not worth the wait Posted 10/4/2008 7:06:38 PM do you remember cody (e.i. micheal from the previous articles i've written about him, kate, and allison)? anyways, apparently he's like totally obsessed with me. he says that he'll get so stressed out to the point where all he wants to do is fight with someone but when he heres my voice or sees me smile (or thinks about the time we held hands) he instantly cools down. he says that im the only one that can make him calm and motivate him and that i give him the power to do anything. he says i mean so much to him...and all he wants is me. ~*~ you know, this is all so eerilly similar to last year when denis and his lies invaded my life and tore me apart. but this somehow seems different. i think it's because i know cody and i know he's true to himself and his friends. he values me and my beliefs. whenever i call him or he calls me his voice gets all soft and sweet. he says that i'm the only one (besides this one other girl from a while ago who he moved away from) who can calm him down like that. he says this he says that and damned if i dont fall for it too much. :/ well, i'll keep you guys up-to-date with the whole cody ordeal. g'nite loves! :) p.s. dont worry jared! i still and always will love you more!! (2) Comments

a date w/ boredom and maybe a bad idea. Posted 10/3/2008 5:24:12 PM tonight is a football game. yay? i wouldnt be going if it wasnt for cody. he got suspended from skewl until monday for *sumthin*. and being the good friend that i am, im going to sneak away when mom isnt looking and go to his house. u know i did the same thing monday and i was alone in a room with a boy who's apparently obsessed with me but we didn't do anything besides talk as he played is vidya (video) games. why is it so hard for ashleigh to NOT kiss every single guy she meets? there was incredible temptation (well, for cody. not me. im not too crazy about him but i dont dislike him either) on monday but my tongue stayed in my mouth, thank you very much. ...*awkward silence on my end*... ANYWAYS! moving on! so why is it a bad idea for me to go over to cody's? well, for the obvious reasons of course, but also because i dont want ashleigh thinking that i've got a secret thing with her ex. that would lead to bad blood between my best friend and i. not to mention i'd probably be forced to shun(?) cody, who is, in all honesty, a good, trustworthy friend. well, i've got to go spruce up for the game (for no particular reason *or person* of course). i'll catch you on the flip side. (1) Comments

need. chocolate. and. a. movie. and. needs. to. be. with. jared. period......... Posted 9/30/2008 5:00:57 PM bahhh...i feel blah. the end. not really. where are you when i need you jared? i could really use one of ur hugs right now. i feel forgotten in my house. i feel ignored and unimportant at school. i feel like sleeping out on my roof because that's about as free as i can get. *sigh* shit. moms yelling at me again. you know what?! this is bullshit!! how can she yell?! she's just pissed for no reason. im the one whos pissed as hell! i had to sit there and pretend everything is just dandy while she bawled her eyes out in public! goddammit life isnt fair...i have to be strong. again. as always. damn. i'll work this out...maybe. (0) Comments

almost forgot she's like this... Posted 9/28/2008 3:04:53 PM i got so wrapped up in my social stresses and drama that i almost forgot my mom gets extremely depressed when she gets her "monthly" migraine. i got a rude awakening when my mom burst into tears at the pancake house after church this morning. i hate the fact that she gets suicidal. it makes me get the same way. i stopped cutting this summer. i dont want to start up again but whenever i see her like this the blade gets tempting yet again. i really need to get out of the house. it gets so hard seeing the pain in her blood shot eyes. i have to be strong for her, though. i cant cry. i cant give in. i cant give up; not like her. im not like her. (0) Comments

homecoming night. Posted 9/23/2008 7:44:05 PM im sorry i was so paranoid. but can u blame me?! i felt kinda...oh, i dunno, surprised. i didnt know we would go that far. lord only knows what would happen if we had more time and a room together... ;) i'll try to relax more oct 10. as long as we get ur room babe ;) i love you, jared!! (2) Comments

this girl Posted 9/17/2008 5:33:50 PM i see her walking around school. i see myself. she's constantly wearing black. black eyeliner. black hoodie. always wearing a long sleeved shirt. just like i did when i was cutting. today i saw her carrying a book called "cut" by Patricia Mccormick. it's about this girl who cuts herself and is in a "mental institue" called "sea pines". i read that book when i was cutting. when i saw her with this book i almost turned around and went to talk to her, but the flow of highschool hallway traffic pushed me in the opposite direction. if it had just been me and her in the hallway i would've no doubt gone and talked to her. this doesnt mean that im ashamed to talk to her, no. i just havent the time to spare. i dont know her name. i dont know what grade she's in (maybe jr high). i dont know why. all i know is that i see myself when i look at her and by god, by the end of this year i promise i'll talk to her. make sure she's noticed. it can never hurt to make new friends. especially ones who have gone through the same shit you have. (: (2) Comments

homecoming....again... Posted 9/16/2008 5:15:56 PM AHHH!!! HOMECOMING IS THIS FRIDAY AND I CAN NOT WAIT!!!...i wander if we absolutely have to have a date...cus since jared cant go i dont have a date...pooh... ah, well, we'll see what happens. what am i doing right now? reading through some of the crap i've randomly written that's sitting in my folder on my computer. i think i'll put one of the stories i started a long time ago on here. i dont know. let me re-read it and decide if it's newblog worthy (lol)...ummm no. not even worthy of mentioning. it happens. we write well and then we write shitty. and trying to write when you have writers block is the most asinine thing a person can do. the end. so, yeah. OOOhhhh!! my brother mark has a cutie blond friend over. i think i'll go stick my nose where it doesnt belong. ttyl luvs!! (0) Comments

good news Posted 9/13/2008 10:36:01 PM we've worked out the kinks (well, most of them right?) we're gna try to keep in touch more. cant let skewl or others tear us apart. we've worked too hard for that to happen. we've made too many memories for life to keep us apart. we're better. friends forever. (1) Comments

you cant break what was never together. you cant shatter what was never whole. Posted 9/12/2008 8:49:04 PM I stumbled into the side of the couch and chuckled when I fell face first into the cushions. “Oh, shh!” I whispered. “Shh! They’re all asleep!” I tried to turn onto my side but rolled off the couch instead. “Oh, fuck,” I murmured and stood up. “Woops, too fast. Haha!” I don’t think I stood up quickly but it sure did feel like it because of the rush of dizziness that washed over me. I don’t quite understand why I couldn’t feel my arms or legs; or why I felt weightless as I stumbled through the first story of our house. I only took 5 sleeping pills. I wasn’t trying to overdose (at least not yet). I simply wanted to feel something other than the pain of losing my best friend. It took about a half hour for the pills to kick in and do they’re damage. After taking them I zoned into sleep for about ten minutes and when I woke back up I was totally disoriented. I felt incredibly weightless. I jumped out of bed and went downstairs to try to walk off the dizziness. It didn’t help. “Woah,” I said as I stood in the middle of our living room with my feet apart and my arms moving slowly up and down. “God, I am so fucking out of it…shitters…” The room seemed to tip to one side and I teetered to the right. “Shit,” I leaned up against a wall and after slow processing of trying to figure out what was going on I decided to go back to bed. After wobbly walking up the stairs I went into my room and awkwardly climbed into bed. I closed my eyes. My body felt like it had melted into the bed. I was about to fall asleep when my whole body did a spastic jerk. I figured it was just my body trying to relax but the pills obviously screwed up my muscles. Instead of gradually relaxing I would relax quickly and then jerk myself awake. Each time I sat straight up in bed from the jerks, horrible thoughts ran through my head.; I was starting to think that I had overdosed. I didn’t really sleep that night. Every ten minutes I’d jerk awake and then pass out again. After I got home from school the next day I was stupid enough to take four more pills. I figured the symptoms out: First half hour: nothing After about an hour: major headache and a slight stomach ache. Then sleep. After sleep for a little bit, total spacy-ness. You feel like you’re stuck in a dream. Movement seems over used and dramatic. Your voice becomes distant sounding and you start repeating yourself or talk quietly. Unfortunately for me, I only have four pills left. Goodnight. (1) Comments

good day turned into a bad day. Posted 9/10/2008 7:42:51 PM okay, well. i cant tell you how my day was good but i can sure as hell can tell you why it went bad: ...long story short. Our friendship is gone. (0) Comments

The Collider? (opinions apprectiated) Posted 9/9/2008 5:06:45 PM have you heard of this "Multibillion-dollar collider to probe nature's mysteries" (qhoth CNN.com)?? i dont fully understand what they (scientists) are trying to do. my math teacher told us that they're trying to figure out what caused the Big Bang [theory], but im not quite sure. i figure if they're trying to create this Big Bang using proton "beams" then wouldn't that pretty much destroy the earth? you can get more information concerning this ("this" just so happens to be happening tomorrow in Geneva, Switzerland) here: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/TECH/09/08/lhc.collider/index.html anybodys' opinions are welcome. (2) Comments

im sorry Posted 9/9/2008 5:00:37 PM yes i realize that it apparently doesnt count on here for you jared. im not trying to ignore christin i really am not!!! chris! im not tryin to ignore you! i...(dont take this the wrong way) i just dont know what im sorry for. and im not blaming you for what has happened to our friendship! i cant say im sorry for meeting ashleigh. im not going to because believe or not she, too, is a good friend. its just not like the good old days when we could just babble on about nothing and still have a good time. why? i honestly dont know. but christin, ur right. i am acting like our friendship never happened but in reality it's probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. maybe...well, i was thinkin bout askin if i can spend the night but i guess that wouldnt really be fair cus i've been actin like a total bitch. yeah, that'd be pretty ballsy of me. i just feel like chris and i dont mix quite right. and whenever i went over to her house (PLEEZ dun take this the wrong way) i just felt like my family and i were being judged. my family will always look like a failure compared to yours and yes, i realize that i compare other people to myself but sometimes i just cant help it. it's how i was brought up. christin's family is a picture perfect version of mine if life had turned out differently. i dont know... maybe that spark we had is gone. it definitely got dimmer. i dont know how to get it back. (0) Comments

i dont mean for it to be gone... Posted 9/8/2008 4:49:43 PM dammit, it's too early in the year for my life to be falling apart. i just found out that my older brother is doing some sort of drug. i guess it doesnt surprise me. im just disappointed. i dont even know who he is anymore. not the same little boy who used to always look out for me. hell, i dont really know who i am anymore. im pretty sure i've changed a bit too this year. im losing my best friend. and unlike my other friends i really and truly mean it with all my tortured heart that christin was the best friend anyone could ever ask for and i feel more than lucky to have had her trust and love. i dont exactly know what has happened to our friendship. i guess...no, i know that part of the reason im not entirely trying to save our friendship is because i feel like i dont belong with christin. when she started hangin out with nikki more i realized that whenever i was around christin i kept comparing myself to nikki. i hated that. no matter what i asked myself "i wander if this is what nikki would say, i bet nikki would do this, nikki would do that", so yeah, i tried to be less of myself and more like nikki even though i couldnt possibly be exactly like nikki; no matter how much myself or christin wanted me to be. and then there's the thing about venting: i just couldnt do it anymore. granted, thats not entirely a bad thing, but it was the guilt that tore me up inside when i did it. i always felt like i didnt belong with christin or the guys because they were always so laid back and there lives were just so flawless compared to mine. they would talk about something and i would feel so out of place because i didnt know what to say. i was brought up in the world of sending negative vibes and messages. i had no clue how to communicate without bringing up how shitty my life was. they all knew it, which left me with nothing better to say. when im with ashleigh, venting isnt so bad. she's made me realized that, yeah, my life sucks ass and the same old problems keep repeating themselves, but she also gave me something else to do. walking around town with her, or listening to what's goin on in her life makes me feel like i dont have to be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life. i really dont know how to explain that any better on here, sorry. the time spent with christin was not a waste and if i hear her say that again i might have to slap her silly. without her help, her care, her positive-ness, chances are i would not be here (alive) to type this article now. she really has helped me out so much and got me out of the house when i needed air. i really hope that she understands that i still care, but i think what i really need right now is a change in my life and maybe she needs the same. i still care, i still believe in the friendship we shared. i don't think that it will ever be entirely gone. (1) Comments

brawr.... Posted 9/8/2008 4:16:41 PM day before: chocolate chocolate CHOCOLATE!! HAHA!! :D first day: FRIED FOOD!!! YUM!! :P second/third day: gahh...depression, anger, blah-ness settles in... ':/ last day: lovely baby just need you ;) ........ god, mother nature sure does suck sometimes...sometimes as in a few days outta the month :P ah, well it passes and eventually i feel better. like now!! yay me!! :/ dunno dun ask. ~*~ moving on. homecoming iiisssss sooo many days away i iz too lazy to go and look. it's next friday. hopefully the weather wont be too bad. once again, i can NOT wait until then. *bang bang maxwells silver hammer came down upon her head!! :O oh no!* any who... JARED CALL ME!! BAAHHHH!!! did joe call me sexy?? hahahahaha!!! tis funny... okay, well im gna go now...i gess...ttyl luvz... OH HEY!! wait, before you go i have a question to ask the reader (you): for speech class we have to act out a food. any body have any clues how to do this? if so, i'd love to hear your ideas! thnx!! (1) Comments

homecoming Posted 9/5/2008 5:41:21 PM so many days away and hopefully it will come faster than we expect...WEE!!.... oh...my...FUCKING GOD!!! okay, jared, whether u want to know this or not it's pretty damn sexy hearin u play that bass!! ;) i must say it's kind of a turn on ;) ;) ;) okay, cant wait till the game LUVS!!! (3) Comments

homecoming Posted 9/4/2008 5:45:00 PM 14 DAYS!! cant wait till then...seriously. its constantly on my mind. *squeals* YAYNESS!!! okay, so i might get a little buzzed before the game and dance but, hey, i really dun care too much bout that. apparently jared cares though so i guess i wont get THAT buzzed...*maybe*.... BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! okay, well micheal might spend the night at ashleighs house with me that night (again) so this should be interesting, no? yes. yes it shall. i thnk cody is jealous cus jared has my heart. :D luvz jared!!! okay ttyl luvs! (0) Comments

mi tio danny Posted 9/4/2008 5:37:27 PM Danny- Ok, I'm out. Take care Amanda. Keep moving forward in life and never dwell on past experiences. Stay strong. Tell Mark I said, "que Pasa!" (0) Comments

friends, family, life in general... Posted 8/31/2008 7:46:55 PM allison broke up w/ jake after bout a month allison went out w/ micheal the next day and that lasted about a week with a years worth of drama. and now micheal wants to be fwb with allison... im trying to keep her together and talk some sense into her meanwhile my frendship w/ christin is totally dissolving but im too fucking retarded to know how to fix it if it is at all possible. probly not. i want to say that my friendship with jared is the only constant in my life but now im starting to think differently. whenever i start to believe things are going to be okay i get my hopes up so high that as soon as im happy my world crashes down. i figured that since me and chris would have our lockers together things would get better, but instead of that happening our friendship is only falling faster. i promised myself that this year would be different. oh, it's different alright. but for all the wrong reasons. *throws book across room* god, why cant...?! oh, i just dont know. i havent seen mark in a while. im really worried about him. jeez...nothing makes sense anymore. i feel like i cant talk to anyone and i really need a hug. *hugs self*...its just not the same, ya know?... i feel so fucking alone. i dont feel like myself anymore... (0) Comments

the movie "Next" Posted 8/31/2008 7:36:22 PM okay, i just got done watching it and BRAVO!!! i love it!! i think it's a really great movie but apparently my family is too friggin slow to understand any of it so they disagree. moving on...i think that complex thinkers would like it a lot too... okay, i just had to voice my opinion about that... :D (0) Comments

psycho-lady appt Posted 8/26/2008 4:33:13 PM psycho-lady = my name for my psycologist. im thinking about getting a new one. okay, now that sounds bad. it sounds like she's my property or im just using her.... *makes heart shape with hands* any who, does anybody know a website that i can go to and find local *not too expensive* psycologists? that still sounds bad. its like asking "does anybody know the number for this lady so i can buy her dog. mines broken."...w/e okay, lets get back to kate ya'll: apparently, micheal thinks that allison and her bf breaking up is all his fault. kate thinks it's sort of micheals fault too but, she isnt going to tell anyone that. now there's this guy, james, who lives in the same town as kate and allison. he started hanging out with them because since he's 20 he's legal to buy cigs and so he's been buying them for allison's bf's and some other guys. he's kinda creepy but they hang out with him anyway. micheal's 21st birthday is coming up and he's going to celebrate by having a huge ass party with anything from booz, to drugs, to sex...and guess who's invited. that's right. kate. okay, so she wasnt really invited, but allison was, and kate was NOT going to let her best friend go to a party such as this one by herself. the last thing allison needed was a horny drunk ass hitting on her. allison needed kate to be there for backup. so wether or not kate is invited to james's party, she was going. okay, we all know this is a bad idea. especially since nobodys' parents will know. kate is going to try to sneak over to the party with allison. they have no idea what might happen (that is, IF they go). (1) Comments

WELCOME BACK FELLOW PEEPL!!!!! XD Posted 8/26/2008 4:19:54 PM why, ello ello ello!!! how are my fellow newbloggers?? good i hope. long time no see!! evn tho i am still pretty oblivious about what just happened to this site im glad to see it up and running again!! loves to you all!! (3) Comments

ah spit... Posted 8/25/2008 4:54:37 PM when kate arrived at skewl that monday the first thing allison told her was that micheal didnt like her anymore. in a way, kate really didnt care that micheal didnt have the hots for her, but in the back of her mind kate felt a little upset but didnt let it show. the day lasted long enough though. during lunch kate told micheal what allison had said and acted like she didnt care all that much. but when micheal told kate he still liked her, kate was almost speechless with confusion. she didnt want to be in this situation... apparently allisons boyfriend broke up with her and micheal thinks that it's his fault. "i have to make it better somehow" micheal said during lunch. "i dont get it." kate said staring harder into his eyes. "weren't you trying to get them apart earlier?" "what? no! why would i do that?" "well, you obviously still like allison a lot." "no," he said and shook his head. "i dont." "whatever micheal," kate said. so many things were running through her head. she didnt know who to believe. it's all she said he said. allison says one thing and then micheal says the exact opposite. and from kate's past experience she's learned that the guys are usually the ones to lie, not your friends. but if allison had the guts to do *stuff* with micheal behind her boyfriends back, then it should be no problem for allison to decieve kate. oh, hell...all feels lost. better news tomorrow? (0) Comments

totally CoNfUzZlEd....did this really happen? thats for me to kno and u to...NVR find out Posted 8/23/2008 3:11:44 PM the clues were there, they were obvious, but kate refused to believe that micheal liked her so much even though they practically just met. granted, they go to the same school but they have never really talked before. the only reason they were hanging out now is because kate was spending the night at her friend Allison's house and they were all hanging out at the local park, playing their guitars while the other guys tried not to get caught smoking. unfortunetly, two of the guys did get caught by the police and have to pay a fine and go to court. *moving on* allison told kate that micheal believed in love at first sight and his eyes were on kate. repeatedly, kate told herself that she was off going out with guys for at least another year. too bad micheal was already obsessed with her. true, they had a lot in common, but kate had been going through so much lately that she didnt want to go out with anyone for a while. the temptation to start dating micheal wasnt that bad...at least, not until he decided to spend the night with allison and kate that night. apparently, allison had the house to herself for the night and micheal took that an open invitation to stay over with them. Two girls. One boy. One EMPTY house. now, you dont have to be a rocket scientist in order to figure out that this spells out "Trouble" with a capital "T". but they didnt particularly care. they started out with a movie around eleven that night. micheal was sitting in the middle of the couch with kate and allison snuggled up beside him (did i forget to mention he was shirtless??). things were going innocently enough until allison and micheal started kissing while he was holding kates hand. now, kate was fine with the fact that they had the hots for eachother, but when he turned to kate and rested his chin on her shoulder (his breath hot against her skin) it was hard not to grab him right then and kiss him. okay, prepare yourselves. im about to tell you confidential information and the only reason im doing it is because i know none of you people will tell. micheal had a thing for having his hair pulled. whenever allison grabbed his hair, he'd groan and clench his teeth like he was having a fucking orgasm. and, damn, it was the sexiest thing kate has ever heard. temptation grew when he moaned in her ear. kate couldnt do it. she had to refuse to kiss him or put her hand *there* on him. She. Could Not. Fall in love again. she couldnt afford it. she had promised herself that she wouldnt lead him on. micheal had told her about how much he hated girls toying with his mind earlier that night. after the movie, allison grew jealous because micheal started giving kate more attention than her so she left the couch to sleep on the recliner. which left kate and micheal cuddling oh-so-closely on the couch. he wrapped his arms around her and held her hands. he buried his head in her neck and even when he asked the simplest questions (e.i. "comfortable?"), it was a total turn on as he whispered it into her ear. hearing him just breath into her ear was bad enough but he had such a rough yet soothing voice that it was hard not to think you were the only one in the world that he cares about. once when they were snuggling up together he was breathing softly in kates ear and her hormones went insane. she squeezed his hand, wanting to tell him that she liked it when he did that, and hoped to get the message across. micheal must've understood the message because each time he breathed, each time she squeezed his hand, he leaned forward, closer to her and breathed harder. kate turned her neck and micheal buried his face into her neck more and pulled her closer to him. the downside? although allison has a boyfriend, her and micheal have been going at it like crazy when they get alone (if you know what i mean). they try to blame it on eachother (allison says that she doesnt even like him. micheal says that she always starts it). apparently -even though she wont admit it- allison is envious that kate, her best friend, is stealing the attention from her. kate never wanted this. she didnt need a guy this year. she just needed friends; and yet, she was slowly falling for micheal and it was not a good thing at all. so, kate doesnt know what to do. allison doesnt know what to do. they dont think micheal even knows what he wants. but kate has made a decision and she's going to (try) to pull through with it. micheal wanted to go out with her and he wanted to know if he ever had a chance with her. kate hates confrontations so each time he asked her she would murmur an answer and change the subject. the next time kate sees micheal she is going to tell him straight out that there really isnt a chance they can go out this year but as soon as she's ready she'll let him be the first to know. that's only fair. Right? (0) Comments

is newblog undergoing changes? Posted 7/16/2008 8:00:47 PM why is it that sometimes i cant get onto here? is newblog just having technical difficulties? or is it just me? lol (1) Comments

REALLY RANDOM STUFF tHaT hAzzz beeN runnINg thRu my hEad ToDaY Posted 7/7/2008 9:38:58 PM i have been thinking (thats the first right? hyuk-hyuk): you know pedifiles could be anywhere; they could be a drivers ed. instructor -think about it: this guy could take the car and a couple teens out on a back road, stop the car and scare the kiddies-, they could be a clown (classic, i know, but eerily possible), or they could even be a private tutor (hell, they could even be ur local teacher). and guess what!! my oh so very smart step bro NCK almost made this can of axe body spray explode. the idiot was trying to make a huge flame by spraying the stuff while holding a lighter in front of it. all of the sudden the top of the can just caught on fire and he accidently dropped it on the floor (in his room). he picked it back up and threw it into his fishtank. it went out and he thought it was over but when he turned back around he saw that the floor was on fire! somehow he put the fire out but now theres this huge burnt hole in his carpet. he's trying to cover it up with his trashcan. luckily, the can didnt explode and he threw it away. my mom is back at work until thursday...so i have to babysit...yay we celebrated the fourth on the fifth and the whole step family came over with smokes, booz, fireworks, and a mouthful of cusswords. my step cousins (roughly my age) and i all got slightly wasted. and anne eventually zonked out on my step bros bed. it was kinda funny. i miss jared...a lot. im reading two books: Forever Odd and The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. am i the only one (and i mean this in a none-racist way of course) who thinks it peculiar that we celebrate an american holiday with chinese products? heh...quite odd indeed. i miss jared...a lot. okay i iz tired so i go to bed now. nighty-night! p.s. Oo and i almost forgot!! my little sis was sleeping on the couch and i did the classic put-whipped-cream-in-one-hand-brush-the-face-and-watch-innocent-sleeper-smother-him/herself-in-the-stuff prank...worked like a charm!! heheh... p.s.s. i miss jared...a lot. (4) Comments

wave it good-bye II Posted 7/4/2008 11:21:53 PM all smug-like! im clueless so she ses "its what you sed about my mom!" im speechless....god for the life of me i couldnt remember what i had sed about her mom but i think that it wasnt nice...i felt like crying (call me dramatic but i did) because it appeared to me that krs was willing to bring up something that would both embaress her best frend and make her mom feel bad (and probly hate me) all because she was in a pissy mood...god, it made me soo...oh idk guilty feeling and sad and angry and guilty. i felt horrible!! and i was gna bring it up later that day but i decided not to hang it over her because i know that she really is a great person (even though she does have her moments). anywho, so i guess everything was going fine...the trip was fun...i guess the only other things that bugged me were the times that pretty much her, her mom, her cousin, and her aunt gave me grief just because i didnt like red sauce on my spaggeti (right now i dont give a rats ass that i spelled that wrong!!). i mean, omfg its not that big of deal how i eat my food!! and ok yes im picky about what i eat (if i was as unhealthy as u peepl think then u'd see celulite on my ass and stretch marks on my legs, but do u?! i didnt think so!!) im sorry i dont eat high class foods like u rich folks do!! and dont u dare think that im rich!! what i get is child support and social security money!! and although it seems like i do, i hardly ever spend it!! i dont get to inherit a fking car from any relative, and we dont get to go on fancy trips like you people do!! Therefore, i am NOT rich!! and another thing, im not stupid either!!! i dont need you smart people with your stupid smarticles S.L.O.W.L.Y. pronouncing every single word in apples to apples for me!! yeah haha you guys thot it was soooooo funny to make fun of the slow air-headed one!!! but goddamn i've never felt so embaressed and stupid!! and you know whats the worst part?! i always feel stupid around you people!!! i guess thats because i am but still, it never used to be like that until the whole deal with us never hanging out together!! ever since then i feel like a horrible person to stand in ur presence; like an intruder in ur house......you dont even know anymore... i envy the fact that my life isnt as stable as urs, i envy the love that's in your house, i envy pretty much every part of your life, and i envy the girl i used to see in the mirror, cus i havent the faintest clue as to where her and her best frend went....god why am i crying?! im so fucking sick of crying!!!...i feel (once again) that our friendship is fake...that its gone. which it probly is...and once again, i dont know what to do...happy fourth everyone... (2) Comments

wave it good-bye Posted 7/4/2008 11:18:55 PM okey dokey sooo branson was fun, although it had its moments...sorry but it did. for example: wen we first arrived in branson krs's mom took us to a bass pro. shop (place thingy majigger), and krs obviously didnt want to go. so, krs just sat in one spot pretty much the entire time we were there cus IT WAS JUST SOOOO HORRIBLE TO BE THERE!!!! and on the way back to the car she starts making fun of me nd her mom and our enthusiasm to go see this aquarium (omfg ok so my imagination got the best of me *agen*! so what?! u of all peepl should kno not to be all smug about it!!). and somehow she brings up the last canoe trip we went on and she goes "oh i could so say something right now that would be really mean but i wont" (1) Comments

this candy necklace is for you ;) Posted 6/21/2008 5:11:44 PM hmm i am...missing you jared!! (thankee cptn obvious!) ok so i think mom is just trying to forget the whole stupid thing that she overreacted on. she doesnt look or sound pissed, just tired (as always). cant wait till krs and i go to branson!! should be vair fun!!! heehee...im listening to...god, you know what i dont even know the name of this song. all i know is that its the one that has madonna and justin timberlake in it (tick tock tick tock tick tock). ;) heehee great song to dance to!! yupyupyup...gee...im bored...rawr...ah!! BLAH I AM A KRAKEN FROM THE SEA!! *that was you...* yeah ok then that was educational. if you think this is odd (me rambling on like this) heh you should hear me on the phone when everything else has been said!! l.o.l...nessossity... *we only got 4 minutes...ticktockticktockticktock* neener...Oo mom bought me some realy cool new jeans (probly cus she felt guilty bout dragging that stupid argument on and on and on.) any who they are pretty kewl. (im sure i know a certain someone who would like them...you know who you are! ;) heehee... ok then thats all for now. even tho i'll probly get back on in like a half hour and type something else...knowing me...ttyl loves (4) Comments

good morning...hahaha Posted 6/21/2008 12:11:50 AM just realized that it is officially saturday morning, so good morning loves!! heehee...no, im still in a kinda shitty mood...so i think i'll go find krs...she disappeared!! lol ttyl (0) Comments

my softball shoes... Posted 6/20/2008 11:26:55 PM no, i do not play softball. no, i did not enjoy walking around in them but i had to. me and me bff krs were walking around the mall when all the sudden my flip flop broke! so, we eventually left and dropped by my house so i could get my other shoes. the only car in our driveway was (what i thought) my moms car. i knocked on the door, no one answered, so i got the spare key and unlocked the door. i grabbed my shoes, locked the door, and left. at about 9:40 my mom called. i was spending the night at krs's house and i was laying on her bed while she folded clothes. here's a bit of me and moms converstation: me: ya my flipflops broke so i went home and got my shoes mom: what time was that? me: i dont know. i wasnt paying attention to the time mom: well cus me and gretch (my aunt) were at the mall for a while and i just got back like a half hour ago me: um, ok ...ok so long story short, i thought it was her car in the drive way. turns out it was my AUNTS car. i didnt realize that until i burst into tears and hung up on her. she got all pissy mom: well, i dont know how you could've gone in the house without seeing me. you're being all sarcastic and making up lies cus i had my car all day. me: (holding back tears because she has been dragging this on for at least ten minutes now) omigod mom, why would i lie?? what is the point in lying to you?!...my flipflops broke, i went home, got my shoes, saw your car in the driveway, didnt see you, and then went back to krs's house! im not lying! what would the point be in lying to you about that?!! mom: well i dont know, it just doesnt make any sense. it's not physically possible for you to see my car but not see me (etc.) ... so that dragged on, i ended up in tears as she repeated the same thing over and over again. i eventually hung up on her because i couldnt take it any longer. turns out, she did have her car and i was wrong. it was my aunts car in the driveway. so.what?! even though it was my aunts car it still shouldnt have been that big of a fkin deal!! i admit it, i was wrong (evn tho i have no idea how im gna tell her that...shit), she shouldnt have dragged it out anyways! she should've said something like "oh, well, call me tomro blahblahblah *more mommy things*" and just leave it at that; but did she? NO!! she drags it on and makes it a life and death situation!! and if i wasnt at my best friends house...god only knows what i'd do after mom lecturing me like that. it tore me apart and i am really fretting going back home. i didnt leave the house this morning on a good note with her, and now i get to go home to a fking pre-menopausal, monthly migraine, pissy mom...great... anyways, so she pretty much ruined my stay here at krs's house (sorta. just kinda spoiled the mood, its not like i wanna leave!! l2s!). and i must say i do envy the life of my best frend. she has such loving and caring parents who buy her kewl stuff. like a fking new phone and concert tickets!! count your blessings chick! god, my life and family seems like a complete failure compared to yours...just thought i'd let you know. okay, i think im done venting...FOR NOW!! AAHHH!! (0) Comments