Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
25 - The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.
House of Wax- a horror story
Posted 1/21/2008 9:47:33 AM
I’m not really the sort
To fear self abuse:
As a child I yanked out
My own loose tooth
I’ve pierced my own ears
And I’ve done my own taxes
I rep for a company
That deals in home waxes
Not the kind that you use
on your tables and chairs
But the kind that’s quite good
at removing stray hairs.
They sent me some carstock
(that’s goodies in sales talk)
And I knew I should try it
To make sure my customers
Would all want to buy it-
And of course, I must learn
Each technique perfectly
To make sure all their questions
Will be answered correctly.
So I figured, how hard could it possibly be
To do a Brazilian? Let’s try it and see.
So folks go to school for this.
Big Deal. School, school.
I think I can do it.
I’m not such a fool.
I called up my contact
And she answered my questions.
Still feeling quite nervous,
About.com beckoned.
“you can do it yourself,”
The world shouted at me.
“Put the wax on that stove girl,
And set yourself free!”
So, without getting too detailed,
Let’s just say that I tried
And it’s something I don’t think
I can ever describe
Let’s sum up this gory
Little process discreetly
Since there’s no way this story
Can be narrated sweetly
There were tears and fears
Swears in all the languages I know how to curse in
And bloodcurdling shrieks
And me asking myself “WHY WHY WHY”
And facing the mortifying possibility
that I could go down in medical history
to provide some entertainment
for all the new residents
and then, vertigo, nearly passing out in my basement
and considering leaving the shit
on as a fashion statement-
so ladies ( and some fellows)
please learn from this confessional:
there are some things it’s better
to just pay a professional!
Posted 1/21/2008 9:47:33 AM
I’m not really the sort
To fear self abuse:
As a child I yanked out
My own loose tooth
I’ve pierced my own ears
And I’ve done my own taxes
I rep for a company
That deals in home waxes
Not the kind that you use
on your tables and chairs
But the kind that’s quite good
at removing stray hairs.
They sent me some carstock
(that’s goodies in sales talk)
And I knew I should try it
To make sure my customers
Would all want to buy it-
And of course, I must learn
Each technique perfectly
To make sure all their questions
Will be answered correctly.
So I figured, how hard could it possibly be
To do a Brazilian? Let’s try it and see.
So folks go to school for this.
Big Deal. School, school.
I think I can do it.
I’m not such a fool.
I called up my contact
And she answered my questions.
Still feeling quite nervous,
About.com beckoned.
“you can do it yourself,”
The world shouted at me.
“Put the wax on that stove girl,
And set yourself free!”
So, without getting too detailed,
Let’s just say that I tried
And it’s something I don’t think
I can ever describe
Let’s sum up this gory
Little process discreetly
Since there’s no way this story
Can be narrated sweetly
There were tears and fears
Swears in all the languages I know how to curse in
And bloodcurdling shrieks
And me asking myself “WHY WHY WHY”
And facing the mortifying possibility
that I could go down in medical history
to provide some entertainment
for all the new residents
and then, vertigo, nearly passing out in my basement
and considering leaving the shit
on as a fashion statement-
so ladies ( and some fellows)
please learn from this confessional:
there are some things it’s better
to just pay a professional!
91%-damn I'm good
Posted 1/20/2008 9:08:58 AM
You Are 91% Sexy
Your Sex Appeal Is: Off the Charts!
Let's face it... you're one of the sexiest people around. And you don't let anyone forget it.
You're crazy hot, and you deliver on what you promise. You are definitely one wild ride.
Posted 1/20/2008 9:08:58 AM
You Are 91% Sexy
Your Sex Appeal Is: Off the Charts!
Let's face it... you're one of the sexiest people around. And you don't let anyone forget it.
You're crazy hot, and you deliver on what you promise. You are definitely one wild ride.
Ad slogans-fun or fat?
Posted 1/19/2008 9:23:46 AM
There are so many advertisements out these days. So many products needing catchy slogans. Some how, for me at least, the thrill is gone. I remember the fun of trying tosay the Big Mac rhyme. Does anyone remember that one?
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
It was like trying to say all 7 of the dwarves or satnta's reindeer names..what do we have now/ Ba da ba ba baaaa Mcdonalds. Is it just me or did they just walk into the studio one day and say. Hey I have a great idea. Lets hum into a microphone and say the name of the place. It'll be HUGE! Or how about the "where's the beef" Lady. The patron saits of all meat loving old ladies. Ah Wendy's when Dave Thomas was alive you had vison. I may have been creeped out my that woman, crying out in her freudian way for as much meat as she could handle, but it was a site better than what we have now.
I can see you're racking your brains trying to think of what is the current Wendy's slogan and that's my point. Does "OPEN LATE" ring a bell? Should it? When the only thing tht keeps people coming to your store is stoners and drunks crashing into the signboard menu at 30 miles an hour because they want a burger to wash down the bong water or their 83rd Jagerbomb something is wrong with your business.
Taco Bell again another prime example. I ran for the border in my Junior High days, and both wanted toown and to kill the Yo Quiero Dog. Now what do we have..ah the wonders of Fourthmeal-The meal between dinner and breakfest??? Is it just me or does anyone else wonder while watching the collective ass of america spread over it's couches that the Gluttony from the eaters has worked into the sloth of our advertisers. Every time I turn on the tv it's hey eat more crap...we'll even stay oipen for you so you don't have to resort to that last piece of fruit in your fridge.
So pull up those sweatpants america and drive the two blocks to your local fast food joint..they don't take walkers in that Drive Thru, god forbid you work off some of that artery clogging grease.
Load up an the newest 5 pound bacon burger and don't forget to supersize it. The 10 one comes with a free bypass. You want fries with that?
Posted 1/19/2008 9:23:46 AM
There are so many advertisements out these days. So many products needing catchy slogans. Some how, for me at least, the thrill is gone. I remember the fun of trying tosay the Big Mac rhyme. Does anyone remember that one?
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
It was like trying to say all 7 of the dwarves or satnta's reindeer names..what do we have now/ Ba da ba ba baaaa Mcdonalds. Is it just me or did they just walk into the studio one day and say. Hey I have a great idea. Lets hum into a microphone and say the name of the place. It'll be HUGE! Or how about the "where's the beef" Lady. The patron saits of all meat loving old ladies. Ah Wendy's when Dave Thomas was alive you had vison. I may have been creeped out my that woman, crying out in her freudian way for as much meat as she could handle, but it was a site better than what we have now.
I can see you're racking your brains trying to think of what is the current Wendy's slogan and that's my point. Does "OPEN LATE" ring a bell? Should it? When the only thing tht keeps people coming to your store is stoners and drunks crashing into the signboard menu at 30 miles an hour because they want a burger to wash down the bong water or their 83rd Jagerbomb something is wrong with your business.
Taco Bell again another prime example. I ran for the border in my Junior High days, and both wanted toown and to kill the Yo Quiero Dog. Now what do we have..ah the wonders of Fourthmeal-The meal between dinner and breakfest??? Is it just me or does anyone else wonder while watching the collective ass of america spread over it's couches that the Gluttony from the eaters has worked into the sloth of our advertisers. Every time I turn on the tv it's hey eat more crap...we'll even stay oipen for you so you don't have to resort to that last piece of fruit in your fridge.
So pull up those sweatpants america and drive the two blocks to your local fast food joint..they don't take walkers in that Drive Thru, god forbid you work off some of that artery clogging grease.
Load up an the newest 5 pound bacon burger and don't forget to supersize it. The 10 one comes with a free bypass. You want fries with that?
Woo hoo my rating isn't something anyone under 18 can see
Posted 1/19/2008 7:43:41 AM
Your Life is Rated NC-17
You're life is so nasty, so naughty... it can't even be explained in polite company.
Posted 1/19/2008 7:43:41 AM
Your Life is Rated NC-17
You're life is so nasty, so naughty... it can't even be explained in polite company.
Back to other theories regarding evolution or intellegent design
Posted 1/10/2008 5:59:30 PM
Open Letter To Kansas School Board
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
Posted 1/10/2008 5:59:30 PM
Open Letter To Kansas School Board
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
Crash
Posted 1/10/2008 10:15:00 AM
Arterial blood, paint, fire candy, I see red. Flying low I glide, smoothly without stopping. The moment is endless until. I hear nothing, not a scream nor a whisper. No squeal bang shatter slam. I feel air and powder hit my face my arms. My breath trapped inside my body and the silence is broken. I hear a keening coming from outside my head. I am frozen, locked inside a cage of metal and glass. Finally I drag my body out and taste the air for the first time in a millennia. Rain and wind hit me and I cry. Scrabbling frantic hysteric for the electronic liferaft I dial. Sigh and bleed into the phone and the calvery is coming. My body cringes at the approach of three would be heros. Why am I comforting them? Why am I the one that is chosen to help others realize their mortality. Time is fleeting, the void is calling, this is paraphrased and stolen, but it comforts and they leave. I watch as their invincibility comes back. The minds of the three echo back to me as they leave. At least it wasn't us,if only if only, everything happens for a reason, karma and the shade of vulnerability fades as the normal smugness of their lives returns. A friendly face is before me now and comfort surrounds me. He brings me cigarettes. I am handed meaningless paper. Tomorrow it will be important, but tonight it has the feel of butterfly wings. Is that powder on my hands or pollen? Soon I am out of the rain and I now I will sleep. Warm, but I can feel the burns, bruises on my skin turning me colors I aught not to be. My eyes close and I drift and dream of fire.
Posted 1/10/2008 10:15:00 AM
Arterial blood, paint, fire candy, I see red. Flying low I glide, smoothly without stopping. The moment is endless until. I hear nothing, not a scream nor a whisper. No squeal bang shatter slam. I feel air and powder hit my face my arms. My breath trapped inside my body and the silence is broken. I hear a keening coming from outside my head. I am frozen, locked inside a cage of metal and glass. Finally I drag my body out and taste the air for the first time in a millennia. Rain and wind hit me and I cry. Scrabbling frantic hysteric for the electronic liferaft I dial. Sigh and bleed into the phone and the calvery is coming. My body cringes at the approach of three would be heros. Why am I comforting them? Why am I the one that is chosen to help others realize their mortality. Time is fleeting, the void is calling, this is paraphrased and stolen, but it comforts and they leave. I watch as their invincibility comes back. The minds of the three echo back to me as they leave. At least it wasn't us,if only if only, everything happens for a reason, karma and the shade of vulnerability fades as the normal smugness of their lives returns. A friendly face is before me now and comfort surrounds me. He brings me cigarettes. I am handed meaningless paper. Tomorrow it will be important, but tonight it has the feel of butterfly wings. Is that powder on my hands or pollen? Soon I am out of the rain and I now I will sleep. Warm, but I can feel the burns, bruises on my skin turning me colors I aught not to be. My eyes close and I drift and dream of fire.
opinions please
Posted 1/9/2008 2:32:51 PM
Evolution Beats Intelligent Design in Florida
By Brandon Keim December 27, 2007 | 10:30:29 AMCategories: Evolution, Government, Religion
Members of a Florida county school board who last month wanted a classroom balance between evolution with intelligent design have quietly reversed their positions.
Shortly before Thanksgiving, four members of the Polk County School Board said they didn't support Florida's proposed science education guidelines, which designate evolution as a fundamental concept that every student should understand.
Wired Science covered the controversy, which came hot on the heels of a Texas education official's firing for telling people about a lecture critical of intelligent design. A new battle appeared to have broken out between proponents of evolution -- the scientifically observed and accepted explanation for the development of life on Earth -- and intelligent design, a religiously-inspired account of life's origins as being too complicated and coincidental to be explained by anything but divine intervention.
Barely a month later, reports the Tampa Tribune, "the controversy is dying with a whimper," with school board officials insisting that their personal belief in intelligent design shouldn't be taught to kids as science.
What happened? You can start with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The satirical religious Web site asserts that an omnipotent, airborne clump of spaghetti intelligently designed all life with the deft touch of its "noodly appendage." Adherents call themselves Pastafarians. They deluged Polk school board members with e-mail demanding equal time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism's version of intelligent design.
"They've made us the laughingstock of the world," said Margaret Lofton, a school board member who supports intelligent design. She dismissed the e-mail as ridiculous and insulting.
the rest of the article is here
http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/12/evolution-beats.html
This has been all over the news here, and we ended up having a debate about the validity of having ID in our kids schools. I'm interested what your opinions are on this topic
Posted 1/9/2008 2:32:51 PM
Evolution Beats Intelligent Design in Florida
By Brandon Keim December 27, 2007 | 10:30:29 AMCategories: Evolution, Government, Religion
Members of a Florida county school board who last month wanted a classroom balance between evolution with intelligent design have quietly reversed their positions.
Shortly before Thanksgiving, four members of the Polk County School Board said they didn't support Florida's proposed science education guidelines, which designate evolution as a fundamental concept that every student should understand.
Wired Science covered the controversy, which came hot on the heels of a Texas education official's firing for telling people about a lecture critical of intelligent design. A new battle appeared to have broken out between proponents of evolution -- the scientifically observed and accepted explanation for the development of life on Earth -- and intelligent design, a religiously-inspired account of life's origins as being too complicated and coincidental to be explained by anything but divine intervention.
Barely a month later, reports the Tampa Tribune, "the controversy is dying with a whimper," with school board officials insisting that their personal belief in intelligent design shouldn't be taught to kids as science.
What happened? You can start with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The satirical religious Web site asserts that an omnipotent, airborne clump of spaghetti intelligently designed all life with the deft touch of its "noodly appendage." Adherents call themselves Pastafarians. They deluged Polk school board members with e-mail demanding equal time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism's version of intelligent design.
"They've made us the laughingstock of the world," said Margaret Lofton, a school board member who supports intelligent design. She dismissed the e-mail as ridiculous and insulting.
the rest of the article is here
http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/12/evolution-beats.html
This has been all over the news here, and we ended up having a debate about the validity of having ID in our kids schools. I'm interested what your opinions are on this topic
the name of the game
Posted 1/8/2008 11:34:21 AM
I was having a conversation last night and again this morning with a friend of mine about middle names. Has anyone ever noticed that parents tend to be bordering on cruelty when it comes to giving their children these second names? Now I know people who use the excuse of it being a family name, like Stanley, or Eugene, or Leon, but really what there doing is offering up a chance for mockery to their own flesh and blood. Maybe now parents are more concerned with the “sound of names” and avoid this heinous practice but it’s rather doubtful to me. If anything this naming thing has gotten worse. Now I would say that I won’t name names here, but since I am going to use some celebrity couples as examples I will anyhow. After all I am a huge gossip and they don’t know me anyhow.
So to you poor soles that hate your middle names, or first names for that matter, and have cursed the very ground your parents walk on for naming you after your great aunt Broomhilda, this is for you!
There is an actor named Rob Morrow, for anyone that has watched Northern Exposure, does this ring a bell. Rob, which is a nice normal, relatively non-harassable name right? Well to pass the buck to his lovely baby girl he decided to go with…is it Heather? Nope, the name is not Heather. How about Elizabeth? Simple and not too over the top, wouldn’t you think. Oh hell no! To insure this child’s future therapy bills he named the poor thing Tu Simone Ayer, as in Tu Morrow for the kids name. Ok, that’s not so bad right. How about this one…Paula Yates, a TV hostess for those who have no idea who she is has four daughters and every single one has a god awful moniker! With Michael Hutchens she had a girl named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Now can you imagine trying to spell that in Kindergarden? With Bon Geldolf she had 3 more girls Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. Now is it me or is she dooming her daughters to a life or stripper poles and porno!!? Of course there are some crazy names, that are kind of cool. Penn Gillette named his bouncing baby girl Moxie CrimeFighter. OK, maybe it’s not a name that would blend well…but hell I’d trade mine in for that one.
Really I wonder if it boils down to us being unhappy with our own names. If we hate our generic names, we go for the exotic, and vice versa. So for all the Paula’s and Frank’s and Rob’s and Gwenn’s there is a Fifi, a Tu, a Dweezil, or an Apple. Now what is this new generation going to come up with? Are we going to get weirder? Or is it going to go back old school? In ten to fifteen years are we getting an influx of Marge’s and Samuel’s? Does it really matter? I guess no matter how you look at it you should be glad you didn’t suffer the same fate as BB King? Better to be a crazy name than no name at all.
So my question to you all is this. When you were a kid did you ever fib about your name? Refuse to tell people a part of it. Pretend it was something else, or wish for the day you were old enough to change it?
What was your Dream name? Did anyone ever go through with a name change?
Posted 1/8/2008 11:34:21 AM
I was having a conversation last night and again this morning with a friend of mine about middle names. Has anyone ever noticed that parents tend to be bordering on cruelty when it comes to giving their children these second names? Now I know people who use the excuse of it being a family name, like Stanley, or Eugene, or Leon, but really what there doing is offering up a chance for mockery to their own flesh and blood. Maybe now parents are more concerned with the “sound of names” and avoid this heinous practice but it’s rather doubtful to me. If anything this naming thing has gotten worse. Now I would say that I won’t name names here, but since I am going to use some celebrity couples as examples I will anyhow. After all I am a huge gossip and they don’t know me anyhow.
So to you poor soles that hate your middle names, or first names for that matter, and have cursed the very ground your parents walk on for naming you after your great aunt Broomhilda, this is for you!
There is an actor named Rob Morrow, for anyone that has watched Northern Exposure, does this ring a bell. Rob, which is a nice normal, relatively non-harassable name right? Well to pass the buck to his lovely baby girl he decided to go with…is it Heather? Nope, the name is not Heather. How about Elizabeth? Simple and not too over the top, wouldn’t you think. Oh hell no! To insure this child’s future therapy bills he named the poor thing Tu Simone Ayer, as in Tu Morrow for the kids name. Ok, that’s not so bad right. How about this one…Paula Yates, a TV hostess for those who have no idea who she is has four daughters and every single one has a god awful moniker! With Michael Hutchens she had a girl named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Now can you imagine trying to spell that in Kindergarden? With Bon Geldolf she had 3 more girls Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. Now is it me or is she dooming her daughters to a life or stripper poles and porno!!? Of course there are some crazy names, that are kind of cool. Penn Gillette named his bouncing baby girl Moxie CrimeFighter. OK, maybe it’s not a name that would blend well…but hell I’d trade mine in for that one.
Really I wonder if it boils down to us being unhappy with our own names. If we hate our generic names, we go for the exotic, and vice versa. So for all the Paula’s and Frank’s and Rob’s and Gwenn’s there is a Fifi, a Tu, a Dweezil, or an Apple. Now what is this new generation going to come up with? Are we going to get weirder? Or is it going to go back old school? In ten to fifteen years are we getting an influx of Marge’s and Samuel’s? Does it really matter? I guess no matter how you look at it you should be glad you didn’t suffer the same fate as BB King? Better to be a crazy name than no name at all.
So my question to you all is this. When you were a kid did you ever fib about your name? Refuse to tell people a part of it. Pretend it was something else, or wish for the day you were old enough to change it?
What was your Dream name? Did anyone ever go through with a name change?
3 things
Posted 1/4/2008 12:55:42 PM
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment
Posted 1/4/2008 12:55:42 PM
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment
take my quiz
Posted 1/2/2008 9:46:57 AM
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=080102104438-414598&
Give it a try!!!
Posted 1/2/2008 9:46:57 AM
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=080102104438-414598&
Give it a try!!!
analogies and metaphors
Posted 1/2/2008 6:01:09 AM
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
Here are last year's winners....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
I could go on, but today I have a short attention span. So enjoy your day back at work folks, and hope you had a good new year
Posted 1/2/2008 6:01:09 AM
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
Here are last year's winners....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
I could go on, but today I have a short attention span. So enjoy your day back at work folks, and hope you had a good new year
Greed
Posted 1/1/2008 9:51:55 AM
Which of the Seven Deadly Sins are you?
Greed
Greed aka Covetousness
Who to blame? - Those commercials..! Damn advertisers!
Punishment in Hell - You will be boiled alive in oil.
How to avoid that fate - Turn off the TV and cut up your credit cards.How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic
Posted 1/1/2008 9:51:55 AM
Greed
Greed aka Covetousness
Who to blame? - Those commercials..! Damn advertisers!
Punishment in Hell - You will be boiled alive in oil.
How to avoid that fate - Turn off the TV and cut up your credit cards.How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic
The All *New* "Friends in a Box Game"-or my response to the new blog drama
Posted 12/31/2007 12:01:21 PM
let's all play the new and improved FRIENDS IN A BOX™ game.
it's easy. it's fun, and it's interactive.
all you need is a computer, personality, and some brains*.
(* brains and personality optional.)
the directions are so simple, even a child can do it.
first, make a little box you can call your own. you can dress it up, play some music, put a little tv in it, and some glittery stuff. or, you can leave it plain. but remember, whatever you put in your box will be how other players judge you.
now that you have your little lifelike BOX, you can start looking for friends to put into it. you can get friends that look good, friends who play the music you like, and friends that think like you, or friends that make you think. you can find some friends that share ideas, don't always agree with you, but hopefully allow you (and all your friends) to learn from each other. you can collect millions of friends if you want, but we recommend you find friends that you can relate to.
you can be as honest, or as make believe as you want. it doesn't matter. it's entirely up to YOU.
once you've chosen your friends (remember, they can choose YOU, too) you all can interact together. you can stack all your little boxes of friends in a pile and share your opinions, your fears, your frustrations, anything at all, even sexual fantasies.
it's your box. a box of friends. it's FRIENDS IN A BOX!™
WARNING!!!
be careful of poking your head out of your box. sometimes if you stick your neck out, one of your friends might slam the lid down on it, severing your friendship. this may happen for all sorts of different petty, no good reasons, or because you sent them naked pictures of yourself you dirty pervert.
the main reason why friends jump out of your box is due to misunderstandings, jealousy, or incompatability. as for the latter, there's not much you can do about it. your box friends each have their own personalities, and sometimes, as in life, personalities clash.
the other two reasons, though, they can be worked out, if you try. sometimes you may need to poke a couple of holes in your box to give your friends some air. this is normal. these holes also help to blow off some steam. no one likes a steamy box.
remember. no one can tell you who to put in your box. if you don't want somebody in your box anymore, kick them out. you don't even need a reason. a reason would be nice, but if you go so far as to think up a good reason, then you might as well go a little farther and think of a way to keep them in your box. i don't know about you, but there are some friend's boxes in this game that i'd hate to get pushed out of. in fact, i'd love to get a lot deeper into some of my friend's boxes.
so remember, all you friends in a box™, this isn't real life. sometimes when you're limited to talking to each other through a box, you say things that you may not be able to explain fully, as you would in real life. one remark, taken at face value could up-end your whole box, and dump out some of the friends you really want to keep. and remember this: it goes both ways.
if you want all your friends in a box™ to agree with you 100 percent of the time, and never question you, don't say anything that might offend anyone. keep it simple (a wide assortment of smiley faces are available for you, and a friend in a box slang handbook™ is available at no extra charge.)
one more thing. don't keep your box closed up all the time. nothing is worse than a box that won't open up for a friend.
coming soon from BOXCO™, the all new ENEMIES IN A BOX™ game. available soon in a store near you.
Posted 12/31/2007 12:01:21 PM
let's all play the new and improved FRIENDS IN A BOX™ game.
it's easy. it's fun, and it's interactive.
all you need is a computer, personality, and some brains*.
(* brains and personality optional.)
the directions are so simple, even a child can do it.
first, make a little box you can call your own. you can dress it up, play some music, put a little tv in it, and some glittery stuff. or, you can leave it plain. but remember, whatever you put in your box will be how other players judge you.
now that you have your little lifelike BOX, you can start looking for friends to put into it. you can get friends that look good, friends who play the music you like, and friends that think like you, or friends that make you think. you can find some friends that share ideas, don't always agree with you, but hopefully allow you (and all your friends) to learn from each other. you can collect millions of friends if you want, but we recommend you find friends that you can relate to.
you can be as honest, or as make believe as you want. it doesn't matter. it's entirely up to YOU.
once you've chosen your friends (remember, they can choose YOU, too) you all can interact together. you can stack all your little boxes of friends in a pile and share your opinions, your fears, your frustrations, anything at all, even sexual fantasies.
it's your box. a box of friends. it's FRIENDS IN A BOX!™
WARNING!!!
be careful of poking your head out of your box. sometimes if you stick your neck out, one of your friends might slam the lid down on it, severing your friendship. this may happen for all sorts of different petty, no good reasons, or because you sent them naked pictures of yourself you dirty pervert.
the main reason why friends jump out of your box is due to misunderstandings, jealousy, or incompatability. as for the latter, there's not much you can do about it. your box friends each have their own personalities, and sometimes, as in life, personalities clash.
the other two reasons, though, they can be worked out, if you try. sometimes you may need to poke a couple of holes in your box to give your friends some air. this is normal. these holes also help to blow off some steam. no one likes a steamy box.
remember. no one can tell you who to put in your box. if you don't want somebody in your box anymore, kick them out. you don't even need a reason. a reason would be nice, but if you go so far as to think up a good reason, then you might as well go a little farther and think of a way to keep them in your box. i don't know about you, but there are some friend's boxes in this game that i'd hate to get pushed out of. in fact, i'd love to get a lot deeper into some of my friend's boxes.
so remember, all you friends in a box™, this isn't real life. sometimes when you're limited to talking to each other through a box, you say things that you may not be able to explain fully, as you would in real life. one remark, taken at face value could up-end your whole box, and dump out some of the friends you really want to keep. and remember this: it goes both ways.
if you want all your friends in a box™ to agree with you 100 percent of the time, and never question you, don't say anything that might offend anyone. keep it simple (a wide assortment of smiley faces are available for you, and a friend in a box slang handbook™ is available at no extra charge.)
one more thing. don't keep your box closed up all the time. nothing is worse than a box that won't open up for a friend.
coming soon from BOXCO™, the all new ENEMIES IN A BOX™ game. available soon in a store near you.
you're never gonna get it (Lesbians vs. Breeders)
Posted 12/30/2007 8:00:55 AM
The wonderful world of men, how I love it so. It's hard for me to imagine that there would be creatures out there who wouldn't adore a man's veneration, yet - shockingly enough - there are. We affectionately refer to them as lesbians.
Myself, I've had my moments when I've enjoyed the company of a female, but I've gotten to the age where I know that I prefer a little Y chromosome in bed with me. Well, a large Y chromosome sometimes is better. Point is, I prefer dick. There are those women who do not.
I'm still up in the air as to whether it's more advantageous to be a heterosexual female or a lesbian based on the following examples of things that a lesbian will never have to deal with:
* A lesbian is never going to wake up in the morning while getting jabbed in the lower back with wood.
* A lesbian will never have to worry about her partner rolling away and falling asleep 30 seconds after having an orgasm.(unless of course they're with me..I'm a snoozer)
* A lesbian will never have to deal with "the drip." (This I envy them greatly for.)
* A lesbian never has to be concerned if her period is running a few days late.
* A lesbian never has to deal with rug burn of the face after a long make-out session with her partner.
* A lesbian will be able to enjoy the music of Melissa Etheridge, The Indigo Girls or Ani DiFranco without dreading having someone call them a lesbian - because they are! (Serious sidenote: why is it such a supposed insult to be called gay? Really. Why would that be so bad?)
* Sure, lesbians have to deal with coinciding periods, but they don't have to deal with a partner who constantly asks, "What the fuck crawled up your ass?" when on their period.
* A lesbian never has to deal with the Farts of Death. I don't care what you eat, how you eat it or what medical condition you have, the level of stench that a woman's ass produces never comes even remotely near what a man's can.
* Lesbians are perceived as being stronger and better at sports than straight women. They never have to fall down and get banged up in order to prove that they're good at something sport related.
* A lesbian could hate all men and society would accept it as being one of the qualifications needed in order to belong to Club Lesbos. A straight woman can't even hate one man (who is a legitimate asshole) without being told that she's an uptight bitch who just needs a good deep dicking.
* Lesbians never have to worry about coming home to see that their lover cut their favorite dildo up in a jealous rage.
* Lesbians are free to wear comfortable evening wear and formal shoes, never having to endure bra straps slipping, underwear riding up or blisters on the backs of their heels unless they make the conscientious decision to do so.
* Lesbians will never have to deal with one swipe of the tongue across their clit before being asked "Are you wet enough now?"
* When lesbians are out as a couple, there is never any gender condescension shown by service staff, salespeople, etc. (As in, the bill is automatically handed to the male or the man is solely addressed when trying to make a sale.) Instead, lesbians have the distinct privilege of making the salespeople very uncomfortable and can delight in their uncertainty and stuttering. (Yes, I envy this too.)
* Man boobs are just not as much fun to play with.
* Lesbians receive better and more thoughtful presents for their birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. 9 times out of 10, straight women either end up with nothing or some fallback "feminine" gift that retailers have suckered men into believing all women want.
* Lesbians aren't constantly asked when they are going to stop working and start a family. Most people are so put off by considering how lesbians get pregnant that they never broach the subject with them at all.
* Marriage is currently restricted to breeders, those wonderful people who know how to uphold the institute of marriage by divorcing less than 2 years and 2 kids after first getting hitched. Poor lesbians. You really don't know what you're missing.
* Lesbians might have to wash their underwear in a sink like the rest of us straight women, but they're never have to soak out the shit smear left in boxers from a man's inability to properly wipe his hairy ass crack.
* Finally.... lesbians never have to deal with a man constantly asking them if they want to bring another woman into bed with them because they've already got one there and the man wasn't necessary in the first place.
This was quite possibly the hardest list for me to compile without making every observation one that centered around sex and bashing on men. What I ended up learning is that there are a ton of things to envy lesbians for. There are also a ton of things that I would never want to deal with. My hat's off to you ladies. Hell, if you're cute, my panties are off to you too.
The Plus Side to Being a Breeder
*A straight woman will never know the feeling of being jealous of her partner's breast size/ waist size/ ass size.
*A straight woman will never have to worry about her tongue ring getting caught in someone's clit ring, and no, you won't be hearing that story.
*A straight woman doesn't have to stress that letting out the cat on accident will cause World War III and/or large objects to be hurled at her head.
* A straight woman will never have to hear the question, "Are you the guy or the girl?", which I still don't get by the way. Isn't the whole draw of lesbianism the hot GIRL on GIRL action?
*A straight woman will never have to pretend she thinks shaving her partner is sexy to stop the rug burn on the chin.
*A straight woman doesn't have the constant fear that her lover may just be going through a phase and could end up switching teams. (Let me amend. Most straight women…)
*Who always takes out the trash, is not the beginning of the end in a straight woman's relationship.
*A straight woman will never have to decide which color strap on would fit her personality best. I myself wish they made some multicolored. It would put a whole different spin on "Taste the rainbow, bitch!"
*A straight woman will never be asked if her partner is her sister, but hey, if you are a lesbian, say yes and give your girlfriend a kiss. The reaction is very worth it.
*A straight girl can hang out with fags and not be an assumed drug addict or looser, just a fag hag.
*A straight woman is not constantly asked, "How do you have sex?" (f.y.i. If you have to ask this question, you are seriously lacking in imagination and should not be allowed to disappoint your partners by having sex of any sort.)
*A straight woman will never cringe at the sight of her dates press-on nails.
*Straight women do not have to cling to one poorly written melodrama because its the only show on television which portrays them in a non-bulldyke sorta way. Yes, you lesbians out there, I am referring to The L Word.
*Straight women don't have to worry about being asked if they want to move in together within the first month of dating.
*A straight woman won't ever get pissed off at her partner for borrowing her favorite shirt/ pants/ straightjacket without asking. Watch out girls. When you break up they'll say you 'gave it' to them.
*A straight woman's wedding is a joyous celebration of her and her husband's eternal partnership, a pronouncement of their commitment and love in front of their friends and family – it's not a political statement with banners and poster boards, a pronouncement of their equal rights in front of television news cameras and angry protesters.
*A straight woman won't ever wake up to the words, "What are you dreaming about?"
*A straight woman doesn't have to deal with her mate being extremely irritable a few days out of each month, every month. I know you men out there feel me on this one.
*A 'coordinated joint custody schedule' for the cats is not something a straight woman will hear about after a break up.
*A straight girl is not considered an ass if she doesn't preface every conversation with a girl by stating she is in fact a heterosexual. Complete double standard. So what if I sometimes let guys think what they want and buy things for me, what's the big? I don't know why I should have to tell everyone upfront, "Oh by the way, I'm a lesbian."
*A straight woman can have bananas, cucumbers, ice pops, or Dots (lol sorry inside joke) in her home without it being the root of all sorts of lewd comments.
*If a straight woman wants to get laid all she has to do is lower her standards for a night.
*Straight women will never know the horror of a pube between the teeth.(generally)
*A straight woman will never have the taste of left-over period in her mouth for a week. If you're ever in those end stages warn a bitch yeah. I'll still do it; I'll just know to stay above sea level if you know what I'm saying.
*When a straight woman has a child with her partner she automatically has rights to it. She will never know the pain of not being allowed to see her child because she 'is not the legal parent'.
*Lastly, on a very serious note, straight women don't have to worry that p.d.a. will get them verbally or physically abused or, in some parts of the country, killed. Unless of course its p.d.a. with a black guy.
Posted 12/30/2007 8:00:55 AM
The wonderful world of men, how I love it so. It's hard for me to imagine that there would be creatures out there who wouldn't adore a man's veneration, yet - shockingly enough - there are. We affectionately refer to them as lesbians.
Myself, I've had my moments when I've enjoyed the company of a female, but I've gotten to the age where I know that I prefer a little Y chromosome in bed with me. Well, a large Y chromosome sometimes is better. Point is, I prefer dick. There are those women who do not.
I'm still up in the air as to whether it's more advantageous to be a heterosexual female or a lesbian based on the following examples of things that a lesbian will never have to deal with:
* A lesbian is never going to wake up in the morning while getting jabbed in the lower back with wood.
* A lesbian will never have to worry about her partner rolling away and falling asleep 30 seconds after having an orgasm.(unless of course they're with me..I'm a snoozer)
* A lesbian will never have to deal with "the drip." (This I envy them greatly for.)
* A lesbian never has to be concerned if her period is running a few days late.
* A lesbian never has to deal with rug burn of the face after a long make-out session with her partner.
* A lesbian will be able to enjoy the music of Melissa Etheridge, The Indigo Girls or Ani DiFranco without dreading having someone call them a lesbian - because they are! (Serious sidenote: why is it such a supposed insult to be called gay? Really. Why would that be so bad?)
* Sure, lesbians have to deal with coinciding periods, but they don't have to deal with a partner who constantly asks, "What the fuck crawled up your ass?" when on their period.
* A lesbian never has to deal with the Farts of Death. I don't care what you eat, how you eat it or what medical condition you have, the level of stench that a woman's ass produces never comes even remotely near what a man's can.
* Lesbians are perceived as being stronger and better at sports than straight women. They never have to fall down and get banged up in order to prove that they're good at something sport related.
* A lesbian could hate all men and society would accept it as being one of the qualifications needed in order to belong to Club Lesbos. A straight woman can't even hate one man (who is a legitimate asshole) without being told that she's an uptight bitch who just needs a good deep dicking.
* Lesbians never have to worry about coming home to see that their lover cut their favorite dildo up in a jealous rage.
* Lesbians are free to wear comfortable evening wear and formal shoes, never having to endure bra straps slipping, underwear riding up or blisters on the backs of their heels unless they make the conscientious decision to do so.
* Lesbians will never have to deal with one swipe of the tongue across their clit before being asked "Are you wet enough now?"
* When lesbians are out as a couple, there is never any gender condescension shown by service staff, salespeople, etc. (As in, the bill is automatically handed to the male or the man is solely addressed when trying to make a sale.) Instead, lesbians have the distinct privilege of making the salespeople very uncomfortable and can delight in their uncertainty and stuttering. (Yes, I envy this too.)
* Man boobs are just not as much fun to play with.
* Lesbians receive better and more thoughtful presents for their birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. 9 times out of 10, straight women either end up with nothing or some fallback "feminine" gift that retailers have suckered men into believing all women want.
* Lesbians aren't constantly asked when they are going to stop working and start a family. Most people are so put off by considering how lesbians get pregnant that they never broach the subject with them at all.
* Marriage is currently restricted to breeders, those wonderful people who know how to uphold the institute of marriage by divorcing less than 2 years and 2 kids after first getting hitched. Poor lesbians. You really don't know what you're missing.
* Lesbians might have to wash their underwear in a sink like the rest of us straight women, but they're never have to soak out the shit smear left in boxers from a man's inability to properly wipe his hairy ass crack.
* Finally.... lesbians never have to deal with a man constantly asking them if they want to bring another woman into bed with them because they've already got one there and the man wasn't necessary in the first place.
This was quite possibly the hardest list for me to compile without making every observation one that centered around sex and bashing on men. What I ended up learning is that there are a ton of things to envy lesbians for. There are also a ton of things that I would never want to deal with. My hat's off to you ladies. Hell, if you're cute, my panties are off to you too.
The Plus Side to Being a Breeder
*A straight woman will never know the feeling of being jealous of her partner's breast size/ waist size/ ass size.
*A straight woman will never have to worry about her tongue ring getting caught in someone's clit ring, and no, you won't be hearing that story.
*A straight woman doesn't have to stress that letting out the cat on accident will cause World War III and/or large objects to be hurled at her head.
* A straight woman will never have to hear the question, "Are you the guy or the girl?", which I still don't get by the way. Isn't the whole draw of lesbianism the hot GIRL on GIRL action?
*A straight woman will never have to pretend she thinks shaving her partner is sexy to stop the rug burn on the chin.
*A straight woman doesn't have the constant fear that her lover may just be going through a phase and could end up switching teams. (Let me amend. Most straight women…)
*Who always takes out the trash, is not the beginning of the end in a straight woman's relationship.
*A straight woman will never have to decide which color strap on would fit her personality best. I myself wish they made some multicolored. It would put a whole different spin on "Taste the rainbow, bitch!"
*A straight woman will never be asked if her partner is her sister, but hey, if you are a lesbian, say yes and give your girlfriend a kiss. The reaction is very worth it.
*A straight girl can hang out with fags and not be an assumed drug addict or looser, just a fag hag.
*A straight woman is not constantly asked, "How do you have sex?" (f.y.i. If you have to ask this question, you are seriously lacking in imagination and should not be allowed to disappoint your partners by having sex of any sort.)
*A straight woman will never cringe at the sight of her dates press-on nails.
*Straight women do not have to cling to one poorly written melodrama because its the only show on television which portrays them in a non-bulldyke sorta way. Yes, you lesbians out there, I am referring to The L Word.
*Straight women don't have to worry about being asked if they want to move in together within the first month of dating.
*A straight woman won't ever get pissed off at her partner for borrowing her favorite shirt/ pants/ straightjacket without asking. Watch out girls. When you break up they'll say you 'gave it' to them.
*A straight woman's wedding is a joyous celebration of her and her husband's eternal partnership, a pronouncement of their commitment and love in front of their friends and family – it's not a political statement with banners and poster boards, a pronouncement of their equal rights in front of television news cameras and angry protesters.
*A straight woman won't ever wake up to the words, "What are you dreaming about?"
*A straight woman doesn't have to deal with her mate being extremely irritable a few days out of each month, every month. I know you men out there feel me on this one.
*A 'coordinated joint custody schedule' for the cats is not something a straight woman will hear about after a break up.
*A straight girl is not considered an ass if she doesn't preface every conversation with a girl by stating she is in fact a heterosexual. Complete double standard. So what if I sometimes let guys think what they want and buy things for me, what's the big? I don't know why I should have to tell everyone upfront, "Oh by the way, I'm a lesbian."
*A straight woman can have bananas, cucumbers, ice pops, or Dots (lol sorry inside joke) in her home without it being the root of all sorts of lewd comments.
*If a straight woman wants to get laid all she has to do is lower her standards for a night.
*Straight women will never know the horror of a pube between the teeth.(generally)
*A straight woman will never have the taste of left-over period in her mouth for a week. If you're ever in those end stages warn a bitch yeah. I'll still do it; I'll just know to stay above sea level if you know what I'm saying.
*When a straight woman has a child with her partner she automatically has rights to it. She will never know the pain of not being allowed to see her child because she 'is not the legal parent'.
*Lastly, on a very serious note, straight women don't have to worry that p.d.a. will get them verbally or physically abused or, in some parts of the country, killed. Unless of course its p.d.a. with a black guy.
Cardboard Resolutions
Posted 12/28/2007 10:43:40 AM
You've made those resolutions
this time you will be strong.
You're bound and determined
to right all of your wrongs.
You'll throw away those cigarettes
and pour out all the booze.
You're a winner dammit!
No way that you can lose.
Gonna shed those extra pounds
dust off that old treadmill.
Stock up on some rice cakes
eat without getting your fill.
You'll be a better parent
actually listen to your kids
Play it safe on Ebay
don't be the highest bid.
Save your hard earned money
though it's more fun to spend.
Read the entirety of my poems
don't just skip to the end.
Consume a little less caffeine
put those vitamins into play.
Be a better, safer driver
choose the words you wish to say.
You'll go for that promotion
take full command at work.
Be a mover and a shaker
not passive, impotent jerk.
Mind your P's and Q's
purchase a bigger house.
Sell those stagnant stocks
before the bottom drops out.
Give some cash to charities
volunteer your valuable time.
Mix things up now and then
put the coconut in the lime.
You vow to be a better lover
and give as you receive.
You'll stop watching Dr. Phil
and figure out your own needs.
You just haven't grasped it
futility is an utter bitch.
You'll give up a quarter mile
Next Christmas at dinner
you'll stuff like a pig.
Smoke your Benson and Hedges
and take a thirsty swig.
Then you'll piss and moan
about all you couldn't do.
That's because you tried too much
just didn't have a clue.
Next time focus on one thing
and simply, "Get her done!".
Pick a single resolution
and focus only on that one.
Posted 12/28/2007 10:43:40 AM
You've made those resolutions
this time you will be strong.
You're bound and determined
to right all of your wrongs.
You'll throw away those cigarettes
and pour out all the booze.
You're a winner dammit!
No way that you can lose.
Gonna shed those extra pounds
dust off that old treadmill.
Stock up on some rice cakes
eat without getting your fill.
You'll be a better parent
actually listen to your kids
Play it safe on Ebay
don't be the highest bid.
Save your hard earned money
though it's more fun to spend.
Read the entirety of my poems
don't just skip to the end.
Consume a little less caffeine
put those vitamins into play.
Be a better, safer driver
choose the words you wish to say.
You'll go for that promotion
take full command at work.
Be a mover and a shaker
not passive, impotent jerk.
Mind your P's and Q's
purchase a bigger house.
Sell those stagnant stocks
before the bottom drops out.
Give some cash to charities
volunteer your valuable time.
Mix things up now and then
put the coconut in the lime.
You vow to be a better lover
and give as you receive.
You'll stop watching Dr. Phil
and figure out your own needs.
You just haven't grasped it
futility is an utter bitch.
You'll give up a quarter mile
Next Christmas at dinner
you'll stuff like a pig.
Smoke your Benson and Hedges
and take a thirsty swig.
Then you'll piss and moan
about all you couldn't do.
That's because you tried too much
just didn't have a clue.
Next time focus on one thing
and simply, "Get her done!".
Pick a single resolution
and focus only on that one.
whew it's finally over
Posted 12/27/2007 2:38:18 PM
Christmas is over and I'm back to work. I'd say it's a relief, but really I already miss it. Of course me being stuck at my desk bored to tears might have a bit to do with that, but who's really to know.
My son was horribly spoiled, and had at least one more magical Santa Christmas. I was givin quite a substantial gift of cash from my Grandma (thanks grandma)and many other nicities. My tree looked beautiful, and the color theme I came up with went over very nicely, and I hit some sales yesterday and started planning for next year's theme.
I ate, I baked, I slept, and most of all I was not productive in the least. That, my friends, was the best gift I could have recieved.
I'm ready to go for the new year. I have quite a number of rants to write about and sily things to say. I'll pop in a bit here and there until then, but nothing big is coming out until at least New Years Eve.
See you all around NBers and Happy Holidays
Posted 12/27/2007 2:38:18 PM
Christmas is over and I'm back to work. I'd say it's a relief, but really I already miss it. Of course me being stuck at my desk bored to tears might have a bit to do with that, but who's really to know.
My son was horribly spoiled, and had at least one more magical Santa Christmas. I was givin quite a substantial gift of cash from my Grandma (thanks grandma)and many other nicities. My tree looked beautiful, and the color theme I came up with went over very nicely, and I hit some sales yesterday and started planning for next year's theme.
I ate, I baked, I slept, and most of all I was not productive in the least. That, my friends, was the best gift I could have recieved.
I'm ready to go for the new year. I have quite a number of rants to write about and sily things to say. I'll pop in a bit here and there until then, but nothing big is coming out until at least New Years Eve.
See you all around NBers and Happy Holidays
Some belated Holiday CHeer
Posted 12/26/2007 5:21:08 PM
Pause the song on my profile-at the bottom of the page before playing this
Posted 12/26/2007 5:21:08 PM
Pause the song on my profile-at the bottom of the page before playing this
'Twas The Night Before (a PC) Christmas
Posted 12/21/2007 3:49:15 PM
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck…
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth…
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Notice: This poem is copyright ©1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu .
Posted 12/21/2007 3:49:15 PM
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck…
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth…
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Notice: This poem is copyright ©1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu .
where is everyone today?
Posted 12/19/2007 1:42:52 PM
It's the middle of the week people; where the heck is everyone?
Posted 12/19/2007 1:42:52 PM
It's the middle of the week people; where the heck is everyone?
Mind your own business
Posted 12/19/2007 11:08:57 AM
I saw Madonna today on CNN...
God, Madonna is shameless about publicity, isn't she? Somehow, I find it hard
to sympathize too much with her when she calls a live, televised, webcast,
stereo-simulcast, distributed-by-satellite, available-on-properly-equipped
cell phones press conference to complain that the media doesn't respect her
privacy. You know, it seems to me that the only time Madonna doesn't draw a
crowd is the opening weekend of one of her films.
Why is it that the only people who are quiet and mind their own business nowadays are the serial killers?
Nobody minds their own business anymore. Americans stick their nose where it
doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.
We live in a nauseatingly confessional society. But it wasn't always that way.
There was a time when you wouldn't dream of telling a guy you just met that you
were an alcoholic. Unless, of course, you met the guy because you had driven
your car into his swimming pool.
True, thanks to our tight-lipped Puritan ancestors with their scarlet letters
and witch hunts, we've always been a nation obsessed with the doings of others.
In the past, however, we justified our pejorative meddling with some lame,
moralistic claptrap about "upholding community standards." Well, the fact is,
folks, community standards have now deteriorated like the relationship between
Brett Michaels and C.C. Deville on VH1's "Poison: Behind The Music." By the
way, I hear Poison is touring again. It's always nice to go see a retro-tour of
a hair band where the only drug they're now shooting up is Rogaine.
Hey, in our media-saturated culture, the border between news and entertainment
is crossed more often than a line in one of George W. Bush's coloring books.
The thing about the entertainment media's particular brand of voyeurism is,
we're so easily bored that, if somebody wants to keep our attention, they must
continually super-size the freak value. I was watching "Springer" the other day
and actually saw a couple get their marriage back on track by beating the shit
out of each other. I think Jerry's final thought was entitled, "I'm OK, You're
OK, Bitch."
Then there are the hapless casualties of voyeurism people who are forced to watch defenselessly as every nook and cranny of their personal lives gets slurped into America's bottomless maw for other people's humiliation.
-- all under the false rubric that a free and open society has the right to
know. At first fidgety, these quasi-luminaries ease into their new roles
quickly, seduced by the yodeling highs of celebrity that smudge the line
between the famous and the infamous, until there's no real point in their ever
saying goodbye. They turn into Abe Vigoda - you always think they're dead, and
yet, they're always RSVP'ing in the affirmative. It's sort of like Karmic
extortion. We wouldn't leave them alone, so now it's their turn. And in the
end, their fifteen minutes last longer than a cross-country airplane
conversation with a Jehovah's Witness who sells life insurance.
What I can't fathom are the people who auction off their privacy on the open
market. You can go online now and actually watch mutants and cybergeeks who
record every nanosecond of their lives - every snore, every burp, every
restraining order filed against them by William Shatner - and beam it out over
the Internet. It all raises the interesting philosophical question: How can you
broadcast your life when you don't have a life to begin with?
Do the media and the Internet feed this tendency, or merely reflect it? It's
hard to say. We're living in a time when personal boundaries are more blurred
than the camera lens in a Joan Collins photo shoot. You would think that this
would help to generate more openness between people, but all it seems to have
done is increase our mistrust. We feel perfectly comfortable spending hours
online, sharing our innermost thoughts and yearnings with complete strangers,
but we don't even meet the people living next door until there's a huge
earthquake and everyone's out on their lawns at one in the morning. As a matter
of fact, that's the scariest part of an earthquake - hearing your 58 year-old
neighbors Myrna and Leo explain how they had just strapped her into the
Vietnamese fuck basket, when all of a sudden, she started swinging back and
forth, like King Kong's balls on a hot day. "Well, thanks for the visual,
Myrna, I think I'm gonna go pick up a downed power line now, OK?"
One of the most disturbing trends in the demise of personal privacy is the
proliferation of hidden cameras. They're everywhere now.
I just don't think that's right. When I'm by myself, just like everyone else who is reading this, I do things that I would never do if I knew I was being videotaped. I pick my nose. I squeeze blemishes. I work at my stubborn dandruff patch. I kick off my shoes and bite my toenails. I use whatever's lying around to scrape my tongue. I pull nostril hairs out and measure them with a small silver ruler I carry on a chain around
my neck and record their length in millimeters in an embossed spiral notebook.
I pinch my nipples until my eyes tear up, and I straddle things and yell
"giddy-up," while slapping myself on the ass with a Victorian carpet beater.
The point is, I should be able to pass my time waiting in line at the Post
Office any way I want to.
Posted 12/19/2007 11:08:57 AM
I saw Madonna today on CNN...
God, Madonna is shameless about publicity, isn't she? Somehow, I find it hard
to sympathize too much with her when she calls a live, televised, webcast,
stereo-simulcast, distributed-by-satellite, available-on-properly-equipped
cell phones press conference to complain that the media doesn't respect her
privacy. You know, it seems to me that the only time Madonna doesn't draw a
crowd is the opening weekend of one of her films.
Why is it that the only people who are quiet and mind their own business nowadays are the serial killers?
Nobody minds their own business anymore. Americans stick their nose where it
doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.
We live in a nauseatingly confessional society. But it wasn't always that way.
There was a time when you wouldn't dream of telling a guy you just met that you
were an alcoholic. Unless, of course, you met the guy because you had driven
your car into his swimming pool.
True, thanks to our tight-lipped Puritan ancestors with their scarlet letters
and witch hunts, we've always been a nation obsessed with the doings of others.
In the past, however, we justified our pejorative meddling with some lame,
moralistic claptrap about "upholding community standards." Well, the fact is,
folks, community standards have now deteriorated like the relationship between
Brett Michaels and C.C. Deville on VH1's "Poison: Behind The Music." By the
way, I hear Poison is touring again. It's always nice to go see a retro-tour of
a hair band where the only drug they're now shooting up is Rogaine.
Hey, in our media-saturated culture, the border between news and entertainment
is crossed more often than a line in one of George W. Bush's coloring books.
The thing about the entertainment media's particular brand of voyeurism is,
we're so easily bored that, if somebody wants to keep our attention, they must
continually super-size the freak value. I was watching "Springer" the other day
and actually saw a couple get their marriage back on track by beating the shit
out of each other. I think Jerry's final thought was entitled, "I'm OK, You're
OK, Bitch."
Then there are the hapless casualties of voyeurism people who are forced to watch defenselessly as every nook and cranny of their personal lives gets slurped into America's bottomless maw for other people's humiliation.
-- all under the false rubric that a free and open society has the right to
know. At first fidgety, these quasi-luminaries ease into their new roles
quickly, seduced by the yodeling highs of celebrity that smudge the line
between the famous and the infamous, until there's no real point in their ever
saying goodbye. They turn into Abe Vigoda - you always think they're dead, and
yet, they're always RSVP'ing in the affirmative. It's sort of like Karmic
extortion. We wouldn't leave them alone, so now it's their turn. And in the
end, their fifteen minutes last longer than a cross-country airplane
conversation with a Jehovah's Witness who sells life insurance.
What I can't fathom are the people who auction off their privacy on the open
market. You can go online now and actually watch mutants and cybergeeks who
record every nanosecond of their lives - every snore, every burp, every
restraining order filed against them by William Shatner - and beam it out over
the Internet. It all raises the interesting philosophical question: How can you
broadcast your life when you don't have a life to begin with?
Do the media and the Internet feed this tendency, or merely reflect it? It's
hard to say. We're living in a time when personal boundaries are more blurred
than the camera lens in a Joan Collins photo shoot. You would think that this
would help to generate more openness between people, but all it seems to have
done is increase our mistrust. We feel perfectly comfortable spending hours
online, sharing our innermost thoughts and yearnings with complete strangers,
but we don't even meet the people living next door until there's a huge
earthquake and everyone's out on their lawns at one in the morning. As a matter
of fact, that's the scariest part of an earthquake - hearing your 58 year-old
neighbors Myrna and Leo explain how they had just strapped her into the
Vietnamese fuck basket, when all of a sudden, she started swinging back and
forth, like King Kong's balls on a hot day. "Well, thanks for the visual,
Myrna, I think I'm gonna go pick up a downed power line now, OK?"
One of the most disturbing trends in the demise of personal privacy is the
proliferation of hidden cameras. They're everywhere now.
I just don't think that's right. When I'm by myself, just like everyone else who is reading this, I do things that I would never do if I knew I was being videotaped. I pick my nose. I squeeze blemishes. I work at my stubborn dandruff patch. I kick off my shoes and bite my toenails. I use whatever's lying around to scrape my tongue. I pull nostril hairs out and measure them with a small silver ruler I carry on a chain around
my neck and record their length in millimeters in an embossed spiral notebook.
I pinch my nipples until my eyes tear up, and I straddle things and yell
"giddy-up," while slapping myself on the ass with a Victorian carpet beater.
The point is, I should be able to pass my time waiting in line at the Post
Office any way I want to.
Yikes 60%
Posted 12/17/2007 3:59:43 PM
I have a paper due today, that combined with the other two that I had to write make up a total of sixty percent of my grade.
For those of you that don't know I am going back to school after 12...count em 12 years. I only have a high school diploma and some college courses under my belt, so I finally took the leap like a lemming near a cliff with an ice cube up his ass and went back. First term was great, the blessed 4.0 that I remember and top of my classes. This term, ok not so great. Oh in my Criminal Justice class I am doing steller, and for the most part my Comp class is cake too, considering 95% couldn't know a dangling modifier if you dropped one on their heads. Unfortunatly, while I enjoy writing, and actually started to major in speech and language pathology, my punctuation is severly lacking, and I tend towards the sentance fragment. Mainly because they can give a nice flow to my writing, but sadly the fragment is forbidden. So here I am compulsivly editing this final paper, hoping to maintain my A.
On Friday comes the Dread Algebra. Let me tell you, I take to math like a duck to flesh melting acid. Needless to say this is where my suffering compiles into a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce. My teacher, while I am sure is good at math, is not so stellar in the teaching department. She stands before the board, and writes something like this 24Y(3+23)(78Y+54) and wants me to figure out what Y is. Now I figure if this was real life, I would take Y out to a nice lunch and ask him(or her...I assume that is what I am to determin) what Y's goals are in life. Then I can go back to class and inform everyone of not only Y's sexual nature, but it's marital status and career path. But no we would proceed to learn a "shortcut" If you ask me, I'd rather pay $20 for a good lunch.
Well that's it for me folks, I am off to sit in a freezing cold classroom with the virtually illiterate and throw some comma splices around willy nilly.
wish me luck
Posted 12/17/2007 3:59:43 PM
I have a paper due today, that combined with the other two that I had to write make up a total of sixty percent of my grade.
For those of you that don't know I am going back to school after 12...count em 12 years. I only have a high school diploma and some college courses under my belt, so I finally took the leap like a lemming near a cliff with an ice cube up his ass and went back. First term was great, the blessed 4.0 that I remember and top of my classes. This term, ok not so great. Oh in my Criminal Justice class I am doing steller, and for the most part my Comp class is cake too, considering 95% couldn't know a dangling modifier if you dropped one on their heads. Unfortunatly, while I enjoy writing, and actually started to major in speech and language pathology, my punctuation is severly lacking, and I tend towards the sentance fragment. Mainly because they can give a nice flow to my writing, but sadly the fragment is forbidden. So here I am compulsivly editing this final paper, hoping to maintain my A.
On Friday comes the Dread Algebra. Let me tell you, I take to math like a duck to flesh melting acid. Needless to say this is where my suffering compiles into a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce. My teacher, while I am sure is good at math, is not so stellar in the teaching department. She stands before the board, and writes something like this 24Y(3+23)(78Y+54) and wants me to figure out what Y is. Now I figure if this was real life, I would take Y out to a nice lunch and ask him(or her...I assume that is what I am to determin) what Y's goals are in life. Then I can go back to class and inform everyone of not only Y's sexual nature, but it's marital status and career path. But no we would proceed to learn a "shortcut" If you ask me, I'd rather pay $20 for a good lunch.
Well that's it for me folks, I am off to sit in a freezing cold classroom with the virtually illiterate and throw some comma splices around willy nilly.
wish me luck
Sing to us O Lips
Posted 12/14/2007 12:14:33 PM
In the beginning God said "Let there be lips."
and there were and they were red, and they gave great head....sing to us o lips
Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand.(on our feet..on your knees)
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear,(it was gold)
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong.
They got caught in a celluloid jam.(sexual jam...a 69)
Then at a deadly pace
It Came From.(where)..Outer Space.
And this is how the message ran:
Chorus:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build a creature.
See androids fighting(and f**king and S**king on) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
Trixie:
I knew Leo G. Carrol
Was(f**king) over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills.(took LSD)
And I really got hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott(Janet's tw*t)
Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.(yea semen)
Dana Andrews said Prunes(and pits)
Gave him the runes(shits)
And passing them used lots of skills.( and toilet paper)
But When Worlds Collide,(*bang* clap hands)
Said George Pal to his bride,
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"(a sexual disease, that makes your lips fall off){during this the lips fade off and all you see is teeth}
Like a...
Chorus:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build(f**k his) a creature.
See androids fighting{and f&s on) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I wanna go
Wuh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show.
By RKO,(who's rko)
Wuh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show.
In the back row,(f**k the back row, f**k the front row, Go ahead and f**k anywhere, but clean it up afterwords)
Oh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show!
This is how I begin most of my Saturday nights
Cindi was asking for a bit of background on the Rocky Horror Picture show and I thought the best place to start was in the beginning.
Basically it's not a place for the easily offended. Those that are bothered my racial, religious, or political slurs should feel free not to come, but the openminded, or at least those that can take a joke are welcome.
The movie includes, sex, drug use, sex, transvestites, sex, music, sex, dancing, cannibalisim, sex, aliens, sex, and frankenstein creationisim. Oh yeah, there is a lot of sex.
It is a live performing cast getting up in front of a movie screen and acting out/making fun of one of the most well known, and the longest running cult movies of all times. My role is Columbia. A young tap dancing girl who is in love with a sexually ambivilous druggie who loves motorcycles, and works and lives with a mad scientist, tranvestite alien named Dr. Frankenfurter. The only non-alien, non created being that makes it though (almost) the entire movie, while still being generally non corrupted my the doctor. (as far as that goes)
DISCLAIMER:
First of all, The Rocky Horror Picture Show (RHPS) is an "R" rated movie. This is very important since it may not be suitable for kids. The movie itself has sexual situations and only one word of profanity, but the show is almost all profanity and we thrive on sexual situations and try to incorporate them into every scene. We run around in underwear and fishnets and there is a lot of adult content.
RULES
RULE #1 : Don't f*ck with the hair!
RULE #2 : Don't f*ck with rule #1!
RULE #3 : Don't f*ck with the cast and/or crew, unless of course, we specifically ask you to, and believe us, we will!
RULE #4 : Drugs & Alcohol: Drugs are not allowed in the theatre, but alcohol is served at the concession stand!
RULE #5 : Concessions. While manymay believe that theatres make their money off of ticket sales, they really make it off of the concession stand, so go buy some stuff so we can keep performing here.
RULE #6 : SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!
RULE #7 : Please don't throw things at the screen, it's expensive and it doesn't like it. Please don't throw things at the cast, we're cheap and WE don't like it.
RULE #8 : This is an audience participation movie - So participate damn you!.
RULE #9 : Have fun, that's what you f*ckin' paid for.
RULE #10 : MAKE NOISE!!!!!
(While these are the rules, our preshow people may at any time edit, change, mutilate, forget, or just plain make up new ones as they goes along. Don't expect too much of them. We don't.)
PROPS:
Props are a big part of the "participation" aspect of a Rocky show. Here are the props that can be used in the order they're used in.
**RICE - Rice is tossed during the wedding scene of Betty Monroe and Ralph Hapschatt after "Lips." Lightly lob the rice, do not PELT the rice! (We include a handful in our prop bags, but you can always bring more!)
**NEWSPAPER - put on your head along with Janet during "There's a Light" when she's walking through the rain (we include a page in our prop bags for you).
LIGHT - A lighter or flashlight can be used during "There's a Light." Wave them around in the air in time with the music, but remember to shut them off when you hear, "...in the darkness..." Also, BE CAREFUL NOT TO SET YOUR NEWSPAPER ON FIRE!!
SQUIRT GUN - Squirting a squirt gun has been traditionally used to simulate rain during Brad and Janet's song, "There's a Light."
**PARTY HAT AND NOISEMAKER - Wear the hat and blow the noisemaker along with the Transylvanians during Frank's lab speech. Then use the hat later during the birthday song during dinner.
**RUBBER GLOVE - wear and snap it several times along with Frank during the lab scene... or blow it up and make a balloon out of it... we don't care.
**TOAST - Throw during dinner scene when Frank says, "A toast...", but please don't eat it!
BELL/KEYS - Ring your bell or keys when Frank is chasing Janet and says, "...did you hear a bell ring?"
HOT DOG - Thrown (lightly) during "Planet Schmanet, Janet" when Brad, Dr. Scott ad Janet are saying, "You're a hot dog..." They are messy and not that necessary, but if you must bring them, THAW them at least! The actors are to be frozen, not the hotdogs.
**CARDS - Towards the end of the movie, during "I'm going Home," you'll hear Frank sing, "Cards for sorrow, cards for pain..." Throw the cards then. (We include about 4 in our prop bags)
** Included in our prop bags (if we had time to make them), so bring an extra dollar for one! First come first serve with the prop bags, so get there as close to 11:30pm as possible, if not before.
ABOUT THE SHOW:
THIS IS AN AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION SHOW. That means you will be encouraged to yell and scream and... (uh-oh)... participate. Basically, we play the actual movie on the movie screen and act it out at the same time. We have costumes that we've made up and we've practiced our parts about a zillion times to get them right. If you've never been to a show, you're what we call a "virgin" (sorry, that's just the way it is). No amount of describing will explain this, so you'll just have to come to a show and see what it's like. This is not a "sit down" movie, we want to see you in the aisles doing the "Time Warp," (everyone else will be in the isles, too, so you won't be the only one), yelling A.P. (Audience Participation lines) and having a great time. A.P. lines vary from cast to cast so you'll really have to attend OUR show a couple times to learn the ones we yell out, but for example, everytime you hear "Brad Majors," you yell out "A**hole!" and "Slut!" when you hear "Janet Weiss."
Background: Rocky Horror Picture Show is a 1975 movie, so people have been doing this show since about 1980 and over time, they began to use props during the show like squirt guns and newspapers. Sal Piro, the RHPS fan club president, has written a book "Creatures of the Night" about how everything started with RHPS and he's included an excerpt on the RHPS web site (www.rockyhorror.com) about it if you would like to read more.
MOVIE STORYLINE :
Brad and Janet are two "wholesome" kids that get engaged and decide to go share the news with their good friend and old science teacher, Dr. Everett Scott. Their tire gets a flat so they walk in the rain to a castle they saw on the way. Riff Raff, a butler, meets them at the door. Magenta (a maid and Riff Raff's sister) makes her odd entrace sliding down a banister yelling that everyone's lucky. Riff and Magenta push Brad and Janet into the ballroom where a bunch of white-faced weirdos are doing "The Time Warp". This is a very self explanitory dance that any idiot can do . . . wait I take that back. Then they back themselves out of the room only to bump into Dr. Frank N Furter, the master of the castle where he sings "Sweet Transvestite" wearing thigh high fishnets, 5" heels and a tight black corset. He then has Riff and Magenta remove Brad and Janet's clothes and invites everyone to join him in his lab upstairs. Brad & Janet are undressed and taken upstairs where they watch Frank create Rocky Horror (a muscle man) in his lab. I won't tell anymore because I don't want to spoil the movie, so you must come see what happens. A word of caution... many people get obsessed with this movie and have tendencies to try out for cast and spend the next few years of their life in . . ."Absolute Pleasure."
Posted 12/14/2007 12:14:33 PM
In the beginning God said "Let there be lips."
and there were and they were red, and they gave great head....sing to us o lips
Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand.(on our feet..on your knees)
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear,(it was gold)
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong.
They got caught in a celluloid jam.(sexual jam...a 69)
Then at a deadly pace
It Came From.(where)..Outer Space.
And this is how the message ran:
Chorus:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build a creature.
See androids fighting(and f**king and S**king on) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
Trixie:
I knew Leo G. Carrol
Was(f**king) over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills.(took LSD)
And I really got hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott(Janet's tw*t)
Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.(yea semen)
Dana Andrews said Prunes(and pits)
Gave him the runes(shits)
And passing them used lots of skills.( and toilet paper)
But When Worlds Collide,(*bang* clap hands)
Said George Pal to his bride,
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"(a sexual disease, that makes your lips fall off){during this the lips fade off and all you see is teeth}
Like a...
Chorus:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X will build(f**k his) a creature.
See androids fighting{and f&s on) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I wanna go
Wuh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show.
By RKO,(who's rko)
Wuh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show.
In the back row,(f**k the back row, f**k the front row, Go ahead and f**k anywhere, but clean it up afterwords)
Oh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show!
This is how I begin most of my Saturday nights
Cindi was asking for a bit of background on the Rocky Horror Picture show and I thought the best place to start was in the beginning.
Basically it's not a place for the easily offended. Those that are bothered my racial, religious, or political slurs should feel free not to come, but the openminded, or at least those that can take a joke are welcome.
The movie includes, sex, drug use, sex, transvestites, sex, music, sex, dancing, cannibalisim, sex, aliens, sex, and frankenstein creationisim. Oh yeah, there is a lot of sex.
It is a live performing cast getting up in front of a movie screen and acting out/making fun of one of the most well known, and the longest running cult movies of all times. My role is Columbia. A young tap dancing girl who is in love with a sexually ambivilous druggie who loves motorcycles, and works and lives with a mad scientist, tranvestite alien named Dr. Frankenfurter. The only non-alien, non created being that makes it though (almost) the entire movie, while still being generally non corrupted my the doctor. (as far as that goes)
DISCLAIMER:
First of all, The Rocky Horror Picture Show (RHPS) is an "R" rated movie. This is very important since it may not be suitable for kids. The movie itself has sexual situations and only one word of profanity, but the show is almost all profanity and we thrive on sexual situations and try to incorporate them into every scene. We run around in underwear and fishnets and there is a lot of adult content.
RULES
RULE #1 : Don't f*ck with the hair!
RULE #2 : Don't f*ck with rule #1!
RULE #3 : Don't f*ck with the cast and/or crew, unless of course, we specifically ask you to, and believe us, we will!
RULE #4 : Drugs & Alcohol: Drugs are not allowed in the theatre, but alcohol is served at the concession stand!
RULE #5 : Concessions. While manymay believe that theatres make their money off of ticket sales, they really make it off of the concession stand, so go buy some stuff so we can keep performing here.
RULE #6 : SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!
RULE #7 : Please don't throw things at the screen, it's expensive and it doesn't like it. Please don't throw things at the cast, we're cheap and WE don't like it.
RULE #8 : This is an audience participation movie - So participate damn you!.
RULE #9 : Have fun, that's what you f*ckin' paid for.
RULE #10 : MAKE NOISE!!!!!
(While these are the rules, our preshow people may at any time edit, change, mutilate, forget, or just plain make up new ones as they goes along. Don't expect too much of them. We don't.)
PROPS:
Props are a big part of the "participation" aspect of a Rocky show. Here are the props that can be used in the order they're used in.
**RICE - Rice is tossed during the wedding scene of Betty Monroe and Ralph Hapschatt after "Lips." Lightly lob the rice, do not PELT the rice! (We include a handful in our prop bags, but you can always bring more!)
**NEWSPAPER - put on your head along with Janet during "There's a Light" when she's walking through the rain (we include a page in our prop bags for you).
LIGHT - A lighter or flashlight can be used during "There's a Light." Wave them around in the air in time with the music, but remember to shut them off when you hear, "...in the darkness..." Also, BE CAREFUL NOT TO SET YOUR NEWSPAPER ON FIRE!!
SQUIRT GUN - Squirting a squirt gun has been traditionally used to simulate rain during Brad and Janet's song, "There's a Light."
**PARTY HAT AND NOISEMAKER - Wear the hat and blow the noisemaker along with the Transylvanians during Frank's lab speech. Then use the hat later during the birthday song during dinner.
**RUBBER GLOVE - wear and snap it several times along with Frank during the lab scene... or blow it up and make a balloon out of it... we don't care.
**TOAST - Throw during dinner scene when Frank says, "A toast...", but please don't eat it!
BELL/KEYS - Ring your bell or keys when Frank is chasing Janet and says, "...did you hear a bell ring?"
HOT DOG - Thrown (lightly) during "Planet Schmanet, Janet" when Brad, Dr. Scott ad Janet are saying, "You're a hot dog..." They are messy and not that necessary, but if you must bring them, THAW them at least! The actors are to be frozen, not the hotdogs.
**CARDS - Towards the end of the movie, during "I'm going Home," you'll hear Frank sing, "Cards for sorrow, cards for pain..." Throw the cards then. (We include about 4 in our prop bags)
** Included in our prop bags (if we had time to make them), so bring an extra dollar for one! First come first serve with the prop bags, so get there as close to 11:30pm as possible, if not before.
ABOUT THE SHOW:
THIS IS AN AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION SHOW. That means you will be encouraged to yell and scream and... (uh-oh)... participate. Basically, we play the actual movie on the movie screen and act it out at the same time. We have costumes that we've made up and we've practiced our parts about a zillion times to get them right. If you've never been to a show, you're what we call a "virgin" (sorry, that's just the way it is). No amount of describing will explain this, so you'll just have to come to a show and see what it's like. This is not a "sit down" movie, we want to see you in the aisles doing the "Time Warp," (everyone else will be in the isles, too, so you won't be the only one), yelling A.P. (Audience Participation lines) and having a great time. A.P. lines vary from cast to cast so you'll really have to attend OUR show a couple times to learn the ones we yell out, but for example, everytime you hear "Brad Majors," you yell out "A**hole!" and "Slut!" when you hear "Janet Weiss."
Background: Rocky Horror Picture Show is a 1975 movie, so people have been doing this show since about 1980 and over time, they began to use props during the show like squirt guns and newspapers. Sal Piro, the RHPS fan club president, has written a book "Creatures of the Night" about how everything started with RHPS and he's included an excerpt on the RHPS web site (www.rockyhorror.com) about it if you would like to read more.
MOVIE STORYLINE :
Brad and Janet are two "wholesome" kids that get engaged and decide to go share the news with their good friend and old science teacher, Dr. Everett Scott. Their tire gets a flat so they walk in the rain to a castle they saw on the way. Riff Raff, a butler, meets them at the door. Magenta (a maid and Riff Raff's sister) makes her odd entrace sliding down a banister yelling that everyone's lucky. Riff and Magenta push Brad and Janet into the ballroom where a bunch of white-faced weirdos are doing "The Time Warp". This is a very self explanitory dance that any idiot can do . . . wait I take that back. Then they back themselves out of the room only to bump into Dr. Frank N Furter, the master of the castle where he sings "Sweet Transvestite" wearing thigh high fishnets, 5" heels and a tight black corset. He then has Riff and Magenta remove Brad and Janet's clothes and invites everyone to join him in his lab upstairs. Brad & Janet are undressed and taken upstairs where they watch Frank create Rocky Horror (a muscle man) in his lab. I won't tell anymore because I don't want to spoil the movie, so you must come see what happens. A word of caution... many people get obsessed with this movie and have tendencies to try out for cast and spend the next few years of their life in . . ."Absolute Pleasure."
Santa's not a Republican : Edited Addition
Posted 12/12/2007 11:24:33 AM
OK guys, since I am still waiting on ideas here is a combo of christmas and politics...enjoy
Notwithstanding the fact that Santa Claus is good for Big Business, it's pretty obvious that he's no Republican.
First of all, he gives to the poor. While the Administration is busy cutting funds for social programs, Santa is equally busy preparing presents for everyone! The rich may get more grandiose gifts but, hell, who needs a $5,000 watch anyway? A Timex will do the job adequately and, besides, the work shirt'll cover up the dang watch anyway.
Secondly, and very unlike most Republicans, Santa has a sense of humor. Why do you think he's always going HO-HO-HO?
Third, look at the vehicle he travels in... a non-gas-guzzling sled pulled by some reindeer. If that isn't a "green" vehicle, I don't know what is.
Fourth, he employs illegal aliens. What, you think the elves are from New Jersey?
Finally, he commits countless burglaries every year by sneaking into people's homes via their chimneys. Republicans haven't been burglars since... Watergate!
I also suspect that Mrs. Claus is neither an ex-sorority girl nor a member of the League of Women Voters. She's likely keeping a sympathetic eye on Hillary. After all, wasn't that cigar Bill Clinton had a Christmas gift?
**************************************************
OK edit, JK brought up a good point so I Found a possibly fairer list
Exhibits for Santa as Republican:
Wears red.
Overweight -- clearly leaves a comfortable lifestyle.
Expects gifts (milk and cookies) for doing his job.
Focuses almost exclusively on Christians.
Comfortable judging people.
Relies on exploitative labor.
Prefers bio-unfriendly wrapping paper.
Also enjoys decorations centered around a slowly dying tree.
Lives in the far north (His home may be in Canada, Alaska, or Russia. Two out of three chance.)
Great marketing.
White male, likely Christian (just going with the odds here).
Strongly consumerist.
Apparent access to lots of coal.
Exhibits for Santa as Democrat:
Gives people things. Often when not deserved.
Believes in magic.
Lead agent of a conspiracy to suck the religion out of Christmas.
Grants wishes.
Workaholic.
Overlooks Rudolph's differences and makes him part of the team.
Uses bio-fueled transport.
Possibly unemployed.
Many appearances in TV and movies -- works in entertainment.
Unconclusive:
Has a happy marriage.
Hangs out in malls, enjoys talking with children.
Has facial hair.
Jolly.
Competent at his job.
So what say you -- and what's your evidence?
Posted 12/12/2007 11:24:33 AM
OK guys, since I am still waiting on ideas here is a combo of christmas and politics...enjoy
Notwithstanding the fact that Santa Claus is good for Big Business, it's pretty obvious that he's no Republican.
First of all, he gives to the poor. While the Administration is busy cutting funds for social programs, Santa is equally busy preparing presents for everyone! The rich may get more grandiose gifts but, hell, who needs a $5,000 watch anyway? A Timex will do the job adequately and, besides, the work shirt'll cover up the dang watch anyway.
Secondly, and very unlike most Republicans, Santa has a sense of humor. Why do you think he's always going HO-HO-HO?
Third, look at the vehicle he travels in... a non-gas-guzzling sled pulled by some reindeer. If that isn't a "green" vehicle, I don't know what is.
Fourth, he employs illegal aliens. What, you think the elves are from New Jersey?
Finally, he commits countless burglaries every year by sneaking into people's homes via their chimneys. Republicans haven't been burglars since... Watergate!
I also suspect that Mrs. Claus is neither an ex-sorority girl nor a member of the League of Women Voters. She's likely keeping a sympathetic eye on Hillary. After all, wasn't that cigar Bill Clinton had a Christmas gift?
**************************************************
OK edit, JK brought up a good point so I Found a possibly fairer list
Exhibits for Santa as Republican:
Wears red.
Overweight -- clearly leaves a comfortable lifestyle.
Expects gifts (milk and cookies) for doing his job.
Focuses almost exclusively on Christians.
Comfortable judging people.
Relies on exploitative labor.
Prefers bio-unfriendly wrapping paper.
Also enjoys decorations centered around a slowly dying tree.
Lives in the far north (His home may be in Canada, Alaska, or Russia. Two out of three chance.)
Great marketing.
White male, likely Christian (just going with the odds here).
Strongly consumerist.
Apparent access to lots of coal.
Exhibits for Santa as Democrat:
Gives people things. Often when not deserved.
Believes in magic.
Lead agent of a conspiracy to suck the religion out of Christmas.
Grants wishes.
Workaholic.
Overlooks Rudolph's differences and makes him part of the team.
Uses bio-fueled transport.
Possibly unemployed.
Many appearances in TV and movies -- works in entertainment.
Unconclusive:
Has a happy marriage.
Hangs out in malls, enjoys talking with children.
Has facial hair.
Jolly.
Competent at his job.
So what say you -- and what's your evidence?
For Gary
Posted 12/11/2007 2:40:31 PM
Gary wanted me to write something. Should
I be a smart alec and just write SOMETHING??? I would, but that's too cheap a joke even for me.
So let's see I could blog about consumer gullibility and marketing techniques, but I've done that already. I could write about mom stuff, being a mom of a single, or the responces I make when he does something silly.....nope, done it. Well then I could talk about how to get out of socially awkward situations, my hatred of clowns or my curiousity about why we are not an eccentric society any more.....Crap. Done, done, done it all. Silly facts and surveys are played out on this page, as is mindless lyrics and movie quotes. Religon and politics I leave to JK and Figgy if I can help it, and sex and boobs are your domain. Christmas abounds over the last few of my rambles as does my discontent with my personal life.
But there is one thing that I can talk about
MY UTTER LACK OF A SUBJECT in this blog.
Give me some ideas folks, some new topics to play with and I promise I'll come up with something new
Posted 12/11/2007 2:40:31 PM
Gary wanted me to write something. Should
I be a smart alec and just write SOMETHING??? I would, but that's too cheap a joke even for me.
So let's see I could blog about consumer gullibility and marketing techniques, but I've done that already. I could write about mom stuff, being a mom of a single, or the responces I make when he does something silly.....nope, done it. Well then I could talk about how to get out of socially awkward situations, my hatred of clowns or my curiousity about why we are not an eccentric society any more.....Crap. Done, done, done it all. Silly facts and surveys are played out on this page, as is mindless lyrics and movie quotes. Religon and politics I leave to JK and Figgy if I can help it, and sex and boobs are your domain. Christmas abounds over the last few of my rambles as does my discontent with my personal life.
But there is one thing that I can talk about
MY UTTER LACK OF A SUBJECT in this blog.
Give me some ideas folks, some new topics to play with and I promise I'll come up with something new
life as we know it
Posted 12/10/2007 8:56:32 AM
It's been a busy weekend and for once, wholly unsatisfying. I'm sorry to say I don't think I am cut out for living with other people, and it's a bit too late now for me to do anything about it. I tend to be a bit of an independant soul, but at the same time I can be a bit of a mothering type. Basically I am a fixer. If there is something that needs to be done I do it. If there is something that is broken, I fix it. If there is some imagined slight against someone (and I'm not the one who perpetrated it) I smooth it over. Generally I am more than ok with this. Heck, it's really just how I function. Right now however I have too much on my plate. As I have mentioned in my other blogs I am just plum worn out!
As some of you know, EB and I are in a relationship, but I am also living with another person. Right now this other person is working on my last nerve. The reason why we get along so well is, right now at least, the reason why I am having such issues. He is an egosentric and self sufficiant individual, which I like, but at the same time little day to day things escape him. This generally fills my "fixer" need. Lately though I have been needing a bit more help. I have even asked for help several times, and while he has aquiesced nothing gets dome until I do it myself. Now I will not say that I am easy, but if there is something that I ask for it's usually minimal. If the person that I am asking this from says they can't or won't do it, I may bitch, but at least it will get done in a timely fashion. When I am told that it will be done, and there are a list of things that I need to do that hing directly on this task, and it doesn't get don. My carefully ordered chaos falls apart and I tend to get more than a little testy.
This happening over and over does not make for a relaxing weekend, and unless it gets fixed I see myself living a slightly different lifestyle. More than likely after the holidays things will mend, but at the same time I have to ask myself, do I want this headache over and over again.
To clairify it's not a relationship problem per say, is a space and time issue. It's in the air right now, 'cause I haven't mentioned it, but if nothing gets fixed it will soon cease to be my problem if his "little things" don't get taken care of.
Again to clairify, it's not from lack of caring onhis part either, is his being oblivious to the "little things" because of his egocentric nature, which feeds into my indipendant nature. This things work in harmony most of the time.
Posted 12/10/2007 8:56:32 AM
It's been a busy weekend and for once, wholly unsatisfying. I'm sorry to say I don't think I am cut out for living with other people, and it's a bit too late now for me to do anything about it. I tend to be a bit of an independant soul, but at the same time I can be a bit of a mothering type. Basically I am a fixer. If there is something that needs to be done I do it. If there is something that is broken, I fix it. If there is some imagined slight against someone (and I'm not the one who perpetrated it) I smooth it over. Generally I am more than ok with this. Heck, it's really just how I function. Right now however I have too much on my plate. As I have mentioned in my other blogs I am just plum worn out!
As some of you know, EB and I are in a relationship, but I am also living with another person. Right now this other person is working on my last nerve. The reason why we get along so well is, right now at least, the reason why I am having such issues. He is an egosentric and self sufficiant individual, which I like, but at the same time little day to day things escape him. This generally fills my "fixer" need. Lately though I have been needing a bit more help. I have even asked for help several times, and while he has aquiesced nothing gets dome until I do it myself. Now I will not say that I am easy, but if there is something that I ask for it's usually minimal. If the person that I am asking this from says they can't or won't do it, I may bitch, but at least it will get done in a timely fashion. When I am told that it will be done, and there are a list of things that I need to do that hing directly on this task, and it doesn't get don. My carefully ordered chaos falls apart and I tend to get more than a little testy.
This happening over and over does not make for a relaxing weekend, and unless it gets fixed I see myself living a slightly different lifestyle. More than likely after the holidays things will mend, but at the same time I have to ask myself, do I want this headache over and over again.
To clairify it's not a relationship problem per say, is a space and time issue. It's in the air right now, 'cause I haven't mentioned it, but if nothing gets fixed it will soon cease to be my problem if his "little things" don't get taken care of.
Again to clairify, it's not from lack of caring onhis part either, is his being oblivious to the "little things" because of his egocentric nature, which feeds into my indipendant nature. This things work in harmony most of the time.
Yikes..help
Posted 12/7/2007 9:41:15 AM
The weekend approches like a slow second cousin in an inbred West Virginia family.
Maybe it's me, but today is dragging. I have alot to do this weekend, and I am ready to get to it. Christmas shopping is the main agenda too. I mean, sure I have homework, midterms, housecleaning, laundry, and candy making to do, but the shopping is the most time consuming. Some of you guys may not understand this, but it is. As any woman knows, we can do more than 1 thing at a time in the house. I can clean, bake, and laundry while I study and write a paper. I may be tired afterwards, but I know I managed to get a lot done. Shopping on the t=other hand is another story, especially this time of year.
My list goes something like this
Grandmother
Mom's Hubby
Stew
Dave
Janet/Mitch-mom's husband's sister/husband
Margie/Wilkie-mom's husband's mother/father
Secret santa gift
Luke(dom's friend)
and Dom
I have no idea what I am going to get for these people, so not only am I getting to shop, I need to be inspired for "the gift"
At least Dom's teachers are done
Any ideas???
Posted 12/7/2007 9:41:15 AM
The weekend approches like a slow second cousin in an inbred West Virginia family.
Maybe it's me, but today is dragging. I have alot to do this weekend, and I am ready to get to it. Christmas shopping is the main agenda too. I mean, sure I have homework, midterms, housecleaning, laundry, and candy making to do, but the shopping is the most time consuming. Some of you guys may not understand this, but it is. As any woman knows, we can do more than 1 thing at a time in the house. I can clean, bake, and laundry while I study and write a paper. I may be tired afterwards, but I know I managed to get a lot done. Shopping on the t=other hand is another story, especially this time of year.
My list goes something like this
Grandmother
Mom's Hubby
Stew
Dave
Janet/Mitch-mom's husband's sister/husband
Margie/Wilkie-mom's husband's mother/father
Secret santa gift
Luke(dom's friend)
and Dom
I have no idea what I am going to get for these people, so not only am I getting to shop, I need to be inspired for "the gift"
At least Dom's teachers are done
Any ideas???
What Historical Lunitic Am I?
Posted 12/7/2007 8:37:23 AM
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Posted 12/7/2007 8:37:23 AM
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
It's the book not the movie for those who have read it
Posted 12/4/2007 9:44:14 AM
Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this little Who daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Whos' houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Whos' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Whos, still a-bed
All the Whos, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!
Posted 12/4/2007 9:44:14 AM
Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this little Who daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Whos' houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Whos' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Whos, still a-bed
All the Whos, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!
FeedBack
aussierose53
4/21/2008 10:48:09 PM
aussierose53
3/29/2008 7:24:30 PM
Girly Comments & Graphics
BL00DLUST3R
3/6/2008 4:47:12 AM
Hehe. I blame you for me liking Liz Phair :P It is the song you got on here that made me look for her stuff :P hehe.
Sorry it has been a while. I kind of dropped off sinse people stopped comming on here.
How are you?
BL00DLUST3R
1/28/2008 12:38:33 PM
LLCOOLWSR
1/24/2008 11:38:09 PM
"POOP FOR PEACE!!"
G.W.BUSH
bpasdaddy2
1/23/2008 10:14:25 AM
i do that myself sometimes as well - it is a real shock to see the changes (especially with me - I've managed to put on about 15 pounds since he was born)...
Jkrapture
1/22/2008 8:11:34 PM
Now I am taking College Algebra, and will be done with maths by the end of my associates degree.
Energizerbunny
1/22/2008 7:45:58 AM
piper
1/17/2008 8:52:10 PM
Stopped by to say hello! Hope the class is still going well!!!
PurpleAngel
1/14/2008 8:42:34 PM
I'm jealous! Wish I still lived in Florida.
PurpleAngel
1/13/2008 10:09:01 AM
Where are you in Florida? I'm from Miami and was just in Clearwater last week.
Cowgirls_Caddy
1/12/2008 10:14:41 AM
kittiew
1/11/2008 3:39:19 AM
Nope... dont mind at all. Help urself. Hugs
imthelady
1/10/2008 4:11:57 PM
hey nic, naked party at smoked silly's this weekend!! u down?!! lol
BL00DLUST3R
1/6/2008 5:47:01 AM
Heya hun! How are you?
Energizerbunny
1/6/2008 4:55:48 AM
You got my vote!!!
nickelpickel
1/5/2008 6:50:13 PM
Woohoo I'm running for president
melliemel
1/5/2008 4:54:12 PM
NICK FOR PRESIDENT!!!
Jkrapture
1/4/2008 12:33:11 AM
I'm still impressed. Great job. Are you sure your not stalking me. LOL
Energizerbunny
1/3/2008 8:44:03 PM
Quizzy thing is done...LOL its a short one though.
4/21/2008 10:48:09 PM
aussierose53
3/29/2008 7:24:30 PM
Girly Comments & Graphics
BL00DLUST3R
3/6/2008 4:47:12 AM
Hehe. I blame you for me liking Liz Phair :P It is the song you got on here that made me look for her stuff :P hehe.
Sorry it has been a while. I kind of dropped off sinse people stopped comming on here.
How are you?
BL00DLUST3R
1/28/2008 12:38:33 PM
LLCOOLWSR
1/24/2008 11:38:09 PM
"POOP FOR PEACE!!"
G.W.BUSH
bpasdaddy2
1/23/2008 10:14:25 AM
i do that myself sometimes as well - it is a real shock to see the changes (especially with me - I've managed to put on about 15 pounds since he was born)...
Jkrapture
1/22/2008 8:11:34 PM
Now I am taking College Algebra, and will be done with maths by the end of my associates degree.
Energizerbunny
1/22/2008 7:45:58 AM
piper
1/17/2008 8:52:10 PM
Stopped by to say hello! Hope the class is still going well!!!
PurpleAngel
1/14/2008 8:42:34 PM
I'm jealous! Wish I still lived in Florida.
PurpleAngel
1/13/2008 10:09:01 AM
Where are you in Florida? I'm from Miami and was just in Clearwater last week.
Cowgirls_Caddy
1/12/2008 10:14:41 AM
kittiew
1/11/2008 3:39:19 AM
Nope... dont mind at all. Help urself. Hugs
imthelady
1/10/2008 4:11:57 PM
hey nic, naked party at smoked silly's this weekend!! u down?!! lol
BL00DLUST3R
1/6/2008 5:47:01 AM
Heya hun! How are you?
Energizerbunny
1/6/2008 4:55:48 AM
You got my vote!!!
nickelpickel
1/5/2008 6:50:13 PM
Woohoo I'm running for president
melliemel
1/5/2008 4:54:12 PM
NICK FOR PRESIDENT!!!
Jkrapture
1/4/2008 12:33:11 AM
I'm still impressed. Great job. Are you sure your not stalking me. LOL
Energizerbunny
1/3/2008 8:44:03 PM
Quizzy thing is done...LOL its a short one though.
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