kellyjo
Metamorphosis-What will I become?
Profile
I am a newly married girl, And my heart belongs in Alaska! Im here to make friends. I enjoy horseriding, cooking, reading, singing,photography, computers, hiking and other stuff! So if you want to be friends...jus give me a holler! Im also a Hil Duff fan!
Age: 21
Gender: F
Location: somewhere in the lower 48, and id rather be in ak
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June, 2008
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November, 2007
September, 2007
August, 2007
July, 2007
June, 2007
May, 2007
April, 2007
January, 2008
November, 2007
September, 2007
August, 2007
July, 2007
June, 2007
May, 2007
April, 2007
Baby On the Way
Posted 6/7/2008 7:11:47 PM
Haven't posted in forever, I know. Life has been so upside down....wild ride. However, I am currently expecting a baby, so my life has slowed down while I cope with morning sickness! Lol. My husband and I are very excited about the new little one, esp since we were told that I might have trouble getting pregnant. So, hello again, world....im finally home!
Posted 6/7/2008 7:11:47 PM
Haven't posted in forever, I know. Life has been so upside down....wild ride. However, I am currently expecting a baby, so my life has slowed down while I cope with morning sickness! Lol. My husband and I are very excited about the new little one, esp since we were told that I might have trouble getting pregnant. So, hello again, world....im finally home!
Oh, Geez
Posted 1/9/2008 8:05:40 PM
Wow. I have never decided to update and discovered that all the things I want to say are things that I can't say. That's odd. Life is one drama after the other lately, lol. And its taking up so much room in my mind that theres no room to contemplate a decent post. So, I'll jus check in and let the world know I'm here. Yes, whether you like it or not, I haven't given up and died. I am still in my corner fighting. And thank you from the bottom of my heart to Brianna who is shoulder to shoulder with me, fighting at my side. You always have stood beside me, even when I am so wrong that its not funny. We know how to stand off the whole damn crowd, don't we? When I get to feeling desperate and Petes working and I don't know where to go next....I know you're right there beside me. And you're ready to do what needs to be done, be that yell at someone or find a weight and a plane to fly us to a remote part of Alaska and take care of something. (insert slightly evil laugh here). Pete's the most amazing guy, but sometimes, it takes the girlfriends to get you out a mess you're in. And, for having nothing to say, I think I have done rather well.
PS. Btw, a few of you were wondering about the Dr....pending the return of a blood test, I should be getting a clean health report. And, thats what we are expecting. And we are grateful!
Posted 1/9/2008 8:05:40 PM
Wow. I have never decided to update and discovered that all the things I want to say are things that I can't say. That's odd. Life is one drama after the other lately, lol. And its taking up so much room in my mind that theres no room to contemplate a decent post. So, I'll jus check in and let the world know I'm here. Yes, whether you like it or not, I haven't given up and died. I am still in my corner fighting. And thank you from the bottom of my heart to Brianna who is shoulder to shoulder with me, fighting at my side. You always have stood beside me, even when I am so wrong that its not funny. We know how to stand off the whole damn crowd, don't we? When I get to feeling desperate and Petes working and I don't know where to go next....I know you're right there beside me. And you're ready to do what needs to be done, be that yell at someone or find a weight and a plane to fly us to a remote part of Alaska and take care of something. (insert slightly evil laugh here). Pete's the most amazing guy, but sometimes, it takes the girlfriends to get you out a mess you're in. And, for having nothing to say, I think I have done rather well.
PS. Btw, a few of you were wondering about the Dr....pending the return of a blood test, I should be getting a clean health report. And, thats what we are expecting. And we are grateful!
Flashing Lights and Screaming Sirens
Posted 11/28/2007 9:03:30 PM
Yesterday I had my first ambulance ride. It wasn't fun. I don't want to do it again. But, I am thankful to the 5 person EMS team that came out. I honestly thought I was going to die. I'm really grateful to them for moving as quickly and professionally as they did. And, above all, I thank God that: A. I am still alive. and B. That they were finally able to pin point my stomache pain. Hopefully things will be looking up from here!! I'll update more later...Im kinda woozy right now, so I will explain everything when I sleep all this off. I love you all...and I want you to know that!!
Posted 11/28/2007 9:03:30 PM
Yesterday I had my first ambulance ride. It wasn't fun. I don't want to do it again. But, I am thankful to the 5 person EMS team that came out. I honestly thought I was going to die. I'm really grateful to them for moving as quickly and professionally as they did. And, above all, I thank God that: A. I am still alive. and B. That they were finally able to pin point my stomache pain. Hopefully things will be looking up from here!! I'll update more later...Im kinda woozy right now, so I will explain everything when I sleep all this off. I love you all...and I want you to know that!!
hairy
Posted 9/3/2007 5:05:23 PM
I chopped all my hair off at 4 am a few days ago. Dont ask why, its complicated. But I went to a stylist and got it fixed up. and I like it alot. so i am postin pics for ya'll.
Posted 9/3/2007 5:05:23 PM
I chopped all my hair off at 4 am a few days ago. Dont ask why, its complicated. But I went to a stylist and got it fixed up. and I like it alot. so i am postin pics for ya'll.
Friends
Posted 8/26/2007 2:26:31 PM
Uhoh, today may not be a good day to post on here. I'm already crying! And I am not dressed yet. Nor is my hair done. And it is the middle of the afternoon. A text message started this flood of emotion and feelings. A text from an old friend....someone from the past. A text from someone who I went to school with, who I dreamed with about our first year of Bethel Bible School, someone who saw my crushes, someone who put balance in my life...and someone I rarely talk to anymore. SO many times, after a tough day out in public or something, I jus long to fly back to my old friends. Subconsciously, I think they will be the same as when I left. But I am learning they, too are changing. Some are going to missions. Some are teaching. Some are dating. Some are married. Some I didn't hear they were dating till I saw their wedding pics on xanga!! And I feel a deep longing to be there with them and experiencing all this with them. But life doesn't work that way. I have a new best friend....and I will stay with him no matter what. But somehow I dont think I will ever completely lose the longing to have my old friends back, although I know it can never happen...we live in very different worlds, we even talk almost a diff language by now, although we are both americans. We have different interests, different goals, different views....we are no longer close. And that hurts so much. This friend in particular put up with alot. I could really be terrible growing up, but she stayed by me. And now.... religion seperates us. And, today, I hate religion. I really do. I will be okay in the end. Tomorrow I will pick up my broken heart and move on and never mention it again. I will go on to succeed in my life and to be happy. But underneath, i think, my heart will always have a crack. A big one. And, time, somehow, cannot heal all wounds, especially this one.
Posted 8/26/2007 2:26:31 PM
Uhoh, today may not be a good day to post on here. I'm already crying! And I am not dressed yet. Nor is my hair done. And it is the middle of the afternoon. A text message started this flood of emotion and feelings. A text from an old friend....someone from the past. A text from someone who I went to school with, who I dreamed with about our first year of Bethel Bible School, someone who saw my crushes, someone who put balance in my life...and someone I rarely talk to anymore. SO many times, after a tough day out in public or something, I jus long to fly back to my old friends. Subconsciously, I think they will be the same as when I left. But I am learning they, too are changing. Some are going to missions. Some are teaching. Some are dating. Some are married. Some I didn't hear they were dating till I saw their wedding pics on xanga!! And I feel a deep longing to be there with them and experiencing all this with them. But life doesn't work that way. I have a new best friend....and I will stay with him no matter what. But somehow I dont think I will ever completely lose the longing to have my old friends back, although I know it can never happen...we live in very different worlds, we even talk almost a diff language by now, although we are both americans. We have different interests, different goals, different views....we are no longer close. And that hurts so much. This friend in particular put up with alot. I could really be terrible growing up, but she stayed by me. And now.... religion seperates us. And, today, I hate religion. I really do. I will be okay in the end. Tomorrow I will pick up my broken heart and move on and never mention it again. I will go on to succeed in my life and to be happy. But underneath, i think, my heart will always have a crack. A big one. And, time, somehow, cannot heal all wounds, especially this one.
fast, fast
Posted 8/23/2007 2:14:45 PM
This must be speedy as I have a messy house and numerous other things demanding my attention at the moment. The highlights of the past month....
*Meeting my birthmom and the rest of my biological family....wonderful people, may be moving down to texas with them in the spring.
*Losing almost thirty pounds due to my wonderful thyroid med, and feeling like a million bucks when I get up every day now. (compared to the -4 million earlier, lol)
*Discovering that if I can't be who I really am no matter who I am with, then something in my life needs to change. I dont think the family I ran away from is happy with that discovery, as I have been more open with what they would call my "evil" lifestyle lately.
*Discovering that true friends are not those that always agree with you, but those that love you and help you fix the problems you create when you screw up.
*Realizing that when God said "I am always with you, even to the end of the world" He meant it. This past month hasn't been easy. Its been my Armageddon, World War3, death, and every other painful thing all thrown together. But He is faithful, and He forgives and loves unconditionally.
*last but not least, discovering how much I miss newblog when I am not on it. lol. i missed you guys!!!
Posted 8/23/2007 2:14:45 PM
This must be speedy as I have a messy house and numerous other things demanding my attention at the moment. The highlights of the past month....
*Meeting my birthmom and the rest of my biological family....wonderful people, may be moving down to texas with them in the spring.
*Losing almost thirty pounds due to my wonderful thyroid med, and feeling like a million bucks when I get up every day now. (compared to the -4 million earlier, lol)
*Discovering that if I can't be who I really am no matter who I am with, then something in my life needs to change. I dont think the family I ran away from is happy with that discovery, as I have been more open with what they would call my "evil" lifestyle lately.
*Discovering that true friends are not those that always agree with you, but those that love you and help you fix the problems you create when you screw up.
*Realizing that when God said "I am always with you, even to the end of the world" He meant it. This past month hasn't been easy. Its been my Armageddon, World War3, death, and every other painful thing all thrown together. But He is faithful, and He forgives and loves unconditionally.
*last but not least, discovering how much I miss newblog when I am not on it. lol. i missed you guys!!!
Thyroid...
Posted 7/15/2007 9:09:50 PM
**The following was an email that i wrote a few days ago, and i jus wanted to add that in four days of being on the thyroid med, i lost 10 pounds!!! Im doing much, much better! And tomorrow I go in for a check up and get rid of the anti depressant.**
I suppose now would be the time to update and fill you all in on the newer, almost scarier news.
I got the results from the lab tests earlier than I thought I would. Mostly because they thought it was urgent that I get on Meds to correct what they found. Apparently I have hypothyroidism. Its weird stuff. But they said thats why I cant lose weight and why I'm so depressed, tired, achy, etc. They said it is long term- I will probly be on the one pill a day for the rest of my life. But once it gets fixed, I should be able to shed this weight quickly, and I am supposed to get my energy back, and basically be the old me that was so alive. That sounds wonderful!! So, Monday I have to get an appointment to go do more blood tests to see if the meds are working for me. Then, hopefully, I can get off Lexapro. From what I can understand, it also has alot to do with a persons emotional state of being, which would maybe explain why Im so much happier after having jus started the thyroid med. Its basically a synthetic thyroid hormone to make up for the deficiency in what my thyroid is making....guess the poor thing cant keep up!
"An underactive thyroid gland affects all organs and functions within the body, leading to both physical and emotional symptoms."
Thank heaven they figured it out, I was beginning to despair.
Posted 7/15/2007 9:09:50 PM
**The following was an email that i wrote a few days ago, and i jus wanted to add that in four days of being on the thyroid med, i lost 10 pounds!!! Im doing much, much better! And tomorrow I go in for a check up and get rid of the anti depressant.**
I suppose now would be the time to update and fill you all in on the newer, almost scarier news.
I got the results from the lab tests earlier than I thought I would. Mostly because they thought it was urgent that I get on Meds to correct what they found. Apparently I have hypothyroidism. Its weird stuff. But they said thats why I cant lose weight and why I'm so depressed, tired, achy, etc. They said it is long term- I will probly be on the one pill a day for the rest of my life. But once it gets fixed, I should be able to shed this weight quickly, and I am supposed to get my energy back, and basically be the old me that was so alive. That sounds wonderful!! So, Monday I have to get an appointment to go do more blood tests to see if the meds are working for me. Then, hopefully, I can get off Lexapro. From what I can understand, it also has alot to do with a persons emotional state of being, which would maybe explain why Im so much happier after having jus started the thyroid med. Its basically a synthetic thyroid hormone to make up for the deficiency in what my thyroid is making....guess the poor thing cant keep up!
"An underactive thyroid gland affects all organs and functions within the body, leading to both physical and emotional symptoms."
Thank heaven they figured it out, I was beginning to despair.
Meds???
Posted 7/7/2007 3:16:44 AM
It is 3:24 am, and I am tired. Worn out. Sore, And Bruised. Pete is up and shaving, I am up and wishing I wasn't. Blah. I have big bruises on the insides of my elbows where the nurse poked and wiggled needles around inside me trying to find a vein. My stomache is trying to handle the strong drug I put in about 11 or 11:30 pm last night. The dog is sleeping, and the cat is creeping about with wide eyes, he knows something is wrong. I could go on forever about the needles and so on, but that would be pointless. (no pun intended)
I went to the Dr today for help. I wasn't sure what help. But its been days since I have slept, I cry all the time, and things aren't so hot. About a week ago, I wanted to kill myself. It was really scary. So, today, I chose to go to a Dr and see if they could help. My Dr was really nice. I went in by myself, and we jus talked for along time. It went really well. I kept telling him Im weird, and stupid. And he jus said "look at me; you are not weird or stupid. You are normal. You have more on your plate than you can handle right now." Made me feel better. Oddly enough. We did some more talking, trying to identify my stressors, I hadn't expected so much empathy and understanding from a regular family doctor type, much less a male doctor! (no offense to guys there). I had tried to get into see a female doctor, but found out its a six month waiting list for a new patient; heck no!! Anyway, we kinda listed the stressors: relocating, poor health, no sleep,my weight, not having friends here, no job, some relationships, etc. I balked at the idea of meds, I HATE meds. He won my trust by explaining that he isn't sending me to a mental place, that Im perfectly normal. He also helped me understand nothing would happen if I didn't say it could. Made me feel better. In, the end, I said I would do some tests for a thyroid problem and for anemia. And I agreed to go on 1 med. For a limited time. He put me on a very small dose of Lexapro, just till I can get a routine. He said once I have a job and friends here, he thinks it will help work out some other issues I am facing in my personal life. I certainly hope so. I did alot of crying. I don't know why I keep remembering the words "you arent weird or stupid, you are normal...." it makes me cry when I think of it. I was so scared they would stick me in a hospital. And I knew I didn't need it. At least, I hoped. Two nurses, Pete, and the Dr were there when I was doing the tests, and it felt safe. Like they were jus surrounding me with care and showing me I was okay. The blood test hurt. Bad. Couldn't find the freaking vein, so Im really bruised. She eventually took it from my hand. Ouch.... and I need to go back in a week or so to see the results and do a followup. It was weird...i HATE doctors, but I felt so safe there. These were people that didn't know me, but they understood my world was in turmoil, and they stepped into it to help me. And, when Pete came back, he was filled in on it all. I was jus so relieved to hear the doctor say that everything is going to be okay, that theres just too much stress in my system and my body doesnt like it. They encouraged me to get into a routine, that my body needs to stabalize (sp) so that I can handle all the changes that are happening. And they are helping me with my weight, Im on a multi vitamin now....lotsa new stuff. And, last but not least....I was told to look in the mirror everyday and realize that I am beautiful. A beautiful person. But esp beautiful to the one who chose me to be his wife, and most of all, to the ONE who created me.
and with those thoughts, I shall close and go cry a few tears of happiness that I can still be beautiful even though things are up side down.
And for those of you who are against drugs....no apologies. Dr told me I need not apologize. So I wont. Not that I think you all are against them. LOL
Posted 7/7/2007 3:16:44 AM
It is 3:24 am, and I am tired. Worn out. Sore, And Bruised. Pete is up and shaving, I am up and wishing I wasn't. Blah. I have big bruises on the insides of my elbows where the nurse poked and wiggled needles around inside me trying to find a vein. My stomache is trying to handle the strong drug I put in about 11 or 11:30 pm last night. The dog is sleeping, and the cat is creeping about with wide eyes, he knows something is wrong. I could go on forever about the needles and so on, but that would be pointless. (no pun intended)
I went to the Dr today for help. I wasn't sure what help. But its been days since I have slept, I cry all the time, and things aren't so hot. About a week ago, I wanted to kill myself. It was really scary. So, today, I chose to go to a Dr and see if they could help. My Dr was really nice. I went in by myself, and we jus talked for along time. It went really well. I kept telling him Im weird, and stupid. And he jus said "look at me; you are not weird or stupid. You are normal. You have more on your plate than you can handle right now." Made me feel better. Oddly enough. We did some more talking, trying to identify my stressors, I hadn't expected so much empathy and understanding from a regular family doctor type, much less a male doctor! (no offense to guys there). I had tried to get into see a female doctor, but found out its a six month waiting list for a new patient; heck no!! Anyway, we kinda listed the stressors: relocating, poor health, no sleep,my weight, not having friends here, no job, some relationships, etc. I balked at the idea of meds, I HATE meds. He won my trust by explaining that he isn't sending me to a mental place, that Im perfectly normal. He also helped me understand nothing would happen if I didn't say it could. Made me feel better. In, the end, I said I would do some tests for a thyroid problem and for anemia. And I agreed to go on 1 med. For a limited time. He put me on a very small dose of Lexapro, just till I can get a routine. He said once I have a job and friends here, he thinks it will help work out some other issues I am facing in my personal life. I certainly hope so. I did alot of crying. I don't know why I keep remembering the words "you arent weird or stupid, you are normal...." it makes me cry when I think of it. I was so scared they would stick me in a hospital. And I knew I didn't need it. At least, I hoped. Two nurses, Pete, and the Dr were there when I was doing the tests, and it felt safe. Like they were jus surrounding me with care and showing me I was okay. The blood test hurt. Bad. Couldn't find the freaking vein, so Im really bruised. She eventually took it from my hand. Ouch.... and I need to go back in a week or so to see the results and do a followup. It was weird...i HATE doctors, but I felt so safe there. These were people that didn't know me, but they understood my world was in turmoil, and they stepped into it to help me. And, when Pete came back, he was filled in on it all. I was jus so relieved to hear the doctor say that everything is going to be okay, that theres just too much stress in my system and my body doesnt like it. They encouraged me to get into a routine, that my body needs to stabalize (sp) so that I can handle all the changes that are happening. And they are helping me with my weight, Im on a multi vitamin now....lotsa new stuff. And, last but not least....I was told to look in the mirror everyday and realize that I am beautiful. A beautiful person. But esp beautiful to the one who chose me to be his wife, and most of all, to the ONE who created me.
and with those thoughts, I shall close and go cry a few tears of happiness that I can still be beautiful even though things are up side down.
And for those of you who are against drugs....no apologies. Dr told me I need not apologize. So I wont. Not that I think you all are against them. LOL
Embarrassing
Posted 7/1/2007 11:01:25 PM
Short update. Im back on the weightloss wagon. I weigh about 200 pounds, and i should, at max, only weigh 145. I am overweight. Plain and simple. So, from here on out, its serious. Really serious. When you don't have money to buy new clothes and cant fit into the ones you have, its not good. And when you ache constantly, thats bad too. I am not going to try to be skinny. I want to be healthy. And, medically, I'm not at a healthy weight. While the weight isnt causing my health problems, neither is it helping them. I have also been feeling depressed. I think taking care of myself and trying to be healthy might help. I guess we will see. Please feel free to leave encouragement and advice, as long as its not condemning. And, jus for the info...i am not addicted to food. Being unhealthy (bad ankle, things like that) stopped me from exercising, as did the depression. So, while I know I am not healthy and strong enough to run alot and lift weights, etc. there are things I can do to lose some weight and get toned. I have a husband to live for, and he doesnt deserve a wife thats depressed all the time. So, in short, I am trying to lose weight to save my life, as depression seems hell bent on taking it. Literally.
I love you, Pete! And I am going to get out of this! Thank you for being there for me, I really don't deserve it!
I look at myself in the mirror, and I see sadness looking out at me. A stranger. Pete doesn't deserve that. And neither do I. Jus because I am not strong and am still battling mono and stress and all that doesn't mean I cant take care of myself and be the person I really am. I got lost in the rut of self pity.... "Im sick, I cant do anything, I am no good.....I might as well die....." and I am ready to move on. I have zero respect for me, no wonder people can walk over me. Ive spent the last year of my life yelling about being walked on, but not doing much about it. Thats over. NOW. OVER.
This was a horribly embarrassing post. I feel rather exposed. But maybe that will give me an extra push. Please pray for me. Im not jus battling weight. This battle with weight symbolizes a greater battle, a battle to find myself and be the person I want to be, instead of jus dreaming about it.
Posted 7/1/2007 11:01:25 PM
Short update. Im back on the weightloss wagon. I weigh about 200 pounds, and i should, at max, only weigh 145. I am overweight. Plain and simple. So, from here on out, its serious. Really serious. When you don't have money to buy new clothes and cant fit into the ones you have, its not good. And when you ache constantly, thats bad too. I am not going to try to be skinny. I want to be healthy. And, medically, I'm not at a healthy weight. While the weight isnt causing my health problems, neither is it helping them. I have also been feeling depressed. I think taking care of myself and trying to be healthy might help. I guess we will see. Please feel free to leave encouragement and advice, as long as its not condemning. And, jus for the info...i am not addicted to food. Being unhealthy (bad ankle, things like that) stopped me from exercising, as did the depression. So, while I know I am not healthy and strong enough to run alot and lift weights, etc. there are things I can do to lose some weight and get toned. I have a husband to live for, and he doesnt deserve a wife thats depressed all the time. So, in short, I am trying to lose weight to save my life, as depression seems hell bent on taking it. Literally.
I love you, Pete! And I am going to get out of this! Thank you for being there for me, I really don't deserve it!
I look at myself in the mirror, and I see sadness looking out at me. A stranger. Pete doesn't deserve that. And neither do I. Jus because I am not strong and am still battling mono and stress and all that doesn't mean I cant take care of myself and be the person I really am. I got lost in the rut of self pity.... "Im sick, I cant do anything, I am no good.....I might as well die....." and I am ready to move on. I have zero respect for me, no wonder people can walk over me. Ive spent the last year of my life yelling about being walked on, but not doing much about it. Thats over. NOW. OVER.
This was a horribly embarrassing post. I feel rather exposed. But maybe that will give me an extra push. Please pray for me. Im not jus battling weight. This battle with weight symbolizes a greater battle, a battle to find myself and be the person I want to be, instead of jus dreaming about it.
Heartbreaking
Posted 6/12/2007 8:00:00 PM
"President Bush, we urge you to implement a
NATO enforced No-Fly Zone over Darfur."
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Posted 6/12/2007 8:00:00 PM
"President Bush, we urge you to implement a NATO enforced No-Fly Zone over Darfur."
We respect your privacy. LifeNets.net will not rent, sell, or share your information with third party vendors. We will keep you updated with advocacy alerts. You can unsubscribe at any time. Get the CodeEmail your FriendsLearn More
ummmm
Posted 6/7/2007 11:24:29 PM
somebody told me i need to update. well, theres not much to say until the world turns right side up again. as it is, we have moved. to the upper peninsula of MI. im tired and kinda out of sorts. so maybe i can update better later. sorry folks
Posted 6/7/2007 11:24:29 PM
somebody told me i need to update. well, theres not much to say until the world turns right side up again. as it is, we have moved. to the upper peninsula of MI. im tired and kinda out of sorts. so maybe i can update better later. sorry folks
God's Kid
Posted 5/18/2007 3:35:17 PM
This song makes me cry....no matter what happens in life, God is right there. The support of friends lately has been tremendous...and this song jus says how I am feeling right now. God is right there.Recently, it seemed like my life was torn apart. And those Bible Studies with friends did so much! And, well, they (without realizing it) helped me understand this song. (thank you Fifi, Meghan, and Dena!). They helped me realize that God is everywhere, not jus in one place, religion, or person. That, no matter what I do, God loves me, and I can always turn to Him. I don't ever have to be ashamed in front of God cause He understands. He understands the pain, anger, the screw ups, the confusion. He understands my need to be loved. Truly he is a great God. People will always make mistakes, but God is always there, cause we are His! BTW, I didnt write this one....Go Fish sings it. Please keep praying, my folks will be here tomorrow. (Saturday). Emily
The ones you love, they let you down
and I want you to know that I'm sorry
The choices that they made were wrong,
you were caught in the middle
and I'm sorry
So when the anger and the pain
get the best of you
I know it seems like you're all alone
But I am feeling it too
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
When you're looking in the mirror
I hope you like what you see
Because no matter what you're feeling
You're perfect to me
Because I see you as a child,
blameless in my sight
Just spend some time with me
and I'll make everything all right
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
No one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
I know you don't deserve what you've been through
I know it doesn't seem fair
I know that there are times you think you're alone
But you've got to know that I will be there, be there
Cause you're my little girl
You're the one that I created,
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
All you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
You're my little girl
And you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
Posted 5/18/2007 3:35:17 PM
This song makes me cry....no matter what happens in life, God is right there. The support of friends lately has been tremendous...and this song jus says how I am feeling right now. God is right there.Recently, it seemed like my life was torn apart. And those Bible Studies with friends did so much! And, well, they (without realizing it) helped me understand this song. (thank you Fifi, Meghan, and Dena!). They helped me realize that God is everywhere, not jus in one place, religion, or person. That, no matter what I do, God loves me, and I can always turn to Him. I don't ever have to be ashamed in front of God cause He understands. He understands the pain, anger, the screw ups, the confusion. He understands my need to be loved. Truly he is a great God. People will always make mistakes, but God is always there, cause we are His! BTW, I didnt write this one....Go Fish sings it. Please keep praying, my folks will be here tomorrow. (Saturday). Emily
The ones you love, they let you down
and I want you to know that I'm sorry
The choices that they made were wrong,
you were caught in the middle
and I'm sorry
So when the anger and the pain
get the best of you
I know it seems like you're all alone
But I am feeling it too
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
When you're looking in the mirror
I hope you like what you see
Because no matter what you're feeling
You're perfect to me
Because I see you as a child,
blameless in my sight
Just spend some time with me
and I'll make everything all right
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
No one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
I know you don't deserve what you've been through
I know it doesn't seem fair
I know that there are times you think you're alone
But you've got to know that I will be there, be there
Cause you're my little girl
You're the one that I created,
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
All you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl.............
You're my little girl
And you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created
And no one in this world could ever be like you
Heaven Help Us!!!
Posted 5/7/2007 2:18:30 PM
Rain, rain, rain. Jeepers, it is supposed to quit someday! This is one of those crazy days...laundry all over the place, a dirty bathroom, and so on. And me and my broken toe are feeling very ho-hum. Oh, yeah, my swollen, sore throat and aching head don't wanna be left out either.
My parents are coming on the 19th....yeah, jus pray we can get along and that things will go smoothly. If I can keep my trap shut, we should be okay. I jus get worried they will try to discuss religion...and for us, that's a tense subject. I don't like being blasted from here to there about my clothing, my friends, my music, my internet... yeah, pretty much everything. And you wanna know why they are coming? Well, I cant tell you right now. but soon, very soon.
The 12th of this month will be our civil wedding anniversary. We are asking others to observe our wedding anniversary as August 12, 2006, as that was the day of our Formal Wedding. But, since we were technically married May 12, 2006, Pete and I get to celebrate twice!! LOL, my life is confusing, is it not? We got married cause I had mono and couldnt work;therefore, I couldn't afford an apartment.
Life is full of changes. Many changes. Please pray for us as we deal with the changes heading our way. Theres alot of them!
BTW... I jus wanna thank you all for being here for me...I have never known a place where people I have never met before could be so caring!!!
Posted 5/7/2007 2:18:30 PM
Rain, rain, rain. Jeepers, it is supposed to quit someday! This is one of those crazy days...laundry all over the place, a dirty bathroom, and so on. And me and my broken toe are feeling very ho-hum. Oh, yeah, my swollen, sore throat and aching head don't wanna be left out either.
My parents are coming on the 19th....yeah, jus pray we can get along and that things will go smoothly. If I can keep my trap shut, we should be okay. I jus get worried they will try to discuss religion...and for us, that's a tense subject. I don't like being blasted from here to there about my clothing, my friends, my music, my internet... yeah, pretty much everything. And you wanna know why they are coming? Well, I cant tell you right now. but soon, very soon.
The 12th of this month will be our civil wedding anniversary. We are asking others to observe our wedding anniversary as August 12, 2006, as that was the day of our Formal Wedding. But, since we were technically married May 12, 2006, Pete and I get to celebrate twice!! LOL, my life is confusing, is it not? We got married cause I had mono and couldnt work;therefore, I couldn't afford an apartment.
Life is full of changes. Many changes. Please pray for us as we deal with the changes heading our way. Theres alot of them!
BTW... I jus wanna thank you all for being here for me...I have never known a place where people I have never met before could be so caring!!!
Don't Look Back
Posted 5/4/2007 2:29:20 PM
Don't Look Back
Sometimes life throws a curve ball,
Sometimes, you run into a brick wall...
Then you jus gotta get back on track,
Start off walking, and never look back.
(CHORUS)
Thats the hardest part of walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
And you feel your heart is gonna to crack,
You gotta keep walking and not look back.
Life can be more than you can take,
And your smile becomes just a fake...
Then it's time to turn and walk away,
Cuz it's gonna hurt worse to stay...
(CHORUS)
Thats the hardest part of walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
And you feel your heart is gonna to crack,
You gotta keep walking and not look back.
You jus gotta let them think they won,
Cuz when they turn round, you're gone...
And you,you, are gonna come out on top
Cuz you're leaving, and you won't stop!!
(CHORUS)
The hardest part is just walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
If you feel your heart is bound to crack,
You're gonna get walking and not look back.
**Finally, here's something of my own...its not very good, but here it is. Im starting to get tired of using other peoples songs, etc to express myself. so here it is....this in reference to my folks
Posted 5/4/2007 2:29:20 PM
Don't Look Back
Sometimes life throws a curve ball,
Sometimes, you run into a brick wall...
Then you jus gotta get back on track,
Start off walking, and never look back.
(CHORUS)
Thats the hardest part of walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
And you feel your heart is gonna to crack,
You gotta keep walking and not look back.
Life can be more than you can take,
And your smile becomes just a fake...
Then it's time to turn and walk away,
Cuz it's gonna hurt worse to stay...
(CHORUS)
Thats the hardest part of walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
And you feel your heart is gonna to crack,
You gotta keep walking and not look back.
You jus gotta let them think they won,
Cuz when they turn round, you're gone...
And you,you, are gonna come out on top
Cuz you're leaving, and you won't stop!!
(CHORUS)
The hardest part is just walking away,
When all you really wanna do is stay...
If you feel your heart is bound to crack,
You're gonna get walking and not look back.
**Finally, here's something of my own...its not very good, but here it is. Im starting to get tired of using other peoples songs, etc to express myself. so here it is....this in reference to my folks
Concrete Angel
Posted 5/3/2007 3:26:52 PM
She walks to school with the lunch she packed,
Nobody knows what she's holdin back,
Wearin the same dress she wore yesterday,
She hides the bruises with a linen and lace ohhh,
The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask,
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask,
Bearin' the burden of a secret storm,
Sometimes she wishes she was never born,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved,
Concrete angel,
Somebody cries in the middle of the night,
The neighbors hear but they turn out the lights,
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate,
When mornin' comes it'll be too late,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel
A statue stands in a shaded place,
An angel girl with an upturned face,
Her name is written on a polished rock,
A broken heart that the world forgot,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved,
Concrete angel
TEARS.....
Posted 5/3/2007 3:26:52 PM
She walks to school with the lunch she packed,
Nobody knows what she's holdin back,
Wearin the same dress she wore yesterday,
She hides the bruises with a linen and lace ohhh,
The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask,
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask,
Bearin' the burden of a secret storm,
Sometimes she wishes she was never born,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved,
Concrete angel,
Somebody cries in the middle of the night,
The neighbors hear but they turn out the lights,
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate,
When mornin' comes it'll be too late,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above,
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel
A statue stands in a shaded place,
An angel girl with an upturned face,
Her name is written on a polished rock,
A broken heart that the world forgot,
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone,
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved,
Concrete angel
TEARS.....
zzzzzzzzzz....
Posted 4/27/2007 4:40:20 AM
wow...i was online chatting tonight, then told that wonderful friend I had to go to bed. And here I am, and hour later, and unable to sleep. Next time I'll jus wait till I fall asleep at thecomputer before i sign off. and, jus for the record, wonderburger sounds heavenly about now.
Im going to regis salon to do something diff with my hair. Wish me luck...never tried this before. My folks would yell. So we jus wont tell them.
eye makeup (esp mascara) is impossible to remove. Any ideas? Or is there an important makeup factor that i am missing? (highly possible).
I am frightfully bored. Im thinking about jus taking my dvd player to bed with me and seeing if that will put me to sleep??
Jeepers, this is weird. Okay, well you all have a good day...
Posted 4/27/2007 4:40:20 AM
wow...i was online chatting tonight, then told that wonderful friend I had to go to bed. And here I am, and hour later, and unable to sleep. Next time I'll jus wait till I fall asleep at thecomputer before i sign off. and, jus for the record, wonderburger sounds heavenly about now.
Im going to regis salon to do something diff with my hair. Wish me luck...never tried this before. My folks would yell. So we jus wont tell them.
eye makeup (esp mascara) is impossible to remove. Any ideas? Or is there an important makeup factor that i am missing? (highly possible).
I am frightfully bored. Im thinking about jus taking my dvd player to bed with me and seeing if that will put me to sleep??
Jeepers, this is weird. Okay, well you all have a good day...
Wondering...
Posted 4/25/2007 3:29:45 PM
Today is not a good day to be alone...but I am. It is raining for the second day in a row, and I am beginning to wonder if depression is triggered by the sight of the sky crying. Then again, the upcoming presidential election is enough to make anyone cry, so who can blame the heavens for having a sob fest?? Does anyone out there feel like picking people up by their collars and telling then to get outa your life?? Or am I the only person in a vicious mood these days? Oh, well, when the sun shines again, it will be better.
Im working on music...I want to be a music star, but I don't know how. I have several songs written, but what to do, what to do...
I finally got a cell phone yesterday, with unlimited text!! I love texting. theres only a mild problem...how do you text when there are no friends left to text. What if your folks ruined your friendships by filling their heads with shit about you that wasnt true. What if you left the phone on the hook for 2 weeks, and no one called? Its gets lonely, it really does. I hate my family. They have done everything thay can to ruin my life. And they wont jus get out of it...they keep forcing their way back in. They keep sending me messages like "you are a bad person" or "you are going to hell" or "you live wrong, and we cant support you" and yada yada. The worst part is, I did have one or two friends before I left home, but now that I ran away, I am under what they call "the ban". In other words, I am shunned by everyone but my family. And my family thinks by being really mean and cruel that they will break up my marriage and have me come home with my tail between my legs. I dont want to lose my marriage. They think i should leave him. I dont know.I love him. i am really confused, and I want to talk to someone, but i dont know anyone who has txt messaging that wants to hear this shit. I dont have enough minutes to call people...jus unlimited text. god, i hate how expensive minutes are! Theres a few people that say i jus need a kick in the butt to get going. But it hurts so bad! I want a family. And it hurts. Bad. So, maybe I need a kick in the butt, maybe so. But even if it works, there will always be a hurt person underneath. I dont think the hurt wull ever get better. I dont think i will ever stop crying myself to sleep....
And, finally, i dont think I should blog, cause then people end up listening to my depressing rants. sorry people....
Posted 4/25/2007 3:29:45 PM
Today is not a good day to be alone...but I am. It is raining for the second day in a row, and I am beginning to wonder if depression is triggered by the sight of the sky crying. Then again, the upcoming presidential election is enough to make anyone cry, so who can blame the heavens for having a sob fest?? Does anyone out there feel like picking people up by their collars and telling then to get outa your life?? Or am I the only person in a vicious mood these days? Oh, well, when the sun shines again, it will be better.
Im working on music...I want to be a music star, but I don't know how. I have several songs written, but what to do, what to do...
I finally got a cell phone yesterday, with unlimited text!! I love texting. theres only a mild problem...how do you text when there are no friends left to text. What if your folks ruined your friendships by filling their heads with shit about you that wasnt true. What if you left the phone on the hook for 2 weeks, and no one called? Its gets lonely, it really does. I hate my family. They have done everything thay can to ruin my life. And they wont jus get out of it...they keep forcing their way back in. They keep sending me messages like "you are a bad person" or "you are going to hell" or "you live wrong, and we cant support you" and yada yada. The worst part is, I did have one or two friends before I left home, but now that I ran away, I am under what they call "the ban". In other words, I am shunned by everyone but my family. And my family thinks by being really mean and cruel that they will break up my marriage and have me come home with my tail between my legs. I dont want to lose my marriage. They think i should leave him. I dont know.I love him. i am really confused, and I want to talk to someone, but i dont know anyone who has txt messaging that wants to hear this shit. I dont have enough minutes to call people...jus unlimited text. god, i hate how expensive minutes are! Theres a few people that say i jus need a kick in the butt to get going. But it hurts so bad! I want a family. And it hurts. Bad. So, maybe I need a kick in the butt, maybe so. But even if it works, there will always be a hurt person underneath. I dont think the hurt wull ever get better. I dont think i will ever stop crying myself to sleep....
And, finally, i dont think I should blog, cause then people end up listening to my depressing rants. sorry people....
yup...
Posted 4/23/2007 4:32:32 PM
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Posted 4/23/2007 4:32:32 PM
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Confession...
Posted 4/19/2007 4:03:29 PM
I think the past week or two have been some of the hardest in my life. Stress, having that job, quitting the job, not eating right, gaining a ton of weight back, watching our finances being strained to the breaking point...i think these things may have contributed to a depression. I forced myself to STOP and THINK this morning. Why can't i stop crying? Why don't I care about how I look? Why dont i care anymore if I wash my hair or shower? Why dont I care if I am healthy or not? Why am I obsessing about my husband going to the doctor to make sure he is okay, even though he isn't sick? I finally realized that I am afraid, horribly afraid. I am afraid to try again, for fear I will fail. I am afraid something will happen to Pete and I will be alone. And I am depressed. Depressed that my life hasn't turned out the way I want it to. Depressed that I fell off my goals for weight loss. Depressed that people are gossiping. I want to be a hermitess. So, that was the result of the STOP and THINK session this morning. So, as I finally put away the candy and crawled into the shower, I started step two: RESETTING MY GOALS AND THOUGHTS. I came out of the shower feeling relaxed, and more in love with life. I got clean, washed my face, brushed my teeth. And then, I smiled at myself in the mirror. Been awhile since Smile and I had talked. I came to the conclusion that we havesuch a short time here on earth, and I want to be the best I can be for my husband and myself. So, my shower is done, i am deep conditioning my hair. I am going to Mom and Dad Funks to work on my garden, and the sun should help all that conditioner penetrate my hair. (so the magazine says, we will see). Before I leave, I am going to put some potatoes and meat in the oven to slow roast till supper. I feel much better. My apologies that you had to listen to this mess. But I do feel better. LOL
Posted 4/19/2007 4:03:29 PM
I think the past week or two have been some of the hardest in my life. Stress, having that job, quitting the job, not eating right, gaining a ton of weight back, watching our finances being strained to the breaking point...i think these things may have contributed to a depression. I forced myself to STOP and THINK this morning. Why can't i stop crying? Why don't I care about how I look? Why dont i care anymore if I wash my hair or shower? Why dont I care if I am healthy or not? Why am I obsessing about my husband going to the doctor to make sure he is okay, even though he isn't sick? I finally realized that I am afraid, horribly afraid. I am afraid to try again, for fear I will fail. I am afraid something will happen to Pete and I will be alone. And I am depressed. Depressed that my life hasn't turned out the way I want it to. Depressed that I fell off my goals for weight loss. Depressed that people are gossiping. I want to be a hermitess. So, that was the result of the STOP and THINK session this morning. So, as I finally put away the candy and crawled into the shower, I started step two: RESETTING MY GOALS AND THOUGHTS. I came out of the shower feeling relaxed, and more in love with life. I got clean, washed my face, brushed my teeth. And then, I smiled at myself in the mirror. Been awhile since Smile and I had talked. I came to the conclusion that we havesuch a short time here on earth, and I want to be the best I can be for my husband and myself. So, my shower is done, i am deep conditioning my hair. I am going to Mom and Dad Funks to work on my garden, and the sun should help all that conditioner penetrate my hair. (so the magazine says, we will see). Before I leave, I am going to put some potatoes and meat in the oven to slow roast till supper. I feel much better. My apologies that you had to listen to this mess. But I do feel better. LOL
Sad...
Posted 4/16/2007 5:30:26 PM
Im not sure what to say. You all know i started a new job. Well, I quit. I wont lie, I did quit. My marriage was suffering. I couldn't communicate with Pete anymore. There were some issues at work that put me in a bad place to be both emotionally and physically. For one thing, my ankle wasn't completely up to the constant moving around. And emotionally...well, there was alot going on that wasn't good. Something was wrong there. I can't say jus what, but I know it wasn't the place for me. There were things I couldn't take part in, and it came down to taking part or leaving my job. So I left. Ive cried so much. I thought I was finally getting my life back. But now... I guess I feel like a loser. And yet, I made the choice I had to. Its all screwy now. But at least I can talk to my husband without fearing being in trouble. Don't get me wrong, DEB is a nice store, but in big chains like that, there's bound to be a few not so good stores, and I guess I got that one. So, now the plan is to get my GED and get a sitting job at Wells Fargo, as I have heard they are hiring. Getting my GED will open up more doors for me as far as work goes. We will see. I feel all kerbobbled. Jus completely lost. And somewhat lonely. A big thank you to a few people who took the time to message me and care. I really appreciate it. I think leaving my job freed me in a way, and yet it threw me into a depression, something I didnt anticipate. So, I feel really blue. But, I guess these things happen for a reason.
Ps...updated my photo album
Posted 4/16/2007 5:30:26 PM
Im not sure what to say. You all know i started a new job. Well, I quit. I wont lie, I did quit. My marriage was suffering. I couldn't communicate with Pete anymore. There were some issues at work that put me in a bad place to be both emotionally and physically. For one thing, my ankle wasn't completely up to the constant moving around. And emotionally...well, there was alot going on that wasn't good. Something was wrong there. I can't say jus what, but I know it wasn't the place for me. There were things I couldn't take part in, and it came down to taking part or leaving my job. So I left. Ive cried so much. I thought I was finally getting my life back. But now... I guess I feel like a loser. And yet, I made the choice I had to. Its all screwy now. But at least I can talk to my husband without fearing being in trouble. Don't get me wrong, DEB is a nice store, but in big chains like that, there's bound to be a few not so good stores, and I guess I got that one. So, now the plan is to get my GED and get a sitting job at Wells Fargo, as I have heard they are hiring. Getting my GED will open up more doors for me as far as work goes. We will see. I feel all kerbobbled. Jus completely lost. And somewhat lonely. A big thank you to a few people who took the time to message me and care. I really appreciate it. I think leaving my job freed me in a way, and yet it threw me into a depression, something I didnt anticipate. So, I feel really blue. But, I guess these things happen for a reason.
Ps...updated my photo album
.....
Posted 4/12/2007 7:27:19 PM
Please pray for me, peoples. Theres some tough things happening in my life right now. Im trying really hard to not worry and jus trust that things will work out, but it is really hard. I feel like my heart is bruised and broken, and it jus cant take any more! Been working steadily, been really tired. They say I have lost my sparkle. Im not surprised. I think my heart is tired, and it is begging for a rest.
Posted 4/12/2007 7:27:19 PM
Please pray for me, peoples. Theres some tough things happening in my life right now. Im trying really hard to not worry and jus trust that things will work out, but it is really hard. I feel like my heart is bruised and broken, and it jus cant take any more! Been working steadily, been really tired. They say I have lost my sparkle. Im not surprised. I think my heart is tired, and it is begging for a rest.
Life...
Posted 4/9/2007 6:01:43 PM
We went for a walk to Saylorville Lake last night...was chilly, but great fun!
Tomorrow, its back to work for me....and onto my new job hunt. Im hoping my feet will be able to handle two on-your-feet jobs like that! Pete is thinking about trying to find a job that pays more...with his college education, he should be getting alot more! Looks like there might be an opening for him somewhere that can use the skills he has...we are hoping...
I need to beat it...I got laundry and cleaning to do! Later, everyone!
Posted 4/9/2007 6:01:43 PM
We went for a walk to Saylorville Lake last night...was chilly, but great fun!
Tomorrow, its back to work for me....and onto my new job hunt. Im hoping my feet will be able to handle two on-your-feet jobs like that! Pete is thinking about trying to find a job that pays more...with his college education, he should be getting alot more! Looks like there might be an opening for him somewhere that can use the skills he has...we are hoping...
I need to beat it...I got laundry and cleaning to do! Later, everyone!
First Day...
Posted 4/7/2007 7:11:22 PM
Wow, what a day! First day of work....and the only thing that really stuck in my head is that Miss Brat needs replaced and that DEB is a high theft store. They told me it was, but nothing they told me prepared me. You turn your back for two seconds, and there are empty hangers, and missing people. Same with shoe boxes. And even with two people on fitting room duty, we went in one and found about 5 or 6 jean tags and no jeans. Its frustrating!! You wanna grab people and tell them to get a grip on life...problem is, they are already gone.
But, I did discover that I like working there...yup, there are the nuts and jerks, but theres those few and precious wonderful people that you jus connect to the minute you meet. There's the loud weird one, who drives you nuts. Theres a sweet older lady. Then there's the newbie, like me, and shes really cool. Cant forget the brat. Shes there too. I try to contain my laughter till her back is turned. Esp. when she scolds me, then gets scolded for scolding me for something that wasnt wrong in the first place... Oh, the little blessings life has to offer!!!
Im not sure if they will be able to give me enough hours, so I'm looking for a night-time waitressing job now. See how that goes.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you farewell, as I am going to go rub my feet!
Posted 4/7/2007 7:11:22 PM
Wow, what a day! First day of work....and the only thing that really stuck in my head is that Miss Brat needs replaced and that DEB is a high theft store. They told me it was, but nothing they told me prepared me. You turn your back for two seconds, and there are empty hangers, and missing people. Same with shoe boxes. And even with two people on fitting room duty, we went in one and found about 5 or 6 jean tags and no jeans. Its frustrating!! You wanna grab people and tell them to get a grip on life...problem is, they are already gone.
But, I did discover that I like working there...yup, there are the nuts and jerks, but theres those few and precious wonderful people that you jus connect to the minute you meet. There's the loud weird one, who drives you nuts. Theres a sweet older lady. Then there's the newbie, like me, and shes really cool. Cant forget the brat. Shes there too. I try to contain my laughter till her back is turned. Esp. when she scolds me, then gets scolded for scolding me for something that wasnt wrong in the first place... Oh, the little blessings life has to offer!!!
Im not sure if they will be able to give me enough hours, so I'm looking for a night-time waitressing job now. See how that goes.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you farewell, as I am going to go rub my feet!
Lonliness
Posted 4/6/2007 3:25:04 PM
I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
Life doesn't always
Go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...
(Chorus)
I'm not a girl
Not yet a womam
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than u know now
So tell me to shut my eyes
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
But if u look at me closely
You will see it my eyes
This girl will always find
Her way
I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe)
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just tryin to find the woman in me, yeah)
All I need is time (All I need)
A moment that is mine (That is mine)
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
I know a girl. She is lonely. Last week, she decided to not call anyone but family members, and see who would call her. Her phone didn't ring. She feels confused and lost right now. She doesn't know quite where to go or what to do. She cries alot. And then she got told that the reason she was sad was because she isn't a Christian. Shes angry because she feels the internet is a poor substitute for friends. And she wants friends, and at the same time, she is scared of them. It makes her sad that the people that call her most are credit card companies. She's trying to diet right now, but she is depressed, and feeling very alone. So, she made herself a big pizza, and plans to eat the whole thing. She doesn't wanna care anymore....she wants to jus be tough and keep going on. But the tears keep sneaking out.... Maybe it is best nobody called, cause she doesn't know what she would say anyway...she jus wants to be loved. She also feels like an idiot for expressing her feelings in a public place. And when her husband comes home, she jus holds on tight and cries, "When can we jus disappear?"
And now, I have to go eat my pizza.
Posted 4/6/2007 3:25:04 PM
I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
Life doesn't always
Go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...
(Chorus)
I'm not a girl
Not yet a womam
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than u know now
So tell me to shut my eyes
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
But if u look at me closely
You will see it my eyes
This girl will always find
Her way
I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe)
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just tryin to find the woman in me, yeah)
All I need is time (All I need)
A moment that is mine (That is mine)
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
I know a girl. She is lonely. Last week, she decided to not call anyone but family members, and see who would call her. Her phone didn't ring. She feels confused and lost right now. She doesn't know quite where to go or what to do. She cries alot. And then she got told that the reason she was sad was because she isn't a Christian. Shes angry because she feels the internet is a poor substitute for friends. And she wants friends, and at the same time, she is scared of them. It makes her sad that the people that call her most are credit card companies. She's trying to diet right now, but she is depressed, and feeling very alone. So, she made herself a big pizza, and plans to eat the whole thing. She doesn't wanna care anymore....she wants to jus be tough and keep going on. But the tears keep sneaking out.... Maybe it is best nobody called, cause she doesn't know what she would say anyway...she jus wants to be loved. She also feels like an idiot for expressing her feelings in a public place. And when her husband comes home, she jus holds on tight and cries, "When can we jus disappear?"
And now, I have to go eat my pizza.
YAY!!
Posted 4/4/2007 3:49:36 PM
Hehe...I got a job!! I am sooo happy!! And a big thank you to those of you that left me comments...Im starting to think maybe there are nice people in this world after all!! :)
PS I need to make a correction. I am not in Alaska at this time. I moved from Alaska to Iowa, and am planning to go back to AK next summer. Sorry if that caused any confusion...
Posted 4/4/2007 3:49:36 PM
Hehe...I got a job!! I am sooo happy!! And a big thank you to those of you that left me comments...Im starting to think maybe there are nice people in this world after all!! :)
PS I need to make a correction. I am not in Alaska at this time. I moved from Alaska to Iowa, and am planning to go back to AK next summer. Sorry if that caused any confusion...
Interview...
Posted 4/3/2007 4:39:47 PM
I got a call today... have a job interview tomorrow morning at 11:30. Interviewing for a job in the mall; a clothing store called DEB. I really hope it works out. I had mono so long that I almost forget what it feels like to work! Guess I will find out! :) Other than that...
Went to the Doctor yesterday, and got started on once a day allergy meds. Im at the point where the smell of laundry soap makes me break out in hives. :( But the Dr. said this will really help.
Today is a weird day...Ive been thinking about my past. I ran away from home when I was 18, and I married that same year. (jus a couple of months before I turned 19). My parents are still angry, because I left their religion. And all I hear is that I am going to hell. And it makes me really sad. Cause there were some very painful things going on at home, but no one will admit it. In their religion, if you have trials, its cause you aren't a Christian. And I struggled with depression. So I was a bad girl. And, there was other stuff going on that was really awful. I asked to leave, but they said I may not till I am 21. So I ran. And now there is no end to conflict. The doctor is worried that they stress me too much. I dont know what to say. I cry everytime I talk to them. Cause they know how to make things hurt sooooo bad! I cant sleep after I talk to them. I dont know what to do. I want to care about them, but Im afraid it is starting to cut into my marriage, and I cant let that happen.
I am sorry I kinda blew off. If anyone has advice, I would be happy to hear it.... again, im sorry.
Posted 4/3/2007 4:39:47 PM
I got a call today... have a job interview tomorrow morning at 11:30. Interviewing for a job in the mall; a clothing store called DEB. I really hope it works out. I had mono so long that I almost forget what it feels like to work! Guess I will find out! :) Other than that...
Went to the Doctor yesterday, and got started on once a day allergy meds. Im at the point where the smell of laundry soap makes me break out in hives. :( But the Dr. said this will really help.
Today is a weird day...Ive been thinking about my past. I ran away from home when I was 18, and I married that same year. (jus a couple of months before I turned 19). My parents are still angry, because I left their religion. And all I hear is that I am going to hell. And it makes me really sad. Cause there were some very painful things going on at home, but no one will admit it. In their religion, if you have trials, its cause you aren't a Christian. And I struggled with depression. So I was a bad girl. And, there was other stuff going on that was really awful. I asked to leave, but they said I may not till I am 21. So I ran. And now there is no end to conflict. The doctor is worried that they stress me too much. I dont know what to say. I cry everytime I talk to them. Cause they know how to make things hurt sooooo bad! I cant sleep after I talk to them. I dont know what to do. I want to care about them, but Im afraid it is starting to cut into my marriage, and I cant let that happen.
I am sorry I kinda blew off. If anyone has advice, I would be happy to hear it.... again, im sorry.
New Girl
Posted 4/2/2007 6:20:01 PM
Todat is a rather different day. For one thing, I started this blog, and I have positively no idea what I am doing. So any advice is appreciated! Im here to find friends. I am a very open person. Now, I am off to see if I can work on this thing some more...
Posted 4/2/2007 6:20:01 PM
Todat is a rather different day. For one thing, I started this blog, and I have positively no idea what I am doing. So any advice is appreciated! Im here to find friends. I am a very open person. Now, I am off to see if I can work on this thing some more...
FeedBack
piper
6/6/2007 4:20:38 PM
Glad your survived your parents visit! Way to go...
avarietyshop1
5/23/2007 7:00:28 AM
Good morning.
piper
5/16/2007 8:01:03 PM
Sending you some positive energy for this weekend with your parents. Good luck!
piper
5/9/2007 10:51:08 PM
Hey Lady! Stopped by to wish you good evening!
piper
4/24/2007 4:36:48 PM
Didn't know if you were just looking for another job or if you were just going to take the time to finish your GED!?!
piper
4/20/2007 7:15:21 PM
Stopped by to see how you were doing. One day at a time Kelly....one day at a time.
LLCOOLWSR
4/16/2007 6:49:49 PM
Welcome aboard as a new friend. Take care!
piper
4/16/2007 2:11:33 AM
Stopped by to say Hi and hope things are going your way. Hang in there!
melliemel
4/13/2007 7:01:28 AM
I trust you will find your way and you should too! It's called your character and only YOU can develop it!!
piper
4/12/2007 9:54:49 PM
Hey, I like what you've done to the webpage. Someone has been teaching you well, Grasshopper.....
piper
4/11/2007 9:24:03 AM
Just stopped by to hope your week is going well for you.
piper
4/5/2007 5:35:08 PM
You are going to do fine at your new job Saturday. I'll add you to my prayers for confidence in yourself to do the job you know you can. Hold your chin high and smile.
piper
4/5/2007 4:11:34 PM
Hey thanks for the comment. I think this might be my first addiction that doesn't kill me - can you die from long term typing?
When do you start the new job?
joeschmoe714
4/2/2007 8:50:49 PM
noooo problems!
hope my comment helped you figure this place out a bit.
6/6/2007 4:20:38 PM
Glad your survived your parents visit! Way to go...
avarietyshop1
5/23/2007 7:00:28 AM
Good morning.
piper
5/16/2007 8:01:03 PM
Sending you some positive energy for this weekend with your parents. Good luck!
piper
5/9/2007 10:51:08 PM
Hey Lady! Stopped by to wish you good evening!
piper
4/24/2007 4:36:48 PM
Didn't know if you were just looking for another job or if you were just going to take the time to finish your GED!?!
piper
4/20/2007 7:15:21 PM
Stopped by to see how you were doing. One day at a time Kelly....one day at a time.
LLCOOLWSR
4/16/2007 6:49:49 PM
Welcome aboard as a new friend. Take care!
piper
4/16/2007 2:11:33 AM
Stopped by to say Hi and hope things are going your way. Hang in there!
melliemel
4/13/2007 7:01:28 AM
I trust you will find your way and you should too! It's called your character and only YOU can develop it!!
piper
4/12/2007 9:54:49 PM
Hey, I like what you've done to the webpage. Someone has been teaching you well, Grasshopper.....
piper
4/11/2007 9:24:03 AM
Just stopped by to hope your week is going well for you.
piper
4/5/2007 5:35:08 PM
You are going to do fine at your new job Saturday. I'll add you to my prayers for confidence in yourself to do the job you know you can. Hold your chin high and smile.
piper
4/5/2007 4:11:34 PM
Hey thanks for the comment. I think this might be my first addiction that doesn't kill me - can you die from long term typing?
When do you start the new job?
joeschmoe714
4/2/2007 8:50:49 PM
noooo problems!
hope my comment helped you figure this place out a bit.
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