C_The_Unknown
For The Unknown Is Me
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Alot to say about me...But I would say just read what I write. Writing is the soul of me, along with music. Enjoy
Age: 19
Age: 19
Gender: F
Location: Unspecified
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princessnica24
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Another Day...
Posted 10/9/2006 12:38:09 PM
Its a nice day today...I am currently procrastinating on my homework though because I really don't feel like doing it lol. But I will finish it...as soon as I figure it out. As always, I've been thinking about...I guess shit in a sense. Thinking about my time with a friend on saturday. I haven't had that much fun with someone in a few weeks.
Don't get me wrong...My time with T.J. was fun...
But Saturday was the first day that I didn't go through the typical male ego shit that I despise. We only went 2 this strip mall, at dinner, and went to the movies and I didn't get in the house until 1...That was the sucky part because I hated the fact that my bus stopped running around 11 and the movie didn't end until 11:30. Oh yeah...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is probably one of the sickest movies I have seen since the original one from the 70's. I was mad at how people were calling Jordana Brewster's (I think thats her name) a dumb bitch lol...but it was funny though.
But none the less...I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I guess that Christina is right...I do like him.
I think...He knows...If he doesn't I'm going to keep it that way because his friendship is something I cherish and gotta keep real.
But it would be nice...If he liked me too :)
Real as Always...
C.
Posted 10/9/2006 12:38:09 PM
Its a nice day today...I am currently procrastinating on my homework though because I really don't feel like doing it lol. But I will finish it...as soon as I figure it out. As always, I've been thinking about...I guess shit in a sense. Thinking about my time with a friend on saturday. I haven't had that much fun with someone in a few weeks.
Don't get me wrong...My time with T.J. was fun...
But Saturday was the first day that I didn't go through the typical male ego shit that I despise. We only went 2 this strip mall, at dinner, and went to the movies and I didn't get in the house until 1...That was the sucky part because I hated the fact that my bus stopped running around 11 and the movie didn't end until 11:30. Oh yeah...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is probably one of the sickest movies I have seen since the original one from the 70's. I was mad at how people were calling Jordana Brewster's (I think thats her name) a dumb bitch lol...but it was funny though.
But none the less...I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I guess that Christina is right...I do like him.
I think...He knows...If he doesn't I'm going to keep it that way because his friendship is something I cherish and gotta keep real.
But it would be nice...If he liked me too :)
Real as Always...
C.
The Scare is False...But the Friend is Still Gone...
Posted 10/8/2006 5:57:21 PM
Well...the whole incident that had me shook earlier this week was wrong, thanks to nature and its natural pain that I am receiving today lol. So for now, everything is aight...no trouble on my side right now,
But...
As far as a close friend, she still gone away from my life. Disappointing? Yes, very, friendships are kind of like relationships though...sometimes they aren't meant to be. The hard thing is just acceptinig it. I am content no doubt, just slightly sad because it was something that I cherished. I have to let go, but I bet that whatever is in the future will trick the hell out of me in that department.
Keep it real Newblog
I'll keep it real for you...
Always
C.
Posted 10/8/2006 5:57:21 PM
Well...the whole incident that had me shook earlier this week was wrong, thanks to nature and its natural pain that I am receiving today lol. So for now, everything is aight...no trouble on my side right now,
But...
As far as a close friend, she still gone away from my life. Disappointing? Yes, very, friendships are kind of like relationships though...sometimes they aren't meant to be. The hard thing is just acceptinig it. I am content no doubt, just slightly sad because it was something that I cherished. I have to let go, but I bet that whatever is in the future will trick the hell out of me in that department.
Keep it real Newblog
I'll keep it real for you...
Always
C.
EDIT Another Realization
Posted 10/4/2006 8:13:15 AM
You would think a friend would be there, well she said she would...I will admit. I say things out of anger, out of fear, fear because I am not used to trusting people. J.P. Knows the deal because he actually had the patience to actually sit and listen. So It was alot of things that brought me to wanting to fall of the face of the earth...I think I am, for the most part, surviving. But then I am re-thinking the whole moment...and i truly realized...
I let her know what happened (my best friend)
She blew me off
Saying I insulted her.
My apologies no doubt. I didn't mean to act out in that sense but what do you expect from a person who just experienced alot of shit that could be an alter to their life plan? Happiness??
Wrong...I am not in that position. But I think about the stuff that was said. First...she said I was a sex symbol...well someone of very high sex appeal...
That didn't make me feel any better because I don't even get down like that. I am no ho or nothing, I don't wear clothes like that, I don't flirt around in sexual senses...none of that stuff on some real ish. I felt kind of hurt by that, hurt for the fact of many things. Of course I am lacking in the department of the significant other because there isn't anything both pleasing to the eye and intelligent coming my way. Just a bunch of cocky dudes that think they can have their way...in a sense one did...-sigh- whatever.
Maybe I am wrong for pointing that out. But still, my apologies out there to a former best friend. I didn't mean to flip out like that, but when your pride was taken, when you are vunerable basically just plain scared, you don't want to put yourself out there like that...nor get cursed out for feeling the way you do.
Posted 10/4/2006 8:13:15 AM
You would think a friend would be there, well she said she would...I will admit. I say things out of anger, out of fear, fear because I am not used to trusting people. J.P. Knows the deal because he actually had the patience to actually sit and listen. So It was alot of things that brought me to wanting to fall of the face of the earth...I think I am, for the most part, surviving. But then I am re-thinking the whole moment...and i truly realized...
I let her know what happened (my best friend)
She blew me off
Saying I insulted her.
My apologies no doubt. I didn't mean to act out in that sense but what do you expect from a person who just experienced alot of shit that could be an alter to their life plan? Happiness??
Wrong...I am not in that position. But I think about the stuff that was said. First...she said I was a sex symbol...well someone of very high sex appeal...
That didn't make me feel any better because I don't even get down like that. I am no ho or nothing, I don't wear clothes like that, I don't flirt around in sexual senses...none of that stuff on some real ish. I felt kind of hurt by that, hurt for the fact of many things. Of course I am lacking in the department of the significant other because there isn't anything both pleasing to the eye and intelligent coming my way. Just a bunch of cocky dudes that think they can have their way...in a sense one did...-sigh- whatever.
Maybe I am wrong for pointing that out. But still, my apologies out there to a former best friend. I didn't mean to flip out like that, but when your pride was taken, when you are vunerable basically just plain scared, you don't want to put yourself out there like that...nor get cursed out for feeling the way you do.
Shoulder To Lean On...
Posted 10/3/2006 3:41:05 PM
From my every day social fun, I have left it. I used to enjoy school in its entirety and love being around my friends, but it feels as though I am slowly driftinng away from all of that. School is more of a priority than a way to get away from the drama at home.
I was a candidate for senior class president, but I am going to drop that position...
I did realize who was truly my friends, and who wasn't. It's obvious...so newblog, you are definately my shoulder to lean on for life is just going to be prison and hell instead of the the enjoyment I intended on. Pain is a given...no doubt about that, but should it hurt this much? should it be this harsh? should it make me withdraw from society? I don't even know if those answers can be answered...but I'll be on here alot for you are my shoulder to lean on.
Writing always did set me free
But now...The Freedom that I want is an obstacle to go through...
Be back momentarily with my thoughts
Posted 10/3/2006 3:41:05 PM
From my every day social fun, I have left it. I used to enjoy school in its entirety and love being around my friends, but it feels as though I am slowly driftinng away from all of that. School is more of a priority than a way to get away from the drama at home.
I was a candidate for senior class president, but I am going to drop that position...
I did realize who was truly my friends, and who wasn't. It's obvious...so newblog, you are definately my shoulder to lean on for life is just going to be prison and hell instead of the the enjoyment I intended on. Pain is a given...no doubt about that, but should it hurt this much? should it be this harsh? should it make me withdraw from society? I don't even know if those answers can be answered...but I'll be on here alot for you are my shoulder to lean on.
Writing always did set me free
But now...The Freedom that I want is an obstacle to go through...
Be back momentarily with my thoughts
The Unlucky Me
Posted 10/3/2006 7:44:58 AM
It was a relization...Life is just played by luck and destiny. I feel so unlucky to the point where I am ready to just give up my life and...be a walking corpse. No kind of soul...no emotion...nothing. I did make a sexual change, I just gotta get into it. Why the change? Just more of the unlucky me.
Hormones are a bitch...
His fluid
Me...
Get the picture?
I might be...you know...that word...I might not though. I hope I am not, but if I am, then I know I won't live for myself anymore. I'm only days away, so by a friend of mine. its very unlikely for me to be...you know...that word...but then you never know. I never won anything, so I doubt I will win this battle.
As I slowly let go of my life, I wrote to the new one that may have been created.
Just...no matter how scared I may be, I will love them more than I have loved anything. And it will make me happy to love them because I will finally have someone who will accept my love, and will love to be loved by me.
Farewell...
Posted 10/3/2006 7:44:58 AM
It was a relization...Life is just played by luck and destiny. I feel so unlucky to the point where I am ready to just give up my life and...be a walking corpse. No kind of soul...no emotion...nothing. I did make a sexual change, I just gotta get into it. Why the change? Just more of the unlucky me.
Hormones are a bitch...
His fluid
Me...
Get the picture?
I might be...you know...that word...I might not though. I hope I am not, but if I am, then I know I won't live for myself anymore. I'm only days away, so by a friend of mine. its very unlikely for me to be...you know...that word...but then you never know. I never won anything, so I doubt I will win this battle.
As I slowly let go of my life, I wrote to the new one that may have been created.
Just...no matter how scared I may be, I will love them more than I have loved anything. And it will make me happy to love them because I will finally have someone who will accept my love, and will love to be loved by me.
Farewell...
No Longer M.I.A.
Posted 9/24/2006 1:59:49 PM
So...I was missing in action for a couple of days. My mother was in the hospital since Wednesday, but she's fine now, and I've been over my brother's house which is also cool. and...my laptop was acting stupid...lol wow. But yeah...same stuff with T.J. going down. the pressure to have sex, dude had the nerve to say I was scared to do it. I am not scared of it, but dude and I only been kickin' it for a week...I can't get down like that seriously.
Beyond that, I have written a 32 page story that is no where near finished. well 32 pages typed and stuff. at the moment its called Azul and Hoops (those are two of the characters) typical love, drama, and life story...based off of some things I went through and some of the things I turned down but always continued to dream about. but with every inspiration...i make atleast 5 stories and many poems to express it...
And back to the first topic...I guess I'm not too phased by T.J. constant pushing, The more he pushes, the less he'll see me around...point, blank, period...
Hope the newblog family is doing fine, I shall return to my author's shell and make this story atleast 40 pages by the end of the day.
Posted 9/24/2006 1:59:49 PM
So...I was missing in action for a couple of days. My mother was in the hospital since Wednesday, but she's fine now, and I've been over my brother's house which is also cool. and...my laptop was acting stupid...lol wow. But yeah...same stuff with T.J. going down. the pressure to have sex, dude had the nerve to say I was scared to do it. I am not scared of it, but dude and I only been kickin' it for a week...I can't get down like that seriously.
Beyond that, I have written a 32 page story that is no where near finished. well 32 pages typed and stuff. at the moment its called Azul and Hoops (those are two of the characters) typical love, drama, and life story...based off of some things I went through and some of the things I turned down but always continued to dream about. but with every inspiration...i make atleast 5 stories and many poems to express it...
And back to the first topic...I guess I'm not too phased by T.J. constant pushing, The more he pushes, the less he'll see me around...point, blank, period...
Hope the newblog family is doing fine, I shall return to my author's shell and make this story atleast 40 pages by the end of the day.
Is There A Difference?
Posted 9/18/2006 7:10:15 PM
Ok...I have no clue if it is age or experience...Whatever. T.J. (Dude I was previously talking about who was pressin' a shawdy about her goodies lol) did something I definately wasn't used to. Basically saying that how he felt about me was deeper than sex...Now...is this game or something? When it comes to those things, I think of the worst, and the worst happens. But that is the game of relationships, not all of it is happiness/bliss all the time, I don't know if I could deal with happiness all the time, drama does bring progress somewhere along the line (not that I am asking for drama but still) but...I'll take my chances, accept my mistakes, and learn like I do everyday...
I really like the guy...I can't keep pushing them away and fearing what life is bound to be as far as the opposite sex. If I overcome the battle, I will achieve something, win or loss.
Posted 9/18/2006 7:10:15 PM
Ok...I have no clue if it is age or experience...Whatever. T.J. (Dude I was previously talking about who was pressin' a shawdy about her goodies lol) did something I definately wasn't used to. Basically saying that how he felt about me was deeper than sex...Now...is this game or something? When it comes to those things, I think of the worst, and the worst happens. But that is the game of relationships, not all of it is happiness/bliss all the time, I don't know if I could deal with happiness all the time, drama does bring progress somewhere along the line (not that I am asking for drama but still) but...I'll take my chances, accept my mistakes, and learn like I do everyday...
I really like the guy...I can't keep pushing them away and fearing what life is bound to be as far as the opposite sex. If I overcome the battle, I will achieve something, win or loss.
It's Just My S.E.X. (And A Very Deep Rant)
Posted 9/17/2006 9:42:38 AM
It is like...You know what? I can't even describe it in depth. Some may consider this like a pity party for myself or whatever their mind wants to interpret as they read this, but I think this is just the bad side of reality...
I wasn't ready...
He let me touch
I let him touch
I shook from his touch
I felt happy
I was feeling him so much
But the memories kept haunting back
As he spoke
"We can just do it..."
"Do it real fast and end it..."
"The next day we can keep going..."
"Going...going...and going..."
I sighed at that
Because of those times
Multiple times
I kept hearing it
I sighed at the fact
That the want of simple conversation
Simple connection
Is what is lacked...
I told him I have to go...
I told him we'd see each other again
Because...
He is my damn boyfriend...
A story of yesterday...Si. I don't know if I will see him again. Some may ask why? It's because of the fact that he knew how I felt about intercourse, It gotta be the right person, the right time, the right feeling...ME AND DUDE JUST STARTED GOING OUT YESTERDAY AND HE WANTED TO BONE! I still sigh...He is just as bad as the one who wants my S.E.X. and can get the sex ANY time he wants because his girlfriend is a ho...If you want someone who can do this that and the third degree to you, why do you want someone who isn't that experienced...Guys will be guys yes...but them just wanting that part of me makes me feel very ugly, very ho-ish, and makes my self esteem drop a few points in the catagory of my emotions. So as of today...10:42 Eastern Daylight time, my emotional ambition is lower than the pits in hell...
Posted 9/17/2006 9:42:38 AM
It is like...You know what? I can't even describe it in depth. Some may consider this like a pity party for myself or whatever their mind wants to interpret as they read this, but I think this is just the bad side of reality...
I wasn't ready...
He let me touch
I let him touch
I shook from his touch
I felt happy
I was feeling him so much
But the memories kept haunting back
As he spoke
"We can just do it..."
"Do it real fast and end it..."
"The next day we can keep going..."
"Going...going...and going..."
I sighed at that
Because of those times
Multiple times
I kept hearing it
I sighed at the fact
That the want of simple conversation
Simple connection
Is what is lacked...
I told him I have to go...
I told him we'd see each other again
Because...
He is my damn boyfriend...
A story of yesterday...Si. I don't know if I will see him again. Some may ask why? It's because of the fact that he knew how I felt about intercourse, It gotta be the right person, the right time, the right feeling...ME AND DUDE JUST STARTED GOING OUT YESTERDAY AND HE WANTED TO BONE! I still sigh...He is just as bad as the one who wants my S.E.X. and can get the sex ANY time he wants because his girlfriend is a ho...If you want someone who can do this that and the third degree to you, why do you want someone who isn't that experienced...Guys will be guys yes...but them just wanting that part of me makes me feel very ugly, very ho-ish, and makes my self esteem drop a few points in the catagory of my emotions. So as of today...10:42 Eastern Daylight time, my emotional ambition is lower than the pits in hell...
Untitled...
Posted 9/16/2006 11:41:17 AM
Untitled because I have no clue what to consider the title. Thank you to all that has commented me and welcomed me to here :) It definately gives me the feeling that this is going to be a real cool experience.
The Fighter
One on one is fair
But the life we live?
Far from those words of fairness
And equality
What am I fighting for?
For now...Just me
Fighting to be heard
To be recognized
For my failures
My accomplishments
For people to see
This is a woman of dominance
Different from what is seen
You know what I mean?
The famous Beautiful Woman
By a poetic queen
Its a fighting situation
By a powerful woman
A fighter in the making
That is me...
Somewhere along the lines, there will be a part two, but as for now...its just what it is.
Posted 9/16/2006 11:41:17 AM
Untitled because I have no clue what to consider the title. Thank you to all that has commented me and welcomed me to here :) It definately gives me the feeling that this is going to be a real cool experience.
The Fighter
One on one is fair
But the life we live?
Far from those words of fairness
And equality
What am I fighting for?
For now...Just me
Fighting to be heard
To be recognized
For my failures
My accomplishments
For people to see
This is a woman of dominance
Different from what is seen
You know what I mean?
The famous Beautiful Woman
By a poetic queen
Its a fighting situation
By a powerful woman
A fighter in the making
That is me...
Somewhere along the lines, there will be a part two, but as for now...its just what it is.
There Is Only One Me
Posted 9/16/2006 8:44:49 AM
I'm definately new to this whole newblog experience so I'll start off with something I do the most throughout my life, poetry writing. This first poem is an experience of the online life that came crashing down...And at the moment I feel like life coming through the ashes of my defeat...
There Is Only One Me
People do not always notice
The brown eyes
Thick hair
Fresh braces smile
They notice the many moods
I give
They receive
They believe…
Is it worth the painful effort?
Or should they know me
Confused inside I am
Loving the Dreamland
Fighting with Reality
Stuck in the middle of both
Finalizing that it is my time
To let go
Let go of the other side
The king that has reached his downfall
Accept the me
The queen that is slowly climbing her peak
So to speak…
Harder being done than said
But the prediction came true
Before eighteen
I was pronounced dead
Before eighteen
I was announced born again…
I look up at the mix of blue and grey clouds
I tune out the plans that my now enemies
Are contemplating
I converse with an acquaintance
That has accepted me
At this moment
I am silently waiting…
Time shall take its path
Hell shall bring its wrath
There will be no moment
Like the last breath I gasp
I have accepted this
No slashes at my wrists
Clean cut as the world may not see
But they do know this
There is only one me
Posted 9/16/2006 8:44:49 AM
I'm definately new to this whole newblog experience so I'll start off with something I do the most throughout my life, poetry writing. This first poem is an experience of the online life that came crashing down...And at the moment I feel like life coming through the ashes of my defeat...
There Is Only One Me
People do not always notice
The brown eyes
Thick hair
Fresh braces smile
They notice the many moods
I give
They receive
They believe…
Is it worth the painful effort?
Or should they know me
Confused inside I am
Loving the Dreamland
Fighting with Reality
Stuck in the middle of both
Finalizing that it is my time
To let go
Let go of the other side
The king that has reached his downfall
Accept the me
The queen that is slowly climbing her peak
So to speak…
Harder being done than said
But the prediction came true
Before eighteen
I was pronounced dead
Before eighteen
I was announced born again…
I look up at the mix of blue and grey clouds
I tune out the plans that my now enemies
Are contemplating
I converse with an acquaintance
That has accepted me
At this moment
I am silently waiting…
Time shall take its path
Hell shall bring its wrath
There will be no moment
Like the last breath I gasp
I have accepted this
No slashes at my wrists
Clean cut as the world may not see
But they do know this
There is only one me
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