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live4life
Member Since: 5/1/2007 6:14:59 PMLast Seen: 10/15/2007 2:33:57 PM
About Me
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My Friends live4life has 15 friends. View all of live4life's friends. |
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Posted 10/14/2007 12:51:07 AM
It was a good vibe movie. The info said "troubled young man dealing with the death of his father find life in free spirited lady." Death was such a small part of it. Mostly the movie focused on life and the bringing together of people. That’s what I felt I took from it, but once it was over, as I brushed my teeth, I wondered where the magic was. Me, who is constantly speaking of magic and sharing the belief that wonderful miraculous things happen in daily life and I wondered why I couldn’t have simple desires- how are my talents going to contribute to this world? And I thought of a street fair, years ago, on my college campus. It was my man of the moment and my anniversary and I bought us little jigsaw pieces that connected and had our names engraved in them, but that wasn’t what I was thinking of. I was thinking of the ring I bought. A Celtic knot. I bought it thinking "this is for me for I am the only one I am sure I will always be with." As romantic as I am, as much as I believe true love exists- it must be the realist in me, or the triple broken home or that last dreadful broken heart and I don’t know if its the thought of love, the holidays approaching or the movie, but I thought of my Papa. My grandfather that went into the hospital almost a year to date. No wonder I never believe in boys with such an amazingly amazing man as my example of what a man should be. And I know it’s redundant- but only if you knew how amazing he was. And I can’t imagine ever being with someone who didn’t know him. And I lay in bed next to my mother in my other grandfather’s house deep in the desert of New Mexico, I felt the tears come. And I couldn’t convulse next to my mom- so I grabbed my purse thinking I would have a smoke- but I don’t even smoke. So I grabbed my ipod and put on my Papa's music. I bought the entire history of Lawrence Welk so he could listen to something other than the beeping of machines and the screaming of other patients. Last Christmas I snuck back into intensive care after the rest of the family went home. I massaged his feet and we listened to Christmas carols and we sung. Sure it was late, sure there were people dying all around us- but that night I didn’t care how tired I was, I didn’t care that my friends were waiting at the bar, I didn’t care that grandma had told me to go home- I wasn’t going to let him be alone. And now that I know it was his last I know exactly why I came back form Europe. I am blessed to have been able to take care of such a soul- to have even known him, but to be so special to him and to have brought him joy--I’m sososo lucky. But fuck I miss him. The day before he died was the first day he was in a chair next to an open window. Grandma and he sat together and I turned up the music so they could hear. I listened to them reminisce and I knew love could last through thick and thin and rich and poor and sickness and health and not even death would ever stop it..."...remember dancing to this Bill...Mona Lisa...."
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Posted 7/3/2007 12:37:54 PM
Sitting at a red light that I usually hit when its gree. Most folks to my left are heading to the freeway, but I casually sit sipping my coffee and munching my gronola bar in the far right lane. There's a black car with fresh rims sitting at the line with me. The driver is wearing fashion sunglasses with spikey hair. I bet he is a graphic designer in down town LA. He looks my way. I smile and give the peace sign wave. He waves back. Maybe he thinks we know each other. Maybe he thinks I'm flirting. Maybe I am. I wish I knew how to say have a good day in sign language. But I think our mini communication at a red light between the oil fields of Long Beach may just brighten both of our days. I know when I think of it I smile. I bet he smiles too.
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Posted 6/21/2007 4:01:07 PM
we never know the opportunities missedwe never notice the soul mates kissed or ditched we always search for life unbound until we discover the lonliness found i appreciate every teacher ive met, every person ive blessed, everyone ive never seen. we are all the mosaic of this beautiful world. the kind hearted and the cruel are all here for a purpose. we cant expect to see it, we can only hope to be our own part of it.
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Posted 6/19/2007 7:00:06 AM
HOw do we find what we are looking for?By knowing what we want. How do we keep what we have found? By believing in what we got. How many times will we learn the same thing? Enough times to look beyond the fling. What will happen? What will come about? It all depends on how loud you shout. Shout into the universe - Let yourself be heard. Shout until you've found your voice and then sing what you have learned. We all have powers that come to us in dreams. It is up to us to seek out and discover what it means.
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Posted 6/18/2007 5:00:22 PM
kisses from a premonitioncoming to manifestation hoping its more than an apparition this unsatiable sensation bashful eyes darting to the side trying to fall without fear or pride knowing feelings don't wait for time wishing that the world will be kind
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Posted 6/18/2007 2:12:50 PM
strongly wound through the depths of my souli feel the tingling from my head to the universe to be without you is all ive ever known but now that i know of your existence its a jouyous ache or a painful joy all to be determined in the continuance timing so typical with its cruciality may my wish come true
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Posted 6/7/2007 2:18:00 PM
not only does the path wind about the route but the walker tends to take scenic trails oft time. this all creates a life of what seems to be wandering, but not all that wander are lost.
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Posted 6/5/2007 12:55:21 PM
ive had tears welling up in my eyes for two days now and this is following one of the best weeknds of my life. im starting to sufficate in this cubicle. i go to training next week on the other side of the country. should be cool. im learning plenty of new things but i really just want to learn about my potential as a human. i really just want to meditate until i learn to fly. i really want to spend all day holding a loved one and yet im avoiding my grandmas because im feeling so down. im not a depressive person. i know everything will be ok. but these tears keep blurring my view and hindering my work. i guess its good that its busy season. not much time to think or dream.
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Posted 5/31/2007 5:33:54 PM
i never post video. but i think this man is using his voice (in multiple languages) to cry out for the world to take notice of its direction~ and for all of us that have noticed to have hope* proxima estacion=esperanza!!!
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Posted 5/31/2007 5:22:21 PM
i saw this video in a kitchen in bologna, italia. it was my intro to him and this song got way played out while i was euro living but the video is cool and the song still brings nastalgia. and now im going to see him LIVE in la. some day i hope to find him in the streets of barcelona.
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Posted 5/31/2007 5:21:04 PM
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Posted 5/30/2007 3:31:07 PM
"BUZZZ....BUZZZ...BUZZZ" the alarm sounds.WTF?! i specifically use a clock radio so i dont have to hear "buzz..buzz.buzzz" in the morning. its a commercial that just happens to have that annoying sound pass the second my alarm goes off. im pulled from a dream of swimming with water logged shoes. theres a freckled face smileing, but something is needed..... i lift the toilet seat and see my roomate has once again used such an excess of toilet paper that everything is clogged. i throw on my clothes so i can run down stairs and go potty before i get into traffic. oh, look, in the three seconds to get downstairs, i leaked on my underwear...yaaa girly time!!! ugh at work im informed that i will be sent to pittsburgh for two weeks and will NOT be spending fathers day with my father. hey dont worry bout it ---its just the first time in YEARS ive been in the same damn country as him...im sure he wont mind ill be on the other side of it!!! on the way home my aunt calls. "thanks so much for letting us use the van this weekend! have you cleaned the port-a-potty yet?" -what? no! i havent used it forever... "oh, well, claire made it horridly disgusting, and i tried to look online how to clean it,,,but...." so im driving around with a five-year old’s feces in my car. i have to pick up an unusable bike at a friends just to throw it away. drop my phone getting out of the car. she cons me into cheering up our friend that just got fired. ok. my purse unlatches and falls in the gutter. "dont try and add that onto your day!" -why not! its still today!! its never happened before so, in conclusion. if all monday holidays are going to lead to tuesday crappy days... ill take the five day work week.
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Posted 5/24/2007 7:00:38 PM
it was a family party for one of my bffs bday. all jovial n such. food just started to come out. my phone sings. momasita flashes on the id. her voice is shaking. she says my name at least three times before she can tell me she's ok. i would have teased her but i could tell she was anything but ok. "...we were in an accident...im ok...we're ok...theres body parts...people are on fire..." this is the OMG moment. this is the moment where i walk away from the party and give my full and undivided attention to my mommy. (i dont care if i am 27 shes still my mommy) i let her send her intensity to me through the phone. i hold her in my arms in my soul. there is no way to comfort someone whose vehicle just killed two people. "i love you mommy... i love you soooo much..." "..i know... i love you hunny...thats why i called.. i love you... your the first one i thought of...ooo....uuuhh... i gotta go." "okok iluvyouloveyouloveyou!" i hang up the phone and tell everyone im going for a walk. no one realizes my state. i dont want to infest the party with this deathly intensity. i dont walk far. i sit on the corner, my feet in the gutter and put my face in my hands. i taste my tears before i realize its started. my chest is convulsing. this isnt my typical quiet cry. "are you allright?" a neighbor must have come over. i dont even know what to say. how do i explain? "im allright. i just got a bad phone call, well i mean everythings ok, but my mom almost just died and i can do another death this year, i just...but its ok...she is ok..." i dont think i would have had this reaction a year ago. it would have more likely been a "oh damn! thats crazy!" but not outbursts of the steel magnolia kind. i thought i dealt with my grandfathers death by now. no regrets...all love..just miss him and even though i thought i was going to spend this year helping him relearn to walk i probably saw it coming. but my mom, im supposed to have her for a lot longer. i know you never know when you go, but i just want everyone i love to hang out this year- no more sickness, no more accidents, just life and love. the neighbor looked down at my tear stained face, "if you ever ask God- Why me? for the bad things, then you have to ask Why me? for the good things." and even though im not a why me? type person it really helped. because i have a lot of good things. i got to be raised by a saint whom i had the pleasure of knowing almost 28 years. ill make a legend of him someday. and i wouldnt be surprised if it was him that pushed my mom's car ever so slightly out of harms way. thank you papa. thank you angels. thank you god. thank you love. thank you life. thank you for another moment with my mommy.
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Posted 5/23/2007 5:49:22 PM
You Are a Hunter Soul You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas. You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding. You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force. An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people. You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor. People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all. You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone. Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul
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Posted 5/21/2007 5:16:56 PM
It doesn't matter what book you read or which master you choose to follow. If your prophets preach life through love then the path is righteous. Ultimately there should be balance, but I think we all have preferences. We should never feel obligated to praise or serve in a specific fashion. Whether you choose to serve your family or your community or your own health, you are positively impacting the world around you. Some people feel God at church. Some feel his presence in helping others. Some feel it from deep within. I enjoy epiphanies found in unexpected places and, of course, dancing. Knowing knowledge can come from anywhere in any form allows me to listen to many things. Dancing without reason at any given moment has distilled fears of what other people think. It’s a wonderful empowerment- to believe anything I want and not be scared to change it. When the world imparts new knowledge to help me grow I’m free to take that challenge.
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Posted 5/15/2007 4:49:42 PM
is society so pitiful that we are looking for reasons to divert ourselves from the norm and be kind??is it so bizarre that someone would follow a spiritual path that we are embarrassed to desire it?? without sarcastic digs and burns are cheesy play on words the only way to joke politely? ------------------------------------------------- two of my good friends recognize each other in a bar. one walks up to the other, "hey! how you doing?" the other, not being able to place his face, stammers a reluctant hi. later that 'other' friend explained to me that she didnt like him, "hes weird." well if being nice to semi/quasi/perfect strangers is weird then call me a freak. when i lived abroad i had to train myself not to smile at strangers for fear of being followed home & harassed. i never want to hold back my generous spirit again- it was a gift from god, or my grandfather, or both. if you are reading this..... your mission for today: smile at a stranger
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Posted 5/14/2007 3:25:01 PM
fatty fatty two by four.actually its not so bad, but i am feeling a lil cursed. i broke or serverly jammed my middle toe to the point of puffy purple last sunday. then this sunday my middle finger got stung by a bee!!! ive never been stung my whole life!!! i felt a prick. saw what looked like a poker from a tree in my finger, but then it twitched. that twitch must have unleashed the poison because it started hurting so bad i couldnt hold still long enough to pull the thing out!!! my mom says " well, the bee is much worse off." is that supposed to ease my pain!!??? that i killed a bee!!?? im freaked out enough about them all disappearing but now ive actually contributed to their demise by killing one!! and it hurt!!! interestingly its the same side hand as foot and both were middle fingers..on the same day of the week... i wonder is my karmic body trying to tell me something??
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Posted 5/11/2007 6:04:27 PM
yes tonights the night!!it only happens once a month and i forget half the time, but tonight im gonna round up a bicycle crew and we are going dancing!!! nothing makes me more elated than the idea of dancing except dancing itself. and its close to home, has strong drinks and a flashy dance floor. hipsters to hippies to gangstars get'n the groove on at the Good Foot.
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Posted 5/9/2007 1:16:22 PM
i love sleep overs.talking into the wee hours. laughing together at the ceiling. maybe a lil spoonage or footsie. empathizing when the alley cats wail fight. sharing dreams or lack there of in the morning. leisurly rising and already having a partner in crime to start the day. i enjoy this child-like intimacy with my friends and they dont have to be lovers. may i never be too old for sleep overs! 8-)
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Posted 5/8/2007 5:54:56 PM
I enjoy letting my mind ebb and flow. how else can new ideas be created or accepted??so if ever i leave a comment that is only semi related or i get all up in your face for bliss--- thats communication!! so just because youre talking about math i may not respond in numbers, it may remind me of that hot math teacher and i start talking about the time he dropped me on my face and that reminds you that you have to buy oil for your car and i realize thats the car i want to buy and you win the lottery all because i didnt respond in numbers.....
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Posted 5/8/2007 3:13:01 PM
It was too beautiful of a day not to mention. About five of us staggered into the breakfast spot to get our energy for the day. I barley touched my huevos rancheros. I had joked the day before about us all going to irish pubs in stead of mexican places, which is typical of our group in general (jameson's for life!). couple of hugs to the suckahs that had to work. everyone returns for a shower and shit in their personal abode...and we're off!!!i hop on the bike and cruise to panama joes to meet up with some girlies. few pacificos later and we're buying roadies at the liquor store. coors light in red cups & we even got cup holders on the bikes!! the wind diverts us from the path momentarily and beer is slishing and sloshing thanks to the bumpityness of the backalley path choice of locals. found another biking bro on the road and its off to shoreline where plans had been made forgotten remade and reestablished. n holy smak was it worth the trek!!! after a couple drinks at yard house (that had nothing to do with the holiday except the intoxicating affect)we're invited out on a race boat, a tiny skipper something or other. it has way more power than typical of its size so i felt a lil insecure when our seats in the back sank below sea level. we blew past the barges and scattered hundreds of birds. we lost a hat and went back for it, a couple times. in the distance the mountains were so clear they didnt look so distant. we all cheers to loving this life. I woke up with a broken toe. But that doesnt stop my enjoyment. Seriously. I love this life.
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Posted 5/4/2007 6:22:25 PM
i know we all feel like we appreciate but how often do we consciously appreciate??what are all those little things that make you smile? heres a start... fluffy clouds smog free horizon after the rain dancing for no reason sing-a-longs foreign markets with unmarked food a friend calling out of the blue a stranger helping pick up fallen objects a loved one's voice being able to stand, walk, run, ride a bike and rock climb giggles that wont quit feeling smooth things, fluffy things, sticky things smelling the roses tasting the ocean breeze watching a friend succeed anticipation laying in bed all day being outside all day helping someone who didnt expect it listening to the rocks rumble under the sea watching ants intricate civilization metaphysical conversation a good unleashing of gas the milky way bbq’s leaving work on a friday…
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Posted 5/2/2007 4:48:17 PM
its starting to stress me out not the full essence of stress but the curdling sensation when youre not quite sure this is the proper thing and by proper i dont even mean the normal accepted proper i mean in synchronicity with my soul kinda proper and who is gonna know that but me?we need to make a living to live is what my grandma says and i never paid attention. money isnt important to me and this is why the words starving and artist go together in a strongly quoted cliche based on reality but then my grandfather died and he wasnt even sick. his insides were all used, abused and old, but im certain if we had money enough to have the same doctor the entire time at least one person that followed him through the 4 months at the hospital other than the family, im sure he could have lived and even though i dont want to live in a shoulda-woulda-coulda realm i never want to lose another loved one due to insurance pushing em outta the hospital too soon. so i left my dream of living on every continent, momentarily, i hope. i dont think he would want me to forget my dream, but i know hed be happy i was staying with grandma and working a real job with insurance.
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Posted 5/1/2007 6:48:30 PM
What is life but participatory observation. Some people weigh heavier on one side than the other, but each of us everyday adds to this world, even when we are taking from it.Saturday night I was rocking out to Manu Chao in a crowd of thousands. Beside me, sitting with crossed legs and a notebook in his lap, was a boy writing in the dark. I dug out one of my "You are alive." stickers and placed it on the grass below him. Later I told him I gave it to him because he was observing life while living it. "Thanks for noticing." He smiled. Later I wondered if he looked up from the notebook enough to live the life he was writing about... But seriously what is 'enough'? At what point do we appreciate this life 'enough'? I made those stickers as a reminder, but I tend to give them to people who already know.
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