It's after 5 in the morning and I just passed 8 thousand words. I have a week and a half to get it done. I don't want to curse myself, but I feel really good about this one.

Off to bed.

It's Thursday and already the week is one of my most bizarre to date. Seriously, the most exciting thing that happens on any given day in my life is a good movie, quality time with Jason, good food or maybe shopping. We're talking Yawn City population 1.

But none of that compares to my life right now. I almost have to laugh, it's so friggin' weird. Granted, it would be hysterical laughter, but hey...

Imagine being on your step-father's laptop and discovering convincing evidence that HE wants to be a SHE. Now before you go choking on your drink and making it shoot through your nose, let me just say that there were signs as far back as ten years ago. Just think Silence of the Lambs. Remember the character Jame Gumb? He was a psychopath who thought he wanted to be a woman.




Well, that's my step-father. At least I think. He's aggressive, desperate, and repressed. It's not a good mix. Nevertheless my mom is a bit freaked at the moment.

Then there's the erotic romance short story I'm working on. It's coming along but I fear evil/negative forces may be at work trying to keep me from achieving my goals. My life has a way of fucking with me. Well I'm a lover but I am also a fighter. And I WILL have a draft of this story for the contest.

Last but certainly not least is a trip to a resort that I don't want to take. You're a winner, blah, blah, blah. I don't have time. And yet I've been roped into it without consultation. I almost fear going. I might be tempted to jump in the lake and drown myself. Wait--this place isn't called Camp Crystal Lake is it?




With Monday through Thursday behind me, Friday better get real boring, real quick.

As of 3 AM I am at just over 7400 words on my entry. The short story is starting to take shape and I generally like it. I need to keep at it if I want it to be the best it can be by the end of this month. Ideally I'd like to have it ready in plenty of time so that I might be afforded a night or two to sleep on it. That way if something comes to me in the last hours, I will have time to make any final corrections. Also, with my life being so emotionally tumultuous I am wanting some spare time in case some day-to-day shit hits the fan.

Well, Jason will be up in a couple of hours, so I think I'll just chill 'til then, make him breakfast, and then hit the sack around 5.

See you guys and dolls later!

I'm so frickin' tired.

I've been up ALL night typing over five thousand words of a story that needs to be around ten to fifteen thousand words. Got a contest I want to enter with a deadline of August 1st. So I'm haulin' ass. I really want to take a crack at it this because it's with the most reputable publisher in this genre right now. But at this point, I'm surprised I can see straight. Can you say zombie? Zoooommmmbbbbieeee. Very good children.




I'm SO off to bed.

Night!

So I grabbed my gear and got to the Dallas station around 9. I had to stand in line just to get a ticket for my bag and the dumb asshole (Angry--me?) behind the counter tells me I don't need one. Since I highly doubted this, I asked her if that was also if I wanted to check the bag below--same shake of her empty head.

Well, after standing in line with all sorts of colorful, odoriferous miscreants and having a real smooth jerk cut in front of me, I board the packed bus. Then I get called off the bus. I need a ticket for my bag. Shocks of all shockers!

Needless to say Jason and I were ready to rip off heads and relieve ourselves down those aforementioned people's necks. But we didn't. Because well, we were tired.

I re-boarded and tried to tell Jason goodbye on my cell phone when the bus driver comes on to make his announcements. "Please don't smoke. Please don't talk too loud. Please don't listen to music without headphones. Don't you love the dumbass behind the counter? Blah, blah, blah." I was never more thankful for the lights to go out so no one besides the sweet little soft-spoken girl beside me would see me wipe my watering eyes.

At Dallas South Park a woman got on with two twin three-old girls. Jesus Christ! Can you say, "Momma?" Okay. Can you say it 900 times in two hours? Worse, the middle-aged Grandmother-type was a large woman. The poor dear shuffled those two kids over her belly in excess of ten times trying to find a way to wedge the three of them into that two seat space. I almost started crying too!

Picture two screaming (and I DO mean screaming) girls being crushed and smashed between the seat in front of them and their Grandmother's belly, peanut butter smearing all over the seats as they play musicial chair (singular) while everyone on the bus cringes in a mixture of sympathy and psychotic agony.

Then the boy behind me started talking to his girlfriend/wife/woman on someone's borrowed cell phone in a blend of Spanglish. "I want to kiss your belly...they never did a thing and now they want to do all this fucking shit for you...carajo...fucking carajo...suck my carajo." I had a migraine by the time I got to my destination. I could hardly open my eyes.

I guess it would be silly to say I was torn between staying on and getting off all things considered.
Home Sweet Home. NOT!

Sunday night I couldn't sleep. I lay there while Jason sawed redwoods and I started thinking about all my shit. Well, the inevitable happened. The thing that usually happens when you get some distance from your shit. I realized just what monumentous shit it is. I cried. I couldn't help it. I hate my current life situation. HATE. I woke Jason up and we talked and as usual he made me feel better. So we went to sleep and I managed to chill out about things.

Jason took Monday off. I was scheduled to go home on Tuesday but we started talking about it and the logistics were going to be stressful enough without him having to pick me up from work and then get back to work without a shitload of hassle. (As if leaving on Monday made ANY difference whatsoever--but I'll get to that in a later post.)




So with little else to do we decided to go see another movie. We agreed on 1408. It got decent ratings so we figured it wouldn't be much of a gamble. Turns out, it wasn't bad. But it wasn't exactly good either. Just sort of--well...eh.

Saturday Jason and I hung out together. We had lunch at Don Pablo's and split the El Matador (really really good) and caught Transformers. Lemme tell you, that was a kick ass movie. Damn!
Go see it if you can. Super cool. Jason played with Transformers when he was a kid so he was skeptical but I had a good feeling going into it and I'm glad it didn't disappoint. So many movies have HUGE budgets and suck big donkey dicks.




Sunday, we didn't go anywhere. I made my spaghetti dinner and Jason's mom gave me a haircut. "Oh. Gee, you mean you weren't TRYING to look like Mrs. Cavewoman?"

Friday night Jason, his mom and I went to a little place called Edohana Hibachi and Sushi. It was no bigger than my mom's closet and we sat at the only table they had left which was by the door. The place was packed and clearly a Texas Christian University favorite. Nearly everyone in there was a yuppie or a goodie-goodie college girl. But I didn't care because God, I love sushi! I sipped green tea, scarfed some yummy sushi and sashimi and loved every second of it. It was SO good.

We had our usual favorites which were good and I tried some new stuff that was excellent(Volcano and Panic roll). See a volcano and then panic right? Actually, the panic roll was spicy and the volcano was mild and creamy, but it was all so delish!




Jason's mom made the mistake of mentioning a Marble Slab Creamery in the vicinity so I indulged myself.




Afterwards we relaxed and watched Night at the Museum. I loved Rexy the T-Rex and the monkey. Robin Williams was awesome as usual.

When Jason and I lived in San Antonio, he was stationed at Fort Sam Houston. I would usually accompany him on his trips to BAMC (Brooke Army Medical Center) whenever he had a doctor's appointment. The first time I went with him it was a very unique experience. There's a lot of sad things to see but there's also a really cool prevailing spirit in the faces of the veterans.

I always have a good time when I'm with Jason but this trip to the VA was cool for a somewhat selfish reason. I've been looking for Butter Rum LifeSavers for almost a year now. I don't know what happened but it's like they went off the radar and disappeared. Like Bermuda Triangle disappeared. Everywhere I looked it was "We have Winter Green" or "We have these new sweet and sour pucker your face like your butt ones" but no Butter Rum.

Then in the PX while we were just browsing and killing time until his appointment, Jason grabs a fistful of candy and I'm thinking "Damn, my husband's suddenly craving a copious amount of candy for someone who proclaims to be "not that into sweets" when I see what beautiful bounty he holds in his clutches.

BUTTER RUM LIFE SAVERS!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

It was the beginning of a fine, fine day.

Being a Greyhound veteran, I hadn't taken the bus in a long time because I hadn't left town in a long time. The ticket agent asked for my ID and flirted with me, calling my picture "gorgeous" and "hot" which was cool and did wonders for my shoddy self-esteem considering it was seven o' clock in the morning and I was about as pale-faced and exhausted as a redhead could be.

The bus ride to Dallas was tolerable. At one point on the way out of town, there was water standing in the road. A cop sat in his patrol car and watched all the cars and the bus creep through it. Trees were surrounded by muddy water making them look like giant shrubs in a huge soaked yard.

The seat across from me rattled so bad I thought the entire bus would fall apart before we made it to the station. To pass the time I sipped water and ate several animals--camels, penguins, horses, rhinoceroses. I was sort of hungry.

Animal crackers that is.

Gotcha.

As of 1 am I am back in town. I took the bus to DFW and back and boy, that was super-fun. NOT.
I can't say I'm glad to be where I am right now. So not glad I cried buckets last night over the thought of leaving DFW/Jason.
Later today and maybe tomorrow I'll be blogging about my little mini-vacation. But for now, here's a sketchy itinerary of what I did. Mostly eateries and movies. What else is there?

Friday I bused to Dallas. I went with Jason to the VA and accompanied him on his appointments. Ate sushi with Jason and his mom Friday night. Marble Slab for dessert. Watched Night at the Museum.
Saturday ate at Don Pablo's Mexican restaurant, went to see Transformers, did a little grocery shopping at the local Wal-Mart and watched another flick at home later in the evening.
Sunday did nothing but sit around and relax. Got Jason's mom to give me a haircut and made my spaghetti dinner. Yummy.
Monday Jason had the day off. We lunched at Arby's then went and saw 1408. Afterwards, we just chilled at his Mom's house. Packed up and caught the dreadful bus and arrived back here.

All in all, I had a good time and it sucks giant-size boulders to be back.

Whether it was in the War of Independence, WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Desert Storm, Afghanistan and Iraq, or some secret military operation no one knows about I thank you.
Whether you're still serving, about to enlist or haven't worn the uniform for thirty years, I thank you.
Whether you've been injured or killed or are still listed as missing while defending my right to live in freedom--I just want to extend my deepest heartfelt thanks.
I appreciate it.

I'm one hour into a new day but I don't feel any better. Today (technically yesterday) was simply awful. If all my blog entries start sounding like this I'll just delete this shit and forget it. I'm not even kidding.

My mother had a fucking mental meltdown today and even though I worked through it, by the end of supper I was ready to just slit my wrists from the sheer stress of life at this house. My Grandparents' house isn't much better but dare I say a little?

My announcement that I was leaving Thursday is what triggered it all. My mother thought we'd have all week. Not to pop popcorn and watch movies or go shopping or sit on a porch swing and sip mint juleps but to work around here.
Some vacation.

I didn't have the heart to answer the phone when Jason called earlier because I'm afraid I'll tell him I'm seriously thinking about cancelling. He'd be mad as Hell and hurt as Fuck but I can't take another war between anyone.

I can't take this shit anymore. She talks about getting in her car and leaving and never coming back, killing herself or killing everyone around her.

Get in line.

Well, the vacation is off to a spectacularly shitty start. Right before bed the deep freeze quit at my Grandmother's house. This was right around midnight. I had barely got out of the bathroom after a much-earned shower and was just about on the precipe of death when we had to drive over and take some of the semi-frozen meat off their hands.

Imagine the scene. My Grandfather hobbling to the car and my scarecrow aunt standing there beside him on the broken concrete walk. They actually turned on the front porch light. Just think what that cost!

My mother had to converse with her darling sister aka The Golden Child. I felt for her. Sometimes I find myself wishing I had siblings then I look at my mother and think "oh, yeah. NOT."

Problem solved today with the delivery of a new freezer to whom I've not yet been introduced but will no doubt become very friendly with later.
I've eaten and slept some but still feel like beef jerky roadkill. Yum. My legs and feet are on strike and my stomach isn't speaking to me. I don't blame them.

If this is any indication of how fun-filled my lovely getaway package is going to be, I can hardly wait to see what's next. . .
root canals performed by blind psychotics?

I spent the entire night working my ass off getting the house ready for V--the visitors. (Remember that show?)






My mom thought I was joking when I said, "Oh, I think you're mistaken. Sleep is scheduled for tomorrow." I wasn't kidding.
I think that's the longest I've gone without sleep and doubled up on work at the same time. I'm still reeling from sleep deprivation side effects which I'm listing below for my friendly fellow New Bloggers' information. File them away for future reference.

Common symptoms of sleep deprivation include:

tiredness
irritability, edginess
inability to tolerate stress
problems with concentration and memory
behavioral, learning or social problems
frequent infections
blurred vision
vague discomfort
alterations in appetite
activity intolerance
body aches
difficulty speaking

Tomorrow night is the somewhat approximate start of a vacation of sorts for me. The first in a record four years. Sad, I know.

Sadder still is the fact that I'm not jetting off to some balmy tropical retreat or a cozy cabin in the thick green woodsy forest but rather a few blocks away.

Later on in the week I will head to DFW for a few days and see Jason. This is where the real vacation starts. No sign, smell or thought of caregiving. Don't get me wrong, I take my job as caregiver to my Grandparents seriously and I'm proud to be the only one in my family who volunteered for the job, but...

I NEED A DAMNED VACATION!

I'll try to bob in every now and then and see if everyone's behaving and playing nice. Take care ya'll.

1. Where were you three hours ago?
Let’s see…in the kitchen making breakfast and a lunch for Jason before he left for Dallas.

2. Who are you in love with?
The guy I made the breakfast and lunch for.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Nope.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Heehee. No comment.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Went to JCPenney’s a couple weeks ago. Heard the voice of a girl that I went to school with over the loud speaker and hurried out.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
Uh-uh.

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
Yep.

8. When is the last time you drove out of town?
A looooong time.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
At current ticket prices, no.

10. Are you hot?
Depends. How do you mean?

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water. Mmmmm, yummy cold plain H2O.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Gray tank and pink shorts.

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
A little of both.

14. Last food you ate?
Homemade apple pie.

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Probably here.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No.

17. When is the last time you ran?
A couple weeks ago.

18. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Willingly?

19. What is your favorite animal?
Too many. All.

20. Your dream vacation?
Anywhere from here would be a vacation.

21. The last person’s house you were in?
My mother’s.

22. Worst injury you ever had?
Luckily, I’m drawing a blank here.

23. Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
No, but I will in a few hours.

25. Last play you saw?
God, has it been that long?

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Shyness.

27. What are your plans for tonight?
TV. Maybe writing. Maybe reading. Music. Sleep.

28. Who is the last person you sent a message or comment?
Not sure.

29. Next trip you are going to take?
I’m taking a trip next weekend I think. The first in years.

30. Ever go to camp?
Yes. I wish there’d been a serial killer.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Some of the time, yes.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
If there is one.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yes, it’s called “I just took a shower.”

34. Are you due sometime this year for your doctor’s visit?
Overdue.

35. Where is your best friend?
Dallas.

36. How is your best friend?
Tired. Busy. Dissatisfied with life.

37. Do you have a tan?
Um, I’m a pale, red-haired Irish. We don’t tan. We burn.

38. What are you listening to right now?
The white noise of a fan.

39. Do you collect anything?
Yes. You’ll be sorry you asked. Horror memorabilia, Living Dead Dolls, Beanie Babies, stuffed animals, movies and music, journals.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
My Grandmother. Hands down.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
About 2001 I think. Uppity state trooper. “I thought I was gonna have to shoot out your tires.”

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Yeeeah. ?

43. What does your last text message say?
“Take off all your clothes.” (I’m serious.)

44. Do you like hot sauce?
Sure, in moderation.

45. Last time you took a shower?
See number 33.

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Nope.

47. What is your heritage?
See number 37. Irish and Welsh, Blackfoot Indian, Etc.

48. Are you someone’s best friend?
Yes.

49. Are you rich?
(Hysterical laughter)

50. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Watching a horror movie with Jason.

Here comes the rain
Here comes the rain
Here she comes again
Here comes the rain
I love the rain
I love the rain
Here she comes again
Here comes the rain

Oh, rain
Rain
Rain
Oh, here comes the rain

I love the rain
Well, I love the rain
Here she comes again
I love the rain

Rain
Rain

Excerpt from the song by The Cult called "Rain."

I would rather have put the video in this post but it wouldn't let me, so here's the link. It's a story about a woman who paints portraits of fallen soldiers for the surviving family members.
You guys'll love this. Get your Kleenex.

http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/hancock/

Well, it's early Monday morning and I sit in a quiet house. Another weekend passed. I was away for a few and see everyone's been posting like mad. It's always cool to sit and chill out, reading the inner workings of strangers' minds. Sort of like group therapy.

As of Saturday evening, over a plate of Frito pie and fried potatoes, I officially became a moron by the way. I was mistaken about the visitors. They weren't coming this weekend but next.
I cling to the edge of euphoria with breathy gasp and heaving girded busom...

Okay, not really.

Jason was here this weekend which is always good in this blog author's mind. It's nice to have him here. I'll get to go on a mini-vacation of sorts to the DFW area for three or four days (the first vacation I've had in four years) while the visitors are here, so that'll be cool. I hope I don't have too good a time, I might run away and not come back!

I'm making notes on my second novel while I fill in the blanks on the first, the one I've mentioned in recent posts. Some much-needed backstory is coming into view and I rather like where things are going.

My God, was that a glimmer of optimism shining faintly in the dark?
...nah. :)