thinking Posted 4/4/2006 8:08:12 PM ohh.. lots of pondering to do for the next 30 mins before i start on apush. this stupid thing has been taking over my life.. since february 15th. sheezus. i can tell that my health has taken a SERIOUS toll, since for the longest time i.. -haven't been eating breakfast or lunch and have been eating dinner at like midnight -don't get much sleep/have a very weird sleeping pattern -no hw has been done or the hw i have done is half-assed *sigh..* but not no more! yessiree, i am gonna be the ultimate student and do my hw on time. and how do i plan to do this? easy! -continue to stop using myspace -don't go on AIM unless i'm done with hw or don't go on at all -no social calls or outside hangout time with friends, unless they really need me think it'll work? ohh i'll see how long it'll take me before i give in to the tempation. -_- but i think it'll be a lot easier since i'm gonna try really hard to cut ties with someone. he's the source of many of the aforementioned reasons for why my health is bad. and he shall be the one i eliminate from my life right now. out of sight, out of mind? *sigh* highly doubtful.. only time will tell for sure. (1) Comments

thoughts Posted 3/12/2006 12:17:46 PM now i'm feeling very confused. yessiree i'm a terrible person for causing so much pain, which is why i really think i need to get a taste of my own medicine and get slapped in the face for all the things i've done to so many. true, if the things i've done to others were somehow done to me, i'd truly be devastated. i wouldn't know what to do. but i'd know how it feels and can handle situations so much better than i have been. i just feel so much like i'm throwing people's hearts around.. unintentionally.. i realize that i am quite the vulnerable one right now. and i can feel that that is being taken advantage of. i'm very suceptible to anyone who gives me the attention that i want. what am i doing? oh, i hope i'm not using people subconsciously. i hope what i feel is genuine.. but who knows? i could be warping everything to how i would want them to be. or others around me warp themselves.. to everyone i've isolated myself from, i'm sorry. it's how i like to cope.. and i realize he's been a lot more open about this than i have. so i suppose it's only naturally to talk to him. but is it wrong for me to think that real friends would work at talking to me? i don't know.. trusting no one seems to be a wise choice for me right now. i think henry said it best in one of his entries when he says that friends only wanna talk to you when you're pleasant to be around. where is everyone right now? they're all up for a good time.. but when i need them the most they're gone, only to talk to me when they have a problem of their own. well, i'm done. too much thinking for one day. thank you for reading. =) (1) Comments

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General Comments magicalmysterytour Posted 8/20/2008 9:17:30 AM happy birthday Please login to post a comment.