|
Home |
Edit Profile |
View My Blog |
Messages |
Post an Article |
Log Off |
Browse Users |
Forums |
Contact Us |
Help |
Ripside Inc. | |
| View with default template | Who's Here? | |
bleufemme1964 Live. Laugh. Love. |
|||||||||||||||
|
Profile
![]() Last Seen: 3/1/2008 6:56:11 PM I love my family and my friends. 4 cats deem me worthy enough to live with and they merely tolerate the 2 dogs. I am spiritual, not religious. I am drawn to nature and to healing. I love to read, sing, write, and learn.
Age: 44 Gender: F Location: Funny Farm
Marital Status: I am married to a man I deeply love and whom I have not killed.... yet
Momma to: 4 daughters, 1 son, a niece; Nana to 2 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
Spiritual Interests: Mother Earth, Chakras, Crystal Healing, Reiki, Essential Oils, Herbs, Meditation, Music, Natural Healing Methods, Goddess Energy
General Interests: To continue to fool the doctors so they will keep me here.... aaaahahahaha!!!
Favorite Quote: "We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take us or spare us." Proust
:
Friends
robbiesgirl06 Mistletoe LadyChatterley ravynwolff 34thand8th brianwb2277 figgyjslyme sonic_tots joeschmoe714 Sephra Telemnar uniepoo Edie flappertball cheermom wildwolf1 LLCOOLWSR TaterRobby07 Cowgirls_Caddy wolf1840 AmberRK cerridwyn piper TheRedhead Janis tombowling49 shawn Lazybones SarahOMiller fairy136 ardensmom KOKO shadowraven Bunny Scoots SmokedSilly Jayde its-just-cindi WiccanWolf xxemoskickassxx lyricalmystique sunriseangel TRUE_HUMAN imnpink imthelady Categories
All Categories Personal Soap Box Poetry Stories Rantings Animal Totems Crystals Color Therapy Humor Im Bored Again! Daily Weight Log Archives
March, 2008 February, 2008 January, 2008 November, 2007 October, 2007 September, 2007 August, 2007 July, 2007 June, 2007 May, 2007 April, 2007 March, 2007 February, 2007 January, 2007 December, 2006 November, 2006 October, 2006 |
Im Bored Again!: HI Everyone!!!
Posted 3/1/2008 6:55:55 PM Im sorry I don't stop by and run around from place to place. I keep saying I will... but then I don't. I am bad. I love you guys. Just in a weird place. Maybe I will start posting pics. I love you!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Bleu
Im Bored Again!: Help me build my Mini City!!!!!!!!!
Posted 2/19/2008 6:40:26 PM Visit me here to help my mini-city grow so then I will be able to eventually start working on my industry and other stuff... kinda cool. All you have to do is click on the link and it adds you as population or, once I get enough population, I will add my industry link and you can start your own factory! You dont "do" anything tho-just click, everyday preferably :) . Start your own mini-city -just click on "build my city" on the right hand side. Singing Hawk's mini city My husbands mini city is Crankiton or hit up his industry, which he needs,at Crankiton Industry Love and peace, Baby!!! Bleu
Im Bored Again!: Whats Up?
Posted 2/18/2008 4:14:48 PM I need to be caught up with all the goings on. Ya'll tell me what I've missed. I have missed you all. I haven't a lot to say. My shrink is trying to get me to figure out why its safer for me to stay in the hell I'm in than to make it better. I think she's crazy, but I'll do what she wants and make her feel better. LOL She wants to unlock something and I'm fightin her on it... I dont know what in the hell it could be. I guess it's something tho'. I will start writing and try to figure it out if I can. So, if ya'll get some weird assed posts from me, don't worry. Just sortin' thru the garbage in my mind. Love, light, and peace, Bleu
Poetry: Broken Dolls
Posted 2/13/2008 12:31:46 PM her joy bloodied from all the pain. As ahe laid in her bed that night she pulled her fright in close. In the darkness of her soul, silently screaming. In the darkness of her mind, silently praying To God to save her from her brother from the pain, from... another... Later in her tender 6th year, all bloodied in her secrets. She lay in the darkness of her heart, silently crying. In the darkness she derides God "I asked for help not ... another..." Now with two, soon with three. They come at her like leeches-- the beautiful green eyed girl, with the beautiful voice, but so shy. Such a perfect silent victim. In the darkness of her mind, she gives up her Christian ways. In the darkness, she tells God "You never loved me anyway." I, who worshiped You through the pain. I, who trusted You through the tears. I, who believed in You the years. You tossed me away like badly used doll. Next 12 years are yet to come... I hope they are better than the last. I will find my own path from here, no thanks to You or those who "loved" me. I will have to find that love for myself. Bleu ![]()
Rantings: SCOOTS!!!!!!!! PORN HERE!!!!!!
Posted 1/27/2008 4:58:19 PM OMG!!!!!!! There is one thing I have to rant about.... there is a difference between porn and nude art or even the pictures that Gary puts up which still have class and aren't in your face. Denise_11 is showing flat out PORN and it looks like some of them are underage. Its disgusting. I mean come on Scoots!!!! So, we can now post whatever we want? I thought porn was disallowed? If my daughter goes there and sees it.... Newblog and its owners are in trouble. People are leaving b/c of this and the sign in issue Scoots. We loved Newblog... wth happened? Sometimes when you sign in it will say that the login session has timed out and its virtually impossible to get in for a few days. This has gotten better over the past couple of weeks, but come on... it shouldn't have gotten that bad. We all understand that you have a job. I thought that you got someone to watch over NB while you were unable to for things such as this and the PORN. I am not sure if this Denise_11 is the only one who has porn on their site b/c I dont go looking for it... but it is rather blatant. I dont want to be a part of a place that touts one thing and allows another. Please fix it. Thank you.
Im Bored Again!: How Rare is Your Personality?
Posted 1/23/2008 4:15:11 PM Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP) ![]() Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.
Humor: T-Shirt
Posted 1/23/2008 2:57:15 PM ![]() Got that one from StumbleUpon... funny... tshirthell.com I love that place. LOL
Poetry: "Jewels of the Earth"
Posted 1/23/2008 2:51:56 PM by Bleu Some men find riches in silver and gold, but I find jewels of the earth to behold. The sky overhead is sapphire blue; The setting sun has a ruby red hue. Diamonds are sparkling in the snow, and the moon has a very opalescent glow. The emerald green of the whispering pines. The earth holds jewels of every kind. So, let them have their silver and their gold. while I find the jewels of the earth to behold. I'll be richer, by far,than they - for the jewels of the earth are mine everyday. ~ 1990
Rantings: Pontification
Posted 1/23/2008 2:49:41 PM "When you use rational thinking, you only get one choice. But when you're good and crazy--THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ~~The Tick
Poetry: "River of Dreams"
Posted 1/23/2008 2:47:13 PM A wall built from pebbles and stones, taken from the river of dreams to form a barrier around my heart to protect me from evil schemes. Each stone was placed with graceful ease as each new heartache began. Each pebble was used for solid support when my wall of dreams caved in. All my dreams of life and love and all that i want to be live safe and secure, locked in a wall overlooking the river of dreams. ![]()
Poetry: "Lead Me Home"
Posted 1/23/2008 2:45:56 PM by Bleu I am lost and all alone - so close, yet, so far from home. I need Your light to guide the way. Oh, Lord! How I regret the day the light was extinguished from my eyes by all the tears that I have cried. My pain runs as deep as the great wide seas and nothing seems to comfort me. I know the road that will lead me Home. Shine Your light so I won't roam Through the darkness that clouds my mind and lose my way or stay behind. I know You are listening and You care. I want to go Home, please take me there. Shine Your light so I can see the light from Home inside of me. ~~1987 ![]()
Poetry: "Insanity"
Posted 1/23/2008 2:44:40 PM This was a song/poem I wrote a long time ago... I still like it. One of my favs besides "Fuck The Knight." by Bleu Take me, bring me to my knees Insanity washes over me. In the darkness that clouds my mind The perfect place I've found to hide, but in the darkness hides with me All the fears I've yet to see. Please take me, bring me to my knees Insanity wash over me. Hold me safely in your arms, Engulf my mind - keep me from harm. In you I've found shelter from myself. Put my mind on the highest shelf. And take me, bring me to my knees Insanity was over me. Take my heart and take my mind Insanity - you're so kind. Close all the windows and lock the doors, Insanity, I"m all yours. So, take me, bring me to my knees, Insanity washes over me.... ![]()
Shall I Dance? I think not tonight...
Posted 1/7/2008 8:12:23 PM The dance has begun again.... the music started softly. He walked up and asked for my hand. I demurred. For I did not want to dance this dance. It was familiar. I know the steps all too well. I watched my parents dance it over and over again for too many years, my mother tripping over her gown, her mask falling to the side occasionally - showing the pain she felt. For the dance is long once started. One gets tired and angry because once begun, you cannot sit it out and start again. Acceptance stood there looking at me with a smirk on his handsome face, waiting. Waiting for me to timidly place my hand in his, to give in to the temptation of ease, of the farce of peace. This masked ball is not for the light hearted. One must either run away, by chance losing her glass slipper and her Prince forever... or fall into the trance. Acceptance clears his throat, getting impatient with me. I reach out, but pull back. Then I kick the son of a bitch in the shin and continue sipping my champagne as if nothing has happened. I will not dance tonight. ~Bleu
Poetry: A List of what I want....
Posted 1/5/2008 2:51:16 PM I used to have this and I don't know what happened to it. It got lost somewhere along the way... I keep looking, longing, slowly dying inside... ![]() Without apologies; A list of what I want. ~*~ Crazy laughter between sheets, fingers laced when crossing streets, pink carnations and not roses, `Let's do that' and not 'supposes', quiet nights and scented candles, a man who's strong and hard to handle, someone smart and intellectual for when I am but just ineffectual, a tender lover, yet a beast, with stroking hands and biting teeth, acceptance pure and without measure, to be recognized as treasure, to be thought of every minute if I am out or if I'm in it, to be the source of inspiration and endless nights of perspiration, careless kisses when forbidden. Just a love that can't be hidden.
Hey ya'll
Posted 1/5/2008 2:00:25 PM Thank you to everyone who didn't give up on me and who stood by me during my rough time. I may be slow gettin started again, but I'm trying. I do have a photo blog. It has kept me a bit sane... just posting pictures and a few words. No drama, no nothing... just me and my pictures... But I missed ya'll and our interactions. I missed my friends. I missed saying hello and reading about your days and your families. I missed joking around and laughing, sometimes crying with you. I will ease my way back... I love ya'll... Be good, take care and ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Bleu
Poetry: Leaning Your Loneliness Gently on Mine
Posted 1/5/2008 11:53:12 AM ![]() And then my eyes fell upon yours like a stone from my heart a stone I had long carried about And your face is no longer quietly closed on yourself, but a gift you open with your eyes And I no longer know if it's leaves falling from mighty trees or a memory of beasts in flight because the air is dissolving over your face like a strong light Your face a mirror in my hands and the sense-bereft pale smile of your pale lips; foam from a storm that has passed While the butterfly words wound round us a golden thread you accepted all my helplessness And I grasped as if deep in earth Your breasts, your body, You and your glance, half scrutiny half smile, that said: Lover Tonight you can lean your loneliness gently on mine (From Alene med en himmel, 1962. Translated by Annabelle Despard) © by Annabelle Despard and H. Aschehoug & Co., Oslo 2005
Poetry: Baby's Smile
Posted 11/24/2007 10:34:53 PM ![]() Baby's Smile Today you smiled, Dear, in your sleep. What were you dreaming of? And why did tears spring to my eyes In a sudden rush of love? - Barbara Burrow -
Personal Soap Box: My Grandbaby
Posted 11/24/2007 8:46:52 PM Caedon was born on 10/17/2007. He weighed in at 6lbs. 6oz., 19" long. He was 3 weeks early and slightly jaundiced, but they let him go after 2 days in the hospital. His APGAR tested out as a full term infant! He started raising himself up on his arms and holding his head up a few days ago... can you believe that???? Noelle did that. Strong kids. Well.. enough of the blather.... 4 Days Old ![]() 6 Days Old ![]() ![]()
Rantings: Me and My Life
Posted 11/20/2007 10:29:30 PM Well.. been a while, hasn't it? I have missed you. I have screwed up my background... LMAO! Do not try to do background work while on drugs. BAD idea! Okay... I committed myself to the psychiatric hospital. I was there for a week. I was suicidal. I was cutting myself to relieve the pain... sounds stupid, but some of you know what I mean. Many people hurt themselves in other ways than cutting... by drinking, doing drugs, smoking, overeating, undereating, vomiting... got the point? Figured. See...deep down I dont believe that I am good enough... for anything. That I am a failure at everything. Please dont tell me how wonderful I am. I am not fishing. I know that I have a good heart. I know that I am a good listener. I have helped many children break free of trauma.. I have done wonderful things in my life... its all blather to me. I'm sorry. It is my illness and my cross to bear. It was said to me over and over as a child.. and I am finding ways to get over it. I love you all for standing beside me and not letting me fall. Not forgetting me. Still loving me. Thank you so much. You dont know how much that has helped... Soooooo... they give me drugs.. drugs which make me speak, type, write and anything else in dfjslri fjdsljgou fjlfdi. What? You didnt understand that? WTF??? It was perfectly clear to me! I KNOW I wrote "in incomprehensible jibber jabber." You didn't get that?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Sorry fell asleep again. I do that for no reason. Its quite annoying. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz The docs lowered the dosage and gave me the meds only at night. Boy did THAT help! I dont fall asleep, I just get sleepy or cant sleep. Ohhh! And I see dead people. I hear dead people too.... arguing. They wont stop. I tell them to shut the hell up and sometimes they do. LOLOL And bells ringing. And my hearing just stops. Fucking doctors. Oh but the good stuff!!!! On October 10, 2007, my brother Clive Collier Curry, Jr. was picked up for jumping parole and must serve out the rest of his 40 year sentence with no further chance of parole... 23 years!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On October 17, 2007, my grandson was born. Caedon weighed in at 6lbs, 6 oz, 19 in long. He was 3 weeks early but his APGAR score was that of a full term baby. He coos and babbles and we sing on the phone together. I sang to him in-utero. He knows me. I miss him. I will post a pic when I download them. He is beautiful. I have almost finished all of my paperwork for the Agency I worked for.... I think I only have a few more to go. I will get paid them. Jackasses. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Poetry: A Woman Of Stone
Posted 10/24/2007 11:02:26 PM Woman of Stone when I was just a little girl, they ripped away my innocence.... when i was old enough to understand someone else took away my faith.... as a young bride, battered and bruised, i walked away with only my pride... with you I thought I had found love safety, acceptance, understanding.... only you could rip out my heart and turn me into a woman of stone.
Rantings: I'm Alive
Posted 10/22/2007 8:24:36 AM I miss ya'll... Everytime I turn around something else is happening. I dont have time to breathe, much less blog. Please know I am thinkin of ya'll. I dont ck my email very often. But it makes feel good to see you haven't forgotten me. I love you all. You make me smile when I dont feel like it. Thank you so much for your support. Love and hugs, Always, Bleu
Rantings: Not sure....
Posted 9/26/2007 10:29:29 AM My meds are working now.... Im working out now... Im not tired anymore... when I sleep.. which is most of the time... lolol But Im still having a rough time... picking out a gun.. Im leaning towards a Ruger .345 2 1/4" barrel with a concealed handgun license PLUS Im getting my Mossberg 500 Persuader. Im about to get a job. with my Pain Center doc.. LMAO! I love you guys! (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Humor: Give Me My FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 9/26/2007 8:37:41 AM impatient kitty Add to My Profile | More Videos
Humor: I Vant To Sleep
Posted 9/22/2007 1:40:18 PM Give me a few days...I'll be back...my niece tried to kill herself and I've been gone a week dealing with that and moving her up here. I just found out my brother ISN'T in El Paso he's in DALLAS. Where half my family lives. Goddess give me strength. My thoughts are with you all. I love you.
Stories: My Brother is Free
Posted 9/6/2007 8:53:08 PM So... here I sit. Alone. I have cried many times this week. For the first time in 15 years, I have had 5 panic attacks... full blown "oh shit, I'm gonna die, can't breath, someone kill me now" panic attacks. My house is a disaster. My friends... they ck on me, but less and less each day... and that's my fault. I take full responsibility. I know they love me. Last week, I got a call while driving to pick up my foster son for an appointment. My brother calls... no big deal. I answered as usual. He said to me, "Sister... I have some news." I was confused then. I asked what. He said, "Our brother is being processed for parole as of Aug. 27. They said it takes about 2 weeks." The rest of what he said was a blur. I started crying hard...and stopped breathing. I knew as soon as I started I wouldnt be able to control it. I told him I had to call my husband. I turned the van around and he talked me home. Talked me down. Held me when got there. It's hard on him too. He keps saying he would keep me safe. I said, yea.. but what about when you are gone??? Today I went and applied for license to carry a concealed weapon. I already know which gun I'm going to purchase...a Ruger .357 2 14" barrel - easy to carry, to conceal and will stop whatever it hits w/ no issues. One of my father's favorites. I will get my Mossberg soon for the house. Today while sitting in the car dealership talking about purchasing a new vehicle, my brother called again while the guy was ckin on my car... said "Our brother is getting out on the 8th.. I think thats Monday" wrong... its Saturday. Its freakin SATURDAY!!! I panicked again, right there .... but thats only two. I won't go into the other ones. I dont sleep... when I do, its broken by nightmares..I have alarms on my doors and windows. He's in El Paso, Tx for Goddess sake! Everyone tells me I'm overreacting, he is old and stupid now. He has had 12 years to fester hatred towards me. He blamed me for taking his wife, his freedom, everything.... and they think he FORGOT? I know better.It may not be right away... He will make them think he's a good parolee. HA! He's never been a good parolee. Whoever signed those papers are stupid fucking morons. They are sending me a recent picture of him so I can send it to the police departments in the area. I can't put out a restraining order, he will know where I am then. They take my kids on Monday... It will just be James and I. for the first time ever. No one in my family - even tho they lived with him and know what his is... understands my fears, my heartache, my concern, the nightmares, the horror in my brain... fuck them. Its my pain. I hope I'm the one who takes the son of a bitch down. Let him come... I'll be ready.
Personal Soap Box: Music to make you think
Posted 8/25/2007 7:44:55 PM Abortion affects most people throughout their lives even if they don't believe it will. The women have to live with the fact that they had a little life ripped out of them and they will never be able to hold them, hear them say "I love you." Neither parent will ever get that special birthday picture that says "Yor the bst Dady in the wurld" or "You ar speshul Momy!" What would they have looked like? What would their laugh have sounded like? Think before decisions are made... there are always other options. Happy Birthday lyricsHappy Birthday...so make a wish
Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin? Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys. Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes? I payed for the murder before they determined the sex Choosing our life over your life meant your death And you never got a chance to even open your eyes Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you faught for your life? Would you have been a little genius in love with math? Would you have played in your schoolclothes and made me mad? Would you have been a little rapper like your papa da Piper? Would you have made me quit smokin' by finding one of my lighters? I wonder about your skintone and shape of your nose? And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow? Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed
I've got a millon excuses to why you died Bet the people got their own reasons for homicide Who's to say it woulda worked, and who's to say it wouldn't have? I was young and strugglin' but old enough to be your dad The fear of being a father has never disappeared Pondering frequently while I'm zippin' on my beer My vision of a family was artificial and fake So when it came time to create I made a mistake Now you've got a little brother maybe he's really you? Maybe you really forgave us knowin' we was confused? Maybe everytime that he smiles it's you proudly knowin' that your father's doin' the right thing now? I never tell a woman what to do with her body But if she don't love children then we can't party Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (yeah, make a wish) Was as real as it seemed
From the endin' to the endin', never got to begin Maybe one day we could meet face to face? In a place without time and space Happy birthday...
From the endin' to the endin', never got to begin Maybe one day we could meet face to face? In a place without time and space Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) All I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed <font size="3">=""> |
Mistletoe 6/23/2008 6:35:37 AM HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BLEU-UUU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU! *hug* I LOVE YA! Jayde 6/12/2008 5:20:47 PM Hey you...just stopping by to check in on you and see how things are going....hope all is well....Hugs and cheery smiles!!! Mistletoe 3/31/2008 4:53:48 PM Hope to hear from you soon, BFF! I miss you A LOT. :o( *enormous hugs* LOVE YOU! Mistletoe 3/31/2008 4:52:48 PM ![]() uniepoo 3/29/2008 12:40:06 PM ![]() Girly Comments & Graphics LOVE YA and MISS YA! figgyjslyme 3/22/2008 4:17:47 PM Hi Bleu! Happy Easter!!! Scoots 3/21/2008 9:25:25 PM Hi bleu... uniepoo 3/13/2008 12:45:05 PM ![]() Girly Comments & Graphics uniepoo 3/5/2008 7:15:14 PM ![]() Girly Comments & Graphics brianwb2277 3/1/2008 6:10:17 PM well crap I just log off seen you on and naturaly I gotta say hi . have to watch a hockey game see ya later (((HUG))) cerridwyn 2/26/2008 11:28:38 AM Just stopped by to say hi. I'm glad you're feeling better, I am too. Take care seetie. brianwb2277 2/19/2008 8:13:17 PM sent you a email read it brianwb2277 2/19/2008 6:57:46 PM pretty much the same I am tired of being dizzy and shit I finally have a docs appointment this week. that is if I dont croak between now and friday. brianwb2277 2/19/2008 6:42:18 PM how are you doing its-just-cindi 2/19/2008 4:24:21 PM Dammit all to hell. You were here, so was I, and I had to close out...and you were gone when I got back. I love ya Bleu! I miss you so much...even when you bitched at me, LOL. uniepoo 2/19/2008 4:12:44 PM Hi There Beautiful Bleu. Thank you for being my friend again... I'm going to stay here and fight off the spammers..Not Leaving again... EVER! KOKO 2/19/2008 4:12:28 PM Misty's party...got beer backup but better hurry! brianwb2277 2/18/2008 5:35:35 PM hey I am back I am stay9ng gotta invite ya accept eh from yer favorite dork Janis 2/17/2008 7:54:43 PM Scoots is here cleaning up the place! Bunny 2/4/2008 10:35:29 AM Hi bleu, how's my beautiful lady doing? Life's a bitch so bitch back. lol Please login to post a comment. |
|||||||||||||
NewBlog.com is a free blogging service provided by Ripside Interactive, Inc.