ladylyric07 - Deeper Than the Surface

 

• home
• friends
• categories
• archive
• links

---

Tears of Relief

Posted on 6/1/2007 7:29:41 PM | (0) Comments

Have you ever had tears run down your face for no apparent reason but when they finally stopped, it was like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders? Like every emotion in your body was freed with each tear? And damn it felt so good to let go, that if even for a second you were emotionless? Then a smile spreads across your face because you the realize you have let go of all of your past hurts, insecurities and doubts. A person brand new... Just tears of relief...

Last night I cried and it felt so good,
It cleansed my heart and soothed my soul.
The tears started to flow;and I didn't know why,
But somehow it transitioned to the emancipation of my life.
Trying hard to be strong,I broke myself down.
The more pain I held within, the more pain I found
My greatest fear was showing emotional distress
So I used my mind to protect it,
Like my heart's personal bullet proof vest.
Held in my emotions, didn't want people to label me weak.
Then realized behind closed doors,nobody had to see me weep.
The size of each tear grew, as they held a heavy weight.
Heavy for my failures,
My fears,
My shame,
My heartbreaks,
My lies,
Past cries,
People I've hurt,
The ones who hurt me,
And for all of these reasons,
Last night I cried.
I had to let it go, let go of everything.
I decided to forgive them, I decided to forgive ME.
As my pain filled tears ran down my cheeks
And dropped to the floor
Out my body the pain seeped and my shame was put to sleep
Every tear was a liquid representation of my hearts dedication
To heal my inner wounds and rid tribulation
Crying never felt so good
Thought tears were for the weak, but now I understand
What a tear really means.
It's something like a bridge,
Linking your emotional states.
If you're strong enough to walk it, you'll reach a better place
All the times I held them in, I wish then I would have understood
But its ok, I'm at ease
Because last night I cried...
And it felt so good

-LadyLyric

---

M'aimer pour qui je suis... Love me for who I am...

Posted on 4/1/2007 9:36:29 PM | (1) Comments

My life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So I need t o lovee the people who treat me right, forget about the ones who dont and believe that everything happens for a reason. If I have a chance, take it, if it changed my life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they promised it would be worth it.

I have decided that I'm going to turn my life around and stop dwelling on my past and what it has done to me, it's time for me to focus on my future and what it will do for me. I am washing my hands of the hurt and pain and the lies and deceit. I'm taking them as lessons learned and I'm moving on with my life.

LadyLyric

---

Weak?

Posted on 2/27/2007 10:16:57 PM | (1) Comments

What does it mean when everything you've touched just seems to be fading away? When you feel as though you have failed completely? For the first time in a while, I just feel like crying... you know like curling up in the fetal position and just letting the tears fall... But I refuse to let other's around me see me breakdown... I am not the person to show emotion... It's just not me... My emotions are bottled up inside of me, sealed and never to be released... So tell me, am I weak for this?

---

What is IB?

Posted on 2/15/2007 10:01:11 PM | (1) Comments

For those who were wondering, IB stands for International Baccalaureate. It is a program intended for persons capable of a higher degree of learning. If I pass the IB exams at the end of my senior year then I can get the IB diploma and if the university or college that I gain acceptance to I may be able to gain college credits. Unfortunately the diploma is not guaranteed so I'd have to work hard to get it.

-LadyLyric

---

Disowned

Posted on 2/14/2007 5:26:46 PM | (3) Comments

I have managed to get myself kicked out of IB... Interesting considering that the dumb people in IB dropped and I (the smart person) gets kicked out. So back to the regular classes I go. I HATE REGULAR CLASSES!!! They are the easiest things I have ever taken yet they feel as though I no longer meet the criteria of an IB student. Yet even now I still hold a 3.0 GPA... Interesting. Just wait, they make my life hell I solemnly swear to make their lives hell ten fold. They have fucked with the wrong person...

-LadyLyric

---

Faith

Posted on 2/8/2007 9:46:23 PM | (1) Comments

It seems as tho faith is escaping the best of us. So many times I've been told to "just remember God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle." Only problem is... where that line lies. Who determines what you can handle you or God...? For a while I've been at a low point but as time progresses so does my initial low... it just gets lower day by day... problem by problem... struggle by struggle.

Everyday there is a battle,fear vs. courage. The words dwelling stirring fighting in my spirit, my heart, my mind. I am held captive in my own bondage of fear and doubt. Am I the only on who hears these negative voices deriding against me? These demonic melancholy anguished tones overwhelm me. They grow bigger, larger until the immense pain they cause escapes my body in the form of tears. And down these dreary waves of salty streamy water fall, down my face. I feel caged in these four walls enclosing me closing closer than closed. so close that isolatation comforts me. My nerves violently shaking. Sweat over moisturizing my hands. My knees get weaker and the voices get stronger, louder. Seems like every time I want to go up these piercing voices want to bring me down. The daily internal battle that I endure. So much pain, that eventually pain begins to comfort me. I have been pushed past my limit and now I wait... I wait for comfort, from someone who cares...

-LadyLyric

---

What do I live for...?

Posted on 2/7/2007 10:07:11 PM | (1) Comments

I've been sitting here contemplating what on earth it is that I live for... There are the simple answers but what are the deep ones? I've been through so much... to the point it has made me question whether life was really a curse and death the blessing... But I've come to realize what it is that I live for...

For the Day that once seemed so long
Now 24 Hours just isn't enough
For the heart that once was broken and lonely
It now stands tough.
For the girl that was once so scared
Now realizes that it was her own fears that caused her to hide.
For the voice that once wouldn't allow me to speak
Now needs a muzzle for the power that it leaks.
For the love I never had
But will some day gain
Is forcing me to live life for me
And learn to maintain.
For the life I lived
In such a confused state of mind
Now gives me courage
To move forward and leave your memory behind.

The worst pain is to watch the one you love, love someone else. I've felt that pain but its time for healing. I think I can finally say, "I'm Ready," I am ready to let my heart be healed...

-LadyLyric

---

Fell in love with a dream...

Posted on 2/6/2007 9:42:11 PM | (0) Comments

We were sitting in Theory of Knowledge just talking about some things and I began to realize something. I fell in love with a figment of my imagination. I fell in love with who I wanted this someone to be not who they truly were. Was I wrong for that? No, of course not because of the situation. Sometimes dreams are just better than reality and it has been that way for a while, well at least it has for me.

I Fell in Love With a Dream...

By chance I found you, Fate met me half way and I saw your face, Got caught up in your sultry eyes, Fell head first into the warmth of your hug, Smelled your sweet smell and I was hooked, I took one look into your brown pools, Staring at me and I knew it was something, Different about you, Was it the way you smiled, The sweet words you spoke, Your swagger your flavor, That had me running to the phone, Hoping it was you thinking of me, Was it the poetic verses you wrote, Describing your love for me, Melting away my insecurities, With words so heartfelt and bittersweet, Was it the passionate way you kissed me, To the moon and back, Held me tender yet tighter as I asked, Knew where and when to grab, But not just your body you so kindly offered, You gave me a whole new world, To dream in as you intrigued me, With all you've done, All your hopes ambitions and desires, Surpassed my conscious mind, And in time I found myself wanting to travel, The journey with you hand and hand, Stand with you and discover my path, With someone I'm proud to be with, I fell in love...I fell in love with a dream...It's not real just yet... But one day... One day... If I keep praying... I'll find him...

-LadyLyric

---

“grief is the price we pay for love”

Posted on 1/30/2007 8:43:24 PM | (0) Comments

"Grief is the price we pay for love" (quote supplied by Roadman, I appreciate that)

If grief is the price we pay for love then is love truly worth it? Is love worth the tears and pain at the end of the day? Right now I don't know. Because when it is all said and done I'm left alone once again to bask in my own company of lonliness. Such a terrible truth. Why is it that the only person that understood me doesn't exist? They say looks can be deceiving but dammit I think looks should be replaced with love. Love is the most deceiving element in life. You may think it's one thing but then you turn around and it's another... Many will disagree but that is only because they either haven't experienced the pain that I have or they have the love of someone who won't deceive them. So in a way I am contradicting myself. So let me rephrase what I have previously stated. Love is not deceiving, love received by people can be deceiving. Is that better? Yes, I think so. Grief-a keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. Is love truly a painful regret??? Who knows...

-LadyLyric

---

So tell me...

Posted on 1/29/2007 8:50:36 PM | (0) Comments

Is it a figment of my imagination or is it reality. Am I still in love with a dream or have I been awakend to a pain too great to deal with. How can I myself love again if I have nothing to love with and no one to love... alone... like always... I have been trying to let go of the past memories but there are some that still linger in the hard block of ice called my heart... difficult to cope but I am strong and determined... i WILL overcome this...

the question is when... because I have yet to let go...

-LadyLyric

---