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Learning: Tears, Fears, and Jeers
Posted 8/16/2008 10:07:10 PM Right now I feel so many things. I feel tired and angry, and sad, but above them all confused. I feel so confused and lonley. How can you feel alone and be around people. I feel like a fool. I am embarassed at my emotions and how they move me. I get so caught up until I can't see my way out. I have been so messed up ever since me and Colin. I don't know how to love. My life has taken so many turns and ups and downs, but through it all I fake it and persevere. I smile even when the reality of it all is that I want to cry. When I am around Colin's family I feel like like an outside viewing things through a glass wall. There is no warmth, there is no joy, there is no belonging,and yet I have to be there. I have to sit outside of this glass and look in. I do it for my daughter, I do it for myself. I don't want to be the whore with the "other kid". I want a name, I want and identity and I want a purpose. I just don't know why it mens so much to me. I don't know why I try to hard to fight what even I feel as though I am. Sometimes I feel like a whore. I knew his situation and I got involved anyway. I knew he had a lady in his life, yet I got in anyway. So now I am trying to piece together this insane puzzle that I have created. I look at guys like Corey and I don't truly even feel like I deserve their love. I want it, but it isn't for me. I need to be fixed. I need to be happy, but the biggest part of my joy lies within me. I have to find it, I have lost it.
Learning: The Purest Love
Posted 7/18/2008 8:17:12 AM I was reading an article this morning and the gentleman interviewed said that the one thing he realized when holding his child for the first time, was the feeling of true love. And, I would have to adamantly agree. You child is the purest form of love that you are afforded in this life. As adults we pursue relationships in the faint hope that they will lead to love, but I am so blessed becasue my 3 year old tells me that she loves me everynight. I have found love. I stumble and bumble through dating and relationships hoping to find what I have, someone who doesn't see my failures, only my successes. My daughter is the only thing that keeps me pushing myself and grasping for straws in this life. She keeps me giving whatever it is that I have inside of me, so that her life can be good. I fear at times that I will let her down and not be the mother that she deserves, but my cousin pointed out that my daughter doesn't even see my struggle. In her eyes we are doing fine. Even with no money in th bank and none on it's way anytime soon. I will say that for anyone reading this who believes in a higher power, my God is so real. He has been blessing me and my daughter since her birth. I may not be able to give her the world, but with God's help I will give her all that I can. She is a blessing. I blame myself for not giving her the father that she deserves, or the life that she deserves with the cohesive family unit, but I shower her with all of thelove that I can. She is my motivation. When she is gone for long amounts of time I feel so empty. But, to God be the glory in all things. We will survive and my storms will pass away. If you don't believe, I only hope that you can come to see the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have my difficult days and I suffer my trials and tribulations, but Glory be to the one on high, I have pure love and a beautiful child. I am blessed.
Learning: Trying to be an Adult...... It's too darn hard!!!
Posted 7/3/2008 12:00:31 AM I am trying with everything in me to be civilized and mannerable when it comes to dealing with my daughter's grandparents. They realized that they raised a complete a***ole, but they still think that I should be understanding. His mother says that all of the drama with me and him is going to kill her... to that I simply shake my head. I took my daughter to visit them today, and his mom gave me money for her, which is nice (though I declined it 3 times) She is attempting to halt proceedings, but I very politely and respectfully told her that I had no intentions of halting procedures. Her son is a 30+ year old man, at what point does accountability come into play? My parents raised me to be respectful and therefore I would never say anything out of the way to them, but they annoy me. And truthfully it isn't the father it's just the mother, take the tit out of his mouth already!!! He has to grow up, this is unhealthy and insane. You can't realistically shelter a grown man from the reality that he himself created. Being a grown up stinks!!!!!
WOW!!!!!
Posted 6/29/2008 7:29:51 PM There are a lot of things that I simply haven't had time to cover. I recieved the sweetest gift ever, my friend bought me a journal to trap some of these wild thoughts that I have been having. I simply love it!! But seriously, in the past weeks life has been something else, I had a cousin have a break down while visiting me. I thought that he was simply drinking to escape his problems, but it turns out that he had a mental and emotional lapse. I literally scared me. I tried to help him, but it was beyond my abilities, I called his parents to get him. I have never been afraid and angry and confused and literally in fear of may safety all while in my own home. What does bi polar disorder look like? I think he may be slightly bi polar. He eill go from really happy and over the top with energy to super depressed and borderline suicidal/homicidal (that was the scary part)Anywho, My guy does not love me...... Life goes on......Truthfully I feel like an undesirable...... I want to ask him what is so wrong with me, but that is just dramatic and crazy and in reality, he couldn't care less. This program that I am in is driving me crazy and my hair loss is freaking me out!!! I need 2 days of real peace. My child's father is all of the asshole I ever though that he was and then some, I am actually ready to take the paternity test and finish the proceedings, I need to put some of the horror of all of this behind me. Why is it so hard to be a grown up. I look at my daughter and envy her innocence and freedom, she has no idea that we are mere dollars and cents away from homeless and destitute. She has no idea that her father would rather die than be responsible for her, she just lives and loves.......... How I wish and long for those days!!!!
Learning: Pain,Confirmation, Moving Past It All (He Doesn't Love Me)
Posted 6/22/2008 12:49:28 AM Today I came clean. I told the guy that I have the strong feelings for that I have these strong feelings for him. I just could not fight it any more. I was so tired of denying my feelings. I love him and I don't know how to control it. His reaction was as expected, he wanted to back away. I asked him not to. I still know that he is going to mmove away. I actually felt my heart break. He was real straight forward and I have to respect that. He says that he concerned about my feelings, and he doesn't want to lead me on. I have a great deal of respect for that, but my heart is broken. I finally stopped pretending to be so hard and finally gave into my feelings and now I am sitting here feeling empty. I am so afraid that I am going to be alone. What is wrong with me? I am trying to get past all of this, but rejection has a sting that is undeniable. I am not angry with him because all he has ever done is be honest with me, it is my fault for romanticising it and trying to create something where nothing truly exist. And guess what...... I still love him. How stupid am I???
Learning: All Intentions Are Not Good Intentions
Posted 6/16/2008 7:54:14 PM My daughter's extended family ie, her dad's family is beginning to crawl underneath my skin. Now that he and I are going through the child support proceedings they feel as though "I am like family th them, and I am making a bad choice!" Bullshit!! So basically I shouls work with them to keep him from ever having to grow up and be a man. I should continue to barely make it and struggle with my daughter. Why?? Why should I continue to put him first? If they love me and my daughter like family then why would you want us too hang out there? See, they say that I didn't ask for anything from them, but why should I have to? They know that my daughter is in daycare, they know she eats, gets dressed, ect, and yet I do it on my own. But, "we are family" NO WE ARE NOT!!!!! YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME!!!!!!
Men??: Do we ever want who wants us???
Posted 6/15/2008 11:59:45 PM I am single which most of you know, and I have a few gentlemen callers that I am friends with. I have feelings (fluctuating feelings nonetheless) but I have feelings for certain ones, but theses are not the one who have obvious feelings for me. So..... why? Why are we or to personalize it, why am I not drawn to the guys that are drawn to me. Do I crave the pain? The challenge? Or am I like guys and crave the hunt? Truthfully I can't answer. Are we genetically inclined to look past the ones who are throwing their hearts at us, or is that BS just me??
Learning: Final Chapter of the Book
Posted 6/10/2008 7:28:02 AM For almost 4 years now I have sat around hoping and praying and fasting and meditating waiting on my daughter's father to come around and assist in taking care of her. I by no means crave the relationship anymore, I simply want and at tomes need so additional assistance. So now I am backed into a perverbial corner and I have to go through the child support enforcement services. So yet another brother has to be placed in the system to supply for his child, and I can now close the book on our story (the sorrow filled saga that it was). Once I file these papers it is over, and I feel free yet sad by thr way this book had to end.
Men??: Random Thoughts and Ranting
Posted 6/8/2008 11:25:38 PM Ok, I let me begin by confessing that I am in a place or point in life where I am trying to modify past bad behavior and I am rethinking the way that I view myself and the things that I want from life. I'll be the first to admit that I carry myself in an arrogant light, but most of it is bravado to hide all of my insecurities and concerns about myself. So, with that being said I used to have a relatively casual approach to sex. I know, I know....... ladies don't carry themselves that way, SURE, WHATEVER YOU SAY. I am very much so a lady in the eyes of the public, but .... ok I am getting off of my main thought, during my time of the laise faire(I probably mispelled that) attitude towads sex I slept with an old college friend (not the one I was so crazy about) and it was alll very casual. He later told me that he had gotten engaged and was expecting a child with his fiance'. I was cool with that, so he comes home (which is very close to me) to visit his parents, and he leaves his fiance' back at their home; he then calls me to make arrangements to see me. Though I am attempting to get away from him, I agree to see him. While we are arguing over the details he gets off of the telephone with me. His cell phone accidentally dials me and I hear him and his friends in the car discussing various other ladies (bithches in their own words) that he plans on sleeping with while he is away from his expecting fiance'. I am literally apalled. Ok, I know I am on crack to think that he is only dabbling with me, but this is completely uncalled for!! He is ridiculous!! Oddly enough I am relieved to have this information. I am able to let go and feel no regrets. He is a man whore and the old saying "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife" holds true for men as well as women. He is a hoe and can't be made into a suitable husband. I digress. Another pondering ..... How many times is too many times to forgive?? I am rekindeling a friendship/relationship with a guy who has broken my heart before (more than once) and I want to know how many time is too many. Each time look different, each time feels different, but are they all they same gift with different wrapping paper?? (tapping my head and thinking)
Learning: I.ve Been Thinking and Man Does My Head Hurt!!!
Posted 6/6/2008 1:54:46 PM Currently I am grappling with so many small things that I am allowing to take major precedence in my life. Firstly I have been dealing with stress related hair loss. My hair is literally just falling from the roots. My stylist thinks it's allopecia (I guess that's how you spell it) but honestly, I don't know how to calm down. I am constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. I am so tired of struggling. I realized that I am exhausted with my cycle of failing relationships, and so I am backing away from relationships in general. That may not be wise, but I know no other way. I don't know why I am so unhappy all I know is that I am unhappy. I's got to get better. I am currently enrolled in an alternate certification program and I am working my fingers to the bone. What do I do?? When and how will I find happiness.
Learning: There is a path to happiness
Posted 6/1/2008 12:30:03 PM I finally found the way to happiness, despite all of my challenges and all of the things that so easily beset me, I found that I have to remember to love me. I allow myself to become what others want me to be. I end up in relationships that are completely unfulfilling, and the only one left pulling the weight is me. But today I have decided to let those bad relationships pass and go back to being me. I needed to go back to being happy about who I am and the journey that lies ahead. I love myself, and being able to say, feel, and think that is step one of the pathway to happiness. I feel lighter and free. People will make you into what they want, they will whore you out and they will bleed you dry, it is up to you to determine your worth and STICK TO IT! I am back and I am on my way to being a better me.
Those That Hurt You Never Go Away
Posted 5/29/2008 11:30:16 PM I have a simple question to pose, "Why do the people who hurt you the most never go away?" You have a reminder of the pain that they inflicted as one reminder, but often you have that person around you, or they pop in and out of your life. I blog often about random bs that is only relevent to me, but I am searching for an answer, plaese tell me why? It seems that they would acknowledge the fact that they have significantly hurt you, apologize, and go on with life, but instead they act as though nothing ever took place. WHY???/?
Losing Faith in Love: He Doesn't Love Me
Posted 5/21/2008 8:01:35 PM I have been sitting here romanticising this situation that I am in, and the cold hard painful reality is that he doesn't love me. I don't know how he feels, but I do in fact realize that it isn't love. I am so stupid. How can I have reached this age and not be able to identify love? Sadly enough, I still love him. I want him to just give me the fleeting hope of us being together, but nope! So here I sit alone, depressed, and exasperated.
Learning: Who's the Blame
Posted 5/20/2008 10:01:13 PM Lauryn Hill once said in a song "I look at my environment and wonder where the fire went, What happened to everything we used to be? I hear so many cry for help searching outside of themselves....." So who do we point the finger at? Who is to blame for children (my own included) not having their father? Who is to blame for children (my students in particular) raising themselves? Who is to blame for the lack of positive role models? I have students who are whoring their young bodies out because the adults in their lives say that it is acceptable. I have students facing pregnancies and abortions and they are no more than 13 years old. These children have been told that they should be comfortable with their bar in life being low. I teach in a predominantly black middle school and in a "low income" neighborhood, and these babies face horrors I hope to never know. Grown men prey on my young girls using and abusing their bodies while their mothers say it is alright "as long as he is taking care of you and buying you things". I truthfully do not know if it leaves me depressed or outraged! My young men bring drugs to school and feel as though there is a weakness and vunerability that comes with being intelligent. They don't want accountability. I want to know who do we blame? Where are the real mothers and fathers? I try so hardd to raise my daughter in the best manner that I can. I try to make learning live in the forefront of our lives, but what about my "adopted children"? What happens when I send them back into their lives? Who's fault is it when they are pregnant teens with multiple father's to their children? Who's to blame when they are getting STD's at alarming rates? Who do we blame for their lack of interest in learning? Who told them that proper English is "white"? Who told them that if you leave the neighborhood that you are "fake"? Who said to them that college is for "nerds" and "rich n**gas"? It is all some pure bullshit and I want to know who is to blame?????
Why Can't I Say 3 Little Words?
Posted 5/17/2008 6:18:55 PM Over the past few years I have been seeing a friend of mine on and off. We have been intimate, but we never get too serious. We had gone through a rough spot where he assumed that I wanted manogomy when all I wanted was a truly open relationship. See, we have been friend for almost 10 years and we have been "friends with benefits" for the last two years. I wanted us to be open and honest concerning our outside dealings. If he was seeing other women (and at that time he was) I wanted him to just be 100% open with me, as to avoid my feelings getting hurt. Well, he pulled away and now we are recently getting back together. I respect his decision to remain friends as well as "friends with benefits", I go along with it because he makes me happy. There is a undeniable chemistry between us, and the physical aspect is WOW!!!! But, in the last week or two I have realized something, I am in love. I am willing to wait around on him. I am willing to sit patiently by until he decides what he wants. He had a loss in his family this week and I have been consoling him and just kind of giving him a real friend to have around. We talk and laugh and I allow him to get away from his situation. This is partially becasue I just recently went through the same thing (my uncle's passing) and since the pain is fresh I know the value of a friend, but I am also doing this becasue I am genuinely in love with this man. So why won't I tell him, Simple, I am afraid that he will back away again. I want to be what the hell ever it is that he wants because I want him in my life. He is kind and sexy and intelliget. He cooks, cleans, manages to work 50 or more hours a week, is family oriented, educated, good with my daughter as weel as his niece, has no children, a bonafied mama's boy, yet he manages to be a manly man who hunts and fishes, and all around makes me bubbly. Yes he has flaws, but they appear to be managable. Why can't I say that I love him?
Keys to my heart
Posted 5/15/2008 4:38:02 PM The Keys to Your Heart  You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
Learning: You gotta smile
Posted 5/5/2008 6:42:47 PM There are days in this life where you just have to smile. There may not be anything worth smiling about, but you have to do just that. I have been going through a whirl wind of experiences in the past few weeks (thanks to my nb friends who checked on me) but, I wanted to give up. I felt no need to progress any further in this life, and then my stylist told me I am having stress related balding. Well, ia m WAY too young to be going bald and having to wear a wig, and so I am at a cross road. I can be sad and depressed and wonder why I keep waking up each day, or I can fight through and persevere. And so, i am electing to persevere. I am choosing life, and life more abundantly. I want to be happy again. I remember the time when I was so happy, and I am attempting to reclaim those days past. I am living for myself and my daughter. I am claiming joy in my future. I am choosing life. So even when I feel down in the dumps and reguardless as to how hard it is to pull myself up from the hole that I have been wallowing in, I SMILE. I smile for the memories that I shared with my uncle, I smile for the memories that I am going to create with my existing family and the few true friends that God has blessed me with, I smile for my life! I choose on this day to live not just to exist, but to try my very hardest to live. I hope that anyone reading this will smile for their life, and choose to live!
Suicidal
Posted 4/25/2008 4:51:45 PM I am just not myself these days. I am somewhere between suicidal and homicidal (figuratively homicidal) but truthfully I do feel like dying. I can't win at this game of life. I am a loser consistently. I can't get out of this hole. Maybe I am not coping with death well, or may be I am just truly losing. I feel crazy as hell!!! The car wreck, my uncle's death, not knowing how I feel about anything. I am alone and depressed and falling to pieces! i need help and want help, but I have nowhere to turn.
Tears and fears
Posted 4/17/2008 10:58:59 PM I was bracing myself, but the shock was more than I could initially stand, my uncle passed away. I don't know if I am pissed or sad, or what, I feel so selfish for my grief overwhelming me......... Oh and icing on the cake, I wrecked my car, I must have been Hitler in my former life because for me, when it rains it pours!!! I have wonderful memories of my uncle and I treasure each one greatly. Life has to proceed, but must it be so hard???
When....... Life Simply Must Get Better
Posted 4/14/2008 10:03:06 PM I just found out that one of my favorite uncles had a stroke today, ironically enough I have been suffering from the migraine from hell today. I literally have had to force down vomit. I am so wierd, when someone I am close to is in turmoil I get sick, granted most of the time I can't make it all correlate. My uncle and I had not been very close until last year when I moved to Wisconsin, he was my closest relative and he really made me feel comfortable with him. I simply fell in love. He was just like a father, he chastised me when I was wrong, praised me when I was right, and walked me to and through my tough times. I would sit and just talk to him, he was so honest and straight. I am fighting myself to stop speaking like he has past and pray for a full recovery, but I am so shaken. His wife once told me that having me and my daughter around seemed to give him a new breath of life, because we made him get out and spend time with us, I hate that I moved. I wish I had stayed, if only to see him feeling better. I was torn, I love the hell out of my uncle, but my father was sick as well, and the sheer terror of not being able to be by my father side was too much for me. My uncle was my daddy whe I lived up north, he was my security but my real dad is just that he is my real dad he has always been the number one man in my life. I wish I could have it all. I wish I could be here and in Chicago all at once. I have to dig up some stregnth and pray that God works a miracle. GOD PLEASE WORK A MIRACLE. I want and need both of my daddies. My baby loves my uncle, in fact aside from my dad he was the only man that I trusted to be careful and kind and attentive, yet firm with her. He has to pull through, we have too many more memories to make!!! I just had to vent that. Goodnight.
Never Never Land Next Door to Peter Pan
Posted 4/5/2008 10:48:33 PM I have decided that relationships are so dramatic because we all live in Never Never Land. See, I have been sitting here scratching my head asking what is my main problem? I often sell myself short and accept less than I deserve, all in the name of love. Unlike a vast majority of women I can say that I have lived the life of a whore off and on for some time, and in those instances I knew I wasn't going to fall in love or build a life with anyone, but I tried to open my heart and love someone, and institute fidelity, but all that happened was that my heart got broken. I tried, I tried hard to love, but love often illudes me. So where is it........ is it available to all or some? I want to feel that warmth that comes from knowing that someones cares for you and has your best interest at heart and loves you. I wish and pray and long for the day when the right man will look into my eyes and loves me flaws and all. But, we, not excluding myself, all want to live in Never Never Land and not grow up. We want what we want when we want it, just like children. We live next door to Peter Pan, we are the Lost Boys. I for one am terminating my Never Never Land lease, I want to grow up and fll in love with a man who has terminated his Never Never Land lease and is ready to love me fully. I am a mother and I want to have a family for my daughter. I want to grow up.
Learning: Am I making the right choices????
Posted 3/27/2008 6:16:18 PM My daughter cried like she was being abandoned when I dropped her off with her graandparents today. I am a wreck! I want her to bond and her grandmother wants to have my baby love her the same way she loves my parents, but that just isn't going to happen. My baby's dad decided that she did not need to be part of their life and the only reason that they know her now is becasue I broke my trust with him and told (indirectly) his parents about my daughter (I sent them a card)and so basically I asked for the relationship. So I just pray that I am making the right choice!!! I love my daughter and I only want her to be happy. I even went as far as to attempt to make ammends with her dad (who I despise!!) I sent him and apology letter stating that perhaps I was wrong for dabbling in his life. So Am I making the right choices??????? Oh I gave in and forgave space guy......... I really am doubting my decisions these days!!!!
Losing Faith in Love: When Will I Win?
Posted 3/26/2008 11:51:04 AM He's back. The guy who "needed space" is back, and this time he "loves" me. I have become such a critic until I just don't believe it anymore. I used to, but now I have trouble even beginning to allow myself the pleasure of being naive and "in love". i am sure that this will set me up for a lifetime of lonliness, but at this point I don't care. I am not in a position to open my heart to people. I have to admit that I am dealing with a few men at the moment, mostly becasue I lack the ability to solely focus on one because they all have major issues. One is getting married in a few months and yet he wants to have fidelity from me (not happening) but he is humorous and I keep him around for the occasional joke, the one who loves me still financially supports the mother of his child (I am not feeling that bull at all)she needs to get off of her ass and onto her feet but if I tell him that he gets upset, then another one wants me when and only when it is convienient for him (LMAO, like I have time for that). So I have these fragments that I play with because together they make a good guy. Thet each have what the other is missing. I am beginning to believe that I will either play with them until they are all married and then I will go off on my own or I will end up stuck in a partial relationship with someone. I want to believe in love and a few years ago it was a lovely notion, but now it is just something that I can't give the work to. Will I win...........at this moment I doubt it.
WTF!!!!
Posted 3/7/2008 8:44:00 PM When do people just mind their own danm business. I work at what must be the most ass backwards place. The children are acting like adults and the adults are acting like fu**ing children. It is too much. I got into this profession because it felt right but it seems to get worse and worse by the day. I am longing for May when I can sever all ties with this institution and move on with life.
Losing Faith in Love: Space is Truly the Final Frontier
Posted 3/1/2008 8:25:35 AM Having had more sleepless nights than I can stomach, I have realized that I am controlled by my emotions. Space was just the beginning of the end, sadly enough I already knew this. Part of me feels destined to live this life alone and that makes my very soul shake. I don't want to be alone. Guys just simply confuse me. I have been told that I am everything that a man looks for and yet I will never be happy. They get married or engaged to another person and tell me that I am what they want but that she has been around or she has their child (this one I ahve been told several times, even by the father of my own child who went back to the mother of his other children) and so I scream at the top of my lungs "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!" I am so frustrated. Oh and the current situation just gets better along with space comes that fact that he has moved his ex girlfriend back into his home (she does have his child) so here I go again on my own.
Losing Faith in Love: Space
Posted 2/26/2008 7:56:35 PM Space is the enemy of love. "I need my space" is simply a polite way to say it is over. He tells me that he is so caught up in me. I am everything to him, he cares so much, and then he says that he needs his space. Life is too tricky. I have been told by the older more seasoned single people that I can not give up on love, I need to get back out there, I need to keep smiling and making myself available. To all of those things I have one simple reply......"Why?". My greatest love treated me like a two bit whore and left me. I have gone through a string of miscellaneous people and then I meet him. I am no longer looking and I meet him, he seems perfect and now after two months he is in need of space...... I now concede defeat.
WOW!!
Posted 1/26/2008 11:45:52 PM I think I may have bumped into "the one". His Smile, his eyes, his personality, they are all so close to perfection. He is respectful and gentle, he is an all around gentleman. I thought those died with the dinosaurs. He holds a wonderful conversation, he actually listens to my answers, and he cares more about me and my mind and my thoughts and my feelings than my body! I can't stop gushing!!I had to share it with someone. I feel like a high schooler again. Late night conversations, smiles and hugs, but not too much as to cross the decency line. I was so starved for this kind of person. It's like water in the desert.
Learning: Lesson Learned
Posted 1/22/2008 7:04:17 PM Life, it appears to be a series of ups and downs. It is lessons that follow and haunt you. Some of us elect to learn from them, I am doing my best to do so. I have had the most painful experience ever whe it comes to my daughters dad. He made me feel things that I pray I will never feel again. I am trying to grow beyond the pain that I felt with him. With that being said I took a little time and just chilled and I have done a little dating back and forth. I have made a mistake or two here and there but I have weathered the storm. Now I think that I am ready. I think that I am ready to embrace one person in my life. More importantly I am ready to be embraced by one person. Not someone in a relationship not one who can not commit or one who has no idea as to what he wants, but someone who wants me for me.
What Color Rose are you?
Posted 12/17/2007 4:21:04 PM You are a Lavender Rose  You represent love at first sight and enchantment. Your vibe: intense and intriguing Falling in love with you is: deep and meaningful
Favorite Color
Posted 12/17/2007 4:18:22 PM What Your Favorite Color Blue Says About You:  Emotional --- Affected --- Sensitive Peaceful --- Tranquil --- Connected Spiritual --- Experimental --- Deep |
Profile
lyricalmystique 
Life is a series of challenges and we must rise to the occasion. Age: Not provided. Gender: F Location: West hell, USA
Yak Back
granniof3 8/11/2008 9:55:41 PM I was a going hunting for you. I bailed out when this site went haywire. I won't no more I missed being here :) heavenlyminded 7/23/2008 3:07:37 AM Thanks for the comment and for that prayers. God bless, Des Janis 5/7/2008 7:31:51 PM So happy to hear from you! KOKO 4/4/2008 6:42:54 PM My pager just went off. You need a cheer up? I am on my way! Wyvrx 3/2/2008 8:34:39 AM  wildwolf1 8/15/2007 11:29:38 PM anytime hon : ) I hope this evening finds you in better spirits! bleufemme1964 7/29/2007 1:16:58 AM  Girly glitter comments from www.GirlyTags.com bleufemme1964 7/22/2007 3:12:42 AM  bleufemme1964 6/23/2007 11:56:53 AM I hope that you are doing well. i wanted to wish you a wonderful weekend! (((hugs))) bleufemme1964 5/20/2007 12:26:37 PM  www.hostdrjack.com bleufemme1964 5/13/2007 7:47:07 PM Hope that you are well and had a Happy Mothers Day :) bleufemme1964 4/29/2007 12:30:35 PM Just ckin in! Hope you had a great weekend! Take care and keep shinin! ((((hugs)))) bleufemme1964 4/23/2007 10:00:53 PM Yea, I know exhaustion. Do you not sleep when you are stressin either? (((((hugs)))) Try to relax... lavender is good. Take care of yourself Hon!!! bleufemme1964 4/23/2007 9:17:29 PM Stoppin in to say hi! Have a great week! (((hugs)))) pinkmartini 4/10/2007 12:33:45 PM Thanks for your comment, I'm sure you feel the same. Hey, I think we're all looking for that love you described. It's the nature of the beast! bleufemme1964 4/7/2007 7:32:39 PM Happy Easter! Lots of love and hugs!!! pinkmartini 4/2/2007 9:59:16 PM No problem. That's a tough situation you are in. If you ever need to vent, I'm always around. Good luck dear! ardensmom 3/23/2007 8:37:21 PM Hoping you have a relaxing weekend bleufemme1964 3/14/2007 6:34:47 PM HI! HOpe all is good with you! Take care of yourself!!! (((hugs))) bleufemme1964 3/8/2007 7:39:36 PM No.. no more of a basket case than any of the rest of us.. lol I've been there, recently as a matter of fact! Just be careful Hon! ((((hugs)))) Please login to post a comment. Blog Categories Archives
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