kaydance
Fallen Angel
Profile
24. On a new journey in life. The most amazing daughter ever. Blessed.Cursed. Trying to survive. Loyal. Outspokenly soft. Shy. Outgoing. "Craziest cracker you will ever meet". Want to know more?
Age: 25
Age: 25
Gender: M
Location: IFtown
What I like: Music, Movies, Ink, and Web Design
Contact Info: On MSN MessengerSystemofjoco@yahoo.com Email Jon@joco.myrf.net
MyPage: IFtown.com
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story time
Posted 12/11/2007 1:27:09 AM
I dream of my childhood. The innocence, mostly the imagination once held. In my sleep I capture another glimpse of my once prized conceptions.
Soaring through luscious clouds, I come within feet of a crystal blue ocean. I soar above this great sea as the wind creates a wake beneath, I feel the cool brisk water sting my face as the air pulls back my hair. The eternity of blue broken only by the rifts of white from the waves gently kissing the sky. As I hover over this breathtaking seascape, I realize that this entire world is immersed in this Nereid. My mind void of anxiety, my heart abundant with exhilaration. Emotionally I feel nothing, and I feel everything. Here I recognize true abandonment, pure freedom.
As the excitement overwhelms me, and the guard of suspicion is let down, I smile. A genuine smile from the depths of my soul, happiness kisses my face.
At this moment the blue lit clear skies, littered with clouds of angelic beds, atrociously fades to black. My vision is temporarily lost as my eyes try to conform to this sudden lack of illumination. I no longer feel the sting of water, nor the wind against my face, I feel as if all time has halted. Unfamiliar with anything that is happening I feel fear, a fear that is deep from within. A dread that can only be felt when falling from such heights of happiness, into never ending pits of despair. In a state of shock, I had not realized that I had lost my hearing. Which was now returning with a ringing as if an explosion had caused the deafening in the first place. After the unnerving ringing started to dissipate I heard, and felt, a rumbling that sounded as if the earth were rising below me. Finally my sight was starting to clear up, as I witnessed a glow from beneath. The water below me began to boil as molten lava and earth pushed it's way towards the surface of this cauldron. Sweat poured from my forehead like rain, I believe some of which created by my fear. Yet the boiling water that mercilessly thrashed below me would project clouds of steam which burned my skin as it doused me. "What hell hath thou wrought?" I thought to myself as I tried to escape the unknown hell, which I could only imagine was going to consume me. As the water seceded and slowly evaporated, the columns of earth and molten lava exploded from below me. The heat now so intense the clothes that adorned my body started to singe. Sweat protruding from myself with an intensity as if I had just stepped out of the shower. Rocks barraging my legs, I am startled as the violently approaching earth slows to a halt beneath my feet. I softly step down onto a column that distended from beyond and looked as a baseball field in hell might. Lava rock that had hardened into a black rock that reminds me of death, the ugly interior of hell, the fire and brimstone of the bible. "Was I to be confronted? What is the meaning of this atrocity?" Questions uttered to myself, with no one to answer, and no answers perceived. Minutes, what felt like hours, passed with nothing. The waves had subsided and the earth settled. I now stood alone, a deafening silence other than the random howl of wind, reminding me of the storm that had passed. No longer able to contain my confusion and fright I screamed to the heavens, "What is this? What is the meaning, the purpose for treacherously destroying my freedom and confining me a prisoner on this desolate rock?" . Now even more deathly silent than before, the response was unspoken, but being so resonated louder than a God could have bellowed it from the skies.
Posted 12/11/2007 1:27:09 AM
I dream of my childhood. The innocence, mostly the imagination once held. In my sleep I capture another glimpse of my once prized conceptions.
Soaring through luscious clouds, I come within feet of a crystal blue ocean. I soar above this great sea as the wind creates a wake beneath, I feel the cool brisk water sting my face as the air pulls back my hair. The eternity of blue broken only by the rifts of white from the waves gently kissing the sky. As I hover over this breathtaking seascape, I realize that this entire world is immersed in this Nereid. My mind void of anxiety, my heart abundant with exhilaration. Emotionally I feel nothing, and I feel everything. Here I recognize true abandonment, pure freedom.
As the excitement overwhelms me, and the guard of suspicion is let down, I smile. A genuine smile from the depths of my soul, happiness kisses my face.
At this moment the blue lit clear skies, littered with clouds of angelic beds, atrociously fades to black. My vision is temporarily lost as my eyes try to conform to this sudden lack of illumination. I no longer feel the sting of water, nor the wind against my face, I feel as if all time has halted. Unfamiliar with anything that is happening I feel fear, a fear that is deep from within. A dread that can only be felt when falling from such heights of happiness, into never ending pits of despair. In a state of shock, I had not realized that I had lost my hearing. Which was now returning with a ringing as if an explosion had caused the deafening in the first place. After the unnerving ringing started to dissipate I heard, and felt, a rumbling that sounded as if the earth were rising below me. Finally my sight was starting to clear up, as I witnessed a glow from beneath. The water below me began to boil as molten lava and earth pushed it's way towards the surface of this cauldron. Sweat poured from my forehead like rain, I believe some of which created by my fear. Yet the boiling water that mercilessly thrashed below me would project clouds of steam which burned my skin as it doused me. "What hell hath thou wrought?" I thought to myself as I tried to escape the unknown hell, which I could only imagine was going to consume me. As the water seceded and slowly evaporated, the columns of earth and molten lava exploded from below me. The heat now so intense the clothes that adorned my body started to singe. Sweat protruding from myself with an intensity as if I had just stepped out of the shower. Rocks barraging my legs, I am startled as the violently approaching earth slows to a halt beneath my feet. I softly step down onto a column that distended from beyond and looked as a baseball field in hell might. Lava rock that had hardened into a black rock that reminds me of death, the ugly interior of hell, the fire and brimstone of the bible. "Was I to be confronted? What is the meaning of this atrocity?" Questions uttered to myself, with no one to answer, and no answers perceived. Minutes, what felt like hours, passed with nothing. The waves had subsided and the earth settled. I now stood alone, a deafening silence other than the random howl of wind, reminding me of the storm that had passed. No longer able to contain my confusion and fright I screamed to the heavens, "What is this? What is the meaning, the purpose for treacherously destroying my freedom and confining me a prisoner on this desolate rock?" . Now even more deathly silent than before, the response was unspoken, but being so resonated louder than a God could have bellowed it from the skies.
God? No God?
Posted 12/4/2007 11:36:07 PM
I wrote this for a specific forum, I thought it should be shared
Seems like there is a lot of hate and fanaticism being thrown around, and not just in this forum. Maybe instead of blaming an entity, whether real or fictional, we should look to ourselves for illumination. Believers: Quit putting everything you have in God, believe what you will but your job here on earth is not to convert the rest of the world but be an example of what you believe. Atheists: Don't fight fire with fire, anti religious fanaticism is just as bad as religious fanaticism. To the believer that is mad at God for not fixing everything: Quit waiting for a miracle and go create one. Blaming God is a cop out, if you want things to change then do something to change them. To all: Remember respect, despite what you believe in we are all human beings and have to share this earth together. Not everyone is the same and not everyone should be the same. Respect peoples rights to believe differently and please please please quit trying to push your beliefs on others! Isn't there enough violence and hate in this world? Quit feeding the fire...we can change it. Thanx for listening. d-_-b
Posted 12/4/2007 11:36:07 PM
I wrote this for a specific forum, I thought it should be shared
Seems like there is a lot of hate and fanaticism being thrown around, and not just in this forum. Maybe instead of blaming an entity, whether real or fictional, we should look to ourselves for illumination. Believers: Quit putting everything you have in God, believe what you will but your job here on earth is not to convert the rest of the world but be an example of what you believe. Atheists: Don't fight fire with fire, anti religious fanaticism is just as bad as religious fanaticism. To the believer that is mad at God for not fixing everything: Quit waiting for a miracle and go create one. Blaming God is a cop out, if you want things to change then do something to change them. To all: Remember respect, despite what you believe in we are all human beings and have to share this earth together. Not everyone is the same and not everyone should be the same. Respect peoples rights to believe differently and please please please quit trying to push your beliefs on others! Isn't there enough violence and hate in this world? Quit feeding the fire...we can change it. Thanx for listening. d-_-b
Positive?
Posted 11/19/2007 11:09:19 PM
I keep giving myself a goal: Be more positive. Have a better outlook on life, situations, and people. It is not an easy task, whether it's just me or our society I am not sure. I want to ignore the things that annoy me, look past the people I despise, even look for the silver lining to the clouds. I need to make it my daily goal, I usually make this a point once a week...but I don't think that is often enough. There are so many amazing things to be happy about, and to look forward to. I feel I spend too much time paying attention to the foul things in life. "If you spend all your time focusing on negative things in life, you will become a negative person and therefore add to the negativity in this world." I yearn for the world to experience peace, but on a smaller level realize that peace begins from within. Kind of like the adage "You must learn to love yourself, before you can truly love another." It is so: You must have peace within your own mind, before you can bring peace to your world. I specify your world, I am of the belief that you can control your world by the way you perceive it. Not to try and be to philosophical, but what is this world other than what our minds render it? I have also seen first hand the difference in situations and life in general when I am positive rather than negative. I don't want to be in the clouds however, I have never been a pessimist yet am far from an optimist. I don't know if that makes me a realist that believes in creating the good I would like to see in my life.
Now I'll spend some time on my life. I am so happy every time I talk to my daughter, she is getting so big. I am able to video conference with her at least once a week on the web, which is such an amazing gift. I am depressed at the time I am missing out with her, yet at the same time realize as long as I stay on track it will pay off. She will be able to go to the school of her choice, and I will be able to spend more time than ever with her after I am done here. I will be visiting for a few weeks during Christmas. I can't wait to see her, I will also be able to see two of my brothers. It looks like my Nana may not make it that long though, she had a stroke the other night and ended up falling on her face and breaking her nose. My oldest brother is in more trouble and will most likely never make parole. I couldn't ask for my career to go better, I would do just about anything for a new roommate though. Maybe it makes it easier for me to try and be healthy and stay in shape watching someone else completely destroy themselves. Maybe he's just one person I can't ever seem to be positive about, either way I'm ready to have my own place. I have been listening to Muse a lot lately, off subject buy I've really been loving it. Watching the change of season here is amazing too. In Idaho it was pretty bland, snow and dead trees. Here I have witnessed almost every colour imaginable on the trees and they just glow. Well I think thats all the update I have left in me tonight. Have a good night and if I don't touch base by then have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Posted 11/19/2007 11:09:19 PM
I keep giving myself a goal: Be more positive. Have a better outlook on life, situations, and people. It is not an easy task, whether it's just me or our society I am not sure. I want to ignore the things that annoy me, look past the people I despise, even look for the silver lining to the clouds. I need to make it my daily goal, I usually make this a point once a week...but I don't think that is often enough. There are so many amazing things to be happy about, and to look forward to. I feel I spend too much time paying attention to the foul things in life. "If you spend all your time focusing on negative things in life, you will become a negative person and therefore add to the negativity in this world." I yearn for the world to experience peace, but on a smaller level realize that peace begins from within. Kind of like the adage "You must learn to love yourself, before you can truly love another." It is so: You must have peace within your own mind, before you can bring peace to your world. I specify your world, I am of the belief that you can control your world by the way you perceive it. Not to try and be to philosophical, but what is this world other than what our minds render it? I have also seen first hand the difference in situations and life in general when I am positive rather than negative. I don't want to be in the clouds however, I have never been a pessimist yet am far from an optimist. I don't know if that makes me a realist that believes in creating the good I would like to see in my life.
Now I'll spend some time on my life. I am so happy every time I talk to my daughter, she is getting so big. I am able to video conference with her at least once a week on the web, which is such an amazing gift. I am depressed at the time I am missing out with her, yet at the same time realize as long as I stay on track it will pay off. She will be able to go to the school of her choice, and I will be able to spend more time than ever with her after I am done here. I will be visiting for a few weeks during Christmas. I can't wait to see her, I will also be able to see two of my brothers. It looks like my Nana may not make it that long though, she had a stroke the other night and ended up falling on her face and breaking her nose. My oldest brother is in more trouble and will most likely never make parole. I couldn't ask for my career to go better, I would do just about anything for a new roommate though. Maybe it makes it easier for me to try and be healthy and stay in shape watching someone else completely destroy themselves. Maybe he's just one person I can't ever seem to be positive about, either way I'm ready to have my own place. I have been listening to Muse a lot lately, off subject buy I've really been loving it. Watching the change of season here is amazing too. In Idaho it was pretty bland, snow and dead trees. Here I have witnessed almost every colour imaginable on the trees and they just glow. Well I think thats all the update I have left in me tonight. Have a good night and if I don't touch base by then have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Code:: Pass PHP variables through URL
Posted 9/29/2007 1:34:55 AM
So I have been commissioned to create a customer service portal for my company. Luckily the customer management tool that we use has this option built in, with only a few tweaks to get it setup and running properly we have a functioning support portal. A few drawbacks, as far as headers go they allow only basic html. My first task was to figure out how we could dynamically change the branding on this portal based on the customer. (due to the fact we service reseller accounts and need their branding for their customers.)
I was able to create a frame to hold our portal in, then in the header of the frame pass a php variable through the URL to select the display image.
If you are at all familiar with php this is a simple task. First we declare that this is php information, then you create a variable and then give it a value
Then in the body of the page where I wanted the image to appear I simply pass the variable as the image tag like so...
on your web server you will have whatever image you would like passed. so your URL will look like this.
http://yoursite.php?d=yourimagename
Refresh:
You tell the us that the variable 'd' is equal to 'VariableName' . Then you tell your image tag that the image to display is whatever the 'VariableName' is plus .jpg. You then pass the image name through your URL to complete the cycle. Seamless to the visitor using the URL, and they are completely unaware that the image can be different.
Now this is fine, however I ran into the question: "What happens if I don't pass a variable through my URL?". [ex. http://yoursite.php] If this is done then the img tag has nothing to load and will load the dreaded broken image icon. To correct this I decided that I could have a "universal" image for anyone who happens to get to the site without a variable passed through the URL. To do this it just requires a few more lines of code.
This time where the Image tag is you will format it like this:
So all we did was tell the browser, if the URL isn't passing a value for variable 'd' then dipslay this instead.
a few things to remember:
anytime you are adding multiple values in fields remember to keep the quotations straight. if you have to use quotes inside quotes go from double to single or visa versa "...'...'..."
View Source
I use Notepad++ to edit my code, I think it is the best tabbed notepad option with multiple language support
Posted 9/29/2007 1:34:55 AM
So I have been commissioned to create a customer service portal for my company. Luckily the customer management tool that we use has this option built in, with only a few tweaks to get it setup and running properly we have a functioning support portal. A few drawbacks, as far as headers go they allow only basic html. My first task was to figure out how we could dynamically change the branding on this portal based on the customer. (due to the fact we service reseller accounts and need their branding for their customers.)
I was able to create a frame to hold our portal in, then in the header of the frame pass a php variable through the URL to select the display image.
If you are at all familiar with php this is a simple task. First we declare that this is php information, then you create a variable and then give it a value
Then in the body of the page where I wanted the image to appear I simply pass the variable as the image tag like so...
on your web server you will have whatever image you would like passed. so your URL will look like this.
http://yoursite.php?d=yourimagename
Refresh:
You tell the us that the variable 'd' is equal to 'VariableName' . Then you tell your image tag that the image to display is whatever the 'VariableName' is plus .jpg. You then pass the image name through your URL to complete the cycle. Seamless to the visitor using the URL, and they are completely unaware that the image can be different.
Now this is fine, however I ran into the question: "What happens if I don't pass a variable through my URL?". [ex. http://yoursite.php] If this is done then the img tag has nothing to load and will load the dreaded broken image icon. To correct this I decided that I could have a "universal" image for anyone who happens to get to the site without a variable passed through the URL. To do this it just requires a few more lines of code.
This time where the Image tag is you will format it like this:
So all we did was tell the browser, if the URL isn't passing a value for variable 'd' then dipslay this instead.
a few things to remember:
anytime you are adding multiple values in fields remember to keep the quotations straight. if you have to use quotes inside quotes go from double to single or visa versa "...'...'..."
View Source
I use Notepad++ to edit my code, I think it is the best tabbed notepad option with multiple language support
Drunk Driving or Illegal Aliens? [O'Reilly Loses it]
Posted 9/11/2007 8:13:19 AM
I agree...it's a drunk driving issue, not an illegal alien issue.
Posted 9/11/2007 8:13:19 AM
I agree...it's a drunk driving issue, not an illegal alien issue.
lost in life
Posted 9/10/2007 10:49:16 PM
breathless
apathetic
lost as could ever be
what happened to the past?
who's controlling the future?
supposedly me...I guess we'll see
not what I planned, not what I expected
both the worst and best thing to ever happen to me.
What th Fuck?
...
Seriously, What the Fuck?
Why can't I catch a break without a catch?
Posted 9/10/2007 10:49:16 PM
breathless
apathetic
lost as could ever be
what happened to the past?
who's controlling the future?
supposedly me...I guess we'll see
not what I planned, not what I expected
both the worst and best thing to ever happen to me.
What th Fuck?
...
Seriously, What the Fuck?
Why can't I catch a break without a catch?
gd ftb
Posted 9/2/2007 6:06:15 PM
sometimes i just dont know what to think about life. i feel like i am doing better than i ever have in my life. however, after talking to my daughter today... i feel i am failing at what really matters. 'the daddy fish is named andrew' (the name of her step father). my roomate is driving me nuts... the definition of walk on people...also the laziest person i know. spent at least 98 percent of his waking hours playing resident evil... also the only person i know that could turn a 30 min job of changing the oil on a motorcycle into a 3 day task...that is if he completes the task tomorrow. i know that i am where i should be, doing what i should be. it is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life...leaving me questioning whether i am right.....
Posted 9/2/2007 6:06:15 PM
sometimes i just dont know what to think about life. i feel like i am doing better than i ever have in my life. however, after talking to my daughter today... i feel i am failing at what really matters. 'the daddy fish is named andrew' (the name of her step father). my roomate is driving me nuts... the definition of walk on people...also the laziest person i know. spent at least 98 percent of his waking hours playing resident evil... also the only person i know that could turn a 30 min job of changing the oil on a motorcycle into a 3 day task...that is if he completes the task tomorrow. i know that i am where i should be, doing what i should be. it is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life...leaving me questioning whether i am right.....
Orwell Rolls in his Grave (worth watching)
Posted 8/15/2007 5:03:51 PM
This is a damn good series that looks into the media industry, it's definitely worth watching and is segmented so you can watch it in sections if you don't have time to watch it all at once. I'd like to hear some feedback on these videos.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
The End
Posted 8/15/2007 5:03:51 PM
This is a damn good series that looks into the media industry, it's definitely worth watching and is segmented so you can watch it in sections if you don't have time to watch it all at once. I'd like to hear some feedback on these videos.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
The End
Update on a new life.
Posted 8/7/2007 5:48:32 PM
It's been awhile since I've been on here, and I decided it was probably about time for an update.
I am now living in Virginia, the journey out here was long and tiring. But to be here is awesome! I love my job, the people I work with, the place I live...everything is great, well over 100x better. Except I miss my daughter more than anything in the world. I'm so torn, everything is so great, I just want to share this experience with her. I have no regret leaving, I can only think of how much I would love to share this experience with her...I look at everything here and want to show her...God I miss her. My job...is amazing. I have so much more respect here, so much more responsibility. It almost feels as if I've grown up. Well thats all for now.
Posted 8/7/2007 5:48:32 PM
It's been awhile since I've been on here, and I decided it was probably about time for an update.
I am now living in Virginia, the journey out here was long and tiring. But to be here is awesome! I love my job, the people I work with, the place I live...everything is great, well over 100x better. Except I miss my daughter more than anything in the world. I'm so torn, everything is so great, I just want to share this experience with her. I have no regret leaving, I can only think of how much I would love to share this experience with her...I look at everything here and want to show her...God I miss her. My job...is amazing. I have so much more respect here, so much more responsibility. It almost feels as if I've grown up. Well thats all for now.
English is a hard language
Posted 6/13/2007 11:09:21 AM
We polish Polish furniture.
He could lead if he got the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full, it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on a bass drum.
A dove dove into the bushes.
I didn’t object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
The two were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch a tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my lips got number.
I shed a tear over a tear in my shirt.
I had to subject the subject to a number of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friends?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Posted 6/13/2007 11:09:21 AM
We polish Polish furniture.
He could lead if he got the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full, it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on a bass drum.
A dove dove into the bushes.
I didn’t object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
The two were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch a tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my lips got number.
I shed a tear over a tear in my shirt.
I had to subject the subject to a number of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friends?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
REAL life
Posted 5/30/2007 9:53:11 PM
No One!
We're all just stumbling through life trying to find the secret or what will make us happy. Stepping on each other and falling underneath the crowds, trying to hold ourselves up high enough to breath. Anyone that says they have it figured out is lying, they are either trying to sell you something (whether that be their image or something else), or they are insane and truly believe that all of this makes sense. If you stand still for a second and try to make sense of it all you will be dragged under the stampeding masses. Where are they going, why, No One Knows. Alls we know is if you stop moving your dead, so run aimlessly in any direction doing whatever you feel. This is life, this may not be your ideal of it, but its what is truly happening if you open your eyes.
Posted 5/30/2007 9:53:11 PM
No One!
We're all just stumbling through life trying to find the secret or what will make us happy. Stepping on each other and falling underneath the crowds, trying to hold ourselves up high enough to breath. Anyone that says they have it figured out is lying, they are either trying to sell you something (whether that be their image or something else), or they are insane and truly believe that all of this makes sense. If you stand still for a second and try to make sense of it all you will be dragged under the stampeding masses. Where are they going, why, No One Knows. Alls we know is if you stop moving your dead, so run aimlessly in any direction doing whatever you feel. This is life, this may not be your ideal of it, but its what is truly happening if you open your eyes.
no words to describe emotion
Posted 5/30/2007 9:39:50 PM
I feel so sick, it's disgusting. My stomach screams at me in pain, what is this? What causes such an excruciating feeling? Nothing physical, nothing I've eaten...How does something mental, something emotional, manifest itself physically in such a painful way? I hate you, from the bottom of my heart and soul I can honestly now say...I hate you! When I say you, you realize I mean me, us, you, the situation, life, God, Satan, Heaven and Hell. I can't breath anymore, the waves of this violent river are mercilessly beating me, slowly drowning me. I can't do this, but I have to do this. There are no other choices for my life to accelerate to something better, something great. Yet this is the worst thing anyone could ever ask me to do, to separate me from the only person that makes me happy in life, to rip away from me my heart. I don't see how I'll live, how I will survive. How could you be so heartless to use me, abuse me, tell me you no longer love me, and then expect me to choose between providing for or spending time with my daughter? My skin burns, my head spins, my stomach hurts, my body and soul rage! Yet inside...my spirit, feels helpless, lost, and confused. Almost like an innocent child, scared and trapped inside of an evil raging beast. I am going to explode, implode, just vaporize...
(custody discussions are going as expected)
Posted 5/30/2007 9:39:50 PM
I feel so sick, it's disgusting. My stomach screams at me in pain, what is this? What causes such an excruciating feeling? Nothing physical, nothing I've eaten...How does something mental, something emotional, manifest itself physically in such a painful way? I hate you, from the bottom of my heart and soul I can honestly now say...I hate you! When I say you, you realize I mean me, us, you, the situation, life, God, Satan, Heaven and Hell. I can't breath anymore, the waves of this violent river are mercilessly beating me, slowly drowning me. I can't do this, but I have to do this. There are no other choices for my life to accelerate to something better, something great. Yet this is the worst thing anyone could ever ask me to do, to separate me from the only person that makes me happy in life, to rip away from me my heart. I don't see how I'll live, how I will survive. How could you be so heartless to use me, abuse me, tell me you no longer love me, and then expect me to choose between providing for or spending time with my daughter? My skin burns, my head spins, my stomach hurts, my body and soul rage! Yet inside...my spirit, feels helpless, lost, and confused. Almost like an innocent child, scared and trapped inside of an evil raging beast. I am going to explode, implode, just vaporize...
(custody discussions are going as expected)
Web hosting
Posted 5/30/2007 4:27:14 PM
Dream Host is a dream.
Click on the link above or use the promo code kaydance to receive 10% more disk space!!!
Posted 5/30/2007 4:27:14 PM
Dream Host is a dream.
Click on the link above or use the promo code kaydance to receive 10% more disk space!!!
Back from the trip
Posted 5/14/2007 2:47:14 PM
Well my very first business trip ever has finally come to an end. I made it home last night around midnight. I must say it was quite an experience. I had alot of fun and got to see a hell of alot. People and places I had never dreamed of. I believe my decision is just about finalized, at some point and time this summer I will be relocating to the DC area. This is a very huge deal for me in my life right now. A great jumping point for new beginnings as well as a once in a lifetime opportunity. There is also the drawback of having to be away from my daughter, this is what has made this decision the hardest in my life. On one hand I want to always be with her, on the other hand I want to be able to provide for her. This is going to force a split custody which will be hard on her, but at the same time will give her an opportunity to experience a whole different lifestyle and side of the country. This will also allow me to start a career where I can set aside money for a college fund for her and give me a little extra cash to travel and show her the world. I feel like I have started running down a hill and at this point there is no slowing down or stopping.
Posted 5/14/2007 2:47:14 PM
Well my very first business trip ever has finally come to an end. I made it home last night around midnight. I must say it was quite an experience. I had alot of fun and got to see a hell of alot. People and places I had never dreamed of. I believe my decision is just about finalized, at some point and time this summer I will be relocating to the DC area. This is a very huge deal for me in my life right now. A great jumping point for new beginnings as well as a once in a lifetime opportunity. There is also the drawback of having to be away from my daughter, this is what has made this decision the hardest in my life. On one hand I want to always be with her, on the other hand I want to be able to provide for her. This is going to force a split custody which will be hard on her, but at the same time will give her an opportunity to experience a whole different lifestyle and side of the country. This will also allow me to start a career where I can set aside money for a college fund for her and give me a little extra cash to travel and show her the world. I feel like I have started running down a hill and at this point there is no slowing down or stopping.
Virginia
Posted 5/11/2007 2:23:04 PM
So I made it here ok, lasted the first day/night. Went to some wing place w/ the boss and we had some hot wings, apparently this place has a ton of different types of hot wings. One of which being titled The Flatliner, to eat this hot wing you must first fill out a waiver. Yes a waiver, by the time they bring it to the table your nose is already cringing. The instructions from the waiter were simple: "Here's water, the Ice will be your best friend, Milk is a bad idea, And if you puke you clean it up.". Simple enough, I realized if it were as hot as it sounded I needed to mac through it as quickly as I could, my mouth did not quit burning all night. I couldn't pull the water/ice away from my mouth for at least a half hour or forty five minutes. With all the water I had consumed I excused myself to relieve myself, when I returned I sat down. After only a moment or two I was aware of a very warm feeling coming from my seat, I wondered if I possibly sat on something. As I felt around I realized it was not on the chair, but on my groinal region. Then it dawned on me, I washed my hands after relieving myself but I completely overlooked washing them before I relieved myself. Hence the burning sensation from handling myself with spicy hot hands. Moral: wash your hands before and after.
Posted 5/11/2007 2:23:04 PM
So I made it here ok, lasted the first day/night. Went to some wing place w/ the boss and we had some hot wings, apparently this place has a ton of different types of hot wings. One of which being titled The Flatliner, to eat this hot wing you must first fill out a waiver. Yes a waiver, by the time they bring it to the table your nose is already cringing. The instructions from the waiter were simple: "Here's water, the Ice will be your best friend, Milk is a bad idea, And if you puke you clean it up.". Simple enough, I realized if it were as hot as it sounded I needed to mac through it as quickly as I could, my mouth did not quit burning all night. I couldn't pull the water/ice away from my mouth for at least a half hour or forty five minutes. With all the water I had consumed I excused myself to relieve myself, when I returned I sat down. After only a moment or two I was aware of a very warm feeling coming from my seat, I wondered if I possibly sat on something. As I felt around I realized it was not on the chair, but on my groinal region. Then it dawned on me, I washed my hands after relieving myself but I completely overlooked washing them before I relieved myself. Hence the burning sensation from handling myself with spicy hot hands. Moral: wash your hands before and after.
Wish me luck
Posted 5/10/2007 12:00:35 AM
Tomorrow morning I embark on my first business trip. I'm starting to feel like an adult, and thats not a good thing :( I am feeling a little stressed at the thought of being uprooted and living somewhere new. But this trip will give me an idea of how well I will like the place. Anyone in the DC area on here?
Posted 5/10/2007 12:00:35 AM
Tomorrow morning I embark on my first business trip. I'm starting to feel like an adult, and thats not a good thing :( I am feeling a little stressed at the thought of being uprooted and living somewhere new. But this trip will give me an idea of how well I will like the place. Anyone in the DC area on here?
Dead Bees?
Posted 5/9/2007 2:41:55 PM
Original story from link below
Ecological Apocalypse: Why Are All The Bees Dying?
GM, toxic chemicals, chemtrails destroying eco-system, threatening very survival of humanity
Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The alarming decline in bee populations across the United States and Europe represents a potential ecological apocalypse, an environmental catastrophe that could collapse the food chain and wipe out humanity. Who and what is behind this flagrant abuse of the eco-system?
Many people don't realize the vital role bees play in maintaining a balanced eco-system. According to experts, if bees were to become extinct then humanity would perish after just four years.
"If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man," said Albert Einstein.
Others would say four years is alarmist and that man would find other food sources, but the fact remains that the disappearance of bees is potentially devastating to agriculture and most plant life.
Reports that bee populations are declining at rates of up to 80% in areas of the U.S. and Europe should set alarm bells ringing and demand immediate action on behalf of environmental organizations. Experts are calling the worrying trend "colony collapse disorder" or CCD.
"Bee numbers on parts of the east coast and in Texas have fallen by more than 70 percent, while California has seen colonies drop by 30 to 60 percent," reports AFP.
"Approximately 40 percent of my 2,000 colonies are currently dead and this is the greatest winter colony mortality I have ever experienced in my 30 years of beekeeping," apiarist Gene Brandi, from the California State Beekeepers Association, told Congress recently.
The article states that U.S. bee colonies have been dropping since 1980 and the number of beekeepers have halved.
Scientists are thus far stumped as to what is causing the decline, ruling out parasites but leaning towards some kind of new toxin or chemical used in agriculture as being responsible. "Experts believe that the large-scale use of genetically modified plants in the US could be a factor," reports Germany's Spiegal Online.
Bee populations throughout Germany have simultaneously dropped 25% and up to 80% in some areas. Poland, Switzerland and Spain are reporting similar declines. Studies have shown that bees are not dying in the hive, something is causing them to lose their sense of orientation so that they cannot return to the hive. Depleted hives are not being raided for their honey by other insects, which normally happens when bees naturally die in the winter, clearly suggesting some kind of poisonous toxin is driving them away.
"In many cases, scientists have found evidence of almost all known bee viruses in the few surviving bees found in the hives after most have disappeared. Some had five or six infections at the same time and were infested with fungi -- a sign, experts say, that the insects' immune system may have collapsed."
A study at the University of Jena from 2001 to 2004 showed that toxins from a genetically modified maize variant designed to repel insects, when combined with a parasite, resulted in a "significantly stronger decline in the number of bees" than normal.
"According to Hans-Hinrich Kaatz, a professor at the University of Halle in eastern Germany and the director of the study, the bacterial toxin in the genetically modified corn may have "altered the surface of the bee's intestines, sufficiently weakening the bees to allow the parasites to gain entry -- or perhaps it was the other way around. We don't know."
Kaatz was desperate to continue his studies but funding was cut off.
While we are lectured by government to change our lifestyle and cough up more taxes for the supposed peril of man-made global warming, an environmental catastrophe that could eliminate the human race in the figurative blink of an eye is looming.
Why are major environmental groups and lobbyists ignoring this mammoth threat to our very existence? Where is Greenpeace?
The hyperbole surrounding man-made global warming is swallowing up all the attention while real dangers like the rapid die-off of bee populations and its link to GM food is largely shunned by governments and activist foundations.
Is it a stretch to hypothesize that government mandated spraying of crops with deadly chemicals as well as toxic substances contained in chemtrails could be part of a deliberate program to eliminate the bee population? Or is this just another example of big business flagrantly abusing the eco-system in order to drive up profits?
The elite have publicly stated their desire to significantly reduce world population on numerous occasions. Just yesterday we featured a story about a British Government Ministry of Defence report that postulated on the future use of bio-weapons to thin the human population in under 30 years.
Making bees all but extinct would be a swift and plausibly deniable method of enacting global population reduction long dreamed of by the maniacal sociopaths that control the world.
Either way, this issue represents an overwhelming threat to the food chain and an environmental crime of the highest order, for which the perpetrators need to be brought up on charges of accessories to genocide, should a deliberate effort to endanger the food chain be proven, and the chemicals responsible immediately banned.
Please circulate this article to environmental groups and demand they investigate who and what is killing our bees!
Posted 5/9/2007 2:41:55 PM
Original story from link below
Ecological Apocalypse: Why Are All The Bees Dying?
GM, toxic chemicals, chemtrails destroying eco-system, threatening very survival of humanity
Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The alarming decline in bee populations across the United States and Europe represents a potential ecological apocalypse, an environmental catastrophe that could collapse the food chain and wipe out humanity. Who and what is behind this flagrant abuse of the eco-system?
Many people don't realize the vital role bees play in maintaining a balanced eco-system. According to experts, if bees were to become extinct then humanity would perish after just four years.
"If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man," said Albert Einstein.
Others would say four years is alarmist and that man would find other food sources, but the fact remains that the disappearance of bees is potentially devastating to agriculture and most plant life.
Reports that bee populations are declining at rates of up to 80% in areas of the U.S. and Europe should set alarm bells ringing and demand immediate action on behalf of environmental organizations. Experts are calling the worrying trend "colony collapse disorder" or CCD.
"Bee numbers on parts of the east coast and in Texas have fallen by more than 70 percent, while California has seen colonies drop by 30 to 60 percent," reports AFP.
"Approximately 40 percent of my 2,000 colonies are currently dead and this is the greatest winter colony mortality I have ever experienced in my 30 years of beekeeping," apiarist Gene Brandi, from the California State Beekeepers Association, told Congress recently.
The article states that U.S. bee colonies have been dropping since 1980 and the number of beekeepers have halved.
Scientists are thus far stumped as to what is causing the decline, ruling out parasites but leaning towards some kind of new toxin or chemical used in agriculture as being responsible. "Experts believe that the large-scale use of genetically modified plants in the US could be a factor," reports Germany's Spiegal Online.
Bee populations throughout Germany have simultaneously dropped 25% and up to 80% in some areas. Poland, Switzerland and Spain are reporting similar declines. Studies have shown that bees are not dying in the hive, something is causing them to lose their sense of orientation so that they cannot return to the hive. Depleted hives are not being raided for their honey by other insects, which normally happens when bees naturally die in the winter, clearly suggesting some kind of poisonous toxin is driving them away.
"In many cases, scientists have found evidence of almost all known bee viruses in the few surviving bees found in the hives after most have disappeared. Some had five or six infections at the same time and were infested with fungi -- a sign, experts say, that the insects' immune system may have collapsed."
A study at the University of Jena from 2001 to 2004 showed that toxins from a genetically modified maize variant designed to repel insects, when combined with a parasite, resulted in a "significantly stronger decline in the number of bees" than normal.
"According to Hans-Hinrich Kaatz, a professor at the University of Halle in eastern Germany and the director of the study, the bacterial toxin in the genetically modified corn may have "altered the surface of the bee's intestines, sufficiently weakening the bees to allow the parasites to gain entry -- or perhaps it was the other way around. We don't know."
Kaatz was desperate to continue his studies but funding was cut off.
While we are lectured by government to change our lifestyle and cough up more taxes for the supposed peril of man-made global warming, an environmental catastrophe that could eliminate the human race in the figurative blink of an eye is looming.
Why are major environmental groups and lobbyists ignoring this mammoth threat to our very existence? Where is Greenpeace?
The hyperbole surrounding man-made global warming is swallowing up all the attention while real dangers like the rapid die-off of bee populations and its link to GM food is largely shunned by governments and activist foundations.
Is it a stretch to hypothesize that government mandated spraying of crops with deadly chemicals as well as toxic substances contained in chemtrails could be part of a deliberate program to eliminate the bee population? Or is this just another example of big business flagrantly abusing the eco-system in order to drive up profits?
The elite have publicly stated their desire to significantly reduce world population on numerous occasions. Just yesterday we featured a story about a British Government Ministry of Defence report that postulated on the future use of bio-weapons to thin the human population in under 30 years.
Making bees all but extinct would be a swift and plausibly deniable method of enacting global population reduction long dreamed of by the maniacal sociopaths that control the world.
Either way, this issue represents an overwhelming threat to the food chain and an environmental crime of the highest order, for which the perpetrators need to be brought up on charges of accessories to genocide, should a deliberate effort to endanger the food chain be proven, and the chemicals responsible immediately banned.
Please circulate this article to environmental groups and demand they investigate who and what is killing our bees!
10 Rules for being human
Posted 5/7/2007 3:04:40 PM
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "life".
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work".
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better place than "here".
When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you.
The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
Posted 5/7/2007 3:04:40 PM
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "life".
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work".
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better place than "here".
When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you.
The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
FeedBack
figgyjslyme
6/4/2008 7:39:53 PM
Hi Kaydance! Long time no see! Sent you a FR a while back but I think it expired! Hope you come back more often!
figgyjslyme
3/24/2008 1:11:39 PM
Happy Birthday! Hope all is well with you. Since you lasted posted, I took down my blog and then put it back up, so sending you a FR.
Mistletoe
3/24/2008 8:11:41 AM
Happy Birthday! :o)
shellie2284
9/29/2007 11:37:27 PM
the lead gutarist from showdown and then a band called daath. they were at ozzfest this yr
Mistletoe
7/20/2007 12:32:48 PM
oh man, that profile picture just melts my heart! :o)
have a wonderful weekend!
Devi
5/19/2007 3:12:32 PM
Thanks for the advice =D
Jkrapture
5/10/2007 12:15:37 AM
she is going for 45 days in jail...
joeschmoe714
4/30/2007 4:58:51 PM
thats what i normally would do, but ive heard that firefox is having more issues with vista than ie7, so im staying with ie7 until mozilla can fix the exploits.
Blesavco
3/12/2007 4:21:11 PM
10z man, I think that all manage to set it up,if not I know where to fond some help :)
Blesavco
3/12/2007 2:42:31 PM
Hey man,if it’s not too much of a problem,can u tell me from what site did u got your mp3 player?couse I tried out one but doesn’t play the songs that good
Carissimo
2/7/2007 11:55:04 PM
Thanks for the info.
ardensmom
2/4/2007 10:08:18 AM
congrats on making the break
Lazybones
1/29/2007 1:48:09 PM
righ ton man, saw yer comment elsewhere... xavier rudd is the shit!
Araujo
1/17/2007 10:27:08 PM
point taken...but I still need to learn how to code down shit , thanks for the color table tho
Jkrapture
1/11/2007 4:14:57 PM
Nice Web layout!
Lazybones
1/5/2007 5:12:31 PM
whats up? I dig yer comment on DD's page.. and that led me to your page and lo! you have a lot of interesting things posted. good to see
Ari
11/21/2006 4:34:12 PM
Happy Thanksgiving!
Lazybones
11/11/2006 8:06:17 PM
that's a canadian guy named Xavier Rudd
shawn
11/10/2006 6:03:06 PM
i really want to study flash. are you good at flash? i know little about it
Ari
11/10/2006 3:37:35 PM
Well, it's the weekend again so have a great one!
6/4/2008 7:39:53 PM
Hi Kaydance! Long time no see! Sent you a FR a while back but I think it expired! Hope you come back more often!
figgyjslyme
3/24/2008 1:11:39 PM
Happy Birthday! Hope all is well with you. Since you lasted posted, I took down my blog and then put it back up, so sending you a FR.
Mistletoe
3/24/2008 8:11:41 AM
Happy Birthday! :o)
shellie2284
9/29/2007 11:37:27 PM
the lead gutarist from showdown and then a band called daath. they were at ozzfest this yr
Mistletoe
7/20/2007 12:32:48 PM
oh man, that profile picture just melts my heart! :o)
have a wonderful weekend!
Devi
5/19/2007 3:12:32 PM
Thanks for the advice =D
Jkrapture
5/10/2007 12:15:37 AM
she is going for 45 days in jail...
joeschmoe714
4/30/2007 4:58:51 PM
thats what i normally would do, but ive heard that firefox is having more issues with vista than ie7, so im staying with ie7 until mozilla can fix the exploits.
Blesavco
3/12/2007 4:21:11 PM
10z man, I think that all manage to set it up,if not I know where to fond some help :)
Blesavco
3/12/2007 2:42:31 PM
Hey man,if it’s not too much of a problem,can u tell me from what site did u got your mp3 player?couse I tried out one but doesn’t play the songs that good
Carissimo
2/7/2007 11:55:04 PM
Thanks for the info.
ardensmom
2/4/2007 10:08:18 AM
congrats on making the break
Lazybones
1/29/2007 1:48:09 PM
righ ton man, saw yer comment elsewhere... xavier rudd is the shit!
Araujo
1/17/2007 10:27:08 PM
point taken...but I still need to learn how to code down shit , thanks for the color table tho
Jkrapture
1/11/2007 4:14:57 PM
Nice Web layout!
Lazybones
1/5/2007 5:12:31 PM
whats up? I dig yer comment on DD's page.. and that led me to your page and lo! you have a lot of interesting things posted. good to see
Ari
11/21/2006 4:34:12 PM
Happy Thanksgiving!
Lazybones
11/11/2006 8:06:17 PM
that's a canadian guy named Xavier Rudd
shawn
11/10/2006 6:03:06 PM
i really want to study flash. are you good at flash? i know little about it
Ari
11/10/2006 3:37:35 PM
Well, it's the weekend again so have a great one!
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