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The Beginning or the End?

Posted on 10/18/2007 9:39:46 AM | (1) Comments

I got on the plane today saying goodbye forever to the man that I love. Once more encouraging him to stay with his wife. They have been arguing lately. I wish I could help. Its hard still after a year to get used to the fact of saying one thing and wanting another. Well, at least its taught me how to share, Sorta. I am just thankful for the time I was allowed. And extremely thankful for this weekend. Friday and Sat. were a blur but oh how i enjoyed Sunday. We got a truck and drove up the mountains. And at one peak we parked and walked along a path in the snow. It was beautiful and surreal. It is a memory I will forever have. We walked at least half a mile until we couldnt anymore. We took pictures, but not nearly enough. Only one of us together and I am not sure how it will come out. After the mountain we went into town and to the mall. We played Air Hockey and laughed and joked. It was the only day I have spent with him where I felt like we were a couple. We just laughed, played, kissed and just had fun. The oddest thing was that we didnt sleep together. He noted it when it was too late to remedy. I would have loved to though. I dont know what will be, I dont know what the future holds. All I know is that what will be will be and I hope everything works out for him. I truly believe that in spite of all else he deserves happiness and that peace of mind that comes with it. I am about to land in Houston now and will go straight to work. Which just goes to show you that life goes on. Tomorrow or perhaps today I am going to start looking for my own place. I have got to get my life together and make things work.

Later in Love.

Me.

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A World Without Contacts

Posted on 8/9/2007 9:43:45 AM | (3) Comments

So yesterday while at work a boulder got into my eye. You laugh...but I am serious. After blinking furiously for 3 hours and rubbing gently I decided that I would let the boulder stay and just pluck my eye out.

I wear contacts. I pay too much money for a year supply and I was wearing what I thought to be my last pair. My birthday is on the 17th and with glasses on I look like a libraian(sp?). So I tried negotiating with the boulder. I worked with one eye closed...No deal. I worked with my head tilted to favor the afflicted eye...no deal. I even drove home with one eye closed...and for those of you who dont know..i drive like a bat out of hell with both eyes...and that eneded in no deal.

So I decided to take them out and try to clean them so they can be reused. I went to my car and dug up every nook and cranny trying to find one of those contact holder case thingys. I found the solution (whoo hoo). Then I go to my glove box and lo and behold...a pair of contacts. Praise God its a miricile(sp? never could spell that word). So I cut off my nails and proceeded to pinch my iris' off to get the contacts out.

This morning I woke up to a blurry room and wondered what was wrong...oh yeah. No contacts. So I stumbled and got dressed and couldnt find my toothpaste...so i had to go real close up to everything in my room to find it. Why you ask...No contacts.
I have to be to work at 9am. I wake up at 815am. partly because i am army trained and can get ready in 15 min and be out the door, but mostly because i hate getting up in the morning..but thats another post.

Today I was almost late for work..why? No contacts. I drove to work and couldnt tell if the light was green or red..why? thats right no contacts. Of course any one knows that green is on one side and red on the other right but if you cant see the light before you get right up on it color is the least of your worries.

I got to work in the nick of time, turned on my computer to log in and begin my hour of internet surffing relaxation. I have pulled the monitor almost to my face. Why? No contacts.

I brought the new pair with me. I just figured I would give my eyes a rest, although I am probably straining them more now. I am trying not to squint and will give in eventually. Esp. since I cant see whos on the other side of the door before I buzz them in.

Man the world sucks without contacts.

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Rainbows and Doves

Posted on 7/26/2007 9:01:48 AM | (1) Comments

So my hubby left on the 22nd of this month. We raced to the airport to try and make it and got there 50 min before the plane was leaving at the smallest airport in Houston and guess what...they had boarded already. So then we drove to the other side of town to the biggest airport in Houston to catch the next flight out. He made it to Dallas a little late...but ok and guess what folks...he missed his connecting flight. He was told that he was too late to make the manifest so he had to spend the night in Dallas and didnt leave til 530PM on Monday. He is now back safe in Iraq...lol. I just read that line and thats a bit of an oxymoron isn't it...

The next day I went to work and found out that his NANA had passed. Life sucks. We sent a message with Red Cross and his leave was denied. The funeral is today and I am at work so I will miss it as well.

I was feeling bad this morning cause last night was the Wake but I was soooo tired when i got off of work that I told myself i would take a little nap, then go to the wake. I laid down at about 640pm and didnt wake til 7am this morning. Jeez. So now I have to call and beg forgiveness. So I jumped in my car this morning and it is raining. I am on the freeway and I see a rainbow. I am thinking to myself its still raining, isnt the rainbow supposed to come after that? Well there it was.

And i heard God say "Thats just to let you know even in the midst of the storm and rain that it won't last forever." Then I saw 3 white birds fly through it...I kid you not. So that made my day a bit better. Now that I know that God is with me even though I cant see my way out of the storm that I am going thru right now and sometimes I think it will never end...now I know that I can press on cause He is with me even in the rain and He will be there when I come out of this.

Just wanted everyone on here to know that wether or not you believe in God, He loves you. And wether or not you choose to love him back He is always there when you ask an impossible question or have an impossible task with His hand raised saying PICK ME. Cause He can help. He has gotten me out of some stuff that makes me scratch my head afterwards and He had taught me that NO THING is impossible with God on your side.

Ms. Tori I havent read your blog lately but I want you to know that when I saw that rainbow I thought of you as well. Just keep holding on. You have one of the sweetest spirits I have ever been blessed to encounter and God has not forgotten you.

Til next time.

Later Days.

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Computer Issue

Posted on 7/11/2007 7:39:36 PM | (4) Comments

hey guys i have a problem...my hubbys laptop managed to get some weird virus and i am trying to get rid of it but i have hit a wall. i was gonna PM the pcguy but i cant find him so.....


the virus is privacy_danger. i mananged to delete its hiding place but it changed the background pic and when i deleted it it turned white and we cant get that to change.

i went to view source and found the code but i cant figure how to tweak it to show the pic i loaded.

someone help me PLEASE. PM me or respond here i am very very frustrated.

He leaves sunday morning and i would really like him to be able to take his computer with him. thanks.

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Back from Outer Space

Posted on 6/30/2007 1:48:11 PM | (1) Comments

Hello folks. My hubby is here... whoo hoo. He got in yesterday and i had to leave work to pick him up. So of course that made me have to work late. but no problem i am just happy that he is here.

i know i have been mia but i am alive and all is well....

i will write more later. gotta take a nap. i am T I R E D...lol

later.

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The Last Day

Posted on 6/24/2007 11:38:01 AM | (0) Comments

This is the last day i have with my little man. I am thinking of taking him to the park...or running around with him outside or something. *sigh* I am gonna miss the nut. He woke up at 3 last night and didnt go back down til 7. Now we have missed half the day.

No church today as we woke up to late. So I guess mommy and me time is in order.

Later guys.

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Broke and Tapdancing

Posted on 6/21/2007 11:54:40 PM | (0) Comments

Hello folks. Welcome to the wild world of single mommy hood...although i have been told that i am not technically a single mom since i am married. Ok well you tell me who do i wake up at 7am cause my son has decided to wake up and i dont want to...

anyhoo...life is great right now. I got a job on Monday WHOO HOO!!!!!

and my husband flys out on Wed. Life is great. I have no complaints. LOL. Typing that made the song "I Wont Complain" pop into my head. Ah well. Life is still great.

The only neg. i can think of is that i am gonna once again give up my precious baby boy on Sunday. My inlaws have agreed to keep him for me while i work and so i will get him on the weekends. I hope this goes well and its a nice solution to have him among family when he cant be with me. And plus i dont have to worry about picking him up on time from the daycare. Thank God for Inlaws....well today anyway..hee hee.

Oh and i would tell you all about the topic but it speaks for itself. This week i am borrowing from Peter to get to the money Paul owes me....*sigh* I will make it.

I kinda feel bad though cause I dumped on J tonight on the phone. Usually i try to stay upbeat and when i dont have any good stories to tell i try to be sexy and available..but tonight i was just overloaded and just dished out all of it. I felt so bad afterwards cause i can tell he was irritated for me and such and i just HATE to add to his load out there already.

Ok i am gonna go play catch up and fill myself in on all the comings and goings on NB. hope i am not blocked anywhere if i decide to comment....lol.

Que Sera sera. right....love yall.

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Chocolate Flavored Chicken

Posted on 6/18/2007 12:09:38 AM | (0) Comments

Lots have been going on in my corner of the state.

1. My husband will be here in about 14 days.

2. I started taking birthcontrol today...ugh. Now if only there was something to make my mind remember to take them that wouldn't counteract the pill...lol.

3. I fell in love with my over zealous, energetic, sometimes defiant son today. I was eating chicken and he was eating oreos. He decided that he wanted mommy's chicken. So he took it and started eating. Then he gave it back. So of course i popped it into my mouth to finish it and it tasted like chocolate...that made me smile.

4. I told my son one night right before he fell asleep....I love you Nickolas...he goes...I love you Mommy...my heart melted. Usually he responds..I love you Nickolas...lol.

5. God has really been working on me and I never even noticed it happening. I have a better outlook now and am just happier than i have been in a LONG time.

6. My husband will be home soon. I know i said this already but this time i am mostly thinking about the sex...lol.

7. I got the chance to chat with Goose, Luna, DayDreamer, and Coppermom/mop...a couple days ago..maybe a week and i had a blast. Its been a long time since i have had a chat/conversation that didnt include how many poops are normal a day.

8. I am finally ok with moving when J gets home. Life will be great, cause we are together. God will be glorified.

Well, I guess thats about it. I am just in a great mood right now. Not a lot going on in my life, but I am a wife, a mother, and a woman and I am happy.

Maybe its the pills...lol.

Hope yall are having a great day where ever you may be.

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My Nanny Peed.

Posted on 6/8/2007 2:41:31 AM | (0) Comments

Ok, so tonight i was gone working on the banner at my church and so my nanny kept the boy. Well he just woke up right...well sat up anyway. and so i am sitting here tinkering online and he sits up and looks at the tv for a while right.

well then suddenly after like 5 min. he finally looks at me then another min or so passed and he says HEY!!!...lol. he had just noticed me...it was hilarious. like i had been gone for years or something.

and so my nanny and i both started laughing and she is like bent over laughing. And then she says...hell, i will be right back i think i peed on myself. and she walked out laughing. ROFL.

You cant buy entertainment like this folks. Its funny....well maybe just to me...and maybe cause its almost 3 in the morning...and maybe cause i am tired.

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HELLO FOLKS

Posted on 6/8/2007 2:33:39 AM | (0) Comments

Wow, it has been quite a couple of weeks huh. Gary is pregnant with a baby watermelon, DD is typing history posts..., and all of Gooses RV chicks are here.

I guess i should at least pop up and say that I am alive. I am doing a countdown now til J gets here. I am still job hunting and Nick is still alive..lol

we are def. in the terrible two stage. I think that i am gonna start spanking him. It hurts me to do it but it will be better than ending up on Maury or something complaining that my son beats me up. I am not gonna use a belt til he is four though so maybe i will go get a switch from outside.

and let me just say in advance that if you dont agree with spanking kids then good for you. as for me i was spanked and i will spank. I pushed him out so i feel that it is my decision.

oh and ms. luna thank you for adding me to your friends list. I gotta reappy with a couple of folks that deleted and started over. I havent looked at everyone is so long.

oh and DD. I didnt mean that history comment as a diss. I just thought it was funny. Hell, i dont even know if you read my blog. But just in case.

And Joe. thanks for whatever you did to your page cause i can finally read it again...whoo hoo. I missed your mug..lol.

ok my son is waking as usual...man at 3, 6, and 9am...like clock work. Jeez.

ok love yall, later days. Maybe after my church celebration on saturday i will tell yall whats going on here in my HOT corner of texas.

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No Reason Really

Posted on 5/30/2007 1:31:34 AM | (0) Comments

I dont have a reason to be MIA right now. I just am. I am on here and reading...logged in and not. I just dont have anything of substance or worth to write.

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WHOO HOO

Posted on 5/19/2007 7:11:37 PM | (1) Comments

John's extension has been canceled. He will be home for good in OCT instead of JAN now. Oh and the date for his leave is JUN 28th. Life is Great.

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We Finally Got a Date

Posted on 5/17/2007 2:18:17 PM | (0) Comments

I finally got the date that I get to see my hubby again. It will be the end of June. WHOO HOO. I am uber excited and just cant wait. Nick hasnt seen him in a LONG time and I just hope that it wont take long for him to go with him freely as i know it will hurt J's feelings.

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Night Terrors

Posted on 5/17/2007 2:17:44 PM | (3) Comments

My son has been waking up screaming and calling for me lately. He then climbs onto me and goes back to sleep. I usually have to rock him and sometimes that doesnt even calm him. He sometimes wont even let me touch him. Does anyone know anything that can help me with this? I am desperate. Thanks

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MIA

Posted on 5/4/2007 8:49:22 AM | (3) Comments

Hey folks. I have Nickolas so I am readjusting to the schedule. Needless to say who is winning right now but hopefully we can compromise soon.

Ms. Tori...I pray you enjoy your on and have the best visit ever. You are very blessed and I love you ok.

DD, Goose, Bad JuJu, and Puppylove...which ever one reads this...i just want to say that i am continually praying for yall and I tell my husband about the cool marine family i met on newblog that is just amazing and cool.

KellyJo. You have my info chick so use it ok. Dont make me worry.

Later guys. Gotta go watch *shudder* Barney.

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Of Pace Cars and Other Madness

Posted on 5/2/2007 12:25:28 AM | (3) Comments

Well i made it to Houston round 3pm today. Yesterday I drove from 5am EST until 10pm CST. It was crazy. But I would like to thank the great pace cars that I had. It was wonderful. At one point my pace car was an 18 wheeler that I had to go 80mph to keep up with..lol. But I am in one piece.

Oh and by the way to the stupid guy that was following me (which made me the pace car) when you get inside of texas there are some cities where you just dont speed. Well where BLACK FOLKS just dont speed. Piper you may know. Its called VIDOR,Texas. They still drag and hang black people there. There was no way in hell i was gonna fly thru there. You can kiss my grits. If i get pulled over there i may just die. Hell No, dude. This guy got mad and tossed me a look as he passed. I debated flicking him off. But then again maybe he is from there and was baiting me. I wasnt taking any chances.

I stopped near Hammond, LA. at a motel 8 and they wanted 90bucks for a room. After I stopped laughing I drove for another hour til i hit Baton Rouge and stayed at a red roof inn that i would like to sue for falsely advertising a Wi-Fi connection that didnt exist. I decided since i paid 50bucks for the room that i would stay til the actual check out time so i didnt leave til 11am.

I think that I am gonna pray for wings cause gas is toooo expensive these days. I know i am complaining and i only have a 10 gallon tank but JESUS. I was paying 30 bucks per fill up. I was considering robbing a convience store just to cover the cost of the gas. Man.

Oh and heres an interesting welcome home. I was checking the events calendar to see if there was a special somewhere to entertain my son on his birthday tommorow and guess what i found...
Debbie Does Dallas is playing in a Houston Theater all month...lol

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The Journey Begins

Posted on 4/29/2007 10:08:10 AM | (3) Comments

Hey folks. I have started my trek. Well kinda. I am at my friends house in Maryland. I know not far huh...lol. She is about 2 hours from where I started. She is a great person. She is in this group with me of about 18 women who all have either had miscarriages or a child that passed and now we all have a kid born in the same year in the same month. We met online and meet once a year. LOL i say that like its been happening forever. But this year in vegas will be the second year.

anyway. I crashed on the couch and it was great. She has the most darling little girl who turns 2 on the 8th. just 6 days after my monk turns 2. She talks and all. She makes me miss my monkey even more. she immediately attached herself to me. So now i have a shadow. Its great. I am content.

I pull outta here on Monday morning at 0 dark thirty. Try to make so tracks before the traffic starts. Well the house is up now so i am gonna run. Hopefully I will tell yall bout a funfilled day later.

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The Enemy of My Enemy

Posted on 4/26/2007 11:32:46 PM | (1) Comments

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. "I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk."

"So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

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My Monkey and Me

Posted on 4/24/2007 5:37:21 PM | (2) Comments

Final Take

Mommy making me laugh

Hey thats elmo up there!

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I Think God Has a Newblog Account

Posted on 4/24/2007 5:05:36 PM | (2) Comments

Ok. so I was about to shut off my computer and a thought popped into my head to log on the the messenger. So I did. I had an offline message from John.

He apologized for getting mad over the question. Isnt that something.

God works in mysterious ways.

The thought that I had pushed out, that I said I was gonna deal with is back in the forefront. I guess I really need to deal with it.

And the problem that I thought I had...no longer exists.

God is awesome. And by that I mean that He inspires my awe every day.

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Nothing New

Posted on 4/24/2007 1:37:16 AM | (2) Comments

Nothing new has happened. I am awake cause my computer sucks and I got cut off talking to John. So hopefully I can catch him at 4 when he goes to lunch.

Oh, I am addicted to online comics now. The gamer ones. John laughs at me.

Ok, I am gonna close my eyes and fantasize til the alarm rings at 4.

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That's Funny Right There.

Posted on 4/21/2007 8:27:44 PM | (0) Comments

It started so well, that late winter's night.
Quite hot she looked, I must say at first sight.
Her shirt she took off, with naught even a care.
And that's when I saw, this girl was covered in hair.
And so I said to her, while I do crave some nookie.
I'll be damned my dear, if I'll sleep with a wookie.

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If I Wasnt A Hungry Monkey, I Would Throw This Pepper At You!

Posted on 4/20/2007 8:20:15 PM | (0) Comments

Ok so i have a saying. A hungry monkey would eat pepper. Basically, if you are hungry enough you will eat anything.

Well I am hungry. And I took my contacts out so I cant see more than two feet in front of me. So I venture out to this chinese place that is the closest to the house that isnt pizza. And I order. Well this chick is not the most sanitary. No gloves or nothing. So I pray that its my squinting.

I am gonna bless this food and move on cause right now i dont have a choice. I am that monkey. And if i had contacts on i wouldve said nevermind and went somewhere else. But alas. I cannot.

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jesus vs. satan

Posted on 4/18/2007 2:01:06 AM | (5) Comments

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for
days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, "I am going to set up a test that will run two hours
and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before
their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity
went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The
electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

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Hey Cute Nose

Posted on 4/17/2007 10:39:51 PM | (1) Comments

I got a webcam. Actually John sent me a webcam, mouse and headset for my laptop. So tonight i got to use it and let him see me. and thats the first thing he typed. I dont know who invented the Yahoo thing where you can call laptop to laptop but they are wonderful. He called my laptop and we are gonna to talk til he has to get ready for duty. The cam froze but at least he got to see my face first.

I love technology. The connection sucked but it was his voice and he keeps getting bumped but it was worth it. I told him that I was typing about him in my blog while we are talking and he laughed at me. He says I am addicted.

Oh, and I asked him about sally and we talked it out. So whoo hoo. I love this thing.

I am gonna try and figure out how to post a pic of my monk and me. I think my nose is big but as long as he loves it its allright by me. Maybe I will actually sleep tonight after hearing his voice and getting a audible i love you.

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Meandering Thoughts of the Sleepless

Posted on 4/17/2007 3:45:38 AM | (1) Comments

I know that later I will regret not taking advantage of sleeping as much as i can. But i cant seem to make my body understand that.

I got to talk to john today. I have realized a lot about myself in the time that i have been away from home.

I havent been gone long but i am def. different than when i left. I think about when i came back from basic training. i had that do it yourself mentality. identify the issue and work a solution. my family swore the army had brain washed me...hahaha.

Now this experience has taught me as well. I dont think that i will be so quick to be the Fixer. I dont think that i will be so quick to play the super helper/driver/babysitter/money person. I have learned that survival is dependent upon you.

So many in my family ask and when they are asked they say i cant. That annoys me. If i ask you for something and you tell me what you CANT do. Well, gee. Tell me what you CAN do.

I am still wide awake and i know that once i close my computer a brillant blog will pop into my head only to vanish once i open the computer. I dont mind though. I am used to it now.

Oh i forgot to say earlier that not only has my husband's tour been extended til Jan. but he no longer has as much freedom. So i will have to deal with periods of no contact and such. I will suck it up. Maybe i will complain later. But not now. Right now i am just grateful that I get to talk to him more often than not. And i am thankful that we mended our bridges before this happened.

I am gonna try and sleep now. Don't know if it will work or not. Hopefully it will.

Later.

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Coping Sucks

Posted on 4/16/2007 1:12:35 AM | (3) Comments

I got to talk to my husband today. He had just landed back from being on pass. He sounded tired. I know this is selfish but that made me feel good. It makes me feel like i mattered enough to call even though he wanted sleep.

It had been a while since i heard his voice and as always it had double effects. Hearing him makes me miss him. It also reminds me of how we used to be. I miss laughing and joking. I mean we still do it on the instant messenger but its different.

coping sucks. i really hope that his tour is not extended. he is supposed to find out for me. we made a plan to finally go on a honeymoon when he gets home. a place called tybee island. i am a country girl so i would be happy with olive garden and a romantic night...but i will take it.

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Staying up til dawn

Posted on 4/11/2007 1:30:05 AM | (0) Comments

If I am gonna have this outlet. If i am gonna use my talent to help then i gotta do it the way it was planned.

Ok. i will take the first step and say that i have been depressed lately. I have realized that most of it comes from me being spoiled and not being able to have what i want.

I want to go overseas and fight/serve/defend my country. My husband does not want that. If i am gonna be a good wife...a Godly wife I have to learn to obey. yea, i know its arcane but its Gods way. One thing i can say i have learned from this "wilderness" experience is that God has a way of talking to you when you think that He is being silent.

I was praying so hard for God to move mountains on my behalf so that I His spoiled daughter could have what she wanted. I thought that i knew the deepest desire of my heart. He has shown me that i did not. I thought that my deepest desire was to go overseas but He showed me that the thing i wanted more than that was for my marriage to work. He did answer my prayer, it just wasnt the question i thought i was asking.

Does this mean that i wont get to go overseas? I dont know. I pray that i do. However I know that He wont send me half-cocked. And i am ok with that because i know that i wouldnt wanna go that way anyhow.

I have barely survived these past few weeks. Eating only when i couldnt stand the hunger pains anymore, getting out of bed only when necessary, and ghosting online because i didnt wanna connect or share with the group.

I realize now whats going on. I realize now why i have been up when night turns to dawn. God has been trying to show me that its a new day. and if i will take it, anything can happen. So today I am gonna take it. I am gonna get up and get out. I am gonna do something.

I have wasted my time and now i am on Gods and He doesnt tarry with slackers. So i am gonna put on my boots and get ready.

my pastor in houston used to say you can tell how a womans feeling inside by how her hair looks...lol. well for me thats true. i look like a HOT MESS. That will change tomorrow as well. I am making a commitment to me that i will do better.

funny thing i read in the bible...it said that God would rather have someone say no, then do it than for someone to say yes, then never show up.

that is something i never wouldve guessed. just goes to show you that life isnt always as it seems.

all that said, i am gonna go to bed now. i am gonna try and sleep. tomorrow is a new day. tomorrow i am free.

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