foxglove
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love to meet people n love people who's honest, sincere & who's not afraid of being themself.
Age: 23
Age: 23
Gender: F
Location: Peninsular Malaysia
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Misc: new beginning
Posted 1/12/2007 4:33:27 AM
Believe it or not, another year has passed n I thought to myself... no big deal, for this year will be like some other years.
Perhaps I got that stupid idea in my head from all the not-so-fruitful years I’ve had.
But something in me is telling me that , it will ONLY be a no big deal for me if I don’t change how I see life or to be precise my life! Got to figure out n go to the details on what I really want for this year cuz this might be a crucial year , where I’ll have a lot of things coming my way, much more things , more responsibilities , more external factors to deal with n also still stay sane n in touch with my soul.
Perhaps I’ve had too much coming my way last year to actually lift myself up now. But that will definitely be what a loser will do; think that one has been through too much to try to lead a better life! That’s surely a character I don’t want to turn into.
A friend of mine, Jeremy once told me that it’s not how bad you fall or screwed up, but it’s how you pick up yourself n your life up after that. I really find that very motivating. So far I’ve been rather positive with life
Maybe this year will truly be a different year for me IF and only IF I truly want it bad enough!
Posted 1/12/2007 4:33:27 AM
Believe it or not, another year has passed n I thought to myself... no big deal, for this year will be like some other years.
Perhaps I got that stupid idea in my head from all the not-so-fruitful years I’ve had.
But something in me is telling me that , it will ONLY be a no big deal for me if I don’t change how I see life or to be precise my life! Got to figure out n go to the details on what I really want for this year cuz this might be a crucial year , where I’ll have a lot of things coming my way, much more things , more responsibilities , more external factors to deal with n also still stay sane n in touch with my soul.
Perhaps I’ve had too much coming my way last year to actually lift myself up now. But that will definitely be what a loser will do; think that one has been through too much to try to lead a better life! That’s surely a character I don’t want to turn into.
A friend of mine, Jeremy once told me that it’s not how bad you fall or screwed up, but it’s how you pick up yourself n your life up after that. I really find that very motivating. So far I’ve been rather positive with life
Maybe this year will truly be a different year for me IF and only IF I truly want it bad enough!
Pennings: too late
Posted 10/30/2006 8:53:42 AM
sorry boy , but its too late now
its just too late to be telling me
what you should have long ago
but its ok , you know why?
cuz you're no more in control n powerful
not anymore , not on me
i used to be weak n needy
but i'm stronger than ever now
cuz i've learnt to accept n let go
i dont need & love you no more
cant you see such simple fact?
do i need to repeat myself?
nothin you do or say can melt me
for my heart has turned cold
as cold & unaffectionate as one can be
even tears have dried up
Posted 10/30/2006 8:53:42 AM
sorry boy , but its too late now
its just too late to be telling me
what you should have long ago
but its ok , you know why?
cuz you're no more in control n powerful
not anymore , not on me
i used to be weak n needy
but i'm stronger than ever now
cuz i've learnt to accept n let go
i dont need & love you no more
cant you see such simple fact?
do i need to repeat myself?
nothin you do or say can melt me
for my heart has turned cold
as cold & unaffectionate as one can be
even tears have dried up
Pennings: Why
Posted 10/26/2006 1:45:19 AM
there's no way
i can express my dissatisfaction
have you ever wonder why?
why dont i just let it out?
am i too weak to do so?
no , thats not the reason,
then what's the reason?
simply cuz i dont wanna hurt you
cuz i know you're fragile
you get hurt easily
have it come across you
that i'm not much better than u
we've got a limit
but where do i draw the line?
i wonder & i ask myself
but i've no answers to it
you know how hurtful
to hear you asking
me to leave you alone
i know that's not what you want
but why do you have to
pretend that's all that u want
you need me but why
are you pushin me away?
Posted 10/26/2006 1:45:19 AM
there's no way
i can express my dissatisfaction
have you ever wonder why?
why dont i just let it out?
am i too weak to do so?
no , thats not the reason,
then what's the reason?
simply cuz i dont wanna hurt you
cuz i know you're fragile
you get hurt easily
have it come across you
that i'm not much better than u
we've got a limit
but where do i draw the line?
i wonder & i ask myself
but i've no answers to it
you know how hurtful
to hear you asking
me to leave you alone
i know that's not what you want
but why do you have to
pretend that's all that u want
you need me but why
are you pushin me away?
Pennings: You
Posted 10/26/2006 1:15:42 AM
i've forgotten what it feels like
to have someone caring so much
for you , never givin up
on you , no matter how wrong you are
i've been too blind too see
how life can be as colourful
as i want it , but afraid of
takin that lil step
words now seems so little
to express how much you mean to me
how beautiful you make life
with your existence
there's no turnin back now
i can only offer words
only with words you'll understand
what difference u've made in life
how much you mean to me
how much you've changed me
Posted 10/26/2006 1:15:42 AM
i've forgotten what it feels like
to have someone caring so much
for you , never givin up
on you , no matter how wrong you are
i've been too blind too see
how life can be as colourful
as i want it , but afraid of
takin that lil step
words now seems so little
to express how much you mean to me
how beautiful you make life
with your existence
there's no turnin back now
i can only offer words
only with words you'll understand
what difference u've made in life
how much you mean to me
how much you've changed me
Misc: i need help
Posted 10/24/2006 5:21:18 AM
i need help badly.
here's the situation - Depression.
anyone out there ever experienced or have first hand experience with someone that suffered from depression?
how do i cope with or live with someone with such condition? i know its rather hard but how do i keep on the strenght n keep bein positive all the time? what kind of attitude/emotions should i have when i'm handlin such situation?
i'm findin it really hard to deal with my friend now. i know that its the condition that causes him to be like that but , it really hurts whenever he's depressed. cuz at that time , he doesnt care n whatever i said will always agitate him or sound wrong to him n that whatever i do is not good enough. how do i help him see that everythin will be ok n he can talk to me bout anythin n that its ok to talk bout what depresses him n how do i or what should i do to pull it through n help him out?
dealin with such condition makes me sad n always leave me in tears but i told myself i gotta be strong , i need to find a solution or at least opinions to help me to generate ideas on how to handle such situation when it occured again.
please dont tell me to give up hope or leave him alone to work things out or jst avoid myself when he's in such condition. that's something i can never do... though i might be tormented mentally n emotionally but that's not stoppin me from help him out...
i did some research on the topic itself but all that isnt sufficient to help me to deal with it. maybe i should do more research n narrow down on my search topic.. i hope the up comin research will help me out on this. i guess i underestimated the severity of the illness n also my capability in dealin it..
any ideas/suggestions/tips would be greatly appreciated.. thanks
Posted 10/24/2006 5:21:18 AM
i need help badly.
here's the situation - Depression.
anyone out there ever experienced or have first hand experience with someone that suffered from depression?
how do i cope with or live with someone with such condition? i know its rather hard but how do i keep on the strenght n keep bein positive all the time? what kind of attitude/emotions should i have when i'm handlin such situation?
i'm findin it really hard to deal with my friend now. i know that its the condition that causes him to be like that but , it really hurts whenever he's depressed. cuz at that time , he doesnt care n whatever i said will always agitate him or sound wrong to him n that whatever i do is not good enough. how do i help him see that everythin will be ok n he can talk to me bout anythin n that its ok to talk bout what depresses him n how do i or what should i do to pull it through n help him out?
dealin with such condition makes me sad n always leave me in tears but i told myself i gotta be strong , i need to find a solution or at least opinions to help me to generate ideas on how to handle such situation when it occured again.
please dont tell me to give up hope or leave him alone to work things out or jst avoid myself when he's in such condition. that's something i can never do... though i might be tormented mentally n emotionally but that's not stoppin me from help him out...
i did some research on the topic itself but all that isnt sufficient to help me to deal with it. maybe i should do more research n narrow down on my search topic.. i hope the up comin research will help me out on this. i guess i underestimated the severity of the illness n also my capability in dealin it..
any ideas/suggestions/tips would be greatly appreciated.. thanks
Misc: why is all this happenin to me?
Posted 10/24/2006 4:00:01 AM
when i thought that finally i've grown to be a much stronger person than i used to be then came all these problems that caused me feelin weak. is this due to my self confidence? or i'm just too vulnerable to allowed external environment to take hold on me?!
i jst hate it when i'm weak . i've already given out what i can but why do i still get what i get in return? have i not done enough? how much more do i need to give till i dont have to cry to express what i've bottled up in me? is this some sort of test from god? how much more test would i need to undergo?
maybe my prob is i care too much bout what's goin on n maybe without me realisin i've some form of expectation n that lead me to where i am now.. sad , depressed.. cry baby...
Posted 10/24/2006 4:00:01 AM
when i thought that finally i've grown to be a much stronger person than i used to be then came all these problems that caused me feelin weak. is this due to my self confidence? or i'm just too vulnerable to allowed external environment to take hold on me?!
i jst hate it when i'm weak . i've already given out what i can but why do i still get what i get in return? have i not done enough? how much more do i need to give till i dont have to cry to express what i've bottled up in me? is this some sort of test from god? how much more test would i need to undergo?
maybe my prob is i care too much bout what's goin on n maybe without me realisin i've some form of expectation n that lead me to where i am now.. sad , depressed.. cry baby...
Relationship: finally i got it out of my system (Part II)
Posted 10/14/2006 2:08:01 AM
before i sent the email sayin i wanna break it off , i wrote him an email :-
Subject - something i want you to know
you know wht? you dont haveta worry bout me no more cuz i know how to take care of myself n i've been takin real good care of myself since i saw d change in us n also in me. worry more bout urself..
this one year is really an eye opener for me cuz i've learnt more bout myself n who u truly are. you see in life , you jst gotta strike balance no matter how difficult it is.
i'm not gonna tell u what u've done wrong or how u've treated me cuz i believe u know well what has been goin on or happened. n i'm not sayin that i've done no wrong..i know i've done mistakes but at least i know wht i've done n how i can avoid doin the same mistake all over again.
you kept tellin me that i dont know how to prioritize n you have no idea how much impact that statement has on me. i hope u're happy now for who i am right now, cuz who i am now is the end result or rather the consequences of the things u've said to me.
i've grown so much n i was rather shocked when i allowed myself to travel back to like 1 year ago n see how much i've changed , how much stronger i am now , how much honest i am towards myself...i jst dont wanna live a life with lies n ignorance n i dont want to compromise towards things i dont believe anymore. u know , i used to think that i cant live without you but now its not the same anymore. i found something in me that no matter what , i know that i'll be well n alive.. n u have no idea how much pain n sorrow u've caused me n how miserable i felt at a point of my life n how bad things were at home.
i'm not tryin to be sarcastic or whatever but its rather too late for you to start tellin me things or start informin bout ur life n what's been goin on on ur side. i'm so used to , or rather immuned to how u treated me. i kept tellin u that "i'm always the last to know" n u took that statement so lightly , as though i dont mean a thing to you , n dont start to tell me now that i mean a lot cuz you cant pay back the time u've missed out n definitely no way you can compensate back.
if i do you'll know wht should be done n all. i dont blame u at all. u've changed so much n i know wht u're thinkin... things isnt like how it used to be anymore n so on.. yes thats true.. but there are certain things in life that can remain how it used to be.
i've grown more cold towards a lot of things n i think thats the best for me cuz i'll never allow u to hurt me no more. on the other hand , you dont haveta feel bad or sad or guilty... i'm tellin u all this cuz i jst wanna voice out what i've been keepin in me.. n also maybe we should just stop seein each other.. that will give u more time to concentrate in ur biz n also ur career..
he wrote back:-
Re: something i want you to know
I'm so sorry on all the pain and sorrow that i'd brought to you for the past one year. Even if it doesn't make any difference or any point to you, i still want to apologise for what ever that has happen. I guess i deserved to go through all the lows on my life now for what i've done. Thinking back of what happen back then actually makes me feel so silly and in some way i'm angry with myself for the treatment and left you out.
But what ever happens, i still have to admit that i do glance back of all the good times that we have spend together. The time when i was a nobody, u stand beside me gaving me encouragement and hope, helping me financially, the moral support, and always be there for me when i needed someone to shower me with care. I'm beginning to realise that life is not all about work and having cash and being successful when i screwed up another part of my life just to obtain another. My compliments to you, as you have always been my one and only one... whom i can really trust.
I would always cherish the moment that we had together, cause i'll never forget that we were once a perfect icon. I still want to keep in touch with you, please do not avoid or stay away from me ok!
I still love you and i will always love you, cause that keeps me going on in life. I was misleaded into power and money, and i regreted what i've done.
Can i request to meet up with you on the 19th?? Can you please make it happen?
I will always pray for your good health and well being. Take care.
silly me , but i actually cried readin his reply. maybe part of me i'm glad that he realised what he has done n what he'll be missin out ..
so i replied :-
you see i've been tryin to tell u all this while , and wht i got in return was cold treatment n that i'm not serious and all. i know that u know the biz well but that doesnt mean tht's ur life.. life's more than that than work n work
at that point of time , u actually thought that u know alot bout life n what's goin on but you dont know wht you're loosin out or riskin. i tried tellin u n gave u a lot of chance to change n all i asked for was to spend a lil time with me but u were just so busy n occupied with work n work n work. i'm sick of keep on givin u the chance n hopin that u'll change one day but i've given to much till i feel so lifeless..each time i kept gettin disappointed.. i feel so lost .. i talked to myself , why are you allowin a guy like that to make u feel so miserable n even cry urself to sleep? he doesnt see that u're worth more than that...
u left me feelin so alone n lonely for a few months n u keep breakin my heart over n over again..how many girls out there can take all this? i've had enough .seriously i was really sad n mad n i told myself... i deserve better than all this. i dont care if i'm not gettin married in this life but i know that i dont wanna continue on to suffer. i can tell u that basically i've shut the door to my heart. since u found work n biz so important to you then you might as well get married to it!
its rather too late for u to feel sorry, silly or angry! u chose this route n live with it! u can call me mean and all that u want but this is not what i want n seriously i dont see a future in us anymore.. u left me like that n now u want things to be back to how it used to be? no way.. i can never treat u the same anymore or talk to u like how i talked to u anymore. i'm filled with anger n hatred! you can never imagine what i went through to be this tough.. i'm as cold as steel now.
though i gotta admit that i was cryin when i read ur mail but that's not gonna change my decision. i only live once n i jst want the best for my life n i dont wanna put my life on hold n sacrifice my social life for u n that i dont wanna keep cryin due to u... we;re not meant for each other.. lets break it off... both of us wont suffer anymore
i thought with that email n replied he'll jst stop there n not meet up anymore but he replied :-
please call me ok. my decision to meet u up will proceed.
before he actually read the email , i saw him online so i talked to him n from the way he talked , i knew he hasnt read the email yet n he wants to meet me up before his cousin's weddin on the 20th. so i thought ok , so i suggested we meet up on the 18th n i asked him why he wanna meet up , what's the agenda behind n he told me that wants to tell me bout his future plans n that he wants me to be in it... i guess its all too late now...
wonder what he'll do or say when we eventually meet up on the 18th.
Posted 10/14/2006 2:08:01 AM
before i sent the email sayin i wanna break it off , i wrote him an email :-
Subject - something i want you to know
you know wht? you dont haveta worry bout me no more cuz i know how to take care of myself n i've been takin real good care of myself since i saw d change in us n also in me. worry more bout urself..
this one year is really an eye opener for me cuz i've learnt more bout myself n who u truly are. you see in life , you jst gotta strike balance no matter how difficult it is.
i'm not gonna tell u what u've done wrong or how u've treated me cuz i believe u know well what has been goin on or happened. n i'm not sayin that i've done no wrong..i know i've done mistakes but at least i know wht i've done n how i can avoid doin the same mistake all over again.
you kept tellin me that i dont know how to prioritize n you have no idea how much impact that statement has on me. i hope u're happy now for who i am right now, cuz who i am now is the end result or rather the consequences of the things u've said to me.
i've grown so much n i was rather shocked when i allowed myself to travel back to like 1 year ago n see how much i've changed , how much stronger i am now , how much honest i am towards myself...i jst dont wanna live a life with lies n ignorance n i dont want to compromise towards things i dont believe anymore. u know , i used to think that i cant live without you but now its not the same anymore. i found something in me that no matter what , i know that i'll be well n alive.. n u have no idea how much pain n sorrow u've caused me n how miserable i felt at a point of my life n how bad things were at home.
i'm not tryin to be sarcastic or whatever but its rather too late for you to start tellin me things or start informin bout ur life n what's been goin on on ur side. i'm so used to , or rather immuned to how u treated me. i kept tellin u that "i'm always the last to know" n u took that statement so lightly , as though i dont mean a thing to you , n dont start to tell me now that i mean a lot cuz you cant pay back the time u've missed out n definitely no way you can compensate back.
if i do you'll know wht should be done n all. i dont blame u at all. u've changed so much n i know wht u're thinkin... things isnt like how it used to be anymore n so on.. yes thats true.. but there are certain things in life that can remain how it used to be.
i've grown more cold towards a lot of things n i think thats the best for me cuz i'll never allow u to hurt me no more. on the other hand , you dont haveta feel bad or sad or guilty... i'm tellin u all this cuz i jst wanna voice out what i've been keepin in me.. n also maybe we should just stop seein each other.. that will give u more time to concentrate in ur biz n also ur career..
he wrote back:-
Re: something i want you to know
I'm so sorry on all the pain and sorrow that i'd brought to you for the past one year. Even if it doesn't make any difference or any point to you, i still want to apologise for what ever that has happen. I guess i deserved to go through all the lows on my life now for what i've done. Thinking back of what happen back then actually makes me feel so silly and in some way i'm angry with myself for the treatment and left you out.
But what ever happens, i still have to admit that i do glance back of all the good times that we have spend together. The time when i was a nobody, u stand beside me gaving me encouragement and hope, helping me financially, the moral support, and always be there for me when i needed someone to shower me with care. I'm beginning to realise that life is not all about work and having cash and being successful when i screwed up another part of my life just to obtain another. My compliments to you, as you have always been my one and only one... whom i can really trust.
I would always cherish the moment that we had together, cause i'll never forget that we were once a perfect icon. I still want to keep in touch with you, please do not avoid or stay away from me ok!
I still love you and i will always love you, cause that keeps me going on in life. I was misleaded into power and money, and i regreted what i've done.
Can i request to meet up with you on the 19th?? Can you please make it happen?
I will always pray for your good health and well being. Take care.
silly me , but i actually cried readin his reply. maybe part of me i'm glad that he realised what he has done n what he'll be missin out ..
so i replied :-
you see i've been tryin to tell u all this while , and wht i got in return was cold treatment n that i'm not serious and all. i know that u know the biz well but that doesnt mean tht's ur life.. life's more than that than work n work
at that point of time , u actually thought that u know alot bout life n what's goin on but you dont know wht you're loosin out or riskin. i tried tellin u n gave u a lot of chance to change n all i asked for was to spend a lil time with me but u were just so busy n occupied with work n work n work. i'm sick of keep on givin u the chance n hopin that u'll change one day but i've given to much till i feel so lifeless..each time i kept gettin disappointed.. i feel so lost .. i talked to myself , why are you allowin a guy like that to make u feel so miserable n even cry urself to sleep? he doesnt see that u're worth more than that...
u left me feelin so alone n lonely for a few months n u keep breakin my heart over n over again..how many girls out there can take all this? i've had enough .seriously i was really sad n mad n i told myself... i deserve better than all this. i dont care if i'm not gettin married in this life but i know that i dont wanna continue on to suffer. i can tell u that basically i've shut the door to my heart. since u found work n biz so important to you then you might as well get married to it!
its rather too late for u to feel sorry, silly or angry! u chose this route n live with it! u can call me mean and all that u want but this is not what i want n seriously i dont see a future in us anymore.. u left me like that n now u want things to be back to how it used to be? no way.. i can never treat u the same anymore or talk to u like how i talked to u anymore. i'm filled with anger n hatred! you can never imagine what i went through to be this tough.. i'm as cold as steel now.
though i gotta admit that i was cryin when i read ur mail but that's not gonna change my decision. i only live once n i jst want the best for my life n i dont wanna put my life on hold n sacrifice my social life for u n that i dont wanna keep cryin due to u... we;re not meant for each other.. lets break it off... both of us wont suffer anymore
i thought with that email n replied he'll jst stop there n not meet up anymore but he replied :-
please call me ok. my decision to meet u up will proceed.
before he actually read the email , i saw him online so i talked to him n from the way he talked , i knew he hasnt read the email yet n he wants to meet me up before his cousin's weddin on the 20th. so i thought ok , so i suggested we meet up on the 18th n i asked him why he wanna meet up , what's the agenda behind n he told me that wants to tell me bout his future plans n that he wants me to be in it... i guess its all too late now...
wonder what he'll do or say when we eventually meet up on the 18th.
Relationship: finally i got it out of my system
Posted 10/13/2006 1:36:29 AM
first of all, thanks alot for the comments on the previous post. somehow i managed to get the sort of inspiration i was lookin for , or rather what kinda medium i should use to say it to him.
i've been wonderin & thinkin of how to say it , when to say it n how to put things into words , but its all over , i broke the news to him. told him i wanna break it off!
well i might be cruel for doin it over the Internet , but i couldnt care less. i was jst in the mood to email n tell him wht was in my mind n what was buggin me!
i know that doin it over the net n puttin it into words is the best way to get the message across to him cuz at times he just couldnt careless on simply bein a zombie when i talk to him & i hate to deal with that side of him.
i felt so good for pourin out n i never thought i'll keep typin n typin without a stop! guess this is the first time i really expressed myself to him. told him i dont wanna live in lies n ignorance anymore.. n that i've learnt to be honest with myself n with what i want in life. n also i told him the consequences of his actions n so on. i'm sure this time it'll hit him like some tornado!
well now , i'm just waitin for a reply from him through email.. cuz there's no way he can contact or get hold of me cuz i've changed my number n there's no other way to get to me unless he's gonna travel all d way back here.
Posted 10/13/2006 1:36:29 AM
first of all, thanks alot for the comments on the previous post. somehow i managed to get the sort of inspiration i was lookin for , or rather what kinda medium i should use to say it to him.
i've been wonderin & thinkin of how to say it , when to say it n how to put things into words , but its all over , i broke the news to him. told him i wanna break it off!
well i might be cruel for doin it over the Internet , but i couldnt care less. i was jst in the mood to email n tell him wht was in my mind n what was buggin me!
i know that doin it over the net n puttin it into words is the best way to get the message across to him cuz at times he just couldnt careless on simply bein a zombie when i talk to him & i hate to deal with that side of him.
i felt so good for pourin out n i never thought i'll keep typin n typin without a stop! guess this is the first time i really expressed myself to him. told him i dont wanna live in lies n ignorance anymore.. n that i've learnt to be honest with myself n with what i want in life. n also i told him the consequences of his actions n so on. i'm sure this time it'll hit him like some tornado!
well now , i'm just waitin for a reply from him through email.. cuz there's no way he can contact or get hold of me cuz i've changed my number n there's no other way to get to me unless he's gonna travel all d way back here.
Relationship: i'm still procrastinating
Posted 10/11/2006 10:03:42 AM
after shower , got dressed n when i was sittin on my bed , it got me thinking , why am i still procrastinating? what's wrong with me? am i too coward to spill the truth to him? or am i simply afraid of the consequences or what i'm gonna see? oh god! i gotta get myself out in this mess!
he sent me 4 emails! its jst so not him. he wouldnt do that but i guess changin my number without tellin him really freaked him out. so i decided to give him a call upon receivin those emails. so i called him n he was like really surprised cuz i actually called him usin a private number so that there's no way he can actually call me back. n he told me that he's been tryin to get to me for 1 month n that its been so long since he heard from me. deep in me i so wanna tell him " serve u right n dont u see i dont need u anymore?" i used to think i cant live without him but now things changed n i've grown. i dont wanna put my life , be it social or future on hold cuz of him anymore.
the funny thing bout life is that when you know that you're bout to loose something , you'll do jst anything to secure it but i guess its a lil too late when you finally realised it. guess its true that " you wont appreciate it till you loose it"
he came all the way back here to see me, even waited a few hours outside my house, something i didnt know till he told me. upon hearin that , i didnt even feel pity or sad or any sort of emotions, like i'm numb! have i managed to turn into some cold-blooded person due to him?
i should really decide on when to tell him n do it in person instead of over the sms or call...
Posted 10/11/2006 10:03:42 AM
after shower , got dressed n when i was sittin on my bed , it got me thinking , why am i still procrastinating? what's wrong with me? am i too coward to spill the truth to him? or am i simply afraid of the consequences or what i'm gonna see? oh god! i gotta get myself out in this mess!
he sent me 4 emails! its jst so not him. he wouldnt do that but i guess changin my number without tellin him really freaked him out. so i decided to give him a call upon receivin those emails. so i called him n he was like really surprised cuz i actually called him usin a private number so that there's no way he can actually call me back. n he told me that he's been tryin to get to me for 1 month n that its been so long since he heard from me. deep in me i so wanna tell him " serve u right n dont u see i dont need u anymore?" i used to think i cant live without him but now things changed n i've grown. i dont wanna put my life , be it social or future on hold cuz of him anymore.
the funny thing bout life is that when you know that you're bout to loose something , you'll do jst anything to secure it but i guess its a lil too late when you finally realised it. guess its true that " you wont appreciate it till you loose it"
he came all the way back here to see me, even waited a few hours outside my house, something i didnt know till he told me. upon hearin that , i didnt even feel pity or sad or any sort of emotions, like i'm numb! have i managed to turn into some cold-blooded person due to him?
i should really decide on when to tell him n do it in person instead of over the sms or call...
Friends: good to see him again
Posted 10/10/2006 12:14:17 PM
today i met up with simon for dinner. its been a while since we both had a meal together n today was fun.. i mean its been a while n there were a lot of misunderstandin n arguements but now everythin seems to go smoothly.
the way we chatted its like back to those days where we just have so much to talk bout n never get tired of talkin n talkin!
so after dinner we went over to d beach n there's this swing (well its meant for kids but we couldnt care less n just sat on it - that spells vandalism..hahaha) so we talked more bout music n also d show he had on the weekend n so on.
when we were talkin , dad called. dad called like 5-6 times from the time 8pm-12am! this time i might need to travel out of where i live n do something bout biz over there n i think it would be a good chance for me to see more n learn more. this time i'll be travelin with a guy (workin for my dad), heard that its his hometown so i'm sure things will just work out pretty fine.
the funny thing is that my dad actually bought 2 tuna fish head (from d sole tuna port) n asked whether do i know how to cook it! hahaha then he told me that one of his friends wants it , so i told dad that he should give one to the friend can keep one for us n that i'll jst google on d recipe for it.. but ended up they got someone to cook it n eat it along with beer! hmmm wonder how curry tuna taste like with beer?!
then when i got home, went online to check my emails n also to blog..so there i saw a message from my bf.. sayin tht he's back here but will be headin back tonight..& that he couldnt get through to me n that he's worried bout me n so on. what surprised me is that he actually asked around n waited for me outside my house! is that stalkin or what? hahah..oh well i guess for the fact that my line's dead got him panic! well maybe its time for him to wake up n realise that things will not always wait for him n that things have changed n will keep changin!
Posted 10/10/2006 12:14:17 PM
today i met up with simon for dinner. its been a while since we both had a meal together n today was fun.. i mean its been a while n there were a lot of misunderstandin n arguements but now everythin seems to go smoothly.
the way we chatted its like back to those days where we just have so much to talk bout n never get tired of talkin n talkin!
so after dinner we went over to d beach n there's this swing (well its meant for kids but we couldnt care less n just sat on it - that spells vandalism..hahaha) so we talked more bout music n also d show he had on the weekend n so on.
when we were talkin , dad called. dad called like 5-6 times from the time 8pm-12am! this time i might need to travel out of where i live n do something bout biz over there n i think it would be a good chance for me to see more n learn more. this time i'll be travelin with a guy (workin for my dad), heard that its his hometown so i'm sure things will just work out pretty fine.
the funny thing is that my dad actually bought 2 tuna fish head (from d sole tuna port) n asked whether do i know how to cook it! hahaha then he told me that one of his friends wants it , so i told dad that he should give one to the friend can keep one for us n that i'll jst google on d recipe for it.. but ended up they got someone to cook it n eat it along with beer! hmmm wonder how curry tuna taste like with beer?!
then when i got home, went online to check my emails n also to blog..so there i saw a message from my bf.. sayin tht he's back here but will be headin back tonight..& that he couldnt get through to me n that he's worried bout me n so on. what surprised me is that he actually asked around n waited for me outside my house! is that stalkin or what? hahah..oh well i guess for the fact that my line's dead got him panic! well maybe its time for him to wake up n realise that things will not always wait for him n that things have changed n will keep changin!
Misc: i cant believe this!!
Posted 10/9/2006 12:16:11 PM
this is unbelievable! out of so many ppl , why him ?? why my friend aaron? gosh! i thought he's some how different... perhaps not..
well , i was away from my pc , so i left everythin on , includin my MSN n so on... so my friend , aaron messaged me n this is what he wrote : -
Old Mc Donalds says:
hey alexis
Old Mc Donalds says:
how are u
Old Mc Donalds says:
can i have sex with u
Old Mc Donalds says:
alexis
Old Mc Donalds says: are u there
Old Mc Donalds just sent you a Nudge!
Old Mc Donalds says:
hey are u there
Old Mc Donalds says:
alexis im desperate
Old Mc Donalds says:
im desperate for someone to hold me
Old Mc Donalds says:
to share my thought
Old Mc Donalds says:
im lonely
when i read it , i was like .... what's goin on? what happened to him??
Posted 10/9/2006 12:16:11 PM
this is unbelievable! out of so many ppl , why him ?? why my friend aaron? gosh! i thought he's some how different... perhaps not..
well , i was away from my pc , so i left everythin on , includin my MSN n so on... so my friend , aaron messaged me n this is what he wrote : -
Old Mc Donalds says:
hey alexis
Old Mc Donalds says:
how are u
Old Mc Donalds says:
can i have sex with u
Old Mc Donalds says:
alexis
Old Mc Donalds says: are u there
Old Mc Donalds just sent you a Nudge!
Old Mc Donalds says:
hey are u there
Old Mc Donalds says:
alexis im desperate
Old Mc Donalds says:
im desperate for someone to hold me
Old Mc Donalds says:
to share my thought
Old Mc Donalds says:
im lonely
when i read it , i was like .... what's goin on? what happened to him??
Misc: Change - for u Lotus
Posted 10/7/2006 4:46:14 AM
today i read what lotus wrote on her blog n that reminded me of how much i've changed in a year's time.
i gotta agree that , "change" is not easy n will never be. no matter how strong & tough we are , the word "change" will some how have an impact on all of us i believe.
when i was in the transition of the old me to the new me , i was overwhelmed. its like i woke up from a dream , feelin i've changed or so i would love to believed i've changed but somehow something inside me told me that i've not changed , ok ..maybe a slight changes but that lil slight changes meant nothin to me at first cuz what i wanted to see was the ultimate change i was hopin for.
then due to that i kinda give up halfway through on the determination to change. but when i reassessed myself , i saw that the lil change was good but it was me who lack of the tenacity , so i carried on, carried on my journey to achieve the ultimate change i was lookin for.
n after a period of time , i reevaluated myself again n this time i allowed myself to look back from a perceptive observation of a year's period long duration & i'm surprised n glad for the persistency i put in & also the pleasant change i noticed in me.
so lotus , dont ever give up no matter how hard's the journey cuz u'll never know what's waitin for u at the end of the journey. it might be a pot of gold! :)
Posted 10/7/2006 4:46:14 AM
today i read what lotus wrote on her blog n that reminded me of how much i've changed in a year's time.
i gotta agree that , "change" is not easy n will never be. no matter how strong & tough we are , the word "change" will some how have an impact on all of us i believe.
when i was in the transition of the old me to the new me , i was overwhelmed. its like i woke up from a dream , feelin i've changed or so i would love to believed i've changed but somehow something inside me told me that i've not changed , ok ..maybe a slight changes but that lil slight changes meant nothin to me at first cuz what i wanted to see was the ultimate change i was hopin for.
then due to that i kinda give up halfway through on the determination to change. but when i reassessed myself , i saw that the lil change was good but it was me who lack of the tenacity , so i carried on, carried on my journey to achieve the ultimate change i was lookin for.
n after a period of time , i reevaluated myself again n this time i allowed myself to look back from a perceptive observation of a year's period long duration & i'm surprised n glad for the persistency i put in & also the pleasant change i noticed in me.
so lotus , dont ever give up no matter how hard's the journey cuz u'll never know what's waitin for u at the end of the journey. it might be a pot of gold! :)
Thoughts/Dreams/Fantasy: one of those days...
Posted 10/5/2006 11:48:43 AM
today seems to be a rather "down" day for me. today isnt one of those "sunny day". almost everythin seems so wrong!
i'm feelin rather.. speechless now. i dont even know wht i wanna blog about or where should i start off from but i just wanna allow myself to jst write what comes into mind. i've not had this kinda day for so long.. cant even remember when was d last time. its really shitty to have like bad or unhappy things comin ur way one after another! at times i dont even know how to handle it.
i keep thinkin n thinkin.. what can be done to ease my agitation n frustration? n finally what strike me is that maybe i take in too much. maybe i allowed things to get to me, i allowed my emotions to take control of me n being led by emotions is something ugly! i dont wanna be feelin this way anymore!!! argh!!! god! when can i get out of this?? why on earth do i care so much bout everythin?? when only will i be able to learn from all this ?
Posted 10/5/2006 11:48:43 AM
today seems to be a rather "down" day for me. today isnt one of those "sunny day". almost everythin seems so wrong!
i'm feelin rather.. speechless now. i dont even know wht i wanna blog about or where should i start off from but i just wanna allow myself to jst write what comes into mind. i've not had this kinda day for so long.. cant even remember when was d last time. its really shitty to have like bad or unhappy things comin ur way one after another! at times i dont even know how to handle it.
i keep thinkin n thinkin.. what can be done to ease my agitation n frustration? n finally what strike me is that maybe i take in too much. maybe i allowed things to get to me, i allowed my emotions to take control of me n being led by emotions is something ugly! i dont wanna be feelin this way anymore!!! argh!!! god! when can i get out of this?? why on earth do i care so much bout everythin?? when only will i be able to learn from all this ?
Friends: wednesday , 4th oct
Posted 10/5/2006 2:18:01 AM
today i met up with my college friend Jolene. havent seen her for months since she went over to another state to further her studies.
went over her place , picked her up , went over to the mall to catch a movie. when we arrived, the cinema's packed,crowded n we thought.. oh no , we might not be able to get tickets for the next movie! at that point she's still indecisive of wht movie to watch. so i picked The Wicker Man - Nicholas Cage. the movie was rather good, especially for something that has not much advertisement done for!
so after the movie we went shoppin then we proceed to dinner. again she's indecisive of what to eat!! ahhhh!! she's still the same old person! thought when someone went over somewhere else to further their studies, most of the time they came back with slight changes in them but she's like girl i got to know 3 years back! wow!
so we ended up at a fusion italian restaurant! both had pasta. the broccoli in my pasta's overly blanched! since i know one of the chefs there , actually told him bout the broccoli .. guess the next time i dine over there, i'll get my broccoli d way i want it.. :)
Posted 10/5/2006 2:18:01 AM
today i met up with my college friend Jolene. havent seen her for months since she went over to another state to further her studies.
went over her place , picked her up , went over to the mall to catch a movie. when we arrived, the cinema's packed,crowded n we thought.. oh no , we might not be able to get tickets for the next movie! at that point she's still indecisive of wht movie to watch. so i picked The Wicker Man - Nicholas Cage. the movie was rather good, especially for something that has not much advertisement done for!
so after the movie we went shoppin then we proceed to dinner. again she's indecisive of what to eat!! ahhhh!! she's still the same old person! thought when someone went over somewhere else to further their studies, most of the time they came back with slight changes in them but she's like girl i got to know 3 years back! wow!
so we ended up at a fusion italian restaurant! both had pasta. the broccoli in my pasta's overly blanched! since i know one of the chefs there , actually told him bout the broccoli .. guess the next time i dine over there, i'll get my broccoli d way i want it.. :)
Thoughts/Dreams/Fantasy: feelin uneasy....
Posted 10/5/2006 1:34:51 AM
things were just fine the minute i got up in the mornin but towards lunch , i started to feel rather uneasy...what's buggin me? is it due to how andrew replied? well one thing for sure i hate this uneasiness i'm experiencin!
oh no!! this is bad , i'm startin to see that i'm turnin back to the sensitive girl i was ( something i try to maintain a balance in)...guess i gotta put in more effort.
what's happenin to me? why am i feelin this way? am i startin to have expectation on him now?? is that the cause of all this uneasiness n agitation? god! now i sound like some lil whiny girl!! argh!!!
Posted 10/5/2006 1:34:51 AM
things were just fine the minute i got up in the mornin but towards lunch , i started to feel rather uneasy...what's buggin me? is it due to how andrew replied? well one thing for sure i hate this uneasiness i'm experiencin!
oh no!! this is bad , i'm startin to see that i'm turnin back to the sensitive girl i was ( something i try to maintain a balance in)...guess i gotta put in more effort.
what's happenin to me? why am i feelin this way? am i startin to have expectation on him now?? is that the cause of all this uneasiness n agitation? god! now i sound like some lil whiny girl!! argh!!!
Misc: its been a month plus....
Posted 10/3/2006 8:08:04 AM
another month has gone n soon it'll be a brand new year! without realisin i've been away for more than a month!!
gosh! thinkin bout newblog, i'm startin to miss the times when i blog almost each n every other day! this place used to be d place where i login to pour out my probs or what's troubling my mind but seems like i've somehow put it aside or neglect it due to my lifestyle n so on.
now i'm back & this time i'm gonna jot down everythin that's happenin in my life ... maybe i've found somethin in life that's worth puttin it down in words!
some aspects of my life's definitely gettin better while others seems to have its ups n downs n surely goin through some major changes. but whatever it is , this time i'm sure i'll be able to pull through like how i always did.
things with my bf is still stagnant, the only change is that he has been textin more & more (he even MMS me the first pic we took together) but that doesnt seems to change my mind or what i've decided to do. maybe now i've more reason to do it. like what kittiew commented , "compassion isn't a good enough reason to stay with anyone" & that's really true , its unfair for both party.
work's been good. workin from home now n also i've taken over a new task so this time around , i'll make certain things work my way. but very soon , i'll put work on hold , will go back to academic world...dont know why i decided to go back to school life.. dad? hmmm , maybe not.. though he has been pesterin me to finish up my degree..but i think i just wanted a change in environment n also my circle of friends & once i'm done , by all odds its time for me to do something for myself , somethin that i always wanted , something that i can indulge in without any objections from dad or anyone...
Posted 10/3/2006 8:08:04 AM
another month has gone n soon it'll be a brand new year! without realisin i've been away for more than a month!!
gosh! thinkin bout newblog, i'm startin to miss the times when i blog almost each n every other day! this place used to be d place where i login to pour out my probs or what's troubling my mind but seems like i've somehow put it aside or neglect it due to my lifestyle n so on.
now i'm back & this time i'm gonna jot down everythin that's happenin in my life ... maybe i've found somethin in life that's worth puttin it down in words!
some aspects of my life's definitely gettin better while others seems to have its ups n downs n surely goin through some major changes. but whatever it is , this time i'm sure i'll be able to pull through like how i always did.
things with my bf is still stagnant, the only change is that he has been textin more & more (he even MMS me the first pic we took together) but that doesnt seems to change my mind or what i've decided to do. maybe now i've more reason to do it. like what kittiew commented , "compassion isn't a good enough reason to stay with anyone" & that's really true , its unfair for both party.
work's been good. workin from home now n also i've taken over a new task so this time around , i'll make certain things work my way. but very soon , i'll put work on hold , will go back to academic world...dont know why i decided to go back to school life.. dad? hmmm , maybe not.. though he has been pesterin me to finish up my degree..but i think i just wanted a change in environment n also my circle of friends & once i'm done , by all odds its time for me to do something for myself , somethin that i always wanted , something that i can indulge in without any objections from dad or anyone...
Relationship: i didnt drop the bomb
Posted 8/29/2006 11:29:37 AM
i thought that with my bf back home , i'll be able to drop d bomb on him but i guess not, jst couldnt find the right time or maybe it wasnt the time yet.
though i didnt break it off with him , but some how i felt happy after voicin what i've been keepin in me all this while.
before i met him on that day i thought i might some how have this lil love feelin for him but when i saw him , i treated him really cold n i knew instantly that what i have for him isnt love anymore, its more like compassion. sometimes i jst wish i dont have compassion n jst break it off with him. but i dont know wht's pullin me back. do i need more time to think or more time to wait till things between us turn more stale?
Posted 8/29/2006 11:29:37 AM
i thought that with my bf back home , i'll be able to drop d bomb on him but i guess not, jst couldnt find the right time or maybe it wasnt the time yet.
though i didnt break it off with him , but some how i felt happy after voicin what i've been keepin in me all this while.
before i met him on that day i thought i might some how have this lil love feelin for him but when i saw him , i treated him really cold n i knew instantly that what i have for him isnt love anymore, its more like compassion. sometimes i jst wish i dont have compassion n jst break it off with him. but i dont know wht's pullin me back. do i need more time to think or more time to wait till things between us turn more stale?
Misc: its been a while...
Posted 8/15/2006 1:32:45 AM
its been a while since i last blogged , thats like 6 days back....some how i feel disconnected with virtual world :) need to get myself back on track!
6 days might be a short duration for some n it might not be for others. for me 6 days feels like its been weeks! within this short period , i learnt a lot bout myself & also people around me.
diane got involved in an accident ysterday , but thank god , she's good , slight bruises n within a few days she'll be good. she's some tough girl though. got me really worried. i'm actually glad tht i bumped into her last night with her bro & neighbour.
last night i was out at a jammin studio with Simon n his project band. its been a while since i last stepped foot there though. it was fun , but the jammin session wasnt like superb or anythin like that , they still need lotsa practices! but i'm sure it will be better before the show on the 27th! i was really impressed by how good Simon & Joni can sing. i was thinking if i've got such talent , i'll be using it to the max! i told Simon that i do wanna learn how to sing. singin might appear to be an easy thing , but there's a lot to learn ,in terms of holdin a pitch , breathin ..etc
when i was sittin at the beach last night , at lot of stuff came into mind & i couldnt help it but i allowed myself to cry. i actually feel better after lettin it out. maybe the method(s) or approaches in making myself stronger is to permit myself the space of bein a cry baby! maybe i'm jst too emotional.
i used to get a lot of comments on me being emotional & soft. my bf loves to say that i'm emotinal & that he doesnt understand why i'm such , but is that something wrong? i'm just allowin myself to be who i really am! why cant i be myself? why do i need to fake things out or put a front when i'm faced with certain kinda people? why do i need to pretend to be happy when i'm not?
Guille once told me this " if emotional is who u are , be it. they just gotta accept you for who you are!".. i actually felt good listenin to it , but some how i told myself being emotional isnt a bad thing but i should know the limit(s) to it. at times i feel that i'm on the right track on being or slowly changin into a better me but i do get lost in the journey & feel weak & i'm just afraid that i might not be able to get back on track but some how gettin in touch with my emotional side of me is actually a good way to pull myself back to the right route! guess the term "emotional" is just a term to described something but wht matters most is how we look at it. like what people say " there's two sides to a coin"
andrew actually taught me a lot , i bet he himself didnt realise that. some how he taught me on how to be honest with myself n with wht i really want in all aspect of life! & since then i started to make small changes to whatever aspect i can & i actually felt good! i actually started to be myself & poured the truth & also goin for wht i really want startin from andrew. in a way or two , i kinda treated him like a person i wanna be like 100% of my true self to & surprisingly i managed! & he makes me realised that there's no way i wanna loose a friend like him. though we had some misunderstandin .. oh well , it was my fault though but i'm glad we worked it out!!!
Posted 8/15/2006 1:32:45 AM
its been a while since i last blogged , thats like 6 days back....some how i feel disconnected with virtual world :) need to get myself back on track!
6 days might be a short duration for some n it might not be for others. for me 6 days feels like its been weeks! within this short period , i learnt a lot bout myself & also people around me.
diane got involved in an accident ysterday , but thank god , she's good , slight bruises n within a few days she'll be good. she's some tough girl though. got me really worried. i'm actually glad tht i bumped into her last night with her bro & neighbour.
last night i was out at a jammin studio with Simon n his project band. its been a while since i last stepped foot there though. it was fun , but the jammin session wasnt like superb or anythin like that , they still need lotsa practices! but i'm sure it will be better before the show on the 27th! i was really impressed by how good Simon & Joni can sing. i was thinking if i've got such talent , i'll be using it to the max! i told Simon that i do wanna learn how to sing. singin might appear to be an easy thing , but there's a lot to learn ,in terms of holdin a pitch , breathin ..etc
when i was sittin at the beach last night , at lot of stuff came into mind & i couldnt help it but i allowed myself to cry. i actually feel better after lettin it out. maybe the method(s) or approaches in making myself stronger is to permit myself the space of bein a cry baby! maybe i'm jst too emotional.
i used to get a lot of comments on me being emotional & soft. my bf loves to say that i'm emotinal & that he doesnt understand why i'm such , but is that something wrong? i'm just allowin myself to be who i really am! why cant i be myself? why do i need to fake things out or put a front when i'm faced with certain kinda people? why do i need to pretend to be happy when i'm not?
Guille once told me this " if emotional is who u are , be it. they just gotta accept you for who you are!".. i actually felt good listenin to it , but some how i told myself being emotional isnt a bad thing but i should know the limit(s) to it. at times i feel that i'm on the right track on being or slowly changin into a better me but i do get lost in the journey & feel weak & i'm just afraid that i might not be able to get back on track but some how gettin in touch with my emotional side of me is actually a good way to pull myself back to the right route! guess the term "emotional" is just a term to described something but wht matters most is how we look at it. like what people say " there's two sides to a coin"
andrew actually taught me a lot , i bet he himself didnt realise that. some how he taught me on how to be honest with myself n with wht i really want in all aspect of life! & since then i started to make small changes to whatever aspect i can & i actually felt good! i actually started to be myself & poured the truth & also goin for wht i really want startin from andrew. in a way or two , i kinda treated him like a person i wanna be like 100% of my true self to & surprisingly i managed! & he makes me realised that there's no way i wanna loose a friend like him. though we had some misunderstandin .. oh well , it was my fault though but i'm glad we worked it out!!!
Misc: Ms Incredible??
Posted 8/9/2006 9:33:41 AM
Ms Incredible...this is what my friend, andrew calls me today! oh well ,sometimes i do wish i am one though. sometimes i do wish i have some super natural powers! but that's rather impossible since we're mortal!
durin lunch time i came home & cooked for the family. some how it was kinda tirin travellin around. but what makes it all worth it is seein my granny eats. i've not seen her eat with such appetite! i'm glad that she's slowly turnin back to her old self.. just love seein her eat!
today Han took me out for dinner. was really glad to see him. havent seen him for a few months already! anyway , all the best to you for ya play in JB next week!
my bf called this evenin when i was bout to go out. he told me that he wont be comin back this week. he'll only be back on the 21st. postponin again? as expected though. might as well not come home at all. from his voice , i can tell that he's enjoyin himself over there. seems like everythin is goin smoothly for him. ooh well , time for me to wake up & not have so much compassion for him. i was really worried how he'll turn out n whether can he get used to the new environment, guess he's enjoyin every bit of it.
maybe i shouldnt worry bout breakin it off with him after all. he has all his friends to keep him occupied n busy.
Posted 8/9/2006 9:33:41 AM
Ms Incredible...this is what my friend, andrew calls me today! oh well ,sometimes i do wish i am one though. sometimes i do wish i have some super natural powers! but that's rather impossible since we're mortal!
durin lunch time i came home & cooked for the family. some how it was kinda tirin travellin around. but what makes it all worth it is seein my granny eats. i've not seen her eat with such appetite! i'm glad that she's slowly turnin back to her old self.. just love seein her eat!
today Han took me out for dinner. was really glad to see him. havent seen him for a few months already! anyway , all the best to you for ya play in JB next week!
my bf called this evenin when i was bout to go out. he told me that he wont be comin back this week. he'll only be back on the 21st. postponin again? as expected though. might as well not come home at all. from his voice , i can tell that he's enjoyin himself over there. seems like everythin is goin smoothly for him. ooh well , time for me to wake up & not have so much compassion for him. i was really worried how he'll turn out n whether can he get used to the new environment, guess he's enjoyin every bit of it.
maybe i shouldnt worry bout breakin it off with him after all. he has all his friends to keep him occupied n busy.
Relationship: he's comin back
Posted 8/8/2006 10:12:07 AM
i received a text frm my bf in the afternoon , sayin that he'll be comin home on thursday night. i'm sure he'll want me to have dinner with him & so on. what am i gonna say this time?
i really wonder how is it gonna be when he's back? is this the right time to spill the beans to him? i really dont know. i guess i'll just find the right time to talk things out to him.
Posted 8/8/2006 10:12:07 AM
i received a text frm my bf in the afternoon , sayin that he'll be comin home on thursday night. i'm sure he'll want me to have dinner with him & so on. what am i gonna say this time?
i really wonder how is it gonna be when he's back? is this the right time to spill the beans to him? i really dont know. i guess i'll just find the right time to talk things out to him.
Thoughts/Dreams/Fantasy: glad to be back
Posted 8/8/2006 8:20:16 AM
yay!!! i'm back to my old self again! so good to be back & movin about! :)
seriously, i cant remember when was the last time i felt so good. today i had dinner out. had dinner with my friend ,Martin. i had tomato soup (not exactly what i expected) & caesar salad. those are the few stuff i can eat n also feel like eatin , others are with lotsa meat n its kinda.. erm.. i kinda lost my appetite lookin at the meat being displayed.. i guess andrew some how turned me into vegie freak! thanks! n i mean it!
supposed to meet up Martin at 7 but i was like 45mins early! thought of doin some grocery shoppin but he called bout 5 minutes after i arrived , so dinner was much earlier. so while waitin for him , i went to get some plums & also mangoes! yummy!!
Posted 8/8/2006 8:20:16 AM
yay!!! i'm back to my old self again! so good to be back & movin about! :)
seriously, i cant remember when was the last time i felt so good. today i had dinner out. had dinner with my friend ,Martin. i had tomato soup (not exactly what i expected) & caesar salad. those are the few stuff i can eat n also feel like eatin , others are with lotsa meat n its kinda.. erm.. i kinda lost my appetite lookin at the meat being displayed.. i guess andrew some how turned me into vegie freak! thanks! n i mean it!
supposed to meet up Martin at 7 but i was like 45mins early! thought of doin some grocery shoppin but he called bout 5 minutes after i arrived , so dinner was much earlier. so while waitin for him , i went to get some plums & also mangoes! yummy!!
Rants: how long more do i need to take all this?
Posted 8/6/2006 3:17:29 AM
i'm feelin so impatient now! i just cant stand it anymore!! all my life , i've been givin in & sacrificin even though i do it so reluctantly but i still do it for the sake of everyone at home but now its really gettin on my nerves!
i really dont understand , how my bro can be so selfish in life & yet expect us(everyone at home) to give in to him all the time? what is wrong with him? is he too blind to see that at times we simply dont care at all? come on! grow up! u're already 18 for god sake!
i really dont need all this shitty stuff in my life! i've got more to handle than all this minor rubbish of yours! i so wanna get rid of you so badly but even so its rather impossible cuz the only way i can get rid of this parasite is when i move out of the house...but if i move out , who's gonna take care of mom n granny? if it wasnt for both of them , i've long moved out of the house & i might not be here in penang anymore. i might be somewhere in far far land.
at times i so wanna put the blame on my mom for pamperin my bro too much & she's the cause that my bro turned out to be who he is now (lil spoilt brat), but i cant do that , i know that its not totally her fault but why is she spoilin & pamperin him as if i dont exist?
i might be real childish for comparin how my mom treats me & how she treats my bro but... after all i'm human & i have feelins. i kept tellin myself , its ok , my bro needs more attention than me but how long more he needs that special attention & pamperin? i do hope that one day my mom will actually realise that by always givin in to my bro is causin him that attitude problem he has in him right now. sooner or later things is gonna get outta control
Posted 8/6/2006 3:17:29 AM
i'm feelin so impatient now! i just cant stand it anymore!! all my life , i've been givin in & sacrificin even though i do it so reluctantly but i still do it for the sake of everyone at home but now its really gettin on my nerves!
i really dont understand , how my bro can be so selfish in life & yet expect us(everyone at home) to give in to him all the time? what is wrong with him? is he too blind to see that at times we simply dont care at all? come on! grow up! u're already 18 for god sake!
i really dont need all this shitty stuff in my life! i've got more to handle than all this minor rubbish of yours! i so wanna get rid of you so badly but even so its rather impossible cuz the only way i can get rid of this parasite is when i move out of the house...but if i move out , who's gonna take care of mom n granny? if it wasnt for both of them , i've long moved out of the house & i might not be here in penang anymore. i might be somewhere in far far land.
at times i so wanna put the blame on my mom for pamperin my bro too much & she's the cause that my bro turned out to be who he is now (lil spoilt brat), but i cant do that , i know that its not totally her fault but why is she spoilin & pamperin him as if i dont exist?
i might be real childish for comparin how my mom treats me & how she treats my bro but... after all i'm human & i have feelins. i kept tellin myself , its ok , my bro needs more attention than me but how long more he needs that special attention & pamperin? i do hope that one day my mom will actually realise that by always givin in to my bro is causin him that attitude problem he has in him right now. sooner or later things is gonna get outta control
Thoughts/Dreams/Fantasy: what a day
Posted 8/5/2006 10:32:58 AM
this mornin when i got up , i felt way better as compared to the previous days. fever's gone but i still need to continue on with the medication & whether i like it or not i gotta finish off the antibiotic.
today is more like a higgledy-piggledy day. in the mornin i was feelin fine. everythin is just the way it is. practically read the whole newspaper , had a lil chat with my mom & my granny , & cooked lunch.
but in the afternoon ,i was in a mixed emotions status. i was like so stoned & feelin really terrible till a point i actually feel that i'm suffocatin inside! as though i'm drowin & strugglin to grasped for air! i myself , i cant explain why i feel that way. maybe for the fact that i'm too sensitive & emotional. i know its bad for being emotional but at times i can help it but allowed myself into such situation.
i actually cried. argh!! so much of tellin myself not to cry anymore , i guess i just broke my own promise! i dont know whether was i cryin cuz i was touched by what simon talked to me about or was it regardin my bf's issue. simon still keep on stressin that the only person i love & still in my heart is my bf. is this true? hmmmmm...ahhhh this is pathetic & i should jst drop the issue & not think bout things that's not worth thinking of!
maybe i should not prolong on tellin my bf what i wanna tell him , cuz the more i prolong , i dont think i'll be able to tell him wht i really wanna tell him cuz by that time i'm sure the compassion side of me will kick in & somehow it will just stop me from whatever i'm bound to do.
again the medicines never fail to make me drowsy & sleepy! hah! i guess finally i've got my beauty sleep :) that i've always wanted
Posted 8/5/2006 10:32:58 AM
this mornin when i got up , i felt way better as compared to the previous days. fever's gone but i still need to continue on with the medication & whether i like it or not i gotta finish off the antibiotic.
today is more like a higgledy-piggledy day. in the mornin i was feelin fine. everythin is just the way it is. practically read the whole newspaper , had a lil chat with my mom & my granny , & cooked lunch.
but in the afternoon ,i was in a mixed emotions status. i was like so stoned & feelin really terrible till a point i actually feel that i'm suffocatin inside! as though i'm drowin & strugglin to grasped for air! i myself , i cant explain why i feel that way. maybe for the fact that i'm too sensitive & emotional. i know its bad for being emotional but at times i can help it but allowed myself into such situation.
i actually cried. argh!! so much of tellin myself not to cry anymore , i guess i just broke my own promise! i dont know whether was i cryin cuz i was touched by what simon talked to me about or was it regardin my bf's issue. simon still keep on stressin that the only person i love & still in my heart is my bf. is this true? hmmmmm...ahhhh this is pathetic & i should jst drop the issue & not think bout things that's not worth thinking of!
maybe i should not prolong on tellin my bf what i wanna tell him , cuz the more i prolong , i dont think i'll be able to tell him wht i really wanna tell him cuz by that time i'm sure the compassion side of me will kick in & somehow it will just stop me from whatever i'm bound to do.
again the medicines never fail to make me drowsy & sleepy! hah! i guess finally i've got my beauty sleep :) that i've always wanted
Misc: happy tears
Posted 8/4/2006 8:18:10 AM
today i practically spent my whole day sleepin n readin. i guess with that kinda amount of rest , i'll get well in no time.
man , the medicines are killin me ..causin me to feel drowsy & sleepy after takin it!
earlier in the afternoon i went online & saw simon online , so we chatted a while before he left. i dont know whether is he still insistin on goin away or not. cuz i know that he has quite a bit of work to do over here.
so over MSN , he asked me bout my boyfriend so i told him bout how he's doin n that he wants me to attend to the cousin's weddin n so on. simon even encouraged me to go with my bf for the weddin lunch & dinner & i explained to him why i didnt want to go with him. i even told him that i've decided to break it off with my bf but i'll wait till next year.
simon was encouragin me to think twice before makin any decisions. he doesnt want me to make stupid mistakes. but i was tellin myself , how stupid the mistake can be when it has to do with my own happiness? then simon asked me.." if you do really break up with him , can i go after you?" wow.. i was kinda shocked but i actually told him that i need time n i wanna stay single for a while before gettin involve in a new relationship.
so after a while of conversation , he left for home. then he text me sayin quite a bit of romantic n touchy stuff to me... almost melt me away.. :) wht he told me actually caused me brimming with tears. i was flattered & he actually wow me by sayin all those stuff. i guess i did leave a big impact on him.
he told me that since he got to know me , me & music , besides his parents are important to him. when i first got to know him , i still remember how he was so crazy n deeply in love with his passion in music. he even told me that he rather loose anythin just to feel my love.. wow.. this is like too good to be true.. oh well maybe this is jst life.. unexpected things come at a very unexpected time
when he got to know that i'm sick , he even asked me whether do i need him to get medicine for me , do i want him to buy food for me...aww.. that's really sweet..
Posted 8/4/2006 8:18:10 AM
today i practically spent my whole day sleepin n readin. i guess with that kinda amount of rest , i'll get well in no time.
man , the medicines are killin me ..causin me to feel drowsy & sleepy after takin it!
earlier in the afternoon i went online & saw simon online , so we chatted a while before he left. i dont know whether is he still insistin on goin away or not. cuz i know that he has quite a bit of work to do over here.
so over MSN , he asked me bout my boyfriend so i told him bout how he's doin n that he wants me to attend to the cousin's weddin n so on. simon even encouraged me to go with my bf for the weddin lunch & dinner & i explained to him why i didnt want to go with him. i even told him that i've decided to break it off with my bf but i'll wait till next year.
simon was encouragin me to think twice before makin any decisions. he doesnt want me to make stupid mistakes. but i was tellin myself , how stupid the mistake can be when it has to do with my own happiness? then simon asked me.." if you do really break up with him , can i go after you?" wow.. i was kinda shocked but i actually told him that i need time n i wanna stay single for a while before gettin involve in a new relationship.
so after a while of conversation , he left for home. then he text me sayin quite a bit of romantic n touchy stuff to me... almost melt me away.. :) wht he told me actually caused me brimming with tears. i was flattered & he actually wow me by sayin all those stuff. i guess i did leave a big impact on him.
he told me that since he got to know me , me & music , besides his parents are important to him. when i first got to know him , i still remember how he was so crazy n deeply in love with his passion in music. he even told me that he rather loose anythin just to feel my love.. wow.. this is like too good to be true.. oh well maybe this is jst life.. unexpected things come at a very unexpected time
when he got to know that i'm sick , he even asked me whether do i need him to get medicine for me , do i want him to buy food for me...aww.. that's really sweet..
Relationship: another text from him
Posted 8/3/2006 8:23:18 AM
i received another text from my bf again , askin whether have i went to the doc & that am i feelin better & also he kept stressin on the point that he'll be comin home soon! argh!!!
why does he has to keep stressin on that point? to make me happy? to put a smile on my sick face? well , it seems like its not workin anymore. i guess i've grown out of it! no more the lil girl that will get excited so easily with a simple fact like that.
at a point of life , i actually analyze myself in the aspect of love & i actually found out that i'm like a lil puppy. puppy will just stick to the owner like glue if u feed it, play with it , & shower it with lotsa attention. i guess this puppy side on me is dyin on my bf
i'm so confused now.. i dont want him to be back!! what's wrong with me? have i just turned myself into Cruella?
well , honestly i'm actually pretty amazed with who i am now cuz i'm not emotionally dependent on him anymore. that's some thing good & also some thing i wanna achieve since i feel the gap has been there in the relationship..
*fingers crossed* things will fall into place..
Posted 8/3/2006 8:23:18 AM
i received another text from my bf again , askin whether have i went to the doc & that am i feelin better & also he kept stressin on the point that he'll be comin home soon! argh!!!
why does he has to keep stressin on that point? to make me happy? to put a smile on my sick face? well , it seems like its not workin anymore. i guess i've grown out of it! no more the lil girl that will get excited so easily with a simple fact like that.
at a point of life , i actually analyze myself in the aspect of love & i actually found out that i'm like a lil puppy. puppy will just stick to the owner like glue if u feed it, play with it , & shower it with lotsa attention. i guess this puppy side on me is dyin on my bf
i'm so confused now.. i dont want him to be back!! what's wrong with me? have i just turned myself into Cruella?
well , honestly i'm actually pretty amazed with who i am now cuz i'm not emotionally dependent on him anymore. that's some thing good & also some thing i wanna achieve since i feel the gap has been there in the relationship..
*fingers crossed* things will fall into place..
Misc: visit to the doc
Posted 8/3/2006 8:09:31 AM
finally the stubborn me has decided to pay a visit to the doc.
well , payin a visit to the doc isnt that bad though, wht i hate most is takin the medicines prescribed & also smellin the smell of clinic when u enter the place!
i guess i actually listen to Simon & Prashant! :) we make a deal that i would go to the doc & i guess i did..finally :) i'm actually glad that i make the deal with them , otherwise , old stubborn me wouldnt move a bit!! :)
i'm being prescribed with 4 kinda medicines ;
1. cough mixture (makes me drowsy)
2. for fever/pain (dont wanna feel like a walkin
sauna anymore)
3. for flu (so i dont haveta finish up the whole
roll of toilet paper) &
4. antibiotic (gotta finish no matter wht)
oh well , by next week , i'll be off from medicines & i can finally get out of the house! :)
Posted 8/3/2006 8:09:31 AM
finally the stubborn me has decided to pay a visit to the doc.
well , payin a visit to the doc isnt that bad though, wht i hate most is takin the medicines prescribed & also smellin the smell of clinic when u enter the place!
i guess i actually listen to Simon & Prashant! :) we make a deal that i would go to the doc & i guess i did..finally :) i'm actually glad that i make the deal with them , otherwise , old stubborn me wouldnt move a bit!! :)
i'm being prescribed with 4 kinda medicines ;
1. cough mixture (makes me drowsy)
2. for fever/pain (dont wanna feel like a walkin
sauna anymore)
3. for flu (so i dont haveta finish up the whole
roll of toilet paper) &
4. antibiotic (gotta finish no matter wht)
oh well , by next week , i'll be off from medicines & i can finally get out of the house! :)
Relationship: indecisive
Posted 8/3/2006 3:07:48 AM
this afternoon i received a text from my bf sayin that he planned to come back this weekend but due to the fact that one of his cousins gettin married next weekend , he'll come back next weekend instead of makin a double trip home.
then he told me that he wants me to follow him on attendin the weddin lunch & dinner. i really dont know on whether to go or not. feelin very reluctant. besides i dont wanna be meetin the whole family there.i dont wanna make situation worst cuz i know part of me wanna to break it off with him & if i follow him to such event , its gonna be harder for me to get off the hook. but i dont know on how to tell him that. i dont know how to turn the invitation down, i dont know why part of me still fear that my rejection towards the invitation will hurt him (why do i even care in the first place) but i have to do it.. i have to reject no matter wht.. well at least i've got a week more to figure out on how to tell him the nice way. i guess its just hard for me to play mr nice guy anymore since i'm always bein taken for granted
Posted 8/3/2006 3:07:48 AM
this afternoon i received a text from my bf sayin that he planned to come back this weekend but due to the fact that one of his cousins gettin married next weekend , he'll come back next weekend instead of makin a double trip home.
then he told me that he wants me to follow him on attendin the weddin lunch & dinner. i really dont know on whether to go or not. feelin very reluctant. besides i dont wanna be meetin the whole family there.i dont wanna make situation worst cuz i know part of me wanna to break it off with him & if i follow him to such event , its gonna be harder for me to get off the hook. but i dont know on how to tell him that. i dont know how to turn the invitation down, i dont know why part of me still fear that my rejection towards the invitation will hurt him (why do i even care in the first place) but i have to do it.. i have to reject no matter wht.. well at least i've got a week more to figure out on how to tell him the nice way. i guess its just hard for me to play mr nice guy anymore since i'm always bein taken for granted
FeedBack
Lazybones
10/9/2007 9:51:17 PM
Hey foxglove, my comment will sit here, lonely and unanswered, until you log on again
LLCOOLWSR
7/10/2007 2:10:28 PM
My pleasure!
Lazybones
6/27/2007 4:41:09 AM
great to hear from you foxglove! You're English is even better than the last time I talked to you. I'm well, but since I don't work at an office anymore i don't get a chance to log on as much. Hope you're well despite the lack of hu-ha
LLCOOLWSR
4/16/2007 1:06:26 PM
Happy Birthday by The Beatles
Lazybones
3/21/2007 4:32:49 PM
must be one heck of a good new beginning, since you haven't been back since that post ;)
shawn
2/2/2007 11:46:57 PM
have a great weekend
shawn
1/15/2007 6:00:58 PM
morning,have a wonderful day
shawn
1/9/2007 6:07:19 PM
have a wonderful day
shawn
1/7/2007 6:08:28 PM
have a great day
fusionstar
1/5/2007 2:50:39 AM
Happy new year to you aswell!
shawn
1/4/2007 5:52:31 PM
hi,morning.have a great day
fusionstar
1/4/2007 1:40:50 PM
hello!
shawn
1/4/2007 1:17:12 AM
have a wonderful day
TRUE_HUMAN
1/3/2007 8:42:59 AM
hope u had a grt newyear celebrations...
happy 3rd jan 2007
shawn
12/24/2006 12:08:46 AM
have a wondeful day and merry christmas my friend
shawn
12/16/2006 9:48:51 PM
have a great day,my friend
shawn
12/14/2006 6:28:42 PM
have a great day
Lazybones
12/9/2006 6:49:27 PM
u haven't logged on in a while, busy girl. What are you doing for the holidays?
shawn
11/26/2006 10:13:34 PM
have a wonderful day
shawn
11/17/2006 10:36:39 PM
have a very wonderful weekend
10/9/2007 9:51:17 PM
Hey foxglove, my comment will sit here, lonely and unanswered, until you log on again
LLCOOLWSR
7/10/2007 2:10:28 PM
My pleasure!
Lazybones
6/27/2007 4:41:09 AM
great to hear from you foxglove! You're English is even better than the last time I talked to you. I'm well, but since I don't work at an office anymore i don't get a chance to log on as much. Hope you're well despite the lack of hu-ha
LLCOOLWSR
4/16/2007 1:06:26 PM
Happy Birthday by The Beatles
Lazybones
3/21/2007 4:32:49 PM
must be one heck of a good new beginning, since you haven't been back since that post ;)
shawn
2/2/2007 11:46:57 PM
have a great weekend
shawn
1/15/2007 6:00:58 PM
morning,have a wonderful day
shawn
1/9/2007 6:07:19 PM
have a wonderful day
shawn
1/7/2007 6:08:28 PM
have a great day
fusionstar
1/5/2007 2:50:39 AM
Happy new year to you aswell!
shawn
1/4/2007 5:52:31 PM
hi,morning.have a great day
fusionstar
1/4/2007 1:40:50 PM
hello!
shawn
1/4/2007 1:17:12 AM
have a wonderful day
TRUE_HUMAN
1/3/2007 8:42:59 AM
hope u had a grt newyear celebrations...
happy 3rd jan 2007
shawn
12/24/2006 12:08:46 AM
have a wondeful day and merry christmas my friend
shawn
12/16/2006 9:48:51 PM
have a great day,my friend
shawn
12/14/2006 6:28:42 PM
have a great day
Lazybones
12/9/2006 6:49:27 PM
u haven't logged on in a while, busy girl. What are you doing for the holidays?
shawn
11/26/2006 10:13:34 PM
have a wonderful day
shawn
11/17/2006 10:36:39 PM
have a very wonderful weekend
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