Nupur58
Wonderland
Profile
my name's nupur and i'm 17......i love to write, to play tennis, to read,watch t.v.,listen to music, and a whole lotta other stuff as well......i plan to be a doctor one day, and i also really love animals......there's no more space left to write here !!
Age: 19
Gender: F
Location: Calcutta, India
Movies: the star wars movies,the indiana jones movies,the mummy,the ring,the mummy returns,maid in manahttan,the wedding planner,roman holiday,and loads more crazy stuff.......
Books: the harry potter books, all books by dan brown, the inscrutable americans,the sisterhood of the travelling pants,the lamp is lit,vagrants in the valley, the room on the roof,kane and abel, etc......
Music:
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Drops Of A Heart
Posted 10/28/2007 1:48:28 AM
Have you drank from the goblets
The lovers had set.....
Basked in the grace
Of an old vignette.....
Crushed papers
Which bore words of love--
Simply because the words
Weren't strong enough....
--Nupur Parik
Posted 10/28/2007 1:48:28 AM
Have you drank from the goblets
The lovers had set.....
Basked in the grace
Of an old vignette.....
Crushed papers
Which bore words of love--
Simply because the words
Weren't strong enough....
--Nupur Parik
The Sun-II
Posted 10/14/2007 10:14:44 AM
a shadowy mist
of fearless courage
swirls
and laughs
at the unaesthetic world,
and smiles
at this aesthetic emotion.....
a leaf of memory
decaying with age
falls to the floor
of a brain
cluttered and noisy.....
cowering and cold.....
and then
the sunlight
caresses
the meek,timid mind....
filling it
with golden hope.....
a smile
tip-toes onto the face,
and the excess baggage
is left behind
on the decrepit
train station
from where
it embarked on
this second journey....
and a moment
stolen from time itself
is sealed
with heavy locks of silver--
never to be stolen--
safe in the mind.....
a treasure trove
of random emotions--
untapped till the instant--
is opened.....
the Sunlight creeps in....
i am afraid no more.....
alone no more...
lost no more....
cold no more....
and in the velvet
black of the night,
while the mind rests,
the self awakens
to feel....
and begins
the third journey
straight from
the gates of Heaven,
straight to
the arms of God.....
and the Sunlight
is all i can see....
it's all i want to see....
enlighten me.....
illuminate me.....
--Nupur Parik
Posted 10/14/2007 10:14:44 AM
a shadowy mist
of fearless courage
swirls
and laughs
at the unaesthetic world,
and smiles
at this aesthetic emotion.....
a leaf of memory
decaying with age
falls to the floor
of a brain
cluttered and noisy.....
cowering and cold.....
and then
the sunlight
caresses
the meek,timid mind....
filling it
with golden hope.....
a smile
tip-toes onto the face,
and the excess baggage
is left behind
on the decrepit
train station
from where
it embarked on
this second journey....
and a moment
stolen from time itself
is sealed
with heavy locks of silver--
never to be stolen--
safe in the mind.....
a treasure trove
of random emotions--
untapped till the instant--
is opened.....
the Sunlight creeps in....
i am afraid no more.....
alone no more...
lost no more....
cold no more....
and in the velvet
black of the night,
while the mind rests,
the self awakens
to feel....
and begins
the third journey
straight from
the gates of Heaven,
straight to
the arms of God.....
and the Sunlight
is all i can see....
it's all i want to see....
enlighten me.....
illuminate me.....
--Nupur Parik
Inside
Posted 10/6/2007 3:57:25 AM
it's been a while since i wrote anything.....it's a little strange how a running nose and a sore throat can make you sit and think and enter the 'intellectual' mood....the past few days have been weird....yet beautiful....in many many ways....
they've been tough,because i've been made to feel inferior by people very dear to me....i've cried so much over things which have always seemed important to me.....i've felt like i've failed a lot of people.....
and yet,this one person has made me forget all the rubbish and look at life through a completely different angle....i can never forget how i cried on his shoulder that day and how he hugged me so tight,it made me forget all the pain.....he is,without a doubt,the one person who makes all the difference to me and my life......little things,little words,little actions.....i never knew their value....and here i am....i feel so full of glorious hope when i'm with him....i've never really written about him like this.....but i think all my friends know exactly what it's all about....why i love him like i do....it's one of those things which you don't need to write about to make yourself believe it.....
and then three of my friends got hooked up in the last one week,and that makes me feel all nice and fuzzy and mushy inside and go "aaaaaw!!"......
yeah,i'm weird.....
i think i've lost track of what i was trying to write....i think it's because of the stupid cold....whatever.....
i'm writing oh-so-randomly.....
there's other stuff i wanted to write about....it's just that i don't really know what to say and how to say it....things which have bugged me since last August which i honestly thought would bug me for the rest of my life (i thought so till an hour back),seem stupid to me.....
i'm not too patient.....i think i need to give people some time.....not everyone is alike....and i need to learn that some people just take the longer route to things (whatever that means).....that it takes some people a different medium to say what they want to say.....i probably sound all pseudo-intellectual,but i'm being pretty honest,really.....
i've met so many people in the course of my life so far,and some people have left a mark,and have taught me certain lessons that i just needed to learn.....in whatever way....and i have....they have taught me the value of life,and of love,and tears,and patience.....
these thoughts refer to three boys; two--who taught me and then went away....and one--who is here to stay......one--the player,two--the teacher,and three--well,the "one"......: )
i've written so much....all this was kinda locked inside this box hidden within my cluttered mind.....
did i just open it??
Posted 10/6/2007 3:57:25 AM
it's been a while since i wrote anything.....it's a little strange how a running nose and a sore throat can make you sit and think and enter the 'intellectual' mood....the past few days have been weird....yet beautiful....in many many ways....
they've been tough,because i've been made to feel inferior by people very dear to me....i've cried so much over things which have always seemed important to me.....i've felt like i've failed a lot of people.....
and yet,this one person has made me forget all the rubbish and look at life through a completely different angle....i can never forget how i cried on his shoulder that day and how he hugged me so tight,it made me forget all the pain.....he is,without a doubt,the one person who makes all the difference to me and my life......little things,little words,little actions.....i never knew their value....and here i am....i feel so full of glorious hope when i'm with him....i've never really written about him like this.....but i think all my friends know exactly what it's all about....why i love him like i do....it's one of those things which you don't need to write about to make yourself believe it.....
and then three of my friends got hooked up in the last one week,and that makes me feel all nice and fuzzy and mushy inside and go "aaaaaw!!"......
yeah,i'm weird.....
i think i've lost track of what i was trying to write....i think it's because of the stupid cold....whatever.....
i'm writing oh-so-randomly.....
there's other stuff i wanted to write about....it's just that i don't really know what to say and how to say it....things which have bugged me since last August which i honestly thought would bug me for the rest of my life (i thought so till an hour back),seem stupid to me.....
i'm not too patient.....i think i need to give people some time.....not everyone is alike....and i need to learn that some people just take the longer route to things (whatever that means).....that it takes some people a different medium to say what they want to say.....i probably sound all pseudo-intellectual,but i'm being pretty honest,really.....
i've met so many people in the course of my life so far,and some people have left a mark,and have taught me certain lessons that i just needed to learn.....in whatever way....and i have....they have taught me the value of life,and of love,and tears,and patience.....
these thoughts refer to three boys; two--who taught me and then went away....and one--who is here to stay......one--the player,two--the teacher,and three--well,the "one"......: )
i've written so much....all this was kinda locked inside this box hidden within my cluttered mind.....
did i just open it??
The Sun--Part I
Posted 9/21/2007 10:27:43 AM
i'm lost within
the four walls of my mind,
while i inspect the stains
of the past,and find
specks of happiness,
blobs of fear....
a wet patch on my pillow--
remnants of phantom tears....
honest smiles,
random words
uttered without thinking,
and probably never heard.....
and today a golden ray of sun
opens my eyes to the truth of it all,
i may climb high,
but the sun won't let me fall....
--Nupur Parik
Posted 9/21/2007 10:27:43 AM
i'm lost within
the four walls of my mind,
while i inspect the stains
of the past,and find
specks of happiness,
blobs of fear....
a wet patch on my pillow--
remnants of phantom tears....
honest smiles,
random words
uttered without thinking,
and probably never heard.....
and today a golden ray of sun
opens my eyes to the truth of it all,
i may climb high,
but the sun won't let me fall....
--Nupur Parik
God
Posted 8/27/2007 10:46:30 AM
messed up times make you think about crazy things....
in my case,messed up times ARE what get me thinking....get my brain functioning....
and today made me think about God....yet again.....
i know so many atheists....they seem so convinced that there's no such thing as God....they seem so intent on believing that you only get anywhere in life if you believe in yourself,not in any stupid alien creature called God by dumb earthlings....
please don't get the impression that i think the same way because that's the last thing i'd ever believe in.....
i think it's such a joy,such a pleasure to have the luck to have someone to fall back on...someone you can hope will help you out of whatever mess you're in.....of course,the help may not be very visible while it's coming,but when it comes,you know it's here.....i don't get why people voluntarily deprive themselves of such comfort....the comfort of knowing that He's going to help you out.....the comfort that He's going to make the tears stop....it's not like i'm a stoic or anything....i've said this many times before and i'm saying it again.....stoicism in my opinion is nothing short of laziness....and that's a fact.....it's more like i have the additional luxury.....a friend--because for me,that's what God is--who's always going to be there,even when everyone's left....and even when i've left....when this soul has moved on.....because it will....and like it or not,the others won't be there with it.....it's just going to be me and Him.....
love never dies,and it won't.....we'll be together forever....i don't really know what i'm trying to say through this entry.....but i know writing about God tends to help me...eases me.....
try it when you feel like drowning yourself in your own blood.....trust me,it works wonders.....
God does exist.....it's just that some people aren't friends with Him.....
i'm sounding so juvenile....but at least He's my friend....ha!!
Posted 8/27/2007 10:46:30 AM
messed up times make you think about crazy things....
in my case,messed up times ARE what get me thinking....get my brain functioning....
and today made me think about God....yet again.....
i know so many atheists....they seem so convinced that there's no such thing as God....they seem so intent on believing that you only get anywhere in life if you believe in yourself,not in any stupid alien creature called God by dumb earthlings....
please don't get the impression that i think the same way because that's the last thing i'd ever believe in.....
i think it's such a joy,such a pleasure to have the luck to have someone to fall back on...someone you can hope will help you out of whatever mess you're in.....of course,the help may not be very visible while it's coming,but when it comes,you know it's here.....i don't get why people voluntarily deprive themselves of such comfort....the comfort of knowing that He's going to help you out.....the comfort that He's going to make the tears stop....it's not like i'm a stoic or anything....i've said this many times before and i'm saying it again.....stoicism in my opinion is nothing short of laziness....and that's a fact.....it's more like i have the additional luxury.....a friend--because for me,that's what God is--who's always going to be there,even when everyone's left....and even when i've left....when this soul has moved on.....because it will....and like it or not,the others won't be there with it.....it's just going to be me and Him.....
love never dies,and it won't.....we'll be together forever....i don't really know what i'm trying to say through this entry.....but i know writing about God tends to help me...eases me.....
try it when you feel like drowning yourself in your own blood.....trust me,it works wonders.....
God does exist.....it's just that some people aren't friends with Him.....
i'm sounding so juvenile....but at least He's my friend....ha!!
Whatever......
Posted 8/21/2007 11:30:50 AM
life's tough....why is it that sometimes,the very people you reach to for comfort tend to kill your insides?? why is it that sometimes the very people who understand you like even you can't understand yourself tend to act like complete strangers to the messed up situation you're in??
i feel like a bloody maggot just saying this about friends,but can i help it when i see the one person i'm closest to being misunderstood and mistaken for a person he most definitely is NOT??!!
he is--and always will be--the purest soul i have ever had the good fortune to meet....and i know for a fact that he would never have the heart to do something that would hurt the other person....and even though he's all modest about this and keeps claiming that he can be heartless and cruel,but that 's like saying that a two-month old baby can explain the Theory Of Relativity.....seriously,if i could,i'd take a microphone that would blare out to the whole goddamn world to lay off....just lay off....please.....
Posted 8/21/2007 11:30:50 AM
life's tough....why is it that sometimes,the very people you reach to for comfort tend to kill your insides?? why is it that sometimes the very people who understand you like even you can't understand yourself tend to act like complete strangers to the messed up situation you're in??
i feel like a bloody maggot just saying this about friends,but can i help it when i see the one person i'm closest to being misunderstood and mistaken for a person he most definitely is NOT??!!
he is--and always will be--the purest soul i have ever had the good fortune to meet....and i know for a fact that he would never have the heart to do something that would hurt the other person....and even though he's all modest about this and keeps claiming that he can be heartless and cruel,but that 's like saying that a two-month old baby can explain the Theory Of Relativity.....seriously,if i could,i'd take a microphone that would blare out to the whole goddamn world to lay off....just lay off....please.....
Love's Stopped
Posted 7/29/2007 11:49:44 AM
when you're so close
and then when
we're so far
and then when
my shadow kisses
your echoes,
i realise the
difference
between life
and love.....
between wishes
and desires.....
Our Song plays
in my mind.....
will it ever stop?
never will we
give up.....
together in
the storm,
against the rain and sleet,
hold my hand,
as love stops by
for us.....
just like you said
it would......
it's stopped,
and it's ours....
--Nupur Parik
Posted 7/29/2007 11:49:44 AM
when you're so close
and then when
we're so far
and then when
my shadow kisses
your echoes,
i realise the
difference
between life
and love.....
between wishes
and desires.....
Our Song plays
in my mind.....
will it ever stop?
never will we
give up.....
together in
the storm,
against the rain and sleet,
hold my hand,
as love stops by
for us.....
just like you said
it would......
it's stopped,
and it's ours....
--Nupur Parik
November Rain
Posted 7/2/2007 6:24:27 AM
I stood there, under the large oak tree, beside his gravestone; red roses clutched tight in my hands. Looking down at the grey stone, I felt an eerie chill run down my spine which didn’t have anything to do with the cold wind or the occasional drops of rain that were sure to grow into a storm in no time.
I could hardly believe he was gone…..Or that he’d left me all alone in this big bad world that we once believed to be beautiful….
A phantom tear dropped down my cheek, without letting me realize that I was crying. I guess those are what they call silent tears…..
The rain seemed to come down a little harder now, but I hardly cared. I was holding the roses so tight I pricked my finger with the thorns. Scarlet drops of blood began oozing out of my cold numbed finger; and the drops fell on the grave stone…..
Irony, I thought……
I knelt down, and placed the roses by the epitaph. I didn’t have the strength or the wish to look at the letters carved on the stone; not that I didn’t know what it read…..
“When the Creator welcomes me
To the heavenly skies,
Remember I love you,
And please don’t cry....”
--Aaron Warrington Berkley
1926-1957
**
I had an umbrella with me, but I didn’t use it. The rain-which was coming down in torrents now-comforted me. For whatever reason….
Ooty had seen so many of its Anglo-Indian residents pass away this year, it was uncanny. Old Mrs. Jones, who was the oldest Anglo-Indian in the hill station and had seen both the Wars, had died of heart attack in early January. Then, the Williams’s had that road accident only last month, with not one of the seven members of the family surviving. The hills did not exactly encourage speedy driving, particularly not in the rains…..
And who could forget the death of Sarah O’Connor? It had undoubtedly been the topic of the season in homes and cafes all over Ooty. She had fallen in love with a local sabzee-wallah, and Mr. & Mrs. O’Connor didn’t take the news so well. They threatened her that if she wouldn’t sever all ties with ‘the dark-skinned peasant’ within a week, they would take her away with them to London. Poor Sarah didn’t know what to do, and decided that the only way out of this paradox of sorts, was death. She jumped off Wilkinson bridge—a favourite spot for suicidal maniacs. Within two weeks, both Mr. & Mrs. O’Connor died of some mysterious circumstance which the coroner couldn’t explain.
And then, there was the death of Aaron Berkley…..My fiancé…..
It was only three weeks back, but it seems like decades ago…..
It was Halloween, and it was a rainy night. We were walking back home after having spent an enjoyable day at the old Country Club with our friends, dancing to the latest Elvis Presley records, which Robert Johann, the club’s benefactor, had bought from London. By the evening, the weather got worse, with the rain and the sleet coming in pretty badly. We didn’t even have an umbrella.
We would have spent the night at one of the club’s rooms, but it was tourist season, and all the rooms were occupied. So, we decided to brave the rain…..
We were almost home, when suddenly, Aaron stopped and bent down to tie his laces.
“Well, after paying that amount for these Hush Puppies, you’d reckon they’d come with a built-in mechanism that’d keep these darned laces tied up tight!”
“Aaron! Come on, you don’t have to tie your laces now! It’s raining cats and dogs, for crying out loud! You can groom yourself all you want when we’re home.” I said, exasperatedly.
Aaron was in a humorous mood. He spread his hands wide in the rain, as if enjoying and savouring every cold drop that hit his body. He looked like a statue against the black night and the immense rain….
“Oh honey, don’t you just love this rain? Ooty is so beautiful! It reminds me of—”
He never did complete his sentence.
As if it were the devil itself, a big red truck carrying dozens of logs came straight towards us, colliding straight with my fiancé. Miraculously, I managed to survive, with nothing but a few bruises and scratches. Not that I wanted to survive, what with Aaron dead…..
Police reports later told me that the driver of the God forsaken truck was drunk on cheap wine he had probably purchased before he entered Ooty. I could hardly care less about what he was drunk on…..
My Aaron was gone…..
**
So you see, that is how the Ooty Christian Graveyard had a sudden increase in its inhabitants—if you could call them that—this year…..
I had spent the last one hour sitting by his gravestone. You’d think I was hoping he’d somehow come back to life…..
It was seriously ironic. Aaron was always so exuberant, so full of life, so cheerful—he always lived for the moment.
“Life consists of but one moment; why don’t others see this?” he’d often say that to me, with a glitter in his stark brown eyes. It was always a rhetorical question, though. I think he understood that not everyone could share his vision…..
And then when I’d look at him with a helpless look on my face, he’d simply smile his dimpled smile at me and look away.
I figured the more time I’d spend there, the more I’d think of him, and thus, the more I’d miss him…..
I was already soaking wet, when a young girl cried out to me, “You’ll fall ill if you remain in the rain any longer. Come with me, I’ll share my umbrella with you if you like.” She was probably around fifteen years old, I think, and something made me take her helping hand, even though I had an umbrella myself.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. If you want, you can even come inside and warm yourself by the fire.” she said, as she pointed towards a cottage on the premises.
“You live here?”
“Yes”, she said, with an unreadable look on her face. I noticed she had brown eyes, and for some reason, I felt goose-bumps rise up my hands. “My father is the care-taker of this place. I live with him, but at the moment, you won’t find him here. He’s gone up to Landour to meet my sick uncle Jeremy.”
I didn’t say anything. My mind was in another world. A world where Aaron and I still lived together…..
We entered the stone cottage in silence, and she immediately fetched a towel and gave it to me.
“Dry yourself up. You don’t want to catch pneumonia do you?”
“No, I don’t think I do. Thank you very much for being so hospitable.”
“Oh, that’s nothing!” she said, waving her hand in the air. “And by the way, I haven’t introduced myself yet, have I? I’m Noraa Warkley.”
“It’s nice to meet you Noraa. I’m Christy Hart.” I said.
“You were engaged to him weren’t you?” she asked, with that strange look on her face again. I looked up at her, into her brown eyes. They were magnetic…..
“Yes I was. How do you know?” I questioned her, while trying to bore into those mysterious eyes. They had secrets buried deep within, I could tell…..
“I live here. I see people like you come here everyday, coming to meet their dead friends. Those roses you brought for him, they told me what he must have been to you. They’re beautiful. I’m sure he loved you a lot.” she said to me. Her face looked young and raw, but her words carried the maturity and intelligence of a philosopher.
“Do you like living here? In this graveyard? Doesn’t it suffocate you?” I asked, apparently not being able to help myself.
“I don’t have a choice,” she said blatantly. “I have to live here.” and she stood up and walked towards the door of the cottage.
“What do you mean?” I asked, a little perturbed by her ominously enigmatic answer. “And where are you going?”
Noraa Warkley looked at me through her brown eyes, and for a moment there, I thought I could see someone else in them……
Someone I had loved, and lost…..
“There are things that need to be taken care of. I must leave, Christy. Stay here and warm yourself. Stay here till the rain stops.” she said to me, as she took the umbrella before stepping out of the cottage.
“Hey, wait! Noraa! Why do you have to go in this rain? Don’t be stupid!” I cried out.
She stopped at the door, didn’t turn to face me, but said to me in a dreamy voice, “Time won’t wait for this rain to stop, will it? There are things to do. There are people waiting….”
“Yes, I’m sure, but wait for a moment. I’m sure the rain’s going to stop in a bit.” I said, also getting up.
“This is the moment. Why don’t you see this?”
She walked out of the house before I could say anything—not that I knew what to say to that…..
**
The cold raindrops hurt my body as I stepped out of Noraa Warkley’s home. I couldn’t stay inside that stone cottage any longer…..
I looked around to see hundreds of graves lying under the thundering skies on this November evening. Lone muted sentinels of the transient world that surrounded them….
And as I passed by Aaron’s grave, I determinedly looked away.
I didn’t have the strength to face it again, or to encounter the million memories that followed…..
Call it human nature, but I presume I couldn’t help myself. I walked towards it, with my head bent down looking at the mud and the grass.
“You were wrong, Aaron. Life doesn’t consist of one moment—it consists of many. I see it now….” I whispered, almost only to myself, with that phantom tear rolling down my cheek again.
And as I turned to walk away, something caught my eye.
The roses I’d brought were gone……
A voice called out my name, from somewhere up ahead in the distance, and I looked up.
“Thanks for the roses Christy…..”
I turned wildly trying to trace the voice. My attempt was anything but successful….I could see nothing but the tombstones and the oak trees around me.
My insides went blank, and I began questioning everything I’d ever believed about this world. My bones felt weak. My spirit felt tired……
I sank to the ground, beside Aaron Berkley’s gravestone.
The downpour had reduced to a drizzle. I looked up at the sky and spread my arms wide in the air, like Aaron had done that fateful Halloween night…..
There were questions in my head that demanded answers. Yet, I didn’t want to know the answers……
There are some things in life, some moments, when you just have to let it be....
I didn’t want to know who had thanked me for those roses; I was just glad that whoever had them now was happy with them….
Something told me that I had a guardian angel up there watching over me…..
And comforting my mortal body in this cold November rain……
**
Posted 7/2/2007 6:24:27 AM
I stood there, under the large oak tree, beside his gravestone; red roses clutched tight in my hands. Looking down at the grey stone, I felt an eerie chill run down my spine which didn’t have anything to do with the cold wind or the occasional drops of rain that were sure to grow into a storm in no time.
I could hardly believe he was gone…..Or that he’d left me all alone in this big bad world that we once believed to be beautiful….
A phantom tear dropped down my cheek, without letting me realize that I was crying. I guess those are what they call silent tears…..
The rain seemed to come down a little harder now, but I hardly cared. I was holding the roses so tight I pricked my finger with the thorns. Scarlet drops of blood began oozing out of my cold numbed finger; and the drops fell on the grave stone…..
Irony, I thought……
I knelt down, and placed the roses by the epitaph. I didn’t have the strength or the wish to look at the letters carved on the stone; not that I didn’t know what it read…..
“When the Creator welcomes me
To the heavenly skies,
Remember I love you,
And please don’t cry....”
--Aaron Warrington Berkley
1926-1957
**
I had an umbrella with me, but I didn’t use it. The rain-which was coming down in torrents now-comforted me. For whatever reason….
Ooty had seen so many of its Anglo-Indian residents pass away this year, it was uncanny. Old Mrs. Jones, who was the oldest Anglo-Indian in the hill station and had seen both the Wars, had died of heart attack in early January. Then, the Williams’s had that road accident only last month, with not one of the seven members of the family surviving. The hills did not exactly encourage speedy driving, particularly not in the rains…..
And who could forget the death of Sarah O’Connor? It had undoubtedly been the topic of the season in homes and cafes all over Ooty. She had fallen in love with a local sabzee-wallah, and Mr. & Mrs. O’Connor didn’t take the news so well. They threatened her that if she wouldn’t sever all ties with ‘the dark-skinned peasant’ within a week, they would take her away with them to London. Poor Sarah didn’t know what to do, and decided that the only way out of this paradox of sorts, was death. She jumped off Wilkinson bridge—a favourite spot for suicidal maniacs. Within two weeks, both Mr. & Mrs. O’Connor died of some mysterious circumstance which the coroner couldn’t explain.
And then, there was the death of Aaron Berkley…..My fiancé…..
It was only three weeks back, but it seems like decades ago…..
It was Halloween, and it was a rainy night. We were walking back home after having spent an enjoyable day at the old Country Club with our friends, dancing to the latest Elvis Presley records, which Robert Johann, the club’s benefactor, had bought from London. By the evening, the weather got worse, with the rain and the sleet coming in pretty badly. We didn’t even have an umbrella.
We would have spent the night at one of the club’s rooms, but it was tourist season, and all the rooms were occupied. So, we decided to brave the rain…..
We were almost home, when suddenly, Aaron stopped and bent down to tie his laces.
“Well, after paying that amount for these Hush Puppies, you’d reckon they’d come with a built-in mechanism that’d keep these darned laces tied up tight!”
“Aaron! Come on, you don’t have to tie your laces now! It’s raining cats and dogs, for crying out loud! You can groom yourself all you want when we’re home.” I said, exasperatedly.
Aaron was in a humorous mood. He spread his hands wide in the rain, as if enjoying and savouring every cold drop that hit his body. He looked like a statue against the black night and the immense rain….
“Oh honey, don’t you just love this rain? Ooty is so beautiful! It reminds me of—”
He never did complete his sentence.
As if it were the devil itself, a big red truck carrying dozens of logs came straight towards us, colliding straight with my fiancé. Miraculously, I managed to survive, with nothing but a few bruises and scratches. Not that I wanted to survive, what with Aaron dead…..
Police reports later told me that the driver of the God forsaken truck was drunk on cheap wine he had probably purchased before he entered Ooty. I could hardly care less about what he was drunk on…..
My Aaron was gone…..
**
So you see, that is how the Ooty Christian Graveyard had a sudden increase in its inhabitants—if you could call them that—this year…..
I had spent the last one hour sitting by his gravestone. You’d think I was hoping he’d somehow come back to life…..
It was seriously ironic. Aaron was always so exuberant, so full of life, so cheerful—he always lived for the moment.
“Life consists of but one moment; why don’t others see this?” he’d often say that to me, with a glitter in his stark brown eyes. It was always a rhetorical question, though. I think he understood that not everyone could share his vision…..
And then when I’d look at him with a helpless look on my face, he’d simply smile his dimpled smile at me and look away.
I figured the more time I’d spend there, the more I’d think of him, and thus, the more I’d miss him…..
I was already soaking wet, when a young girl cried out to me, “You’ll fall ill if you remain in the rain any longer. Come with me, I’ll share my umbrella with you if you like.” She was probably around fifteen years old, I think, and something made me take her helping hand, even though I had an umbrella myself.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. If you want, you can even come inside and warm yourself by the fire.” she said, as she pointed towards a cottage on the premises.
“You live here?”
“Yes”, she said, with an unreadable look on her face. I noticed she had brown eyes, and for some reason, I felt goose-bumps rise up my hands. “My father is the care-taker of this place. I live with him, but at the moment, you won’t find him here. He’s gone up to Landour to meet my sick uncle Jeremy.”
I didn’t say anything. My mind was in another world. A world where Aaron and I still lived together…..
We entered the stone cottage in silence, and she immediately fetched a towel and gave it to me.
“Dry yourself up. You don’t want to catch pneumonia do you?”
“No, I don’t think I do. Thank you very much for being so hospitable.”
“Oh, that’s nothing!” she said, waving her hand in the air. “And by the way, I haven’t introduced myself yet, have I? I’m Noraa Warkley.”
“It’s nice to meet you Noraa. I’m Christy Hart.” I said.
“You were engaged to him weren’t you?” she asked, with that strange look on her face again. I looked up at her, into her brown eyes. They were magnetic…..
“Yes I was. How do you know?” I questioned her, while trying to bore into those mysterious eyes. They had secrets buried deep within, I could tell…..
“I live here. I see people like you come here everyday, coming to meet their dead friends. Those roses you brought for him, they told me what he must have been to you. They’re beautiful. I’m sure he loved you a lot.” she said to me. Her face looked young and raw, but her words carried the maturity and intelligence of a philosopher.
“Do you like living here? In this graveyard? Doesn’t it suffocate you?” I asked, apparently not being able to help myself.
“I don’t have a choice,” she said blatantly. “I have to live here.” and she stood up and walked towards the door of the cottage.
“What do you mean?” I asked, a little perturbed by her ominously enigmatic answer. “And where are you going?”
Noraa Warkley looked at me through her brown eyes, and for a moment there, I thought I could see someone else in them……
Someone I had loved, and lost…..
“There are things that need to be taken care of. I must leave, Christy. Stay here and warm yourself. Stay here till the rain stops.” she said to me, as she took the umbrella before stepping out of the cottage.
“Hey, wait! Noraa! Why do you have to go in this rain? Don’t be stupid!” I cried out.
She stopped at the door, didn’t turn to face me, but said to me in a dreamy voice, “Time won’t wait for this rain to stop, will it? There are things to do. There are people waiting….”
“Yes, I’m sure, but wait for a moment. I’m sure the rain’s going to stop in a bit.” I said, also getting up.
“This is the moment. Why don’t you see this?”
She walked out of the house before I could say anything—not that I knew what to say to that…..
**
The cold raindrops hurt my body as I stepped out of Noraa Warkley’s home. I couldn’t stay inside that stone cottage any longer…..
I looked around to see hundreds of graves lying under the thundering skies on this November evening. Lone muted sentinels of the transient world that surrounded them….
And as I passed by Aaron’s grave, I determinedly looked away.
I didn’t have the strength to face it again, or to encounter the million memories that followed…..
Call it human nature, but I presume I couldn’t help myself. I walked towards it, with my head bent down looking at the mud and the grass.
“You were wrong, Aaron. Life doesn’t consist of one moment—it consists of many. I see it now….” I whispered, almost only to myself, with that phantom tear rolling down my cheek again.
And as I turned to walk away, something caught my eye.
The roses I’d brought were gone……
A voice called out my name, from somewhere up ahead in the distance, and I looked up.
“Thanks for the roses Christy…..”
I turned wildly trying to trace the voice. My attempt was anything but successful….I could see nothing but the tombstones and the oak trees around me.
My insides went blank, and I began questioning everything I’d ever believed about this world. My bones felt weak. My spirit felt tired……
I sank to the ground, beside Aaron Berkley’s gravestone.
The downpour had reduced to a drizzle. I looked up at the sky and spread my arms wide in the air, like Aaron had done that fateful Halloween night…..
There were questions in my head that demanded answers. Yet, I didn’t want to know the answers……
There are some things in life, some moments, when you just have to let it be....
I didn’t want to know who had thanked me for those roses; I was just glad that whoever had them now was happy with them….
Something told me that I had a guardian angel up there watching over me…..
And comforting my mortal body in this cold November rain……
**
Tail
Posted 6/28/2007 11:30:33 AM
And I turn around
To find my tail
And see I left it behind
In a land where things
Were untarnished
And even killers weren't unkind......
Posted 6/28/2007 11:30:33 AM
And I turn around
To find my tail
And see I left it behind
In a land where things
Were untarnished
And even killers weren't unkind......
Letter To God
Posted 6/27/2007 12:06:39 PM
you know,every once in a while,this mood envelopes your cells and you start wishing for the rainbow and the flowers and the butterflies which were all supposed to be in this 'beautiful' world, and you start wishing for all this so bad,you forget all the little rainbows that already exist in your world.....they may not be seven coloured,but they're there.....and you'll see my point one day maybe.....
and while i'm writing all this,i wonder if it's actually me talking to myself.....
my life is blessed with angels living with me,and i'm forever grateful for them,to them.....
and when i see these angels in pain,it cuts through me like a knife.....i wonder why God does the things He does sometimes.....
i wish He knew that he doesn't deserve the mis-understandings and the frustrating conversations that aren't really required,if you ask me....because some people are perfect the way they are,and the best you can do with these people are to listen them out....what they say--if you let them say it--is true and frank and honest.....and that's why i like these people.....the people that i like.....
i just hope and pray with every drop of blood inside my soul and my heart that the rainbows become visible again....the butterflies fill the gardens again....the flowers--the roses--smile at the angels again.....
i'm just asking for some respite.....from all the bullshit that surrounds me.....them.....all of us......
this is like some sort of letter to God.....whatever.....
so God,if you're reading,i beg you--let the angels smile again......
Posted 6/27/2007 12:06:39 PM
you know,every once in a while,this mood envelopes your cells and you start wishing for the rainbow and the flowers and the butterflies which were all supposed to be in this 'beautiful' world, and you start wishing for all this so bad,you forget all the little rainbows that already exist in your world.....they may not be seven coloured,but they're there.....and you'll see my point one day maybe.....
and while i'm writing all this,i wonder if it's actually me talking to myself.....
my life is blessed with angels living with me,and i'm forever grateful for them,to them.....
and when i see these angels in pain,it cuts through me like a knife.....i wonder why God does the things He does sometimes.....
i wish He knew that he doesn't deserve the mis-understandings and the frustrating conversations that aren't really required,if you ask me....because some people are perfect the way they are,and the best you can do with these people are to listen them out....what they say--if you let them say it--is true and frank and honest.....and that's why i like these people.....the people that i like.....
i just hope and pray with every drop of blood inside my soul and my heart that the rainbows become visible again....the butterflies fill the gardens again....the flowers--the roses--smile at the angels again.....
i'm just asking for some respite.....from all the bullshit that surrounds me.....them.....all of us......
this is like some sort of letter to God.....whatever.....
so God,if you're reading,i beg you--let the angels smile again......
Dear Mama
Posted 6/16/2007 6:58:12 AM
do you care about the tears
Falling down my eyes?
do you care to know the reason
why i cry?
do you know that i am
dying over here?
do you know that i am
crying over here?
i know i've been a bad girl
for too long.....
i know that i've lied
for far too long.....
but don't punish
your little girl tonight;
she'll feel better
if you just let her cry....
i'm alone and i miss
the happy days,
now i'm drowned in
the tears falling down my face.....
i'm sad and i really need
some love.....
could you hug me,
and show me some of your love.....
that would bring a smile
on your baby's face,
maybe even make her forget
that she cried today.....
mama,i've never told you
this before--
you're not just my God,
you're a whole lot more......
--Nupur Parik
Posted 6/16/2007 6:58:12 AM
do you care about the tears
Falling down my eyes?
do you care to know the reason
why i cry?
do you know that i am
dying over here?
do you know that i am
crying over here?
i know i've been a bad girl
for too long.....
i know that i've lied
for far too long.....
but don't punish
your little girl tonight;
she'll feel better
if you just let her cry....
i'm alone and i miss
the happy days,
now i'm drowned in
the tears falling down my face.....
i'm sad and i really need
some love.....
could you hug me,
and show me some of your love.....
that would bring a smile
on your baby's face,
maybe even make her forget
that she cried today.....
mama,i've never told you
this before--
you're not just my God,
you're a whole lot more......
--Nupur Parik
Snow And The Fire
Posted 5/26/2007 2:16:09 PM
The clouds are gone,
The rainbow's here--
It's so colourful.....
With you around,
I don't have to make-believe
The world's so beautiful....
I'm immune to the cold,
I'm sitting by the fire,
And a snow-flake
Kisses the sun.....
The cocoa in the cup
Is warm and tries
To make me forget
I'm alone.....
But alas,that's nothing
But a lame attempt--
I'm as blue as the cloudy sky....
I may try to forget
How lonely I am
But that's another vain try....
I wish you were here
To warm my hands
And kiss me under the stars......
I wish we were by
A crackling warm fire,
Instead of being so far.....
But then I suppose it's alright--
I know our love--
I know how it's so strong.....
Distance can make us
Feel so weak,
But only for so long.....
I'll be back,
And so will you--
And the snowflakes
Will kiss the sun.....
It's only a little while,
After this,
We'll never be alone......
Posted 5/26/2007 2:16:09 PM
The clouds are gone,
The rainbow's here--
It's so colourful.....
With you around,
I don't have to make-believe
The world's so beautiful....
I'm immune to the cold,
I'm sitting by the fire,
And a snow-flake
Kisses the sun.....
The cocoa in the cup
Is warm and tries
To make me forget
I'm alone.....
But alas,that's nothing
But a lame attempt--
I'm as blue as the cloudy sky....
I may try to forget
How lonely I am
But that's another vain try....
I wish you were here
To warm my hands
And kiss me under the stars......
I wish we were by
A crackling warm fire,
Instead of being so far.....
But then I suppose it's alright--
I know our love--
I know how it's so strong.....
Distance can make us
Feel so weak,
But only for so long.....
I'll be back,
And so will you--
And the snowflakes
Will kiss the sun.....
It's only a little while,
After this,
We'll never be alone......
Eternity
Posted 4/24/2007 12:01:12 PM
the sun's wearing
a black overcoat today,
i don't have an umbrella--
but it isn't raining anyway....
he just ate his own words,
and i swallowed my pride....
the weatherman predicted rain--
i guess he just lied.....
the guitar in my hand
has rusted strings....
but it reminds me of you--
like all other things....
a phantom kiss
envelopes my soul;
and now the sun
isn't wearing the overcoat....
a shadow's breath
on my shoulder makes me smile....
it's raining now;
in fact,it's been raining for a while.....
and i don't hate the rain
like i once used to.....
i'm a romantic now--
all because of you.....
i don't want to end this poem,
i want to write till i die....
what can i say to
a heart that's now part of mine?
three words,two hearts,one soul....
that's what we really are.....
and you know what?
eternity isn't so far......
Posted 4/24/2007 12:01:12 PM
the sun's wearing
a black overcoat today,
i don't have an umbrella--
but it isn't raining anyway....
he just ate his own words,
and i swallowed my pride....
the weatherman predicted rain--
i guess he just lied.....
the guitar in my hand
has rusted strings....
but it reminds me of you--
like all other things....
a phantom kiss
envelopes my soul;
and now the sun
isn't wearing the overcoat....
a shadow's breath
on my shoulder makes me smile....
it's raining now;
in fact,it's been raining for a while.....
and i don't hate the rain
like i once used to.....
i'm a romantic now--
all because of you.....
i don't want to end this poem,
i want to write till i die....
what can i say to
a heart that's now part of mine?
three words,two hearts,one soul....
that's what we really are.....
and you know what?
eternity isn't so far......
Love And Smiles
Posted 4/18/2007 11:12:21 AM
sometimes,smiles can hurt you more than tears......not the smiles people wear out of sadistic pleasure....or the ones that they wear because of their "evil" intentions taking shape in front of their eyes,but the smiles people wear when they're trying not to see you getting worried,getting disturbed,getting disheartened......
life can be cruel......distances can be even worse......i for one,completely agree with Newton when he said that 'to every action,there's an equal and opposite reaction'.......i may sound like a corny science geek(which i'm not),but it's just true!!
i don't want to explain the reason behind me writing about the third law of motion in this stupid entry thingy......i know that it fits......
i know that these tears will fall for as long as that one person is wearing that smile hoping that i'd stop worrying......because the very reason i'm worrying is because of that smile.....sometimes,you know a person so well,you know the person inside out.......and you know what the reason is behind that person doing a certain something......sometimes you love someone so much that even a tiny little thing which even remotely bugs that person turns into YOUR worst enemy.....and you'd want to do everything you can to bring an honest happy smile on your favourite face......that's what i want to do right now.....
that's all that i want to do right now.....
all......
because love is the most powerful emotion in this universe and the others.......
and it's the only thing inside me right now.......
love......
Posted 4/18/2007 11:12:21 AM
sometimes,smiles can hurt you more than tears......not the smiles people wear out of sadistic pleasure....or the ones that they wear because of their "evil" intentions taking shape in front of their eyes,but the smiles people wear when they're trying not to see you getting worried,getting disturbed,getting disheartened......
life can be cruel......distances can be even worse......i for one,completely agree with Newton when he said that 'to every action,there's an equal and opposite reaction'.......i may sound like a corny science geek(which i'm not),but it's just true!!
i don't want to explain the reason behind me writing about the third law of motion in this stupid entry thingy......i know that it fits......
i know that these tears will fall for as long as that one person is wearing that smile hoping that i'd stop worrying......because the very reason i'm worrying is because of that smile.....sometimes,you know a person so well,you know the person inside out.......and you know what the reason is behind that person doing a certain something......sometimes you love someone so much that even a tiny little thing which even remotely bugs that person turns into YOUR worst enemy.....and you'd want to do everything you can to bring an honest happy smile on your favourite face......that's what i want to do right now.....
that's all that i want to do right now.....
all......
because love is the most powerful emotion in this universe and the others.......
and it's the only thing inside me right now.......
love......
Image
Posted 4/14/2007 10:13:45 AM
A bloody red rose
Held in white hands.....
Dressed up in white--
She stands--
Under a star
And the dirty yellow moon,
She hopes her man
Will come home soon......
--Nupur Parik
Posted 4/14/2007 10:13:45 AM
A bloody red rose
Held in white hands.....
Dressed up in white--
She stands--
Under a star
And the dirty yellow moon,
She hopes her man
Will come home soon......
--Nupur Parik
Weird
Posted 4/7/2007 11:49:29 AM
silence
behind the steely glint,
questions
beneath the yellow skin,
kisses from yesterday
that haunt the soul,
and a face that makes
me smile once more....
love and care
that this life has earned,
you complete me--
this i have learned....
your breath on my shoulder
keeps me warm in the rain,
you can swallow my tears,
eat away my pain....
Posted 4/7/2007 11:49:29 AM
silence
behind the steely glint,
questions
beneath the yellow skin,
kisses from yesterday
that haunt the soul,
and a face that makes
me smile once more....
love and care
that this life has earned,
you complete me--
this i have learned....
your breath on my shoulder
keeps me warm in the rain,
you can swallow my tears,
eat away my pain....
The Weird Man
Posted 3/15/2007 8:32:09 AM
He steps on the leaves—
They crush as he walks….
His ears can hear nothing
As his lips move, while he talks….
He wears black
And tries to hide his skin;
Flexing his muscles,
He hopes one day he’ll win….
The leather of his shoes
Clings to his feet;
He bites his own tongue
With his sharp yellow teeth….
The stench of loss
Fills up his nose—
But with every step,
His determination only grows….
The dead roses in his hands
Are beauty to his eyes….
He sees silver grass,
And a bleeding copper sky….
But when he sees his shadow,
That’s when he truly sees—
“I am who I am,
And if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be me….”
His skin now feels comfortable,
To his mortal flesh and bones….
He doesn’t need bricks
To build himself a home….
His soul inhabits the heavens,
Where it shall rest with the stars—
But for now, he moves ahead
For he has to go far….
The horizon yearns to hear
His voice echo in the night….
He obliges, walking ahead
In search of the Light….
—Nupur Parik
Posted 3/15/2007 8:32:09 AM
He steps on the leaves—
They crush as he walks….
His ears can hear nothing
As his lips move, while he talks….
He wears black
And tries to hide his skin;
Flexing his muscles,
He hopes one day he’ll win….
The leather of his shoes
Clings to his feet;
He bites his own tongue
With his sharp yellow teeth….
The stench of loss
Fills up his nose—
But with every step,
His determination only grows….
The dead roses in his hands
Are beauty to his eyes….
He sees silver grass,
And a bleeding copper sky….
But when he sees his shadow,
That’s when he truly sees—
“I am who I am,
And if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be me….”
His skin now feels comfortable,
To his mortal flesh and bones….
He doesn’t need bricks
To build himself a home….
His soul inhabits the heavens,
Where it shall rest with the stars—
But for now, he moves ahead
For he has to go far….
The horizon yearns to hear
His voice echo in the night….
He obliges, walking ahead
In search of the Light….
—Nupur Parik
Angel
Posted 3/12/2007 6:05:50 AM
an angel
is listening to
my silent stories
as the strong scent of love
flowers in me.....
the red ribbon
in my hand
flies in the wind,
teasing me.....
the black beetle
hums a tune unheard.....
the stony mountains
and the velvet grass
caress my limbs.....
i climb higher.....
is this what they call
peace??
no noise....
no pain.....
no stench of death.....
it's just the mountains
and me.....
the sweet smell of love....
my shadow dancing
in the light
of a dying day.....
what can i say--
my angel
will guide me home.....
Posted 3/12/2007 6:05:50 AM
an angel
is listening to
my silent stories
as the strong scent of love
flowers in me.....
the red ribbon
in my hand
flies in the wind,
teasing me.....
the black beetle
hums a tune unheard.....
the stony mountains
and the velvet grass
caress my limbs.....
i climb higher.....
is this what they call
peace??
no noise....
no pain.....
no stench of death.....
it's just the mountains
and me.....
the sweet smell of love....
my shadow dancing
in the light
of a dying day.....
what can i say--
my angel
will guide me home.....
A Daughter's Confessions
Posted 3/11/2007 8:34:41 AM
there used to be a time, when i could wish a person 'Goodmorning' with complete honesty.....when i used to wake up in the morning smiling, and spend the first hour of the new day with my parents laughing and talking.....that already seems like a lifetime ago.....it was another lifetime.....
these days,mornings are nothing like what they used to be.....they're quite the opposite of the peaceful pleasant kinds they used to be in that other lifetime.......
people change with time,and in these seventeen years of my existence,i've learnt that not everyone can accept this fact,and just 'let it be'......just let the change settle in.....it's hell painful writing about this,because when you write,everything taht's been going on in your life that you've tried so hard to hide from just becomes 'real'......i don't expect anyone to understand what i'm trying to say here.....it's more like me talking to myself.....
in that other lifetime of mine, there were joys and some tears too,success and some failure too,company but loneliness too.......how is that different from this lifetime,you ask?? well,for starters,let me tell you that earlier,little things that i did were acknowledged.....little things that people around me did that made me feel pampered......
let me tell you how i 'grew up'.....when i was five,my little brother was born,and he is the only person,possibly,who knows me (really 'knows' me) inside out......i love him to death and am really protective of him......you know,the whole 'elder sister syndrome'......anyway,when he was born,i began sleeping alone,and that sort of facilitated my whole growth process......don't ask how......i'm a very independent person by nature and i hate being dependent on anyone for anything......and when i say anything,i also refer to ideas.......don't scratch your head just as yet,go ahead and read......
i began to develop my own perspective of what's right and what isn't quite early,and the thing about me is that i tend to be vocal about these kind of things.....so when a group of forty-year olds would see a thirteen year old girl telling them that she doesn't appreciate them doin a certain thing in a certain way,she would get told off for being rude.....
when i turned fifteen,certain things happened in my life which just turned me upside down and sort of squeezed out every emotion inside of me.....at fifteen,i remember crying myself to sleep every three nights of a week.....i grew used to it....it wasn't like anyone was mean to me or something.....if you looked at my life from outside,it was perfect.....i was doing fine at school,was taking part in lots of inter-school activities and doing rather well (don't call this boasting),at home,apart from the occasional "You-are-getting-arrogant-everyone-says-so" accusations,things were fine......
at times like that,when you realise that you're different from what you used to be,that's when it hits you how you'll never ever be able to go back to being the same person you once were......and i guess that's one reason why i'd be crying myself to sleep......and the thing is that i never told anyone that there's anything bothering me.....and even today,i suppose not more than two people know about this habit of sorts that i'd cultivated at fifteen......
but i suppose those tears paid off--they did help me grow up and shed that skin of ideas that i'd been forced-or maybe not-to swallow as i ws growing up.....reading these lines may make you feel that i'm arrogant....i've never really been able to understand what people mean when they call someone arrogant......are they the kinds who dismiss others as 'beneath' themselves?? or are they the kinds who play ignoramus to their doings??
well,as far as i'm concerned,i know where i stand.....i'm ignorant......totally completely ignorant......i don't know what is going on in my life......
this whole entry was supposed to be a story thingy of my life so far,but i don't think i've got the strength to actually write it and later read it.......
all i've meant to say is that these days,things are just messed up......with the people who made me--literally--and who are still making me.....i would give anything in the whole wide world just to see this growing void disappear......what wouldn't i do?? i don't know why they can't see that what i'm doing isn't anything i'd planned to do....sometimes,things just happen because they're meant to happen......and the only thing you can do is accept this fact and try to turn it into a happier merrier thing,instead of running away from the truth,which may be ugly and hurtful......
all i'm saying is i'm sorry to have ever hurt you....those tears that fell down your beautiful kind eyes killed me inside......
i'm just plain sorry.....
this is a daughter talking......no,this is a person talking......a person who's sorry......sorrier than she's ever been,and possibly more than she can ever be in her life.....
please forgive me......
Posted 3/11/2007 8:34:41 AM
there used to be a time, when i could wish a person 'Goodmorning' with complete honesty.....when i used to wake up in the morning smiling, and spend the first hour of the new day with my parents laughing and talking.....that already seems like a lifetime ago.....it was another lifetime.....
these days,mornings are nothing like what they used to be.....they're quite the opposite of the peaceful pleasant kinds they used to be in that other lifetime.......
people change with time,and in these seventeen years of my existence,i've learnt that not everyone can accept this fact,and just 'let it be'......just let the change settle in.....it's hell painful writing about this,because when you write,everything taht's been going on in your life that you've tried so hard to hide from just becomes 'real'......i don't expect anyone to understand what i'm trying to say here.....it's more like me talking to myself.....
in that other lifetime of mine, there were joys and some tears too,success and some failure too,company but loneliness too.......how is that different from this lifetime,you ask?? well,for starters,let me tell you that earlier,little things that i did were acknowledged.....little things that people around me did that made me feel pampered......
let me tell you how i 'grew up'.....when i was five,my little brother was born,and he is the only person,possibly,who knows me (really 'knows' me) inside out......i love him to death and am really protective of him......you know,the whole 'elder sister syndrome'......anyway,when he was born,i began sleeping alone,and that sort of facilitated my whole growth process......don't ask how......i'm a very independent person by nature and i hate being dependent on anyone for anything......and when i say anything,i also refer to ideas.......don't scratch your head just as yet,go ahead and read......
i began to develop my own perspective of what's right and what isn't quite early,and the thing about me is that i tend to be vocal about these kind of things.....so when a group of forty-year olds would see a thirteen year old girl telling them that she doesn't appreciate them doin a certain thing in a certain way,she would get told off for being rude.....
when i turned fifteen,certain things happened in my life which just turned me upside down and sort of squeezed out every emotion inside of me.....at fifteen,i remember crying myself to sleep every three nights of a week.....i grew used to it....it wasn't like anyone was mean to me or something.....if you looked at my life from outside,it was perfect.....i was doing fine at school,was taking part in lots of inter-school activities and doing rather well (don't call this boasting),at home,apart from the occasional "You-are-getting-arrogant-everyone-says-so" accusations,things were fine......
at times like that,when you realise that you're different from what you used to be,that's when it hits you how you'll never ever be able to go back to being the same person you once were......and i guess that's one reason why i'd be crying myself to sleep......and the thing is that i never told anyone that there's anything bothering me.....and even today,i suppose not more than two people know about this habit of sorts that i'd cultivated at fifteen......
but i suppose those tears paid off--they did help me grow up and shed that skin of ideas that i'd been forced-or maybe not-to swallow as i ws growing up.....reading these lines may make you feel that i'm arrogant....i've never really been able to understand what people mean when they call someone arrogant......are they the kinds who dismiss others as 'beneath' themselves?? or are they the kinds who play ignoramus to their doings??
well,as far as i'm concerned,i know where i stand.....i'm ignorant......totally completely ignorant......i don't know what is going on in my life......
this whole entry was supposed to be a story thingy of my life so far,but i don't think i've got the strength to actually write it and later read it.......
all i've meant to say is that these days,things are just messed up......with the people who made me--literally--and who are still making me.....i would give anything in the whole wide world just to see this growing void disappear......what wouldn't i do?? i don't know why they can't see that what i'm doing isn't anything i'd planned to do....sometimes,things just happen because they're meant to happen......and the only thing you can do is accept this fact and try to turn it into a happier merrier thing,instead of running away from the truth,which may be ugly and hurtful......
all i'm saying is i'm sorry to have ever hurt you....those tears that fell down your beautiful kind eyes killed me inside......
i'm just plain sorry.....
this is a daughter talking......no,this is a person talking......a person who's sorry......sorrier than she's ever been,and possibly more than she can ever be in her life.....
please forgive me......
Please Read This!!!!!
Posted 3/3/2007 10:56:57 AM
this is quite a cheesy entry,and it's not even as though a million people read what i'm writing here--heck,i don't think even ten people read what i write on this blog!! but i still want to know something,and i'd really really honestly appreciate and bless whoever answers this question--
1)do u think i could ever make it big as a writer??
2)has my stuff been able to capture you,and i mean "capture" you??
please please answer my questions,and if you haven't read any of my previous entries,all you have to do is scroll down!!
thanks a bunch!!
Posted 3/3/2007 10:56:57 AM
this is quite a cheesy entry,and it's not even as though a million people read what i'm writing here--heck,i don't think even ten people read what i write on this blog!! but i still want to know something,and i'd really really honestly appreciate and bless whoever answers this question--
1)do u think i could ever make it big as a writer??
2)has my stuff been able to capture you,and i mean "capture" you??
please please answer my questions,and if you haven't read any of my previous entries,all you have to do is scroll down!!
thanks a bunch!!
Random
Posted 2/23/2007 4:42:10 AM
Beautiful rain--
Splashing passion....
And i let old hands
Tender my world;
As i speak of
Silent stories
Of flowers in May...
Bags of freckled
Stars--
Listening to the sea....
I remember his voice
And smile.....
Ashes burn in the
Snow,
As the puddles
Question my innocence....
A candle with a warm,
Strong breath
Is like his love.....
We stand in
The hypnotic fog
Believing we have wings....
Our sanctuary
Is outside this hollow moment.....
Posted 2/23/2007 4:42:10 AM
Beautiful rain--
Splashing passion....
And i let old hands
Tender my world;
As i speak of
Silent stories
Of flowers in May...
Bags of freckled
Stars--
Listening to the sea....
I remember his voice
And smile.....
Ashes burn in the
Snow,
As the puddles
Question my innocence....
A candle with a warm,
Strong breath
Is like his love.....
We stand in
The hypnotic fog
Believing we have wings....
Our sanctuary
Is outside this hollow moment.....
Rain
Posted 2/21/2007 3:53:05 AM
Pink blossoms
Floating
In the green pond
Freshly filled
By heavenly tears….
The purple sky
Snores,
In its deep slumber…
It will soon awake…
A child throwing pebbles,
And watching
As they sink…
A gust of wind
Brings in
The smell of
Wet earth…
And the trees dance
With the wind—
In all their green glory…
Every leaf
Is pure…
Untouched by filth…
The buffalos in the pond
Feel
The drizzle
Tickle
Their black backs…
The clouds awaken
Their helpless host
With angry roars
Of discontent…
And the earth
Is drenched
In tears
As the sky cries…
--Nupur Parik
Posted 2/21/2007 3:53:05 AM
Pink blossoms
Floating
In the green pond
Freshly filled
By heavenly tears….
The purple sky
Snores,
In its deep slumber…
It will soon awake…
A child throwing pebbles,
And watching
As they sink…
A gust of wind
Brings in
The smell of
Wet earth…
And the trees dance
With the wind—
In all their green glory…
Every leaf
Is pure…
Untouched by filth…
The buffalos in the pond
Feel
The drizzle
Tickle
Their black backs…
The clouds awaken
Their helpless host
With angry roars
Of discontent…
And the earth
Is drenched
In tears
As the sky cries…
--Nupur Parik
Sepia
Posted 2/21/2007 3:52:27 AM
She sits
On the yellow grass,
Kissing
The afternoon sun,
Her brown fingers
Become one
With the earth,
Buried deep under
The grass carpet….
The smile on her face
Is translucent, with
Her blue scarf
Flying
In the wind, against
The blushing
Pink
Of the sky….
Humming
Melodies the breeze
Sang last night,
And smelling
The sweet solitude
Of this afternoon….
Eyes rich,
With secrets
Untold, sparkling—
She sits with
A growing
Shadow….
--Nupur Parik
Posted 2/21/2007 3:52:27 AM
She sits
On the yellow grass,
Kissing
The afternoon sun,
Her brown fingers
Become one
With the earth,
Buried deep under
The grass carpet….
The smile on her face
Is translucent, with
Her blue scarf
Flying
In the wind, against
The blushing
Pink
Of the sky….
Humming
Melodies the breeze
Sang last night,
And smelling
The sweet solitude
Of this afternoon….
Eyes rich,
With secrets
Untold, sparkling—
She sits with
A growing
Shadow….
--Nupur Parik
The Skies Are Crying Too
Posted 2/13/2007 5:37:43 AM
i'm standing alone in these shadows....frustrated,yet smiling....because i don't want him to see my tears......i don't want to hurt him...because i know my tears do hurt him.....
he's going away......all this makes a week seem so much bigger.....one week now translates into 7 days-ie.168 hours-ie.10080 minutes-ie.604800 seconds......you can laugh at me and call me cheesy,but frankly,does it look like i care anymore? does it look even remotely like that?
i've become 'comfortably numb' to the rest of the world.....yeah,i pretty much have.....
and while i stand here,waving at him as he leaves,i know what i'm going to be doing for the next 604800 seconds......
but oh well,at least my tears will have company--the skies are crying too.....
Posted 2/13/2007 5:37:43 AM
i'm standing alone in these shadows....frustrated,yet smiling....because i don't want him to see my tears......i don't want to hurt him...because i know my tears do hurt him.....
he's going away......all this makes a week seem so much bigger.....one week now translates into 7 days-ie.168 hours-ie.10080 minutes-ie.604800 seconds......you can laugh at me and call me cheesy,but frankly,does it look like i care anymore? does it look even remotely like that?
i've become 'comfortably numb' to the rest of the world.....yeah,i pretty much have.....
and while i stand here,waving at him as he leaves,i know what i'm going to be doing for the next 604800 seconds......
but oh well,at least my tears will have company--the skies are crying too.....
Time And Greed
Posted 1/9/2007 6:58:43 AM
time can be the best teacher.....
i've spent great parts of my life doing what i've been told to do by people who have far more experience, intelligence, and wit than i do.....i've also spent great proportions of my time being the person i know i shouldn't be.....it's such a struggle sometimes, to have to get out of your own shoes and step into someone else's......isn't that what we are all made to do sometimes??
"it's only for the best",we grow up hearing that....we grow old doing that.......
i've had a couple of experiences in my life which, when i look back at them in retrospect, i would prefer to erase from my memory....suffocating, depressing moments which are now solid parts of my past....whether i like it or not......
times when i know i should have spoken up, but i remained shut.....when i should have done something, but i acted like nothing hurt me, nothing bothered me....i was only lying to myself.....it was bad.....it was stupid.....
today, when i am who i am, and i'm finally comfortable with this fact, and i've grown to accept that there's hardly anything that can change me, i realise that it's all just a game....it doesn't matter who does what,where,why and when....as long as you have the love,the support, and the flame inside you--you are alive, and kicking......you don't need a million dollars to be the luckiest person on earth.....you don't need a ferrari to make you feel good.....you don't need recognition from people you've never known,just because you make a lot of money.....all that is important, but not necessary.....those aren't things we 'need'.....those are simply things we 'desire'......
when i look around me and see people drooling over money and cars and fancy things,it makes me sick....they look so stupid.....they look so ugly......it surprises me to see how blinded they are.....their lust,their greed,their stupidity.....it all seems so funny.....so sad, yet so funny.....
time.....
yes, it teaches you lots....involuntarily, or otherwise,it just does.....
thankfully.....
for one day,these greedy fools will see clearly....they'll see how wrong they've always been....and that's when this world will breathe again......
Posted 1/9/2007 6:58:43 AM
time can be the best teacher.....
i've spent great parts of my life doing what i've been told to do by people who have far more experience, intelligence, and wit than i do.....i've also spent great proportions of my time being the person i know i shouldn't be.....it's such a struggle sometimes, to have to get out of your own shoes and step into someone else's......isn't that what we are all made to do sometimes??
"it's only for the best",we grow up hearing that....we grow old doing that.......
i've had a couple of experiences in my life which, when i look back at them in retrospect, i would prefer to erase from my memory....suffocating, depressing moments which are now solid parts of my past....whether i like it or not......
times when i know i should have spoken up, but i remained shut.....when i should have done something, but i acted like nothing hurt me, nothing bothered me....i was only lying to myself.....it was bad.....it was stupid.....
today, when i am who i am, and i'm finally comfortable with this fact, and i've grown to accept that there's hardly anything that can change me, i realise that it's all just a game....it doesn't matter who does what,where,why and when....as long as you have the love,the support, and the flame inside you--you are alive, and kicking......you don't need a million dollars to be the luckiest person on earth.....you don't need a ferrari to make you feel good.....you don't need recognition from people you've never known,just because you make a lot of money.....all that is important, but not necessary.....those aren't things we 'need'.....those are simply things we 'desire'......
when i look around me and see people drooling over money and cars and fancy things,it makes me sick....they look so stupid.....they look so ugly......it surprises me to see how blinded they are.....their lust,their greed,their stupidity.....it all seems so funny.....so sad, yet so funny.....
time.....
yes, it teaches you lots....involuntarily, or otherwise,it just does.....
thankfully.....
for one day,these greedy fools will see clearly....they'll see how wrong they've always been....and that's when this world will breathe again......
Shoot The Moon
Posted 12/18/2006 7:50:16 AM
"And when the snows come rollin' in,
You're rollin' too--
With some new lover"
--Norah Jones,from 'Shoot The Moon'
These lines are sooooo incredibly beautiful,don't you think?? i could write pages and pages on them!!
there was a time in my life,when i thought that there are some things which never change...some things that you can never let go of.....and when i say 'some things',i don't necessarily refer to the soppy-mushy stuff....people tend to associate every song with the heart....and that pretty much irritates me....because though the heart is what keeps every man moving (and not just because it pumps blood) there are some things in life which are beyond the comprehension of an individual.....beyond being described aptly in a song....things like time....when i look back at yesterday,it already seems like that was a lifetime ago....i wonder why....it's always like that....this song evokes that dormant part of me,that part of me which likes to be kept hidden inside the million layers of flesh and skin....don't ask why....it just does....that's all i want to say....this entry is basically to remind that other "active" part of me that sometimes,you just need to look at the larger picture....because there's always a larger picture....larger than you think,anyway....and the larger picture's almost always translucent....just take a look around....you'll see what i mean....
Posted 12/18/2006 7:50:16 AM
"And when the snows come rollin' in,
You're rollin' too--
With some new lover"
--Norah Jones,from 'Shoot The Moon'
These lines are sooooo incredibly beautiful,don't you think?? i could write pages and pages on them!!
there was a time in my life,when i thought that there are some things which never change...some things that you can never let go of.....and when i say 'some things',i don't necessarily refer to the soppy-mushy stuff....people tend to associate every song with the heart....and that pretty much irritates me....because though the heart is what keeps every man moving (and not just because it pumps blood) there are some things in life which are beyond the comprehension of an individual.....beyond being described aptly in a song....things like time....when i look back at yesterday,it already seems like that was a lifetime ago....i wonder why....it's always like that....this song evokes that dormant part of me,that part of me which likes to be kept hidden inside the million layers of flesh and skin....don't ask why....it just does....that's all i want to say....this entry is basically to remind that other "active" part of me that sometimes,you just need to look at the larger picture....because there's always a larger picture....larger than you think,anyway....and the larger picture's almost always translucent....just take a look around....you'll see what i mean....
Where Are You ?
Posted 12/3/2006 3:35:23 AM
i have always thought i'm pretty okay when it comes to adjusting with people and places and situations....but all the stuff that's happening around me these days makes me feel like i don't know myself anymore.....why don't people understand that stupid trivial things that are supposedly 'messing up' their lives don't mean a thing in the end ??!! in the end,all that matters is that you have a shoulder to cry on and arms that will hold you tight and hug you when you're high.....why don't people see the need to forgive and forget ?? why don't they learn how to take stuff as a joke sometimes???? i wish i knew the answer...but i'm pretty sure a lifetime of searching for this answer would still prove to be futile..... all i want is that shoulder to cry on and those arms to hold me tight and hug me when i'm high....whoever you are,are you listening??????????????????
Posted 12/3/2006 3:35:23 AM
i have always thought i'm pretty okay when it comes to adjusting with people and places and situations....but all the stuff that's happening around me these days makes me feel like i don't know myself anymore.....why don't people understand that stupid trivial things that are supposedly 'messing up' their lives don't mean a thing in the end ??!! in the end,all that matters is that you have a shoulder to cry on and arms that will hold you tight and hug you when you're high.....why don't people see the need to forgive and forget ?? why don't they learn how to take stuff as a joke sometimes???? i wish i knew the answer...but i'm pretty sure a lifetime of searching for this answer would still prove to be futile..... all i want is that shoulder to cry on and those arms to hold me tight and hug me when i'm high....whoever you are,are you listening??????????????????
My Poem
Posted 10/4/2006 7:14:41 AM
these days my creative juices seem to be at an all-time high.....i completed this poem yesterday which is possibly,the most honest and frank poem i've written so far......once i finished writing it,i felt like i'd done myself a huge favour.....it's a poem about a very sensitive topic, and i would have felt terrible if i would have done anything short of a perfect job....not that i'm saying my poem is perfect....who am i to say that after all ?? ha ha ha ha....
i put in my best effort and when i read it in the end,it just felt right.....like it was meant to be that way......all the things that had troubled me till not so long ago,surprisingly,i was able to pen them down.....normally i go blank at times like this......i guess it's just a topic i so stongly felt for........
well,i also had this mental conflict of sorts as to whether or not to post it.....finally,i decided on the former...... : )
i think it's a pretty long poem,four whole pages !!
one of the longest ones i have ever written......
basically,this whole entry is just about my poem.....might seem boring or whatever,i hardly care,because i know it's important for me to write about this......just that i don't know why......
i'm just plain crazy.....
Posted 10/4/2006 7:14:41 AM
these days my creative juices seem to be at an all-time high.....i completed this poem yesterday which is possibly,the most honest and frank poem i've written so far......once i finished writing it,i felt like i'd done myself a huge favour.....it's a poem about a very sensitive topic, and i would have felt terrible if i would have done anything short of a perfect job....not that i'm saying my poem is perfect....who am i to say that after all ?? ha ha ha ha....
i put in my best effort and when i read it in the end,it just felt right.....like it was meant to be that way......all the things that had troubled me till not so long ago,surprisingly,i was able to pen them down.....normally i go blank at times like this......i guess it's just a topic i so stongly felt for........
well,i also had this mental conflict of sorts as to whether or not to post it.....finally,i decided on the former...... : )
i think it's a pretty long poem,four whole pages !!
one of the longest ones i have ever written......
basically,this whole entry is just about my poem.....might seem boring or whatever,i hardly care,because i know it's important for me to write about this......just that i don't know why......
i'm just plain crazy.....
My Family.....
Posted 9/28/2006 9:08:28 AM
i've spent the past sixteen and a half years of my life living with twelve of the most beautiful people this world has ever seen.....yes,i'm talking about my family......
if i ever had to choose between my friends and my family,my family would definitely be my choice....it's not like i don't love my friends,because i do....i love them a LOT.....but it's just that i can't ever imagine me waking up in the morning to see that i'm all alone in the house without the sound of people doing their early morning thingies,or laughing,or screaming about something,or complaining about some silly thing that hardly matters to anyone.....i can't imagine my house like that.....they're-more like we're-what makes this house a home.....i've grown up to believe that family should be one's top priority....and i'm proud to say that for me it is.....
i know so many people,so many teenagers to whom family basically means people who you've been made to live with by Him and you just have to do it till you get yourself a spouse....that's a rough sketch of what family means to a great percentage of kids out there......i hate that kind of attitude.....
even though so many times it seems like too much to handle,because that does happen a lot,family,for me will always be my life.....there are times when my parents say stuff to me which makes me cry,or fights i have with my siblings that make me curse the whole system,or times when the car's with someone else and i have to cancel whatever 'important' plans i have,and just loads of other random things that hurt.....but i don't know,somehow,no matter how much all this stupid stuff may piss me off at that moment,later,it's the same people who i share the silly joke with,who think i look good even when my hair is at it's bushy-best and the zit looks bad,who make me a cup of tea when i've got the flu,who i spend new year's eve with,who i love more than my whole wide world and i'd give anything to see smile......
a couple of days back,my sister left the country for london because she's got college.....i was REAL pissed that she chose to go.....even though i knew that she's doing an amazing course which only 24 out of the 600 people who apply get to take,i was angry....i didn't want her to go.....my bro's already in the States for college....it seems like i met him in another lifetime....damn,i miss him....even when he was here,it wasn't like we're inseparable or anything,but just knowing that he's here was great.....same for my sis.....
i miss them.....and when i recall how funny i thought missing someone was,until only three years back,it seems ironical....
to all of you who think family isn't top priority,may you be cursed with a million and one years of bad luck.....and those of you who think otherwise,may you be blessed with a million and two years with your family......
you only miss someone when he's not around.....guess i'm learning that with time and experience.....not that i was eager to learn this little bit.....
i heard this somewhere....
"And at the end of the day,you miss those memories most of all".....
love them like they've loved you.....because they have loved you.....
Posted 9/28/2006 9:08:28 AM
i've spent the past sixteen and a half years of my life living with twelve of the most beautiful people this world has ever seen.....yes,i'm talking about my family......
if i ever had to choose between my friends and my family,my family would definitely be my choice....it's not like i don't love my friends,because i do....i love them a LOT.....but it's just that i can't ever imagine me waking up in the morning to see that i'm all alone in the house without the sound of people doing their early morning thingies,or laughing,or screaming about something,or complaining about some silly thing that hardly matters to anyone.....i can't imagine my house like that.....they're-more like we're-what makes this house a home.....i've grown up to believe that family should be one's top priority....and i'm proud to say that for me it is.....
i know so many people,so many teenagers to whom family basically means people who you've been made to live with by Him and you just have to do it till you get yourself a spouse....that's a rough sketch of what family means to a great percentage of kids out there......i hate that kind of attitude.....
even though so many times it seems like too much to handle,because that does happen a lot,family,for me will always be my life.....there are times when my parents say stuff to me which makes me cry,or fights i have with my siblings that make me curse the whole system,or times when the car's with someone else and i have to cancel whatever 'important' plans i have,and just loads of other random things that hurt.....but i don't know,somehow,no matter how much all this stupid stuff may piss me off at that moment,later,it's the same people who i share the silly joke with,who think i look good even when my hair is at it's bushy-best and the zit looks bad,who make me a cup of tea when i've got the flu,who i spend new year's eve with,who i love more than my whole wide world and i'd give anything to see smile......
a couple of days back,my sister left the country for london because she's got college.....i was REAL pissed that she chose to go.....even though i knew that she's doing an amazing course which only 24 out of the 600 people who apply get to take,i was angry....i didn't want her to go.....my bro's already in the States for college....it seems like i met him in another lifetime....damn,i miss him....even when he was here,it wasn't like we're inseparable or anything,but just knowing that he's here was great.....same for my sis.....
i miss them.....and when i recall how funny i thought missing someone was,until only three years back,it seems ironical....
to all of you who think family isn't top priority,may you be cursed with a million and one years of bad luck.....and those of you who think otherwise,may you be blessed with a million and two years with your family......
you only miss someone when he's not around.....guess i'm learning that with time and experience.....not that i was eager to learn this little bit.....
i heard this somewhere....
"And at the end of the day,you miss those memories most of all".....
love them like they've loved you.....because they have loved you.....
My Hero
Posted 9/23/2006 10:10:00 AM
it's been quite a while since i posted something so i suppose just to remind people that i still do exist ( bless the Lord ),i better write something !!
hmmm,for starters,my exams are over and i'm having fun doing what i like doing best.....listening to music,surfing the net,going out for the movies,hanging out at cafe coffee day,reading the Third Secret by steve berry ( it's REAL good ),and of course,i even went for tennis today.....couldn't go yesterday or day before because it was raining like crazy all these days !!
it got to a point where i began feeling sooooo frustrated just looking out of my window to see dark clouds just waiting to burst open.....i mean,if that happens for one day,it's still okay, but when the same damn clouds are all you see when you look out,and it's the same old rain pouring for three consecutive days--that's crummy !!
i love the sun.....even though it gets really hot sometimes,i would much rather prefer that to a day full of clouds and the rain......there are people who say the rain's so romantic and all that jazz,but frankly,the rain depresses me......it reminds me of all the things i've lost.....there're hardly days when i relish the rain......
i'm listening to the song'The Blower's Daughter' by some dude i don't know....amazing track.....
"no love no glory....
no hero in her sky......"
that's a line from the song.....isn't that such a beautiful line ?? amazing.....do i connect with these lines ? i think so......i mean though i do have 'heroes' in my 'skies', i don't have the kind of hero who never lets me down......(okay,let me clear this out !! i'm not talking about family !!!! )
we all should have someone whom we can idolise right ? it helps us to realise what we want in life and how far we are from getting it.....i mean,that's what i make of it all.......
what would my hero be like ? ( that's a rhetoric )
someone who's got a great sense of humour,knows how to handle a worst-case-scenario,who sends out positive vibes,who's compassionate towards animals,who's kind,successful,intelligent, and who's comfortable being whoever he/she is.....i totally detest people who act like someone they're not......i HATE them !!!! my hero would be someone who respects his/her own identity, but not to the extent when it gets out of hand.....well,my hero sounds like a perfect person !! no,that's not what i want......i don't like perfect people......okay,i admit,i feel insecure around such people......i like a little more human touch in people....we all do i guess.......
this entry is a little pointless.....on second thought,it's actually pretty good....the next time i come across someone i think might fit into the mould,i'll know what to look out for in that person.......
think about what your heroes ought to be like......it's going to make you feel cosy and complacent and safe,like you have a guardian angel who can handle everything that goes wrong in your life......because that's what heroes do......
Posted 9/23/2006 10:10:00 AM
it's been quite a while since i posted something so i suppose just to remind people that i still do exist ( bless the Lord ),i better write something !!
hmmm,for starters,my exams are over and i'm having fun doing what i like doing best.....listening to music,surfing the net,going out for the movies,hanging out at cafe coffee day,reading the Third Secret by steve berry ( it's REAL good ),and of course,i even went for tennis today.....couldn't go yesterday or day before because it was raining like crazy all these days !!
it got to a point where i began feeling sooooo frustrated just looking out of my window to see dark clouds just waiting to burst open.....i mean,if that happens for one day,it's still okay, but when the same damn clouds are all you see when you look out,and it's the same old rain pouring for three consecutive days--that's crummy !!
i love the sun.....even though it gets really hot sometimes,i would much rather prefer that to a day full of clouds and the rain......there are people who say the rain's so romantic and all that jazz,but frankly,the rain depresses me......it reminds me of all the things i've lost.....there're hardly days when i relish the rain......
i'm listening to the song'The Blower's Daughter' by some dude i don't know....amazing track.....
"no love no glory....
no hero in her sky......"
that's a line from the song.....isn't that such a beautiful line ?? amazing.....do i connect with these lines ? i think so......i mean though i do have 'heroes' in my 'skies', i don't have the kind of hero who never lets me down......(okay,let me clear this out !! i'm not talking about family !!!! )
we all should have someone whom we can idolise right ? it helps us to realise what we want in life and how far we are from getting it.....i mean,that's what i make of it all.......
what would my hero be like ? ( that's a rhetoric )
someone who's got a great sense of humour,knows how to handle a worst-case-scenario,who sends out positive vibes,who's compassionate towards animals,who's kind,successful,intelligent, and who's comfortable being whoever he/she is.....i totally detest people who act like someone they're not......i HATE them !!!! my hero would be someone who respects his/her own identity, but not to the extent when it gets out of hand.....well,my hero sounds like a perfect person !! no,that's not what i want......i don't like perfect people......okay,i admit,i feel insecure around such people......i like a little more human touch in people....we all do i guess.......
this entry is a little pointless.....on second thought,it's actually pretty good....the next time i come across someone i think might fit into the mould,i'll know what to look out for in that person.......
think about what your heroes ought to be like......it's going to make you feel cosy and complacent and safe,like you have a guardian angel who can handle everything that goes wrong in your life......because that's what heroes do......
FeedBack
Nusaiba
1/4/2008 8:13:16 AM
Your poems are amazing! you are quite a poet!!!
Hulda
11/25/2007 8:57:29 PM
Happy Birthday!
TRUE_HUMAN
10/18/2006 6:54:54 AM
who r u?
wierderthanthou
7/17/2006 4:46:59 PM
Come to my blog and poke the penguin! great for stress relief! just keep pokin at him and watch what happens!!!!
wierderthanthou
7/16/2006 1:39:52 PM
If life starts to get you down come to my blog and hear the song i've embedded...garranteed to cheer!!!!
devilsangel
7/15/2006 8:16:57 AM
hey,
some great poems you have here.really good. and BTW, frankly speaking, it is really great to see an indian around here. luck
1/4/2008 8:13:16 AM
Your poems are amazing! you are quite a poet!!!
Hulda
11/25/2007 8:57:29 PM
Happy Birthday!
TRUE_HUMAN
10/18/2006 6:54:54 AM
who r u?
wierderthanthou
7/17/2006 4:46:59 PM
Come to my blog and poke the penguin! great for stress relief! just keep pokin at him and watch what happens!!!!
wierderthanthou
7/16/2006 1:39:52 PM
If life starts to get you down come to my blog and hear the song i've embedded...garranteed to cheer!!!!
devilsangel
7/15/2006 8:16:57 AM
hey,
some great poems you have here.really good. and BTW, frankly speaking, it is really great to see an indian around here. luck
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