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Energizerbunny
Member Since: 4/4/2007 8:26:43 AMLast Seen: 12/13/2009 2:09:50 PM
About Me
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My Friends Energizerbunny has 36 friends. View all of Energizerbunny's friends. |
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Posted 4/30/2007 1:51:35 PM
Found this while stumbling. Enjoy..The meaning behind - WOMEN'S NAMES Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity. Ada - blue haired, smells of wee. Adele - not only beautiful, but also very sexy. Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy. Adrianna - eats like a horse yet incredibly scrawny, her girlfriends all hate her. Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs. Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets. Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe. Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend. Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herslf go by in shop windows. Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off. Alix - happiest in a uniform and giving orders, always carries handcuffs. Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'. Alyshia - pretty sure that the sun shines out of her arse. Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot. Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible. Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers Amelia - A bit old fashioned, but still a goer. Anastasia - overly-loud, with delusions of grandeur. Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool. Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy. Angel - face like an angel, mouth like the biker-girl from hell. Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets. Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for. Ann - bone idle, can't be arsed to put an 'e' at the end of her name. Anna - likes lists, will have to open an instruction manual before she even considers a sexual act. Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers. Anneliese - seems shy but in reality a serious sexual deviant. Anneka - Sporty type, in and out of the bedroom. Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!. Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive. Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly formed breasts Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys. Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs. Aubreigh - Strange and mysterious and quite scary in an undefined way. Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way. Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid. Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed. Beatrice - likes to be put on a pedastal so she can look down on her adoring fans. Becky - one of the boys, knows all about football and cars, quite tall. Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points. Beryl - Repressed alcoholic. Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy. Bettina - Dominatrix. Betty - pretty, sexy, and basically just very hot. Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp. Bianca - Ginger. big mouth. Birgit - big scarey woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate. Brenda - Big hearted, in fact big everything-ed. Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars. Bridie - Cute and old fashioned, until she gets into bed. Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society. Brittany - considers everyone she meets to be an inferior to use as she sees fit. Brook - Cool name, cool Lady Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses. Cali - evil, enjoys pulling the legs off young boys. Callie - Dresses strangely, has psychopathic tendencies. Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'. Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying. Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak. Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow. Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips. Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up. Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom. Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam. Cassy - Giggles too much, bit of an air-head. Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing. Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA. Chantelle - Chavette, tracksuits and bling is all there is. Charis - Wears big baggy clothes and does so for valid reasons. Charli - won't even talk to a bloke unless he's wearing a burberry baseball cap. Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem. Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music. Chelsie - upmarket chav, says; "no right, I say right, etc" Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass. Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl. Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm. Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced. Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear. Clare - wears dungarees and 'prefers female company'. Claire / Clare / Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies. Caoilionn - looks good and talks dirty. Colleen - dresses like a Great-Aunt on the outside, but wears wild underwear. Constance - has an evil sense of humour, but only sometimes. Corinne - Insanely curious about everybody and everything. Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons. Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates. Danni - Always happy to make up a nice three-some, often brings her sister. Danielle - Stunningly attractive, yet has a tendency to self-destruct. Darlene - Country girl, will probably marry her first cousin and have 16 retarded children. Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck. Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips. Debra - Wannabe porn star Debby - Experienced porn star. Deborah - only really happy when tied up and being spanked.. Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies. DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea. Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up. Desiree - dresses wel, but doesn't change her underwear often enough. Destiny - Chav, chav, chav, chav, in fact the epitomy of chavness. Di - Party animal, forgets to breathe when talking. Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese. Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Dina - Always cheerful, wants everyone else to be as happy as she is. Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage. Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys. Edith - dresses down, but mighty hot beneath. Eileen - terrible flirt and yet shy deep down. Éirin - smiles with her eyes, can keep a secret. Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths and likes sharp edges. Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty. Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens. Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten, Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth. Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies. Elly - enjoys cooking and always dates fat blokes. Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men. Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair. Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies. Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker! Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic. Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass. Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed. Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud. Evelyn - Friendly and reliable, but keeps a book with everybody's name in it and marks them out of 10. Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success. Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up. Fae - Small and pretty, her mind seems always elsewhere. Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim. Fee - Not very bright, talks fast to make up for it. Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples. Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head. Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave. Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it Florence - pretty, but sometimes too nice .. people tend to take advantage of her. Francesca - Likes horses, not too fond of blokes. Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck! Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing. Freya - only really happy when inflicting pain on others. Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues. Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness. Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day. Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian but can't pull the girls. Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex! Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying. Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing. Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies. Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking. Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex. Georgina - Wants to be a man and nearly there now.. Giselle - elegant and graceful, until she moves, then clumsy and uncomfortable. Grace - petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit. Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself. Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath. Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs. Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub. Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men. Hazel - has piercings, wears black. Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer. Helen - Hangs around with the wrong rowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic. Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber. Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis. Hilary - Frigid. Holly - very sexy, doesn't take any crap from anyone. Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed. Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles. Iona - always carries a plastic carrier bag containing a bottle of strong cider. Irena - Shrew and not tamed yet. Isabel - Pretty lady who likes to be dominated, needs a man, any man. Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money. Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child to feed the habit. Jaclyn - quiet for long periods and then every once in a while she goes nuts. Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody?? Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes. Jamie - Gentle and yet with a very scary temper. Janet - Massive over bite, no neck. Jane - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser. Janneke - small and quiet, but incredibly gifted in the bedroom. Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands. Janine - Always takes on the 'mother role' when in a group. Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny. Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats. Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff. Jeanette - everyones favourite aunt, and yet strangely wicked in the bedroom. Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up. Jen - accident prone, especially around men she fancies. Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words. Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often. Jeri - only owns one pair of knickers and they've never been worn. Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it. Jill - pretty tom-boy, tends to wear mens clothes. Jo - Bisexual and proud of it. Joanna - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook. Jocelyn - Scientific type, wears sandals with socks. Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so! Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased. Jodie - pretty and clever, therefor a bitch Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast. Jordon - Wears a lot of make-up, nobody knows what she looks like. Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman! Judith - Big eyes, big tits, big problem with ballance. Judy - Huge tits, married to a retard. Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse. July - nice figure, nice personality. Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets. Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught. Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking. Karen - Nice tits, shags like a rabbit. Karly - not too bright but always means well, pretty in a tubby way. Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it. Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words. Kathryn - life and soul of any party until she falls asleep an hour before the end. Katey - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors. Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together. Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect) Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin. Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing. Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly. Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her. Kenya - Hot and wild, likes to get wet regularly. Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there. Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week. Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed. Kim - small and sexy, only into pretty boys. Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke and swears loudly. Kira - She's very very hot, so it's a shame about the lobotomy. Kirsty - Will eat anything, can't dance but thinks she can. Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night. Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots. Kristen - Intellectually challenged, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned. Kristine - fairly pretty in an arrogant kinda way. Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely arse. Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy. Lara - Fun loving girl, but doesn't find time for blokes.. Laura - Likes Nuts magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night. Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up. Leanne - Eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her. Leaine - Seems cute until she opens her mouth and starts swearing. Leigh - outdoorsy, which is where she likes her sex very noisily. Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking. Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing. Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men. Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will. Liberty - free spirit and yet always there when she's needed. Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone. Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole. Lindsey - Likes it doggy style, doesn't do housework. Lisa - enjoys money and is only turned on whilst watching porn. Liz - Long legged and brainy. Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips. Lois - Just wants to be loved but everyone seems to want to over-protect her. Lori - cute, bundle of energetic fun. Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as. Louise/a - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts. Luci - cute and loveable Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad. Lydia - hilarious, should seriously consider a career as a stand up comic. Lyndsey - wears 2 pairs of knickers, won't undress with the lights on. Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman. Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things. Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors. Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad. Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid. Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world. Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank. Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous. Maria - Bangs like a barn door. Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY. Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear. Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed. Marissa - not overly bright, falls for every chat-up line she hears. Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome. Marriah - doesn't need anybody else so long as she has a mirror. Martha - enjoys cooking, a shame it's always inedible. Martina - Obvious lesbian and so proud of her life choices.. Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits. Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers. Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz. Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat. Meg - Cheesy smell, name really needs an S to start it. Megan - quite pleasant until she loses her temper ... then it's time to run! Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children. Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely. Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected. Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary. Mercedes - pretends to be posh yet enjoys sleeping around. Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise. Mia - Cute, small, sexy, but mostly just annoying. Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them. Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag. Mikayla - Petite and shy, doesn't realise how pretty she is. Marsha - Big butt, small brain. Mojdeh - Not very bright but doesn't realise ... so shhhhh ... Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers. Monica - Control freak, but very pretty so we'll let her off. Monique - cool, calm, collected and probably drunk. Morven - Very very loud and doesn't see to realise it. Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her. Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver. Nancy - White hair, pays for her real ale in old money. Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French. Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune. Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing. Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent. Nephie - Pretty, smiles a lot, not very bright. Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear. Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant. Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed. Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial. Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often. Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough. Nikki - wannabe lap-dancer but got no rythm. Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years. Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles. Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair. Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats. Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers.. Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess. Paige - Normally much too serious, but giggles a lot in bed. Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic. Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow. Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff. Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon. Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position. Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff. Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage. Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar. Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands. Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame. Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly. Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed. Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers. Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks. Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact. Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe. Robbie - Fun loving tom-boy with a cheeky smile. Roberta - Takes herself much too seriously, could be a fun loving tom-boy. Robyn - Sexy with an arse to die for. Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind. Rhiannon - big and strong, prone to vilence. Riza - clever and funny, makes some blokes feel threatened. Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways. Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her. Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head. Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face. Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first. Rula - She measures up well. Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth. Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up. Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs. Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children. Sammy - likes to be the centre of attention, clumsy. Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged. Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate. Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing. Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW. Sasha - dresses like a bloke, screws like a rabbit. Scarlett - stunnngly beautiful and with a temper like a nuclear explosion. Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills. Shanice - Likes bling, not that bothered about knickers. Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model. Sharna - The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets. Sharon - Loud; clothes, jewelery, attitude, in fact everything. Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname. Sheila - Group Aunt, organises stuff and people very efficiently. Shelby - wants to be a cowboy, mainly for the horses and shooting people. Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper. Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control. Shyan - wears lots of track-suits with fag-holes in them. Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas. Shiva - tries to fit in, but only really succeeds at the weekend S&M parties. Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night. Siobhan - Ginger Minger with a severe wind problem. Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual. Sian - Does great sheep impression, hates mint sauce. Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix. Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree. Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff. Siri - Mischeivous, but great fun to be around. Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier". Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country. Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl. Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's. Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect. Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny! Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues. Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile. Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers. Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad. Taleah - nature lover, prefers animals to men. Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom. Tanya - Hot minx, a bit too short. Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys random chemicals. Taylah - life and soul of the party, particularly naked parties. Taylor - wears too much jewelry and not enough blouse. Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks. Teri - fun and flirty, sometimes annoyingly bouncy! Tessa - bubbly, warm and great company, also fairly easy on the eyes. Thelma - usually grumpy, only comes to life when bitching about other people. Therese - wears 2 pairs of knickers when she goes out ... just in case. Tiffany - likes short skirts and low tops, spends a lot of time in front of a mirror. Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less. Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski. Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens. Tracey - Wears a lot of pink, wants to be a lesbian cos she thinks that would be cool. Trinity - very sexy and yet without being too pretty Trudy - Genuinely nice lady, everybody loves her. Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry. Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are. Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt. Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy bitch. Vera - favouritr Aunty, smellsfaintly of lavender. Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't! Vicky - Likes Yoga. And Women. Victoria - everybody loves her but not as much as she loves herself. Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it. Wendy - works on a building site, possibly a man. Yasmin - Talks loud and fast, thinks she's gorgeous. Yvette - slightly timid, until she loses her temper and then watch out. Yvonne - control freak and yet crap at everything she does. Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often. Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
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Posted 4/30/2007 9:56:39 AM
Actual writings on hospital charts:* She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. * Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * She is numb from her toes down. * While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. * I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. * Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. * Skin: somewhat pale but present. * The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. * Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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Posted 4/27/2007 3:44:22 PM
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more booze for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn't . No one wants to hear me sing karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. 9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. 10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning
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Posted 4/27/2007 7:44:41 AM
You Know You Live(d) in a Hick Town When ...1) You can name everyone you graduated with. 2) You know what FFA means. 3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.) 4) You used to "drag" Main 5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour. 6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't. 7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.) 8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them. 9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off. 10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town. 11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation. 12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson 's, and its four houses left of the track field. 13) The golf course had only 9 holes, or golf courses were only found at the "snooty" towns. (See #16) 14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. 15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason. 16) The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty," but was actually just like you r town. 17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1965 as "the rich people." 18) The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later. 19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar. 20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally. 21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger. 22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference. 23) When you decided to walk/run somewhere for exercise, people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride. 24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names. 25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents. 26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID. 27) The closest McDonalds was 25 miles away (or more). 28) The closest mall was over an hour away. 29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower. 30) You've pee'd in a cornfield. 31) Most people went by a nickname. 32) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it's true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.
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Posted 4/25/2007 2:25:15 PM
Passed along from my friend Whoreofbabylon.well this what i learnt in a creative writing self help class!!! (that was Animica's class and her excercise) You have to write your autobiography not the entire thing but the contents page i.e the title and the title of the chapters!!! This is mine ROLE PLAY 1. The old times ( Everything was simple when my life was young) 2. Baby brother ( Tracey came into my life, at first hated him, but soon realized I loved him) 3. Death and confusion ( Dads death shattered my whole world) 4. The void ( this section is mostly empty. After dads death the next year or so is mostly blank) 5. New beginnings ( starting over new school, new friends, and new location) 6. New me ( getting to know myself all over) 7. Freedom reigns ( Look out new driver on the roads) 8. Off to serve ( I heard the call and joined the Army right out of high school) 9. Time to shape up ( basic training enough said) 10. Broadened horizons ( My first duty station is in Germany) 11. The battle begins ( my squad sergeant starts a battle of wills) 12. Victory is mine ( he gives up I win) 13. New realizations ( me and the army bad match) 14. Home again ( returning home everything seems smaller) 15. The urge to move strikes ( On ward to the future) 16. New home life goes on ( settled in Florida) 17. Death and confusion anew ( Moms death hits hard) 18. Life lessons ( finding out who is a true friend and who is a mooch) 19. The journey continues ( The future is ours to discover)
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Posted 4/24/2007 2:58:11 PM
Here is a link to the left brain page. http://members.shaw.ca/hidden-talents/brain/113-left.html#brain
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Posted 4/24/2007 2:40:18 PM
An Interesting Date: 02:03:04 05/06/07 is coming…are you prepared?NumerologyThat’s right, coming right up at three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07. This will never happen again, unless you are from another country (mostly in Europe) where they (more logically) list the numeric date in the order of 'DAY/MONTH/YEAR'. In that case, the 02:03:04 05-06-07 pattern will occur at 3 minutes and 4 seconds after 2 am on June 5th, 2007. So, if you miss the big event in the US, you still have time to fly to Sweden for the festivities in June. At the very least a chicken (or a juicy red beet for you vegans) should be sacrificed to mark this momentous occasion. Numerologists are salivating in anticipation, as we all should be. Some of the more adventurous of us will host 2,3,4,5,6,7 parties for our nocturnal friends- full of fun numerical games. Sadly, more of us will likely be asleep, completely unaware of the wonder that will quickly pass us by. Posted by Rebecca Sato
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Posted 4/24/2007 2:36:42 PM
First habitable Earth like planet outside Solar System discoveredMalaysia Sun Monday 23rd April, 2007 (ANI) Munich, Apr 23 : An international team of astronomers from Switzerland, France and Portugal have discovered the most Earth-like planet outside our Solar System to date. The planet has a radius only 50 percent larger than Earth and is very likely to contain liquid water on its surface. The research team used the European Southern Observatory's (ESO's) 3.6-m telescope to discover the super-Earth, which has a mass about five times that of the Earth and orbits a red dwarf already known to harbour a Neptune-mass planet. Astronomers believe there is a strong possibility in the presence of a third planet with a mass about eight times that of the Earth in the system. However, unlike our Earth, this planet takes only 13 days to complete one orbit round its star. It is also 14 times closer to its star than the Earth is from the Sun. However, since its host star, the red dwarf Gliese 581, is smaller and colder than the Sun - and thus less luminous - the planet lies in the habitable zone, the region around a star where water could be liquid! "We have estimated that the mean temperature of this super-Earth lies between 0 and 40 degrees Celsius, and water would thus be liquid," said Stiphane Udry from the Geneva Observatory, Switzerland and lead-author of the paper in the journal Astronomy and Astrophysics. "Moreover, its radius should be only 1.5 times the Earth's radius, and models predict that the planet should be either rocky - like our Earth - or covered with oceans," he said. "Liquid water is critical to life as we know it and because of its temperature and relative proximity, this planet will most probably be a very important target of the future space missions dedicated to the search for extra-terrestrial life. On the treasure map of the Universe, one would be tempted to mark this planet with an X," added Xavier Delfosse, a member of the team from Grenoble University, France. According to the research team, the host star, Gliese 581, is among the 100 closest stars to us, located only 20.5 light-years away in the constellation Libra ("the Scales"). The star has a mass only one third that of the Sun. Such red dwarfs are at least 50 times intrinsically fainter than the Sun and are the most common stars in our Galaxy. Among the 100 closest stars to the Sun, 80 belong to this class. "Red dwarfs are ideal targets for the search for such planets because they emit less light, and the habitable zone is thus much closer to them than it is around the Sun. Any planets that lie in this zone are more easily detected with the radial-velocity method, the most successful in detecting exoplanets," said Xavier Bonfils, a co-worker from Lisbon University.
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Posted 4/23/2007 12:59:03 PM
Contact: Steve Koppesskoppes@uchicago.edu 773-702-8366 University of Chicago Prehistoric mystery organism verified as giant fungus 'Humongous fungus' towered over all life on land Scientists at the University of Chicago and the National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C., have produced new evidence to finally resolve the mysterious identity of what they regard as one of the weirdest organisms that ever lived. Their chemical analysis indicates that the organism was a fungus, the scientists report in the May issue of the journal of Geology, published by the Geological Society of America. Called Prototaxites (pronounced pro-toe-tax-eye-tees), the organism went extinct approximately 350 million years ago. Prototaxites has generated controversy for more than a century. Originally classified as a conifer, scientists later argued that it was instead a lichen, various types of algae or a fungus. Whatever it was, it stood in tree-like trunks more than 20 feet tall, making it the largest-known organism on land in its day. "No matter what argument you put forth, people say, well, that’s crazy. That doesn’t make any sense," said C. Kevin Boyce, an Assistant Professor in Geophysical Sciences at Chicago. "A 20-foot-tall fungus doesn’t make any sense. Neither does a 20-foot-tall algae make any sense, but here’s the fossil." The Geology paper adds a new line of evidence indicating that the organism is a fungus. The fungus classification first emerged in 1919, with Francis Hueber of the National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C., reviving the idea in 2001. His detailed studies of internal structure have provided the strongest anatomical evidence that Prototaxites is not a plant, but a fungus. "Fran Hueber has contributed more to our understanding of Prototaxites than anyone else, living or dead," said Carol Hotton, also of the National Museum of Natural History. "He built up a convincing case based on the internal structure of the beast that it was a giant fungus, but agonized over the fact that he was never able to find a smoking gun in the form of reproductive structures that would convince the world that it was indeed a fungus," Hotton said. Co-authoring the Geology paper with Boyce, Hotton and Hueber himself were Marilyn Fogel, George Cody and Robert Hazen of the Carnegie Institution of Washington, and Andrew Knoll of Harvard University. Their work was funded by NASA’s Astrobiology Institute and by the American Chemical Society Petroleum Fund. Prototaxites lived worldwide from approximately 420 million to 350 million years ago. During this period, which spans part of the Silurian and Devonian periods of geologic time, terrestrial Earth looked quite alien in comparison to the modern world. Simple vascular plants, the ancestors of the familiar conifers, ferns and flowering plants of today, began to diversify on land during the Devonian Period. "Initially, they’re just stems. They don’t have roots. They don’t have leaves. They don’t have anything like that," Boyce said. Millipedes, wingless insects and worms were among the other organisms making a living on land by then, but no backboned animals had yet evolved out of the oceans. "That world was a very strange place," Boyce said. Although vascular plants had established themselves on land 40 million years before the appearance of Prototaxites, the tallest among them stood no more than a couple feet high. By the end of the Devonian, approximately 345 million years ago, large trees, ferns, seeds, leaves and roots had all evolved. "They’re all there. They just exploded over this one time period," Boyce said. Canadian paleontologist Charles Dawson published the first research on Prototaxites in 1859, based on specimens found along the shores of Gaspé Bay in Quebec, Canada. Hueber pored through Dawson’s field notebooks, written "in a completely illegible scrawl," Hotton said. "Fran spent months deciphering them for clues about the localities where specimens had been collected, how Dawson interpreted them and other information that helped understand this humongous fungus," she said. Hueber also traveled to Canada, Australia and Saudi Arabia to collect specimens. He tediously sliced them into hundreds of thin sections and made thousands of images taken through microscopes to determine the organism’s identity. Now Boyce, Hotton and their colleagues have produced independent evidence that supports Hueber’s case. The team did so by analyzing two varieties—isotopes—of carbon contained in Prototaxites and the plants that lived in the same environment approximately 400 million years ago. The metabolism of plants is limited by photosynthesis. Deriving their energy from the sun and their carbon from carbon dioxide in the air, any given type of plant will typically contain a similar ratio of carbon-12 to carbon-13 as another plant of the same type. "But if you’re an animal, you will look like whatever you eat," Boyce said. And Prototaxites displayed a much wider variation in its ratio of carbon-12 to carbon-13 content than would be expected in any plant. Geological processes can alter the isotopic composition of fossils, but Boyce and his colleagues conducted tests to verify that the carbon isotopic composition of the specimens they analyzed stemmed from organic rather than geologic factors. As for why these bizarre organisms grew so large, "I’ve wondered whether it enabled Prototaxites to distribute its spores widely, allowing it to occupy suitable marshy habitats that may have been patchily distributed on the landscape," Hotton said. The relatively simple Devonian ecosystems certainly seemed to contain nothing to prevent them from growing slowly for a long time. Plant-eating animals had not yet evolved, Boyce said. But even if Prototaxites hadn’t been eaten by the dinosaurs and elephants that came much later, they probably grew too slowly to rebuild from regular disturbances of any kind, Boyce said. "It’s hard to imagine these things surviving in the modern world," he said.
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Posted 4/19/2007 2:39:19 PM
ST. PETERSBURG - Sharon Touchton lay in her hospital bed. The doctors had sewn her tongue and three fingers back on. Her spleen was ruptured. She had lost her left pinkie finger and one tooth.What did this to you, her husband asked. And she told him: A fish. On March 31, Sharon, 50, was riding the Suwannee River with her husband, Nick, their 3-year-old granddaughter, Jasmine, and other members of their Jet Ski club. Before they left their camp site, Nick Touchton said, they had heard warnings about the spawning sturgeon. But they didn't give it much thought. "People had said, 'Be careful of the jumping sturgeon,' " Nick Touchton recalled on Tuesday. "And we said, 'Yeah, be careful of winning the lottery, too.' " As they cruised along the river, Sharon Touchton pulled ahead. She remembers a huge silver shape rising out of the water. She turned away. Then it struck her, about 200 pounds of fish, covered in sharp-edged bony plates like armor. She fell, hitting her head. All of it happened in the time it took for her husband to turn his head and check on friends farther back on the river. When he looked again, his wife's craft was empty. She was floating facedown in the water. He didn't know what had happened. "I thought she was dead," he said. He remembers dragging her out of the water. She wasn't breathing. Then she coughed and spit out blood, and he could see that she had bitten clean through her tongue. It was swelling, choking her. Nick Touchton flagged down a pontoon boat. She remembers waking up there. Someone raised her arm, and she saw her own hand. "I had no fingers," she said. "I had nothing. The bones were sticking out of my fingers." She added, "I dream of it every night." Her fingers had been sheared off by the sharp edge of the sturgeon's bony plate. They were hanging by a strip of flesh. Later, when Nick Touchton inspected her personal water craft, he saw the long scratch leading to the handlebar where her hand had been. She was taken by helicopter to Shands at the University of Florida in Gainesville, where surgeons did their best to mend her broken teeth and hand. In the hospital, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission investigator Kenneth Holmes interviewed her. He has seen this kind of thing before. Every year, he said, people are injured in collisions with sturgeons during the spawning season. Last year, eight people were injured. Holmes said there have even been fatalities. "You got to understand, these fish are 200-plus pounds, and they're very territorial," he said. "They'll jump out of the water to basically show other sturgeon who's the man." The wildlife commission has put up warning signs, but not everyone takes them seriously, Holmes said. As he interviewed Sharon Touchton in the hospital, Holmes said, she kept asking him: How could a fish do this to me? Even now, at home in St. Petersburg, she wonders. Friends have been joking with her. "They say they're eating more sturgeon caviar than they have in their lives," she said. She has to joke, she said. What happened was so horrible. "I have to live with it," she said.
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Posted 4/16/2007 3:59:04 PM
 You are The Devil Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition. Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it. What Tarot Card are You?Take the Test to Find Out.
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Posted 4/16/2007 10:41:58 AM
Only a person in TENNESSEE could think of this!From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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Posted 4/15/2007 7:51:06 AM
Stephany was behind the counter at the Seven Eleven. Steph had graduated two years earlier and was no attending the local college. Steph asked “How I was doing?” I said “ I’m just fine.” She wanted to know how much trouble I had gotten into since the big fight. None so far this is the first time I’ve been aloud to do anything since. I introduced Sally to Steph. Both seemed to be a little standoffish about one another. Which at the time I missed understood why. We chatted for a few more minutes then we left.I opened the door for Sally, as always. She seemed a little bit withdrawn. When I got back in the car and started the engine I went to put my arm around her but she pulled away. This is when I started to think I might be in trouble for something. I asked “Is something wrong?” She said “No! I’m just starting to get tired.” Do you want to go to the point? Maybe we should just go home. So we rode all the way back to my house in silence. When we got home I leaned in thru the window to give her kiss and she gave me a quick little peck. “Be careful going home.” I said. She said “ I will. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I opened the door an guess what. My parents were waiting up for me. They haven’t done that in years. So I got the third degree about the date. You know the usual. How was the movie? Where did we go for dinner? After all the questions they said I had proven myself again. So we all went to bed. The next morning me an mom got up and went to church as usual. Jen and Tommy grilled me about my date, more Jen than Tommy of coarse. So I told them all about it. Jen got all mushy about the fondue restaurant. When I told her we skipped the movie she got this wicked look. Jen asked “ Did you guys go up to the point?” I said “ We thought about it but after we left the store Sally was feeling tired.” Jen got this weird look and asked what had happened in the store. Nothing we went in picked up some stuff and when we got back in the car she said she felt tired. “Ok more details.” Jen said. “Who was working?” “ steph Jones.” I said. “did you guys talk at all?” Jen asked. I replied “ Yeah she asked how I was doing? You know the usual small talk.” “ Oh and I did introduce Steph to Sally.” “ How did you introduce them?” I had to think what did I say….. “ Stephany Jones this is Sally Johnson. She just moved here from Maine. Jen said “ You did not say it that way did you?” Yeah why? Jen and Tommy looked at me and shook their heads. “What!?!” I said. If you haven’t figured it out yet sometimes I can be rather dense. This is where Jen and Tommy took me outside an gave me a very long lecture on how to introduce two women to one another. Apparently I had committed a huge error. What I should have said was something like this…. Stephany Jones I would like you to meet Sally Johnson my lovely date. She just moved here from Maine. How silly of me not to know this. When we left church mom wanted to go by the store. So we stopped by the seven eleven on the way home. I didn’t need anything so I stayed in the car. Mom said she wouldn’t be long. She was in the store for almost fifteen minutes. When she finally came back out she looked upset. I asked her what was wrong. She said Steph was on her way home last night and had an accident. That’s why her and her folks had missed church. Apparently the brakes failed. When she tried to stop for the light by her house they didn’t work and she was hit by a pick up truck. That’s all mom could find out from her boss. Mom wanted to go by the hospital but I had to get to work., So I took her home. She came in and told dad and they went to go see if she was ok. After they left I grabbed a quick shower and gave Sally a call. No answer. So off to work I went. Work was slow but in our town when was it not. Everyone was talking about Steph’s accident. All I learned was her car was totaled and they had to use the jaws of life to get her out of the wreckage.
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Posted 4/14/2007 7:47:29 AM
This was borrowed from Nicklepickle. But I am using this concept to posse a new question.About 12 years ago I was sitting in a philosophy class thinking about this very same question. Today I will take you through a thought experiment that I found rather fascinating. For this thought experiment I will be using the western conception of God. God had the following qualities: 1. God is all knowing. 2. God is all good. 3. God is all powerful. °If God is all knowing, then all possible worlds exist in his mind. Or in other words he has knowledge of all possible worlds. °If God is all powerful, he has the ability to bring any of the possible worlds into existence. °If God is all good, he will create the best possible world. Now we all remember the story of Adam and Eve correct. Well for those who do not here it is in the condensed version. God created the entire universe and made the world in seven days. God made all the plants and the animals but something was missing so he made Adam in his own image. After a time he noticed man was lonely so he made Eve for man. They could live in peace with all living things, but there was only one rule… Do not eat the fruit of this one tree the Tree of Knowledge. Ok now here is my question. If he is all knowing why put that tree there in the first place? If he is all good why tempt his creation? If he is all powerful why let everyone suffer? So tell me what you think……
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Posted 4/12/2007 9:56:36 AM
I’ve been running for what seems like an eternity never quite sure if I have gotten away or not. Every time I slow down and try and start over she finds me. Sally, she gives psycho stalker a whole new dimension. She can track me no matter where I run, it’s a little unnerving how easy she makes it look. Well I am getting ahead of myself lets go back to when life seemed normal.I grew up in a small town in the mid west , nothing special farms mostly. The son of hard working parents, Frank and Edith, all they ever wanted was a family and good health. Yea I know sounds corny as hell but what do you expect it is the mid west after all. Go live there yourself you will see what I mean. Anyway that was all well an good until I hit the age of reason, 12, and started to think this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. Well lets just say my parents, my father mostly, was not very keen on this idea of mine to run of and see the world. Their view on my future involved college and Jennifer Jones, this lovely young girl I grew up with. Our parents had been trying to get us together since we first met in church at the tender age of 5 and 4. It was all rather innocent at first of coarse. The families did everything with each other from movies, picnics, dinners, and even went on vacations together. When we were kids this was great always having someone around to have fun with, but as we grew older we started to grow apart. Jen and I started to date other people around the 7th grade. When our parents found out they lost their minds. Mine tried the old “ What would Jen say if she seen you out with those other girls?” Well it didn’t go over very well when I said she knows we our double dating. Her parents told her if she wanted to go out and do anything without them along it had to be with me or no one at all. Well I’m sure you can figure out what we did next, no well let me fill you in on a little secret. We lied!!! We started to play a new game, Fool the parents, it was going along quite well for the next couple of years anyway. By the time we hit sophomore year in high school things started to unravel. Jen had been dating Tommy for about a year he knew about the game of coarse and was quite apt at the occasional assist when needed. It was all when I first met Sally that things started to fall apart. Sally had just transferred in that year from somewhere on the east coast, Maine if anything she said was ever true that is. She was drop dead gorgeous. She was totally different from every other girl I had ever known. Small at only four feet eleven inches tall, but man was she ever well compensated every where else. Long black hair down past her waste, and a figure that would give any farm girl a run for her money. Still I must have been the only one who felt this way cause everyone else seemed to go out of their way to pick on her. In retrospect I should have took this as a warning sign but damn I’m a sucker for a damsel in distress. I remember the first time we ever talked. It was on a Friday home coming weekend, everyone was getting ready for the game and the dance. I still had not found a date which was not a really big problem there was a few girls that would go if I asked. I was on my way to do just that when I seen this big group of people gathered around the bleachers. When I get over to see what was going on a couple of the guys from the football team were having a little fun with Sally. They had taken her book bag and was playing keep away with her. Now remember Sally is the shortest person in high school not a very nice thing to do to anyone but to her it was maddening. About the time I was going to step in and help was when she snapped. Sally reached out an kicked poor Wayne right in well you know where she punched. This dropped Wayne to his knees and also Sally’s book bag as well. She reached for her bag and Jim back handed her right to the ground. I jump over poor Wayne and knocked out Jim’s front to teeth when I hit him in the mouth. When Wayne and Jim recovered they looked at me like I was the one that had did something wrong. Jim said “ What in the hell did you do that for?” My reply was “ You should not have hit her if you didn’t want to get hit yourself.” Then he ask if I had seen what she did to Wayne. Well of coarse I did stupid, but that’s what he got for not giving her back the book bag back when she asked for it. After everyone decided the show was over Sally asked me why I had stuck my neck out for her? Because a guy should never hit a lady, especially when I’m around. My mom and dad brought me up better than that and I know Wayne an Jim’s did also. She stepped up onto the bleachers and wrapped her arms around me and gave me a great big hug an was she ever strong . This made me feel a little bit sorry for Wayne, if she is half as strong in the legs as she is in the arms he wont be right for a couple of days. I walked back to her next class and she asked me if I had a date for the dance. I told her not yet then she got this big grin on her face and said “ You do now.” This took me by surprise, see I had never had a girl act like that around here before. Made me feel a little bit strange yet intrigued at the same time. If she was this bold to ask me out I could hardly wait to see what else she might be willing to try. It didn’t take long before word got back to Jen and Tommy. They came looking for me to see why I had struck one of my friends. It seems that the part where they were being assholes had been edited from the version of the story they heard, Huh Imagine that. Well I did my best to fill in the blanks for them and actually told them everything I had seen and that was why I had hit Jim. The story they received led then to believe not only had I knocked out Jim’s teeth but also was the one that kicked Wayne in as well. After they heard the real story things calmed down quite a bit. Tommy said he was going to have a talk with Jim. You see Tommy and Jim were like brothers, they lived down the road from each other their entire lives. He had never heard of nor seen Jim do anything like this before. Jen asked me if I was ok. Yea I said other than a couple of small cuts on my hand from Jim’s teeth I was fine. I picked Jen up for the dance, well Tommy and I picked Jen up, around 7pm. We all went and picked up Sally right after that. Sally was a little upset to see Jen and Tommy with me. She wanted me all to herself. I assured her she would have my undivided attention for the rest of the night. This gave her a great big grin. About half way through the dance Sally and I decided to take a walk an get some air. It was very stuffy in a gymnasium full of over active teenagers. The cool air felt really good. We strolled along not having any planned designation, or at least I had no plan for it. We ended up down by the green house behind the school. Sally is planning to be a horticulturalist after she graduates from high school and has fixed a place up inside the green house for us to be alone. It smells of flowers, fertilizer, plant food, and there is a lot of moisture in the air. She leads me to a spot in the back next to a large bed of different types of roses, the unique blend of aromas from them was absolutely intoxicating. Sally shoves me down on a soft bed of what feels like grass, but I assumed it was straw, and pounces on me. We made out for what seemed like forever. Her mouth explored mine our tongues danced around softly at first then more intensely like they were trying to become one. Sally’s hand roamed all across me from my head to the top of my waist band. We stopped to catch our breath only to realize we had been gone for over an hour. So we straightened up so we looked a little less disheveled before starting back towards the gym. We had almost made it back to the gym when Jim and Wayne stepped out from behind the building. Jim was pissed about loosing a tooth the other day. Before I could even react Jim hit me hard on the side of the head. I went down but not out, I yelled for Sally to go find Tommy. Wayne tried to grab her but she quite deftly avoided his grab and vanished around the corner. I jump back to my feet and brought an upper cut with me for Jim’s jaw. It connected and he fell backwards and landed hard on his back, not giving him time to recover I jumped on him and started raining more blows down on his head. Wayne planted a boot to the side of my head that left me just a bit on the dizzy side of life for the moment. When he landed the next blow of his fist to my jaw it snapped me right back to the present. Being out numbered is never any fun but sometimes unavoidable also. I reached up and grabbed a handful of Wayne’s nuts in a vise like grip to get his attention. It worked quite well he stopped trying to hit and kick me almost instantly after that. I stood up still holding onto Wayne and looked for Jim. Jim was just starting to stir so I hit Wayne as hard as I could right where the right side of his jaw connected to his skull and he went to sleep. I walked back over to where I thought Jim was still out of it and got kicked so hard in the nuts that I passed out. When I woke up I was in the emergency room. I was cold and sore. The reason I was cold was I had an ice pack on my balls. I was sore because Jim beat the hell out of me while I was out cold. I had two black eyes, a broken nose, three missing teeth, both my lips were split and I had a minor concussion. No wonder I felt like shit. Mom and dad was right by my side when I regained conciseness. They had so many questions but I just couldn’t stay focused on the answers to be of much help. Thank you concussion. The police wanted to take a statement from me as well but the doctor along with my parents held them of till I could recover some. Which was great because I couldn’t answer me moms questions I knew I couldn’t answer theirs. I will never forget that week. I spent three days in the hospital, but it was a small comfort to find out that Jim and Wayne was down the hall under guard and in much worse shape. Apparently I had broken both their jaws and almost ruptured Wayne’s nuts. They spent quite a bit more time in the hospital than I did. Fear is a very good motivator, it helped to make me capable of more than normal strength and endurance. Neither one of them ever gave Sally or me any more trouble though as I recall. Anyway I’m getting of subject a bit, back to the main topic. It took a little bit of straight, honest explanation to get out of the police officers target and not get any charges filed against me. The fact that I was jumped didn’t have much strength when they seen the damaged I caused to the other guys. Also I found out Tommy was the one who came and took Jim out. He seen Jim sitting on my chest punching me even after I had already passed out. Apparently Tommy took this as not a nice thing to do, even when it was his long time friend who was doing it. Now came the hard part, explaining to my mom and dad what happened. This also, if you had not guessed , ended the little charade Jen and I had been carry on for quite some time. By the way I never told them about the first fight either. Dad took it in stride cause he was absolutely beaming that I could beet up two boys at once. Mom on the other hand was not impressed in the least. She kept on saying things like, school and home is all you will be doing for quite some time young man, but after some sincere apologizing for not being honest with them she calmed down a bit. I think she was more upset that Jen and I was able to lie to them so well for so long. I spent the next six months on parent in-forced house arrest. That part mom insisted on which meant the only time Sally and I got to see each other was at school. She was not pleased with this part in the least. She started to get real possessive of the time we spent together. (Looking back this is where the first red flags started to wave, but I was to young and infatuated to see them.) Not wanting to share me with anyone else, but I thought it was kind of cool to have someone feel so strongly about me. It feed a part of my ego I did not know existed. She was always waiting for me after every class and did not want to let me get on the bus to go home every day. Yes that was another part of my punishment NO CAR which hurt the most. Six months went by rather slowly but it did eventually pass. On my first Saturday off restriction Sally took me out for a very nice private dinner. No friends where aloud to know the location of this restaurant. She even went so far as to drive saying it was to insure the secrecy of the restaurant. To be honest this ticked me off just a bit but also was intriguing . I did learn one thing though Sally was never aloud to drive when we went out ever again. By the time we arrived at the restaurant I was a nervous wreck. Have you ever ridden with someone who thinks they are the best driver on the road but are the worst one you have ever seen. Well Sally was the worst driver I had ever had the displeasure of riding with. She followed way to close for the speed she was driving, and almost hit three cars while looking at me while she was driving. Needless to say I drove when we left the restaurant. Back to the restaurant, we went to one of those fondue places. It was really nice but not the place to go if you are hungry, which I was. I didn’t have much to eat that day cause all I could think about was being with her that evening. Well since she was paying , another first for me, I let her do the ordering. We had all kinds of different cheese dips and some type of sauces for the meat, but the best part was the fruit and chocolate yummy. The chocolate got a little bit messy I had it on my chin and shirt, Sally had it on her upper lip, chin and Chest, which I afford to help clean off. She responded by adding some to my nose. It was getting close to the time the movie was about to start so we settled up the tab and I left a nice tip, seeing as how they had a mess to clean up after we left. I took Sally’s keys and let her no in no-uncertain terms I was driving. She just looked up and gave me a very wicked smile and said ok. We started towards the movie theatre but by the time we got their the movie had already started. I was a little disappointed but Sally didn’t seem to mind to much. She had been snuggled up against me every since we left the restaurant. So we got back in the car I suggested we drive up to the point because the moon was full and the air was crisp and I didn’t want to have her take me home yet. She agreed and asked if we could stop by the store for some sodas before we went. “Sounds great to me.” I said. I pulled over at the 7 eleven and we picked up soda, water, chips, and chocolate.
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Posted 4/11/2007 6:05:07 PM
1.Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."2.Morgan Robertson's 1898 novella Futility had many parallels with the RMS Titanic disaster; the book concerned a fictional state-of-the-art ocean liner called Titan, which (like the Titanic) eventually collides with an iceberg on a calm April night whilst en route to New York, with many dying because of the lack of lifeboats. Various other details in the book coincide with the Titanic disaster. Later, she wrote a book, Beyond the Spectrum, that described a future war fought with aircraft that carried "sun bombs". Incredibly powerful, one bomb could destroy a city, erupting in a flash of light that blinds all who look at it. The war begins in December, started by the Japanese with a sneak attack on Hawaii. 3.The British actor Anthony Hopkins [who shot to fame as Hannibal Lecter] was delighted to hear that he had landed a leading role in a film based on the book The Girl From Petrovka by George Feifer. A few days after signing the contract, Hopkins travelled to London to buy a copy of the book. He tried several bookshops, but there wasn't one to be had. Waiting at Leicester Square underground for his train home, he noticed a book apparently discarded on a bench. Incredibly, it was The Girl From Petrovka. That in itself would have been coincidence enough but in fact it was merely the beginning of an extraordinary chain of events. Two years later, in the middle of filming in Vienna, Hopkins was visited by George Feifer, the author. Feifer mentioned that he did not have a copy of his own book. He had lent the last one - containing his own annotations - to a friend who had lost it somewhere in London. With mounting astonishment, Hopkins handed Feifer the book he had found. 'Is this the one?' he asked, 'with the notes scribbled in the margins?' It was the same book. 4.A British officer, Major Summerford, while fighting in the fields of Flanders in February 1918 was knocked off his horse by a flash of lightning and paralyzed from the waist down. Summerford retired and moved to Vancouver. One day in 1924, as he fished alongside a river, lightning hit the tree he was sitting under and paralyzed his right side. Two years later Summerford was sufficiently recovered that he was able to take walks in a local park. He was walking there one summer day in 1930 when a lightning bolt smashed into him, permanently paralyzing him. He died two years later. But lightning sought him out one last time. Four years later, during a storm, lightning struck a cemetery and destroyed a tombstone. The deceased buried here? Major Summerford. 5. Lincoln and J.F. Kennedy Life Both presidents had 7 letters in their last name. Both were over 6' feet tall. Both men studied law. Both seemed to have lazy eye muscles, which would sometimes cause one to deviate. Both suffered from genetic diseases. It is suspected that Lincoln had Marfan's disease, and Kennedy suffered from Addison's disease. Both served in the military. Lincoln was a scout captain in the Black Hawk War, and Kennedy served as a navy lieutenant in World War II. Both were boat captains. Lincoln was a skipper for the Talisman, a Mississippi River boat, and Kennedy was skipper of the PT 109. Both had no fear of their mortality and disdained bodyguards. Both often stated how easy it would be to shoot the president. Lincoln supposedly said, "If somebody wants to take my life, there is nothing I can do to prevent it." Kennedy supposedly said "If somebody wants to shoot me from a window with a rifle, nobody can stop it." Note that both these quotes are each 16 words long. Death Both presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday. Both were seated beside their wives when shot. Neither Mrs. Lincoln nor Mrs. Kennedy was injured. Both wives held the bullet-torn heads of their husbands. In each case, the man was injured but not fatally. Major Henry Rathbone was slashed by a knife, and Governor John Connolly was shot. Lincoln sat in Box 7 at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy rode in car 7 in the Dallas motorcade. Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Ford product, a Lincoln limousine. Mrs. Kennedy insisted that her husband's funeral mirror Lincoln's as closely as possible.
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Posted 4/11/2007 2:38:43 PM
 Just imagine the look on peoples faces when you take one of these special cigarettes from your pocket, drop it into a cup full of water and after a while start enjoying your hot cup of tea. Of course there’s tea, not tobacco inside of these cigarettes and the filter works like a float.
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Posted 4/11/2007 1:37:14 PM
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Posted 4/10/2007 2:25:29 PM
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
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Posted 4/10/2007 7:36:23 AM
While I was doing my usual stuff this weekend, my wife and I gotinto a conversation about life, death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. So she got up, unplugged the computer and threw out all my beer. Man, sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass.
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Posted 4/9/2007 9:24:40 PM
You Are the Index Finger  You are ambitious, driven, and capable. You aren't afraid to take responsibility for your actions - or place the blame on whoever deserves it. You are honest, free thinking, and objective. You see things in your own way - and you aren't afraid to let everyone know about it. You get along well with: The Thumb Stay away from: The Ring Finger What Finger Are You?
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Posted 4/9/2007 9:11:03 PM
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.2. Real men drive stick shift. 3. I will leave if you lie. 4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts). 5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so. 6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. 7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. 8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. 9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her. 10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you. 11. I expect you to call me. 12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants. 13. I'm scared of losing my independence. 14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. 15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick. 16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.) 17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want. 18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not. 19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it. 20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. 21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies. 22. You look hot in hooded clothing items. 23. You should never tell me what to do. 24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast. 25. My breasts love much licking and sucking. 26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. 27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice. 28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. 29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. 30. I want to be Madonna. 31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. 32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand. 33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. 34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. 35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving. 36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this. 37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking.... 38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times. 39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. 40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points. 41. I love it when you're sweaty. 42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas. 43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses. 44. I like porn. 45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands. 46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public. 47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read... 48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat. 49. I remember everything about our relationship. 50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.
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Posted 4/9/2007 8:52:51 PM
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9″. Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36″. And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.” Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.” The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Harry, after a moment: “Legs.” Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: “Pockets.” Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants” Ms. Brooks: What’s starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Harry: “Coconut.” The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: “Bubble gum” Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?” Harry: “Shake hands.” The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?” Harry: “Firetruck” The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……”
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Posted 4/9/2007 8:49:18 PM
Why or true things which do not make senseWhy is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”? What is the speed of darkness? If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? Can you cry underwater? How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder…… Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?” Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.” Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway ? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs ! Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ?? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me !!!!) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from ? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons ? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . . Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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Posted 4/8/2007 6:34:02 PM
Best Convent in TexasA man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye that Reads:SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES Thinking it was a figment of his imagination, he drives onadsoon he sees another sign: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES Suddenly, he begins to realize the signs are for real: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot, is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION He climbs the steps, and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long, black habit, who asks, " What may we do for you, my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along th hihwa, and was interested in doing business." "Very well, my son.... Please follow me. " The man is led through a winding passage, and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does, and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, answers the door. "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, and trots eagerly down the hall. He slips through the door, and finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS....SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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Posted 4/5/2007 3:14:03 PM
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.- Mark Twain Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. - Emo Phillips I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. - Jennifer Unlimited The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. - Gilbert Chesterton Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we". - Mark Twain Life is rather like a can of sardines: we're all of us looking for the key. - Alan Bennett I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon. - Bill Hirst, found on from The Witty, The Thought Provoking and The Humorous Quotes site.) Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain Hey, the way I figure it is this: if the kids are still alive by the time my husband comes home, I've done my job. - Roseanne Arnold By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson There are terrible temptations which it requires strength and courage to yield to. - Oscar Wilde Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination. - Mark Twain Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people. - Wendy Wasserstein All modern men are descended from wormlike creatures, but it shows more on some people. - Will Cuppy The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust. - Samuel Butler The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - Gilbert Chesterton The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life. - V.S. Pritchett
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Posted 4/5/2007 10:55:10 AM
~Just In Case You Qualify~People over 35 should be dead. Here's why .... According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's, probably shouldn't have survived. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.) As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps, and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. NO CELL PHONES!!!!! Unthinkable! We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them. We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents? We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
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Posted 4/5/2007 10:23:54 AM
Birth NumberTo figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight. Example March 20, 1950 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 2 + 0 = 2 Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is ! the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example. #1 THE ORIGINATOR #2 THE PEACEMAKER #3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY #4 THE CONSERVATIVE #5 THE NONCONFORMIST #6 THE ROMANTIC #7 THE INTELLECTUAL #8 THE BIG SHOT #9 THE PERFORMER =========================================================== # 1 - THE ORIGINATOR 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded. Famous 1's Tom Hanks, Robe! rt Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch. #2 - THE PEACEMAKER 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. Famous 2's President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus, Mozart. # 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always ! see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. Famous 3's Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster # 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves. Famous 4's Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey # 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Famous 5's Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail. # 6 - THE ROMANTIC 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. Famous 6's Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Merlyn Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn #7 - THE INTELLECTUAL 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large. Famous 7's William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana # 8 - THE BIG SHOT 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. Famous 8's Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus, and Ron Connolly (Bragger!!!!!!!) #9 - THE PERFORMER 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them ! have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation. Famous 9's Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley I am a 6.
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General Comments  Myspace layouts Bunny Posted 12/26/2007 7:55:12 AM 
Not you to, or are you just hitting everyone with snowballs? I got lotus and saved good with the biggest snowball I could find.lol
PurpleAngel Posted 12/12/2007 7:31:26 PM 
Hey bunny! I'm a bunny in a different life. Nice to meet ya.
Wyvrx Posted 11/27/2007 8:54:30 AM 
 Myspace layouts Wyvrx Posted 10/30/2007 6:30:04 AM
Happy Halloween! Myspace code Cowgirls_Caddy Posted 10/29/2007 8:35:23 PM 
no, not lame vampire smilley, vampires do have TEETH...LOL
shadowraven Posted 10/2/2007 8:58:08 AM 
HI and good morning my friend.
shadowraven Posted 9/28/2007 2:15:06 PM
Thanks for stopping by my site :) I hope we can be friends. 
Bunny Posted 9/27/2007 9:51:46 PM
Thanks, opening day is Sat. I'm so nervous. agh!
who_am_i Posted 8/17/2007 9:21:31 PM 
does the lighter really work?
pollyrose Posted 8/11/2007 8:24:00 PM 
lol..nothing like getting back to abnormality evey now and then...lol :p
pollyrose Posted 8/11/2007 7:53:57 PM
hey there...how are you today? :)
Cowgirls_Caddy Posted 8/9/2007 6:33:15 PM
got a question about your friend...how long after his surgery that the screw broke?
Cowgirls_Caddy Posted 8/9/2007 6:13:44 AM
you mean the screws can break? omg...great just my luck. lol...shot me please lol...toodles DC
pollyrose Posted 8/8/2007 8:48:17 AM
Thought i would drop in and say.....
pollyrose Posted 8/7/2007 6:42:26 AM
thought i would drop in and say..g'day! :)
wildcatchik Posted 7/29/2007 8:45:30 AM 
HELLO HOW ARE YOU TODAY!!! JUST THOUGHT THAT I WOULD SAY I POSTED A NEW PIC OF MY PAINTBALL CREW, PLEASE GO AND LEAVE ME SOME COMMENTS!!! THANX!! HAVE A 1DERFUL DAY!!!
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