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chattdude43
Member Since: 10/25/2006 5:15:49 AMLast Seen: 4/10/2007 4:47:11 AM
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Posted 4/10/2007 4:44:41 AM
Subject: Little MarkA teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and > you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little > MARK. > > He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." > > The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your > thinking." > > Then little MARK says, "I have a question for YOU. > > There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: > > One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. > The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. > > The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. > Which one is married?" > > The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one > that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." > > To which Little MARK replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the > wedding ring on," but I like your thinking." > > > > LITTLE MARK ON MATH (Part 2) > > Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic > > "Why?" asks the father? > > "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies MARK. > > "But that's right!" says his dad. > > "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'" > > "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father > > "That's what I said!" > > LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH > > Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going > to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a > multi-syllable word?" > > MARK says "Mas-tur-bate." > > Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful." > > Little MARK says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." > > > > LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR > > Little MARK was sitting in class one day. > All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss > Jones, I need to take a piss!!" > > The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in > this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please > use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you > to go." > > Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if > you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" > > LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR (Part 2) > > One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show > of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same > sentence twice. > > First, she called! on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father > bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." > > "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little > Michael. > > "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." > > She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on > little MARK. > > "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was > pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'" > > > > > > LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER > > Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after > another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, > "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give > you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." > > Little MARK replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." > > The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" > > Little MARK answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business. > > I LOVE Little MARK!!!!!
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Posted 4/9/2007 4:46:46 AM
Going To SleepIt's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours". "Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstrais, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's fuck'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep".
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Posted 2/20/2007 11:02:11 AM
A woman stopped by unannounced at her married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her Daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room."What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed t he lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"
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Posted 2/19/2007 6:06:09 AM
Budro had a 25-inch member. He went to a doctor and said, "I can't live with this member anymore! It's too long." The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she can help you." So, he went to the bayou and saw the witch doctor. The witch doctor said, "Go into the swamp and find a female frog. Ask her to marry you. She'll say "No" and you'll lose 5 inches off your member!" So, he went to the swamp and found the frog and asked her, "Will you marry me?" "No!" she said. He lost 5 inches off his member! The guy liked the results, and thought, 20 inches is just too much. So he asked the frog again, "Will you marry me?" The frog said, "No!" And the guy lost another 5 inches. He thought, God, 15 inches is great! But 10 inches would just be perfect. So he asked, "Will you marry me?" And the frog said, "How many times do I have to tell you. NO! NO! NO
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Posted 2/16/2007 5:51:47 AM
Retirement BonusThe Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?" The general replied, "In Vietnam."
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Posted 2/15/2007 12:58:14 PM
Sniffer DogA man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them. The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog. "His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search." Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy." He turned to the other man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police." The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent, "What's going on?" The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"
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Posted 12/5/2006 4:01:11 AM
interesting facts > >If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced > >enough >sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. >(Hardly seems worth it.) > >If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is > >produced to >create the energy of an atomic bomb. >(Now that's more like it!) > >The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body > to >squirt blood 30 feet. >(Oh.My.Goodness.!) > >A A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. >(In my next life, I want to be a pig.) > >A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to > >death. >( Creepy ) >(I'm still not over the pig.) > >Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour >(Don't try this at home,maybe at work) > >The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to > its >body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. >("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!") > >The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the >length of a football field. >(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) > >The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. >(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? ) > >Some lions mate over 50 times a day. >(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) > >Butterflies taste with their feet. >(Something I always wanted to know.) > >The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. >(Hmmmmmm.....) > >Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than > left-handed >people. >(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) > >Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. >(okay, so that would be a good thing) > >A cat's urine glows under a black light. >(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) > >An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. >( I know some people like that.) > >Starfish have no brains >(I know some people like that too.) > >Polar bears are left-handed. >(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) > >Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. >(What about that pig??) > > >Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these > >crazy > >facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even > a >chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone.
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Posted 11/22/2006 4:43:36 AM
THE 10 RULES FOR THE BUFFET LINE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER 1. If you are allergic to anything, get the ingredients before the buffet table is set. Don?t wait until you are in line and ask what everything is on the damn table! You will get punched in the head for that! 2. If you can?t walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over. 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, keep them in the basement and bring their food down there. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it?s time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they bring their ass upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their ass! 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care what you are thankful for at the buffet table. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes. 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don?t, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year! 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don?t let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! If you touch my shizit, I will shoot you!! Hands down! 7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my hous e with anything that doesn?t belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!! 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be < /FONT> put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!! 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring. 10. & nbsp; Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET! AND, NO CHECKS ACCEPTED! This ain't no ball field - checks bouncing all over the place. HAPPY THANKSGIVING
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Posted 11/20/2006 5:48:40 AM
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes yo u like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
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Posted 11/8/2006 1:01:07 PM
>An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of > > his life in a nursing > > >home. > > > > > >One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. > > Nurse Tracy asked if > > >there was anything wrong. > > > > > >"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private > > Part died today, and I > > >am very sad." > > > > > >Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a > > little crazy, she > > >replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please > > accept my condolences." > > > > > >The following day, Mr Goldstein was walking down > > the hall with his Private > > >Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse > > Tracy. > > > > > >"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be > > walking down the hall like > > >that. Please put your Private Part back inside your > > pajamas." > > > > > >But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I told > > you yesterday that my > > >Private Part died." > > > > > >"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging > > out of your pajamas?" > > > > > >(You gotta love this!!!!!!!!!!!) > > > > > >"Well," he replied, "Today's the viewing." .
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Posted 11/8/2006 4:53:05 AM
50 Cents After many months of trying to make ends meet, a couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking. Early the next morning the wife came home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asked how she did, to which the wife replied that she earned two hundred dollars and 50 cents. “That’s great!“ the husband replies. “But who gave you the 50 cents?” “Everybody!” replied the wife.
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Posted 11/6/2006 10:24:53 AM
"Hello?" Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that "Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? .. Is this 486-5731?"
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Posted 11/6/2006 4:44:51 AM
Bad, Bad, Bad!!!! A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He has probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. Be strong, honey I love you". His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too...
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Posted 11/3/2006 4:55:07 AM
Redneck Mirror After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."
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Posted 11/2/2006 11:03:17 AM
Husband Calling Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husband's best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. "Who was it?" the back stabbing buddy asked. "Oh, that was Mick," she replied calmly. "Oh crap, I'd better be going then!" he said. "Did Mick say where he was?" "Relax -- he's down at the pub playing a few games of pool with you
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Posted 11/2/2006 5:22:01 AM
From Alabama It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."
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Posted 11/1/2006 10:48:49 AM
GIT- R- DUN Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?">> "Yes. What can I do for you" I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!" (Rednecks know how to git-R-dun)
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Posted 11/1/2006 4:58:16 AM
Wrong Operation A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. “Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.” “What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?” “Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours
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Posted 10/30/2006 4:56:29 AM
Need A Man A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike
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Posted 10/27/2006 8:04:12 AM
25 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD! 25 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD! 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those %$..@ kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh $h!t.. what the hell happened?" Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.
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Posted 10/27/2006 4:11:23 AM
A couple gets married, and the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs. "Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his chest! I can't make love to him, it's disgusting!" The mother says to her, "He's your husband, you do what he wants you to. Now go back upstairs." When the girl gets back upstairs, the man takes off his pants. This sends her running back down to her mother, "Momma, Momma! It's terrible! He has hair all over his legs!" The mother tells the girl, "Look, he is your husband, you are his wife. You go back upstairs and do what he wants." The girl goes back upstairs, and the man takes off his shoes and socks. She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs. "Momma, Momma! He's got a foot and a half!" "You stay here," says the mother. "I'll go upstairs."
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Posted 10/26/2006 4:02:15 AM
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice Boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."
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Posted 10/25/2006 11:23:00 AM
HEY SEXXII....CAN I INVITE YOU OVER TO MY HOUSE.....SIT YOU DOWN ON MY COUCH....HAVE A LITTLE CONVO.....POUR SOME GREY GOOSE....AND TAKE YOU TO MY BEDROOM......LAY YOU DOWN ON MY BED.....AND TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN......LIGHT A FEW CANDLES.....TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES.......WALK TO THE DRESSER AND TURN ON SOME MUSIC.....THEN WALK SLOWLY BACK OVER TO THE BED......GET UNDER THE COVER.....AND ASK YOU TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET COMFORTABLE....I SLOWLY CLIMB ON TOP OF YOU AND BEGIN TO KISS YOUR STOMACH....AND WORK MY WAY DOWN.....AND FINALLY I GET ON MY KNEES AND START..... ...............PRAYING FOR THE NEW J'S I SAW THE OTHER DAY...MAN DEM BITCHES WAS SWEET....GOTCHA ....I WONDER WUT U WAS THINKIN BOUT WEN U WAS READIN DIS....!
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Posted 10/25/2006 5:20:46 AM
Living Will Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room talking about many things. The idea of a living will came up and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If I ever come to that just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer. Bitch...
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