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fighting a losing battle Posted 6/14/2007 6:56:44 PM okay so i have came to the conclusion that i will not beat the biggest corporate company out there (so as to discharge the slander lawsuit) and their devious ways. i was up for a dept. manager position that i was well qualified for, and they gave it to someone under-qualified. injustice and discriminated i wrote an email to our human resource manager. all i wanted was a good reason and i don't believe senority is a good reason. i think you pick the person best qualified for the job. they don't see it that way and now i am faced with a dilenma: become a yes person or keep fighting a losing battle because i know it is not a fair decision and face retaliation? hmm advice anyone? (1) Comments

none the wiser... Posted 5/30/2007 9:32:34 PM none more the stranger than me. I guess you could say I love my life. I work weird hours, thanks to the joys of wal-mart. I hardly spend time with my daughter, who wants nothing more than my time or the sake that I am happy with her and not mad at her. I don't think being a parent constitutes about 24 hours in a week...that kinda sucks. To wish I could look at the world through the eyes of a child. The absolute wonder and amazement they have I wish could last forever. But alas, everyone falls into the trap called adulthood. Tragic I say. Why can't we all just be in awe at life??? Wouldn't it be much simpler just creating a place you could call safe? Who knows... (0) Comments

For that evil syndicate known as the oil companies... Posted 5/28/2007 9:14:44 PM This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! It's worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas . It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can Really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.00 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.98 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!! I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at >least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all! (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am . so trust me on this one. How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK. (0) Comments

yay Posted 5/27/2007 11:28:15 PM I got me the Wii this weekend...that is so much fun..my daughter loves it and now beats everyone in bowling...pre-birthday present for her, post-birthday present for me!! hehe...anyways, that is a workout and a half. As far as work life, we are now two people short, dept. manager being one of them. our fearless leader gone..new management above our dept. as well...good times i tell ya...gotta love wal-hell! Home life, well we also got a new garage door this weekend...instructions are good, specially if you are not a dyslexic reader like i am and put stuff on backwards, kinda wastes your whole day...trust me...oh and word of advice: don't try to hold on to a pole when your arm is hurting and someone is working underneath...ya might give them one hell of a headache...but it now a functioning door...thank goodness for people who know how to do electric.... Well i am off to bed now, for i don't know if i work early or at 10, so i think i may show up early so that i can leave early...yay! ttyl people and take care!! (0) Comments

randomness Posted 5/16/2007 9:28:17 PM this is my week in a nutshell. my fiance's ex's girlfriend called and left a nasty lil message on his phone. of course i had to respond. so i sent a text saying that she needed to keep her bitch on a leash. well they called back and the fight was on. i told her that her gf texted my fiance and that she needed to get her facts before she starts jumping him about it. then she went on to tell me that talking to your ex is sick and twisted and that i should hate him for doing that. i told her that she couldn't trust her girlfriend if she didn't want her talking to him and that they are 5000 miles away and in no possible distance of screwing around...lol...anyways, it was funny. well i found out last night that she wrote about us in her blog...saying that we were people who didn't matter to her anymore and that we are dumb for wasting sacred vows on what started as a joke and/or strange arrangement. i wonder who is stranger...me being engaged to a guy or her trying to prove she is lesbian with cock temptation? i don't get it. but i think she has major issues and i was told not to kick a person when they are down because they have enough problems. then there is my job. i liked it for a very long time...until now. working with a bunch of girls suck. they are competitive and backstabbers who talk about how they are better than you in whatever you do or lack thereof. and the bitching..OMG. you would think they couldn't hear themselves constantly bitch. i am going insane, or at least a lil bit more every day. i just want to cut their tongues out and step on them. but that just wouldn't be nice, but at least it would be quiet. and that my friends would be worth it. then there is my baby, oh i am sorry my lil girl. i came to realize that i miss hanging out with her. she is so great. she can make me smile still, even when she is bad. i hate work for taking my precious time away from her, but gotta get that money to provide. i heart her so much, and i love when she tells me how much she loves me. the other night it was as much as all the stars in the sky, and all the dandilions in the entire universe. isn't that awesome!! anyways, hope everyone is doing great!! feel free to comment and take care!! (2) Comments

A speech that would be true even today!! Posted 2/6/2007 11:23:13 PM Modern History Sourcebook: Ronald Reagan: A Time for Choosing Speech, 1964 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am going to talk of controversial things. I make no apology for this. It's time we asked ourselves if we still know the freedoms intended for us by the Founding Fathers. James Madison said, "We base all our experiments on the capacity of mankind for self government." This idea? that government was beholden to the people, that it had no other source of power is still the newest, most unique idea in all the long history of man's relation to man. This is the issue of this election: Whether we believe in our capacity for self-government or whether we abandon the American Revolution and confess that a little intellectual elite in a far-distant capital can plan our lives for us better than we can plan them ourselves. You and I are told we must choose between a left or right, but I suggest there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down. Up to man's age-old dream-the maximum of individual freedom consistent with order or down to the ant heap of totalitarianism. Regardless of their sincerity, their humanitarian motives, those who would sacrifice freedom for security have embarked on this downward path. Plutarch warned, "The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits." The Founding Fathers knew a government can't control the economy without controlling people. And they knew when a government sets out to do that, it must use force and coercion to achieve its purpose. So we have come to a time for choosing. Public servants say, always with the best of intentions, "What greater service we could render if only we had a little more money and a little more power." But the truth is that outside of its legitimate function, government does nothing as well or as economically as the private sector. Yet any time you and I question the schemes of the do-gooders, we're denounced as being opposed to their humanitarian goals. It seems impossible to legitimately debate their solutions with the assumption that all of us share the desire to help the less fortunate. They tell us we're always "against," never "for" anything. We are for a provision that destitution should not follow unemployment by reason of old age, and to that end we have accepted Social Security as a step toward meeting the problem. However, we are against those entrusted with this program when they practice deception regarding its fiscal shortcomings, when they charge that any criticism of the program means that we want to end payments.... We are for aiding our allies by sharing our material blessings with nations which share our fundamental beliefs, but we are against doling out money government to government, creating bureaucracy, if not socialism, all over the world. We need true tax reform that will at least make a start toward I restoring for our children the American Dream that wealth is denied to no one, that each individual has the right to fly as high as his strength and ability will take him.... But we can not have such reform while our tax policy is engineered by people who view the tax as a means of achieving changes in our social structure.... Have we the courage and the will to face up to the immorality and discrimination of the progressive tax, and demand a return to traditional proportionate taxation? . . . Today in our country the tax collector's share is 37 cents of -very dollar earned. Freedom has never been so fragile, so close to slipping from our grasp. Are you willing to spend time studying the issues, making yourself aware, and then conveying that information to family and friends? Will you resist the temptation to get a government handout for your community? Realize that the doctor's fight against socialized medicine is your fight. We can't socialize the doctors without socializing the patients. Recognize that government invasion of public power is eventually an assault upon your own business. If some among you fear taking a stand because you are afraid of reprisals from customers, clients, or even government, recognize that you are just feeding the crocodile hoping he'll eat you last. If all of this seems like a great deal of trouble, think what's at stake. We are faced with the most evil enemy mankind has known in his long climb from the swamp to the stars. There can be no security anywhere in the free world if there is no fiscal and economic stability within the United States. Those who ask us to trade our freedom for the soup kitchen of the welfare state are architects of a policy of accommodation. They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong. There are no easy answers, but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right. Winston Churchill said that "the destiny of man is not measured by material computation. When great forces are on the move in the world, we learn we are spirits-not animals." And he said, "There is something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells duty." You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done. (3) Comments

yearning in me Posted 11/11/2006 10:20:35 PM well another year passes again, and i am left with the question....wth did i do all year? i am employeed, another year older, none the wiser, daughter is in kindergarten and i am still broke...huh...nothing really changes i guess. Yet i have this compelling urge to write a book/story/poem? something like that...my creativity is flowing, just not connecting to my hand/pen/computer...what have you. All in my head until i go to write it down, then i draw a blank...kinda funny how it works out sometimes. anyways, how is everyone out there in internet land? I so miss talking to you kaydance, we keep missing each other. I am glad to see you look happier in your pictures =) your daughter is beautiful and growing oh so fast as well... oh well, i guess i will have to wait to start my writing again...as for now, i must wander off to dreamland...for work comes too fast in the a.m. talk to you all later!! (0) Comments

wow Posted 10/10/2006 4:31:17 PM its been forever since i wrote in here...time just goes by so quickly..anyways, how is everyone? doing just great i hope....xmas is almost ready and i feel that it has caught me with my pants down again....not prepared for anything...lol...kinda funny how everything just sneaks up on you like a theif in the night. so anyways, i still work at hell...wally world as they call themselves...lol...love being a customer don't like being an employee there though...shit went downhill since sam walton died....now all they care about is the profit....damn rich bastards...but anyways, life is good, going to hawaii next year, can't wait....gotta go now, just wanted to write a few lines down...talk to you all later....take care!! (1) Comments

360 babay!! Posted 4/30/2006 8:32:45 PM Well we got the xbox a lil early then expected. It is awesome! The graphics and the setup...totally cool. Oblivion looks tight, so does GRAWL and Huxley looks like its going to be a great game!! Anyways, me and my daughter is doing awesome as well! We got to share the whole weekend together! That was great! I don't know when my next weekend off is, but I am sure we are going to have fun again as well! Take care everyone!! Hope you all have an awesome week!! God Bless!!! (1) Comments

Xbox 360 in two weeks!! Posted 4/23/2006 10:57:45 PM The days are approaching to the time I can kill what brain cells I have left in console gaming. Huxley looks awesome, and can't wait to see Oblivion on the HD 360 action going on....sweeeeet....COD2 looks awesome as well, and so does the Condemed game. Okay, so the PC game Neverwinter Nights will soon be added to my collection, so that I can game with my asst. manager that way I can pwn him and rub it in...lol Oh yeah, and me and my daughter had another girl day! we planted flowers, and she bought some stuff for her and her friends. It was great! She wants to go to chuck e. cheese for her next girl day, and that should be fun as well! I took her to the park today, and we played for about an hour before I had to work. I think she misses hanging out with me, and keeps asking me how come I have to work. But she is getting used to it. Gotta go now, take care everyone and God Bless!! (1) Comments

Good Times!! Posted 4/7/2006 7:10:20 PM For all those who have been following my blog. Today was Girl's Day for me and my daughter. We went to eat at her favorite resturant, and sat there and talked about her school, and what she wanted to do today and all that fun stuff. Then we went to Wal-Mart and got some Easter things. Then we went to her open house at school and she showed me all her work and how she was doing in school. She has been excited all day today, it was great! Then we went to shop for some gardening tools so she can plant her flower garden. Then it was movie time for us and we watched Ice Age 2...that is a funny movie, I advise everyone to see that. Then we went back to Wal-Mart for a purse for her and to let her ride the car out there. She enjoyed it immensely and can't wait until our next girl day where she wants to spend it planting flowers.... That is how my day went...how bout you all? (2) Comments

Story of my life Posted 4/5/2006 12:05:08 AM Hah...not really but the recap of it all... So I got a job at Wal-Mart...seeing as how I am always there, I might as well be paid for it right? All my money goes there anyways, my daughter's favorite place to shop. Anyways, we are going on an all girl day this Friday. Spending time with her, cause I hardly see her now, and I feel bad about that. We are going to get her basket for easter, and going to watch Ice Age 2 the meltdown. She is growing up so fast, I feel sorry for her father that never knew how much she grew in a year. Sad to say, he doesn't ask for her that much, but say she is the most important thing in his life....that's right...most important "thing". She is not a thing, but a beautiful girl that is wise beyond her years. But enough of the soapbox standing and bitching about him. How the heck is everyone out there in internet land doing? Hopefully you are all cheerful like me!! Jon...my darling friend how the heck are ya? hit me up man!! oxoxoxoxo and how is your beautiful baby doing? Anyways, gots to get some sleep so I can drop my daughter off at school in the am...good night yall!! (2) Comments

To the darkside Posted 3/23/2006 10:54:39 PM Well I just blew money on a game that I intend to finish..sometime...lol The new Oblivion Elder Scrolls 4....nice graphics, storyline that seems to go on forever etc. Okay, so anyways I haven't wrote in here for a while, so let me sum up my life in a paragraph. I applied for a job, and got an interview. Had to take a drug test, and go to orientation. Then got hired, and went to cashier by myself by my second day. Finally got my first paycheck, and now I am officially broke. Ain't life grand. Work your ass off to hand your money to someone else. Okay, now that you are caught up...I guess that is it for now. I know I have other useless stuff about my life, but as sleep drawns me into its lazy grip I shall have to continue my rambling again some other time. yall have a good night!! And Jon...Happy early birthday!! And cheer up okay hun!! *HUG* Take care my good internet friend!! God Bless!! (1) Comments

GOD Bless the soldiers!! Posted 3/11/2006 12:15:01 AM THE FINAL INSPECTION The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. "Step forward now, you soldier, How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?" The soldier squared his shoulders and said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills got just too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears. If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. "Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell." ~Author Unknown~ It's the Soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It's the Soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It's the Soldier, not the politicians that ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. It's the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag. If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the Military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served and are currently serving our country and pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom (2) Comments

Feelings today Posted 3/8/2006 5:33:05 PM Why does it feel like when you try to get further ahead, you fall further behind? You look at people around you, and you think why can't my life be that simple? Why can't I have the luxury of just chillaxing and everything handed to me? How did I succumb to be the one that has to work my ass off, and yet still have nothing to show for that? Sad I tell ya. On a higher note though, "God will never give you more than you can handle." But sometimes, he sure does push it. It is worth it though because you will be rewarded three fold. But I sure do hope the end of the tunnel is near, for I see it's flicker of light in an all blackened room. Rescue me from myself for I don't know how to escape it. Or maybe its because the weather is dreary that I feel this way. (2) Comments

What if Posted 3/5/2006 12:36:07 PM I watched a movie last night and it got me thinking...what would you do if you had a miracle of God in front of you, and they wanted to die? Do you kill them knowing that it will take you to hell to kill one of God's miracles? Or do you not, even though he wants to die because he is hurting too much? The sad part is that we do that constantly to each other. Instead of helping the people who are down and out of their luck, we stomp on them harder so they stay there. When a person is in trouble, we look the other way...I don't think that is very Christian is it? We are told to love one another as we love ourselves...but what if we don't love ourselves enough to care for someone else? It saddens me to think that we don't all get along, I know we need a balance, but if everyone stop to think about it, I bet we could change the world one person at a time. Instead of being malicous to one another, why don't we try and help them out? Instead of criticizing one another, why don't we listen and offer a soultion or help them figure one out? Is it that hard? I don't know, but I am going to do my hardest on trying to help other people. When my daughter grows up I want her to think of me as someone who was caring, considerate, and willing to help others, and patient. So far I am doing good with that. =) There is too many people in this world that are negative, and I don't want to add to that number. Yall have a blessed day now and God Bless!! (0) Comments

A lil humor for your day!! Posted 3/2/2006 5:31:02 PM I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, ! that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut tha t door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" (2) Comments

Girls Day Posted 2/27/2006 3:22:29 PM Me and my daughter had a girls day this weekend. It has been forever since I had one of those. We went shopping and took her pictures, and went to China Grill Buffet (her favorite place to eat ever!!) She is such a grown up little girl. Seems only yesterday she was only a baby that didn't walk yet, and now she is writing her name, and singing and having little girls parties. I can only imagine what she is going to be like when she is older. I swear she is wise beyond her years. It was great to spend a whole day with her and looking at the world from her eyes. It was awesome! Anyways, hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and God Bless!! (1) Comments

irritated and sick of the lies Posted 2/20/2006 1:01:42 PM Okay...so my baby's father decides to post on myspace a comment....here it is: u know u shouldnt say that because i know ur talking about me and ur self because ur friend said u can have a better life thier u went and thats how me and u went broke up or not but if he tells u to jump in da fire would u if u do then u aint better then u know u just a person that needs friends to help u think and do the things that u really supposed to do on ur self to make it happened. i tried to do the things for a family but no u went to ur damn friends. u went out with them and u didnt know when to come home i had to look for u. our baby girl was home with me and wanted to go back out with guys and my cousin soo plz dont go there u always use ur side of the story and that not right to do. but u know what i still love u and u know that for fact but u need ur friend ryan to support u . Posted by Naloboy70 on Sunday, February 19, 2006 at 9:35 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] my reply to this: first off, you lie!! in your own little warped head is the fact that i went out every weekend, and didn't do anything for our daughter, when in fact i did almost everything for her. when you were playing your little games and going out and drinking, i was there. when she took her first steps and learned to talk, i was there. when she cried at night and was sick, i was there. all you ever did was play sof and drink and have the time of your life. how dare you try and say that i was a bad parent and went out all the time. your little instance was one time, which i did come home, but left again. that was one time, and you made yourself look like an ass by trying to come and fight with me in front of my friends and your neice and cousin. all you can do is use what little you have against me. you never took the responsibility of being the "man" of the household, yet told everyone that you were. I can't believe that you think you did everything, when you didn't do anything. i worked my ass off to get the things i needed for kaila, while you spent your money in the bar. who made more money and was broke by the weekend? and then asked me for money cause you didn't have any for lunch? I know you don't think that you were taking care of us, I worked two jobs just to support me and kaila because you thought you were more important than us both. why do you think i left? i didn't want to live in a broken house that leaked all the time, and didn't have windows nor a bedroom. I left because my daughter deserved a better life and you couldn't provide for that. as far as ryan, he and i both know i don't need him either. I can handle on my own, and at least you thought me that. I can be a good parent and provide for my daughter the things she needs and some of what she wants. The lesson I learned out of our relationship is that I do deserve better than what you could ever offer me. And that I could be a good parent to Kaila. At least you thought me that much. (1) Comments

Happy... Posted 2/15/2006 9:17:49 PM Curiousity kills the cat....lol...I am in a good mood. Got caught off guard with someone telling me that they liked tacos....and stupid me falls for it. Asking the infamous question..."What kind of tacos?" and of course this was a man, and he says pink tacos...lmao...I am such a dork. Anyways, did I mention my daughter is just the bestest ever??? at being a smart ass.. I was telling her the other day to put her things away so she could find it when she needed it to take care of it? Well I was looking for something that I misplaced, and she told me...yup..."if you took care of your stuff mom, you would know where it is." lol..talk about not knowing what to say to a little four year old that uses your quotes against you. I had a great V-day. My daughter made me a card at school, that says she loves care bears, and told me that she loves me too, but forgot to put that in the card she made for me. Isn't that nice? lol... Talked to her dad last night. He is going mad about the fact that I told him I didn't need anything from him. He thinks that I am asking him for the world, yet I am not asking him for anything, and he don't know what to do. Irony I tell ya, he never gave me anything, now that I tell him I don't want anything, he gets mad...interesting concept. well I think I took enough of everyone's time, have to give my daughter a bath and read to her to put her to sleep. Goodnight everyone and take care!! (1) Comments

Something is brewing... Posted 2/1/2006 1:46:04 AM My daughter's dad called her today. He asked if she wanted to come back home, and she told him no. She wanted to stay with me. And well, he hung up on her. So I called him back to let her ask him why she hung up on him, and he put his mom on to ask her to come back home, and my daughter told her no. She wants to stay with me, and they got mad. They think I am brainwashing my daughter, and telling her to stay with me. I think my daughter found out that her dad was lying to her. I mean to tell a four year old that he is going to pick her up and he lives so far away...(hawaii to ohio is a long way to travel) to tell her that he is going to be here by nighttime...lol..come on. she may be young, but she is not dumb. She will understand one day. (1) Comments

Done and over with Posted 1/28/2006 12:25:57 AM How do you help someone who doesn't want the help, yet wants you to help them? I am confused about that....is it just to hear themselves say that they need it, or as long as they speak it, they are doing something about it. Even if all it is just a whisper in the wind to have nothing more than that. It's funny, but sad. I know so much people in my life like that. So much drama self-inflicted, yet they are the ones to tell me to change and become this beautiful person that I have locked up so that it will never be hurt again. Maybe I just attract those type of people. Quick to find error in everyone else, but themselves. Or maybe it is just me, and I find those type of people in this huge, vast world. I think that I am through with it all. I was told once that it was me and my daughter against the world, and somehow I think that he may be right. I can do that, and I need no one, cause it will only be a distraction, or a limitation. Sad to say in my young life, that I will miss all those opportunities, but I don't think I need it. To love someone so much then to lose it all, I can handle just not having it in the first place. Things in my own little comfort box is good enough for me. Emotions are useless for me now. I have now thrown all emotions away that pertains to anyone but my daughter. The only person who can hurt me now is her. I have made ammends with my family and friends. (1) Comments

keeping the sanity Posted 1/22/2006 2:04:35 AM Heh...Is it that hard to keep sanity? What if you really didn't have any. Every day you see things that just makes you wonder what this world is coming to. Kids carrying guns, while the parents have no choice but to let them to defend. Suicide bombers that are mothers, children, men, and yet for what? So they can die for the country that would have killed them for not doing it. Funny how fear makes us do things that doesn't make sense. Know what another one is? Revenge. Makes you do crazy stuff. Like use your child to be in the middle of a selfish act. Take for instance my daughter. Intelligent, sometimes I think more so than her own father. Yet he plays mind games that make her feel guilty for not choosing to stay with him. At four, that can do a lot for a child. But as long as he can get what he wants, he will strive to make her the pawn in the middle. Don't think that I am the person that left to make him feel bad either. When you can choose the bar and drinking over your daughter, you have issues. When your daughter strives for your attention when she a toddler, and you choose to watch "Adult Swim" or other things, they start to either go one way or another. Either strive for your attention more, or just don't care if you are there or not. And she went with not caring if he was there. I decided to move when I knew that he could not help us move forward with life. Being stagnet for a while, is not the way to live. There is so much beautiful things in this life to see, and well I want to see everything or at least a good chuck of it. I want my daughter to live life to the fullest, not look at a book and wonder what it would be like to do that. If i could just find a way for him to realize that if he could keep his word to her at least once, then maybe he would have had a shot, but oh well. He is eight years my senior, and I can't change him. I don't want to, but for her sake, I just want her to think that he somene she can look up to, not someone that proves himself to be a father when he wants to be, but then wants something in return. (0) Comments

Pictures lie sometimes... Posted 1/9/2006 9:01:09 PM Notice how happy we look there? All a lie I tell ya. That was now one year ago, before I moved to Ohio. Tired of putting on the act that everything is okay. How the very essence of my spirit has been drained for five years, and depleting myself of time. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? At the time, I was. People who knew me before I was with him said I changed. I no longer had the zest of life I once had, that I just became a driftwood, just floating along waiting for the waterfall to crash and plummeth me to the rocks below. Glad I broke up with him and took my daughter with me. Now I feel like I can do anything, and I can accomplish anything. I feel like I have a new outlook on life, and I am happy! My daughter seems a lot happier as well. It was time for me to move on. The sad thing is that she doesn't really miss him that much...wonder why that it is. Could it be the fact that even when he was around, he wasn't there? I remember him telling me that I was a bad parent and filling my head with lies. Now that I have been with her by myself for almost a year, I found that I am a great parent. I have also found out that he doesn't want the responsiblity of raising a kid, because he is just a kid himself. If I ask him to buy something for her, he finds every excuse to not buy it, or wants to see a receipt to make sure that I spend it on her. It's funny, now that I think about it, cause well he never helped out in Hawaii either. Why would I think he would help out when I moved, although he said he would. LOL...I have grown up a lot since then, and came to the conclusion that I don't need him after all. Who knew that all those lies would catch up to him. (1) Comments

Quit smoking Posted 1/5/2006 5:41:19 PM Well I have done it...Quit smoking and yet all I feel right now is clean. I don't have the odor of ashtray following me anymore, and I don't crave it. My mind occupies itself without thinking about smoking. It's funny that when my mind finally empties do I crave a cigarette, and I have to get up and keep busy. I am waiting for the nicotine withdrawls that I have been told that will come in time. Seeing as how I quit 24 hours ago, I have not noticed them yet. I know that my blood pressure dropped since I quit. My reason for taking my blood pressure after smoking to keep me in the norm. I need to find a hobby though to occupy the boredom that was once associated with smoking. (5) Comments

Start of yet another year Posted 1/3/2006 7:30:47 PM Another year, gone never to be relived. And yet all I feel is I am getting old. lol, well be that as it may, I have a lot to accomplish this year. The fact that life does not stand still even when you want it to kinda sucks, but I guess to relive a memory, you would have to do it all over again. Same experience, different time and place. Like when my daughter did a little song and dance during the OSU/ND game. Cuteness I tell ya. Or the fact that she loves to dance and sing about what she is doing at the present moment. So much talent in a young little girl. She tells me the other day that she wanted to be was a kid. Isn't that cute? Well anyways, time is way too short nowadays, and I wish that she could stay this age forever, but you have to grow up sometime. I cherish every moment with her, and hope it will last. As for me, well I am giving up the smokes this year. Dreading how I will react, but I know that I will smell better and not like an ashtray will hopefully work in my head. My daughter doesn't have to be around that crap, and neither does anyone else. But I smoked for so long, its like giving up my boredom time. I smoke the most when I am bored, so I guess I will have to find something to occupy my time with, and not become a couch potatoe. I am trying to learn how to play piano, but I have noticed that my two hands can't play at the same time. They develop paralysis when I try. It's funny to watch really. I also need to lose weight, but giving up smoking and trying to lose weight...scary. Talk about being a bitch on wheels I tell ya. No matter, my saying this year is "Start Living Healthy!" I guess that is all the randomness that I need to write right now. I have to finish Cinderella for the umpteenth time since X-mas. (0) Comments

Only Hope Posted 12/31/2005 2:50:27 AM What a way to start out a new blog huh...but oh well, here it goes: Thinking of a new year coming and the new list of goals that I will forget about during the new year, as I write them all down again. Funny how watching a movie will get you thinking how you will spend your life; as an existance, or as one awesome memory for people to remember. How much time we have left, how little we think of doing things for other people. To change one person for the better would make it all better again. How one more minute playing with a child will make sure a difference in that child's life. To be first on the list before the cleaning and the daily things that we get wrapped in and how insignificant that all seems when you light up a face ya know. I have come to the conclusion that this New years resolution will be to spend more time with my daughter. Not just being there in the room as I do my own thing and try to get her to do something else as long as she is not bothering me, but actually see the world again from a child's point of view. How new and exciting everything will look again. I miss the feeling of everything being new ya know. I found that out today. My daughter, I don't know what I would do without her, I noticed that today as I played with her, and all she wanted to do was to lay on my stomach and watch Cinderella. All she wanted today was for me to be there, and hold my hand. The best feeling in the world I tell ya. (1) Comments

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General Comments LLCOOLWSR Posted 5/27/2007 11:30:59 PM Take care. kaydance Posted 7/16/2006 1:54:23 AM Hey...we keep missing each other. Hows the new gaming system..sounds pretty sweet! hows life? hit me up next time your on kaydance Posted 4/3/2006 6:16:26 PM aaah Oblivian has eaten you!!! haha my buddie tells me its pretty sicko addicting. kaydance Posted 1/25/2006 10:36:27 AM Ya sorry it took so long. Took me a min to figure out how to add friends. Brookie01 Posted 1/3/2006 7:35:55 PM Hello! ***Brookie01 angeldust Posted 1/1/2006 11:05:02 AM Best type of resolution to have, just make sure you allow for quality time for yourself too so that you don't become mired in her life alone. At least you've started your blog me, I'm still thinking. Hope that '06 is good for you and that this tim Please login to post a comment.